


Dein Weg ist Mein Weg

by Rihnoswirl



Category: Girls und Panzer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Retelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 160,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26937709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rihnoswirl/pseuds/Rihnoswirl
Summary: A "What if?" story telling the tale of a universe where Miho doesn't go to save the crew of the Panzer III during the match with Pravda. A darker and more dramatic retelling of the original story is the result. CW: Deals quite heavily with Depression, Trauma and PTSD.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 18





	1. The Nightmare

As the alarm clock rang, she awoke instantly. Within seconds, she was up, her bed was made, and she was standing at attention. It took several seconds before she realized.

“Right, I forgot. I’m not at home anymore”, she said to herself and relaxed her body. That’s when she noticed she was covered in sweat, and remembered. The nightmare. The same she had been having for months.

She got out of her sweaty pyjamas, showered, changed into her new school uniform, packed her bag, and left the apartment. Before closing the door, she looked back inside to see the mountains of boxes till unpacked. She hadn’t had the energy or will to deal with them. She closed the door and began walking to school. but when she was halfway down the stairs, she doubled back and checked that she hadn’t left the door unlocked. She hadn’t.

All throughout the morning, as she got ready and began walking to school, the nightmare kept playing over and over in her head. At this point she had given up on stopping it. At this point she could recite it from memory.

She would be standing in the rain, unable to move. She would just look on helplessly as the Panzer III fell down the cliffside and into the river. She would try to move, to get free, but she would be unable. Her arms would be tied, her legs restrained, and her neck tightly held by a leash leading to her mother. Any attempt to move, to help, would start to choke her, and yet she tried. As she would thrash to get free, to do something, sooner or later the leash would be released, and she would fall. Instead of hitting the ground however, she would find herself in the commander's seat of the cramped tank, slowly filling with water. Once again she would be powerless, the hatches too heavy to open, as they sank into the dark depths. The only thing she could do was watch her faceless friends cry out in anguish.

“Why didn’t you help us?”

“Why wouldn’t you do something?”

“You only cared about winning didn’t you?”

“We were only pawns to you.”

“That’s the Nishizumi way for you.”

As the tank would fill with water more and more, the voices would die down, as her friends lost the ability to speak from their lungs filling with water. In the end she would be alone in the dark and murky depths, chipping for air as the tank filled to the brim, no rescue in sight.

Bam!

She was awoken from her replaying nightmare by the lamppost she had just walked into. As she took a step back to massage the bump on her forehead, a group of students in white shirts and green skirts walked by. “Perhaps,” she thought, “this nightmare will soon be over.” Today was after all a new day. She had left Kuromorimine and her strict mother behind. She might not be granted happiness, what right did someone like her have to happiness after what she’d done, but perhaps her life was finally on an upward turn. She kept walking through the streets of the  _ Zuikaku _ as she made her way to school. Still, the nightmare kept replaying. 

She would stand in the rain.

The Panzer III would fall.

She would thrash against the restraints.

She would fall into the mud.

The voices would cry for help.

She could do nothing.

The water would drown them all

She’d be in the rain

The Panzer would fall

She would trash.

She would fall.

The voices would cry.

She’d do nothing.

They would all drown.

The rain

The Panzer.

The thrashing

The fall

The voices

...

She didn’t even hear the teacher calling her name.

“Huh?” She said as she snapped back to the present as a girl with glasses and long orange hair sitting behind her to her right kicked her chair. Her thoughts left the murky river behind as she found herself sitting in a classroom. The teacher was clearly taking attendance.

“Is Miss Nishizumi here?” the teacher repeated. “Nishizumi Maho?”

Maho refocused her attention to the here and now, raised her hand, and replied.

“Here!”


	2. The Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saori and Hana find out that Maho is far more difficult to befriend than her sister

Maho somehow managed to get through the first half of the day without losing focus again. But whenever her attention began to slip, she would start to see the Panzer III slide into the river. She would start to feel the rain on her shoulders. She would start to hear the screams of her comrades. Luckily, she could stave it all off by keeping her mind focused squarely on the teacher and blackboard in front of her.

But now there was no teacher. There was nothing written on the blackboard. There were no chatting classmates to distract her. She was alone. Alone in the classroom with a badly prepared lunchbox, and the darkness once again wished to make itself known. The smell of mud and rain, the sound of cannon-fire and tank engines, it all slowly crept back into her mind, but was interrupted by an unexpected source.

“Hey girl, you wanna grab some lunch?” As Maho turned around, she saw two girls standing beside her. After a moment, she recognized them as classmates.One was tall with long flowing balck hair, and the other was the orange-haired girl who had kicked her chair during attendance.

“What?” she asked quizically, but keeping her dour tone. The orange-haired one seemed taken aback by the question.

“Oh…” she said, seemingly unsure of herself, before the tall one came to her aid.

“We wondered if you would like to eat lunch with us?”

“Yeah, sorry. I was just trying to make a joke,” the orange-haired girl continued. 

“Sorry,” Maho said as she got up from her desk, grabbed her lunchbox, and began to walk to the door at the front of the classroom. Just before she exited, she turned back to the two girls.

“You should leave me alone. Bad things happen to people who get close to me.” She left the classroom to find a place to eat in peace, leaving the two girls behind.

After walking around for a little while, she found a bench beneath a tree that was sufficiently out of the way. The less she had to interact with others, the better. She sat down, opened her lunchbox, and looked at the underwhelming contents. She had never been much of a cook, and never had this been more cruelly on display. Half her lunchbox was soggy with fat from the overcooked meat, the other with water from still half-frozen vegetables. She sighed as she got her chopsticks out, and wished she could have some of Kikuyo’s cooking instead. But alas, here she was with the abomination of a lunchbox she had made for herself. She picked at the contents, and tried to pick up one of the small hamburgers. She barely had time to lift it before it collapsed under its own weight, breaking into smaller and smaller pieces the more she tried to pick it up. After several minutes of this, she instead picked up a piece of broccoli. Thankfully, broccoli rarely imploded upon contact with chopsticks, even if she wouldn’t have been surprised at this point. She raised it to her mouth, and began to eat. As soon as her teeth made contact, it became staggeringly clear why it had not fallen apart. Apart from the perhaps millimeter of cooked outside, the entire piece of broccoli was frozen solid all the way through. She shuddered as she slowly worked her way through it. It was just as disgusting as she had anticipated, but she needed food. If anything she might have welcomed the nightmare at this point, to distract her from the dismal lunch she desperately tried to eat.

“Uhm, excuse me.” Maho looked up from the gastronomical torture she was putting herself through, and saw the two girls who had talked to her in the classroom, holding trays with a bunch of different foods on them.

“What?” Maho said as she finished another frozen piece of broccoli. The tall one, who had been the one to call attention to them, continued.

“We saw you out here, and we thought...uhm...well…”

“What Hana is trying to say is that that lunchbox looks disgusting, and it looks like you agree, so we thought we’d bring you something you could actually eat without giving yourself food poisoning.” The orange-haired one interceded when her friend, whose name was apparently Hana, began to stutter.

“Saori, you don’t have to be so rude. We could have handled that a lot better.” Maho didn’t care very much that Saori had been rude. Her lunchbox was disgusting. She looked down at the broken and undercooked contents, then up at the two girls, then back to her lunchbox. She sighed, and returned the lid to her lunchbox.

“Fine. I suppose I’ll have to take you up on your offer,” she said and nodded to a table on the other side of the courtyard. 

“You’re Nishizumi, right?” Hana asked as they sat down.

“Yeah,” Maho said shortly and sighed. “That’s me.” She had never enjoyed being known by her family name. It carried far too much weight for her to outlive by her own merits.

“Hey,” Saori piped up. “Do you mind if I call you by your first name?”

“Maho is fine, isn’t it? Nishizumi is a bit long to say.” Hana chimed in. Maho stared at them both. Did they really not know who she was? Were they really being this friendly just because they felt like it, and not because they wanted to get close to the heir to the Nishizumi family? Or rather, former heir. Maho had always been wary of overly-friendly people for exactly that reason. As soon as it became evident she wouldn’t let friendships affect her decisions, most people turned on a dime and left her side. 

“Sure,” she said as she picked up some rice from a bowl. “Maho’s fine.” “Let’s see where this goes,” she thought.

“Hey Maho,”” Saori said between bites of some sushi. “You are a year older than us, aren’t you?”

“That’s right, did something happen to make you repeat a year?” Hana asked with a sincere voice. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Maho replied. There were exactly four people on the globe who knew the circumstances of why she had repeated a year, and she wasn’t about to expand the list to two girls she had just met.

“Oh,” the two girls said, more or less in unison.

“Well, that’s fine I suppose,” Hana said as she returned to eating as if nothing had happened.

After they had eaten and returned the trays to the cafeteria, they returned to the classroom to await the afternoon classes. While Maho didn’t exactly enjoy their company, she didn’t hate it either. Even if Saori’s refusal to be quiet was slowly driving her insane. At least it didn’t seem like they knew who she was, which was a strike in their favor. Had she had the choice however, she would have rather avoided making any too close relationships while on-board. As Maho sat back down at her desk, and Saori was busy yapping away about something vacuous that Maho couldn’t be bothered to listen to, three girls entered the classroom. While she wasn’t entirely sure, Maho didn’t think they were among her classmates. Two of them were similar to her own height, one with black hair and a strange hybrid between a monocle and a pair of glasses on her nose, and the other with brown hair pulled into a ponytail and a significantly more well-developed chest. Between them stood what must have been a visiting middle schooler with two ponytails. The trio scanned the room, before the black haired girl pointed at Maho, and the middle schooler piped up and waved at her.

“Hey, Nishizumi? You got a moment?”

“What do you want with me?” Maho sighed. She had gotten enough attention for a lifetime when she was at Kuromorimine, so this was nothing new. She presumed they would ask for an autograph or something, and even if she didn’t feel it was right to give it out, obliging usually sent deluded fans away faster than trying to refuse. But instead, the entire group began marching towards her.

“That’s the student council,” Saori whispered to her. As the student council reached her desk, the raven-haired girl looked down at her and spoke.

“We need to talk.”

“We do?” Maho asked back with defiance in her voice. The middle schooler, who apparently was no such thing, leaned over Maho’s desk and began to speak with a tone Maho couldn’t stand.

“Hey, I don’t know what you’ve decided to do for your mandatory elective, but pick Sensha-Do. It’ll be fun.”

“Won’t that be rather difficult? Seeing as this school doesn’t have a Sensha-Do team?” At this point the short one was acting  _ very _ chummy, draping an arm across Maho’s shoulders. Maho was not the least bit entertained by this.

“We didn’t, but we’re starting it back up this year,” said the black haired cyclops.

“No can-do Ladies. I specifically transferred here to avoid Sensha-Do.” Maho pushed the midget’s arm off of her, and leaned back in her chair with a smug smirk.

“Well, this all sounds like fate to me,” the short one said with an irritating laugh as she tried to put her arm back on Maho’s shoulders. “Come on, just pick Sensha-Do. It’ll be fun, we’re telling you.” At this point Maho had had enough. She got up from her chair, and stared down at the girl in front of her.

“And I said; No, Pipsqueak.”


	3. The Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maho relives some unpleasant memories, and Hana and Saori try their best to give support to their friend, even if she doesn't want it.

“What did you just call the president?” The black-haired girl asked, clearly furious at the comment.

“Momo, calm down, I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it,” the brown-haired one said as she tried her best to hold her friend back from attacking Maho. In the meantime, the pipsqueak of a president just laughed.

“Oh, don’t you worry about it. I like her style,” she said to her companions and patted Maho on the back as if they were merely old friends bickering for fun. This unearned familiarity, as well as her knowledge of what tended to happen to people who became this friendly with her, made Maho’s tone even more bitter.

“If there was nothing else, ‘ _ President _ ’,” she said, putting a cold emphasis on the title. “Then I suggest you leave. Our next period is about to begin, and I’m sure the teachers at whatever kindergarten you escaped from are looking for you.” Both Maho’s tone and expression made it clear that this conversation was over. She could feel the darkness surround her once again, but this time she was allowing it inside. Letting it shape her actions as it had once done. And she hated every second of it.

“Well, I suppose they are, aren’t they?” The president said in a joking manner. “But I haven’t given up on you, so you’ll hear from us again. Come on ladies, we have other things to attend to.” The small girl began to leave the classroom, and after a second or so of looking at each other, her two friends followed. Maho sat back down, and the teacher entered to begin the next period.

* * *

Letting the darkness guide her once again had helped to turn away the student council, but much like a vampire or unwanted guest, once Maho had invited it in, it was a cumbersome tenant to evict. Whenever it managed to find perches to grab at her soul, it was next to impossible to rid herself of. Much in the same way as Hana and Saori had proven to be.

Returned to it’s old lodgings and once again settled in, the darkness wasted no time submerging Maho in the void inside her. She didn’t even notice the class taking place around her, as she fell further into the nightmare than she had in months. Gone were the walls and desks of the classroom, gone were the teacher and her classmates. There was only the rain, the battle, and the river.

The freezing rain chilled her spine as she ran through the raging battle, shells flying all around her as guns from both sides gave off their deafening roars. As she ran past the white-flagged wreck of a Panther, its crew huddled safely inside, she slipped and fell face first into the mud. She got up again as quickly as she could, and continued to race towards the river. She would not be stopped this time. Perhaps this time, if she could just reach the Panzer III a little quicker, if she didn’t hesitate before running to help, if she didn’t stop to look back at her beloved Tiger, the flag tank, as it fell from a well-placed shot from one of Pravda’s tanks. Perhaps if this time she did none of those things, if she truly acted on impulse, maybe she wouldn’t be too late. She braced herself for the raging river as she leapt off the cliffside the Panzer had left behind, and dove into the ice-cold water below. The dark and murky river made it next to impossible to see, but in the depths, she could just make out the headlights of the Panzer III as it sank. She swam towards it as fast as she could, but her legs felt sore and useless. Slowly the Panzer grew larger as she made her way towards it, but as she swam deeper to follow it further, she was blinded by the headlights as the tank turned to face her.

“Hey, Maho,” Saori whispered from behind her, slowly pulling Maho back to the classroom and the present. The shining beams of light from the Panzer III gave way to the well-lit classroom, the bubbles of air surrounding her shifting shape into desks and classmates, and sounds of the raging battle above the surface exchanged themselves for the sounds of a high school on a normal day. She was not quite back in the real world before the teacher spoke up, her voice full of concern.

“Miss Nishizumi, are you feeling alright? Perhaps you should go to the nurses office?” Maho rose from her seat, and began moving towards the door.

“Yeah, maybe I should,” she said, mostly to herself. “I feel absolutely wretched.”

* * *

She hadn’t even gotten halfway down the hall before she was joined on either side by Saori and Hana.

“What are you doing?” she sighed. “Get back to class.”

“We couldn’t do that,” Saori said, cheerful as ever.

“Not when it’s so obvious that something’s bothering you,” Hana continued, worry apparent in her voice.

“Was it the student council? Were they trying to bully you?” Saori inquired. And while she wasn’t entirely wrong, the student council was part of the reason that Maho was feeling horrible at the moment after all, the origin of Maho’s worries were far in the past.

“No, they weren’t,” Maho responded, hoping that would end the conversation. Even though she had only known the two girls for a day, she really should have known better.

“So then what is it?” Saori kept pushing for an answer. “Is there a boy involved? Ohmygod, are you in a love triangle with the student council president? Is it some family drama where you’re fighting over the inheritance? Is it…” Hana opened her mouth to stop her friend, but before she had time Maho had slammed the side of her fist into a nearby locker, silencing them both.

“Would you shut up?!” She turned to face the two as she raised her voice. “I never wanted any of you to care, ok? I never asked for your help, so stop trying to offer it! Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Saori jumped at this, but the two girls gave a short look to each other before they answered.

“Well, of course not,” Saori said with a calm smile on her face.

“If you had asked for help, it wouldn’t be helping. It would be a favor,” Hana said with a similar smile. “We’re friends after all, so why should we wait for you to ask for help?” Maho could feel tears start to well up, but if they were from rage or something else she wasn’t sure.

“We’re not friends, ok?! You don’t even know me! You don’t know who I am and what I’ve had to go through! Anyone who becomes friends with me just ends up getting hurt, and I’m sick of it! So just leave me alone!” With that, she turned and ran down the hall, furiously trying to wipe away tears. A Nishizumi didn’t cry, after all. A Nishizumi didn’t run. All of her mother’s teachings, all of the things a Nishizumi was not supposed to do, flashed in her mind as she ran. For months she had been running from it all. Running from her mother, from the river, from the battle, from her past, and from the ever-encroaching darkness. But the more she ran, the more vigorously the darkness pursued her.

* * *

In the end, she didn’t even go to the nurse’s office. She just ran all the way home. As she sat in her dark apartment, her eyes red from all the tears, she opened one of the many boxes left to unpack. It was filled to the brim with things, none of which had a shared theme or place to be. But as she dug through it, she found what she was looking for. At the very bottom of the box, she found her old sketchpad and pencils. As she flipped through the many pages, she saw her old drawings. There was the Panzer II from her youth, the lake where she would play with her sister, and Kikuyo. There was the park in Kumamoto, the school buildings of Kuromorimine, and the tank garage with all of its Tigers, Panthers and Panzers. And then there was Miho. Page upon page of drawings of Miho. Her sweet, innocent sister. The sister that was lost to her, and it was all her own fault. A wet stain appeared on the sketchpad as she kept looking through the drawings, and so she put it aside to not ruin it with her tears that now flowed freely again. 

A knock on the door grabbed her attention away from the memories, and back to the present once again. She walked over to the door, but as she looked through the peephole, there was no one on the other side. She carefully opened the door, and beside it she saw her school-bag, and a note lying on top of it. She grabbed the bag and went back inside, reading the note as she closed the door. 

_ Maho, we’re really sorry that we hurt you. If you want us to avoid you, we will. But if you ever need to talk, or want to hang, don’t hesitate to come talk with us, or call. _

_ Your friends, Hana Isuzu and Saori Takebe _

The stubborn fools had even written their phone numbers down. And despite their best intentions, the note didn’t precisely help Maho’s emotional state. As she walked back to sit down on her bed, she glanced back at the opened box. At the very top of the box, on top of everything else, was a small teddy bear no larger than her palm. It was one of the wounded kinds that Miho had loved. It was covered in fake stitches, bandages and band-aids, but this one had a real injury as well. It’s head was ripped almost cleanly off of its body, with only a few threads still keeping it attached. Maho stared at the small wounded bear for a few seconds, before carefully lifting it from the box, and putting it beside her on the bed. She got up from the bed and gathered her sewing supplies. If she couldn’t put her own life back together, she could at least try to make this one whole again. 


	4. The Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maho continues her first weeks at Ooarai Girls academy, but the constant pressure from the Student Council keeps giving the darkness more ways to cling to her. As the Student Council unveils their scheme to get students to join the Sensha-Do program, the dam is about to burst...

The wails of her teammates and the rising water drowning them all was replaced by an electronic screeching as the alarm woke Maho from her usual nightmare the following morning. She reached out a sweaty hand to turn it off, but ended up falling out of her bed as a result. For a moment she simply remained as she was, face down on the carpet and half a leg still in the bed, sighing, before she ultimately rose from the floor and turned the alarm off. She got herself ready for another day at school and, having learned her lesson from yesterday, didn’t even try to pack a lunchbox. It would seem her skill in tankery was not to be transferable to cooking, so she would rely on bought lunches for the foreseeable future. As she placed a hand on the doorknob, ready to leave, she glanced at the small teddy bear she had stitched back together last night, now sitting on the counter near the door. She debated putting it in her bag for a few moments, bringing it and all it represented with her during the day. It was a stuffed reminder of what she had lost, and what she couldn’t bear to lose again. Ultimately she decided that the darkness was enough of a cross to bear in her day-to-day life, clawing at her soul at every opportunity, and so the injured teddy bear remained on the counter as she left.

As she began her walk to school, her stomach gave a rumbling reminder that she had once again neglected breakfast, and so she made a quick stop at a bakery that lay along her path and picked up a sandwich. Hopefully it would be enough to keep her going until lunch. As she reached the school gates and made her way through the corridors, she crossed paths with Saori and Hana. The ginger girl almost started running towards her, but was blocked by Hana placing an arm in front of her. They were to avoid her after all. The girls shared a few glances, but Maho quickly passed the two by and continued towards the classroom.

“Thanks for getting my bag yesterday,” she mumbled to the two as she passed.

“Oh, uh… You’re…” Saori started to answer, but Maho had already left before she could answer in full.

* * *

Once Maho had taken her seat in the classroom, the day passed much like the one before had. Keeping her attention focused on the teacher and blackboard during lessons made staving off the nightmare and darkness somewhat doable. But just like the day before, this technique would fail as classes let out for lunch. Today Maho had prepared herself however. The moment class ended, she packed up her things, and left campus. She picked up lunch at a nearby convenience store, and sat down leaning against a tree in a nearby park. The food wasn’t great, but it was leaps and bounds superior to what she had tried to force herself to eat yesterday. As she threw the trash of her meal in a nearby bin, the next issue arose. She still needed to keep her mind occupied for another half-hour before classes would start up again. But yet again she had planned for this issue. She reached into her bag, and produced a set of pencils and the sketchpad she had found the previous evening, propping it up against her knee. She looked out over the idyllic scene, seeing the people passing by, the birds flying above, the dog playing with some children on a patch of grass. All of it she took in, and got to work capturing the scene, as she had done while she still lived in Kumamoto.

As the alarm on her phone rang, alerting her to the fact that classes would start in 10 minutes, she looked back up from her sketch. The idyllic scene remained, but her sketch had in no way captured it. The trees growing vividly and green seemed wrinkly and dying. The birds flying above had vanished, as had the clear blue sky behind dark clouds. The smiling people passing her by instead stared up from her sketch with judging grimaces. The dog and children couldn’t stare at her judgingly even if they wanted to, as every one of them lacked a face with which to stare. After a few seconds of looking at the grim impression she had drawn, she closed the sketchpad and packed up her things.

* * *

As she reached the top of the stairs to the second floor and turned to make her way down the corridor, Maho’s path was blocked. Before her stood the black-haired member of the Student Council with the strange monocle, and no matter how Maho tried to pass her by, she would move to intercept.

“We need to have a chat,” she said with an annoyed tone. Almost as if she would rather do anything _ but _ have a chat with Maho

“I’ve got class,” Maho responded in her usual dour tone. “So move.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” the girl responded and slammed a fist into the locker beside her when Maho tried to pass. “You don’t talk to the President like that, do you hear?”

“She was annoying me,” Maho replied. “Much like you are now. Seems it’s a common trait for Council members. Besides, didn’t she claim it was fine?”

“I don’t care. You don’t talk to her like that, and you should do as she says! You need to do Sensha-Do as your elective!”

“I’ve lived my entire life under the dictatorial thumb of others.” Maho looked the girl right in the eye, pushing her aside. “And you don’t frighten me nearly enough to make a demand like that.” As she walked away from the girl and towards her classroom, she could once again feel the darkness nestling itself inside her.  _ There goes my streak _ , she thought to herself.  _ I was doing so well today, and that cyclops just had to ruin it. _ She reached the classroom door and pulled it open.

“Miss Nishizumi, where have…” the teacher began, but Maho was already answering as she took her seat..

“I apologize for my tardiness. A member of the Student Council wanted a word, and it took longer than I thought.” Maybe the teacher answered. Maybe they returned to the lesson. Maho didn’t really care, or notice for that matter. The darkness had already claimed her mind, pulling her back to the battle with its shadowy tendrils. Pulling her back to the mud and rain, mocking her every move as she tried to act just a bit quicker, as she tried to reach the Panzer III a few moments sooner. Even though it mocked her vain attempts, she still tried. She had to try, even though she knew full well it would neither help, nor change anything. What was done was done. As she had suspected this morning, she didn’t need the teddy bear with her to be reminded of the fact.

* * *

The rest of the day passed by without Maho even noticing. She had vague memories of the bell chiming to signal the end of the school day, and of walking home alone. But between her ‘chat’ with the cyclops and her head slamming into her pillow as she fell into bed, everything was a blur. Soon sleep came to her, and the nightmare took her in its usual cold embrace.

The remaining days of the week passed in a similar manner. Maho awoke, walked to school, was avoided by Saori and Hana, sat down in class, focused on the teacher, bought lunch and ate it when classes let out, sat down for afternoon classes, walked home, fell asleep, and relived the nightmare again. Rinse and repeat, day in and day out. 

Invariably, the student council would try daily to push her to take up Sensha-Do again, whether it was through actually coming to talk to her, or leaving a pamphlet on the sports many advantages in her bag or locker, or some other attempt to get her to comply. And just as invariably, these attempts would give the void and darkness more opportunities to grasp at Maho’s soul, as she gave way to the seductive anger and detachment they could provide her over and over again. For every day that passed, she awoke as just a hint more of the person she used to be, and it sickened her to her core.

* * *

The next week began in much the same way. But as Maho was taking her seat in the classroom in the morning, a call went out over the speakers.

“All students are to report to the auditorium for an announcement from the Student Council. I repeat, all students are to report to the auditorium for an announcement from the Student Council.”

_ Well, isn’t that just great? _ Maho thought.  _ What are they gonna do now? Shame me in front of the entire school because I dared defy them? _ But still, she did as the rest of the students, and made her way to the auditorium. The hall was quite large, but with every single member of the student body crammed inside, it was still rather tight between shoulders. The three girls from the student council took pride of place on the hall's central stage.

“Quiet everyone,” the raven-haired cyclops said. “We’re starting the orientation on our schools' choices of mandatory electives.” The lights died down, the student council walked off the stage, and the ricketing sound of a projector could be heard as a film began to be projected on the back wall of the auditorium. Maho recognized it immediately, and knew where it was all heading.

The characters for ‘Introduction to Sensha-Do’ appeared on the screen, followed by shot after shot of girls and women of different ages taking part in the sport, or being lauded with cheers driving in great parades.

“Sensha-Do has long been a part of our culture,” the brown-haired council member began from aside the stage, narrating the film as it played. “It is enjoyed by girls of all ages across many parts of the world.” Maho sighed and wished she could just close her eyes and lean back while the propaganda played, but both the tightly packed auditorium and the grasping tendrils the darkness sent towards her made it impossible. “A strong but delicate art, that aims to make girls and women alike more polite, graceful, modest and gallant, both on and off the battlefield” Maho could have delivered the speech from memory. While she was the Commander at Kuromorimine, she had given it to countless classes, willing many innocent girls to join her on the road to the abyss. They all had deserved better than that, and now she was forced to sit through girls from another school being drawn towards a fate not dissimilar to her own, like moths to a flame. “To pursue the path of Sensha-Do is to armor the heart of a maiden, the soul that embraces and burns with femininity.” What they neglected to mention was how an armored heart, burning with femininity, would sink and sputter out in the depths of the abyss. 

“Intense and strong like the tank’s iron, cute and lively like the clattering of its tracks, and passionate and precise like its main cannon.” The narration was, just like it had when Maho had performed this con, interrupted by the sound of a Panzer III’s 37mm cannon firing. “If you train in Sensha-Do, you will become a better wife, a better mother, a better student, and a better worker.” Everything the Nishizumi name had prided itself on for a century, it was all spelled out before her as a clueless mockery of Maho’s chosen path. “You will become healthier, kinder, stronger, and men from all over the world will fall at your feet.” Much like when Maho had given the presentation herself, she knew full well that this was far from the truth. Tanks were considered girly for a reason, and men and boys rarely did more than run from anyone who achieved even the slightest success in the sport. “This is your chance. Train your body, train your mind, embrace Sensha-Do, and blossom as a woman on the fields of battle.” The presentation ended with some faint pyrotechnics, and a copy of the forms the students were to fill out to select their elective projected large on the screen. The formatting of the form made no secret of what the student council wanted students to choose, with Sensha-Do taking up half the page, and the other nine choices being relegated to share the other. The lights faded back in, and the student council returned to the stage.

“Some of you may not know this, but a few years ago it was decided that a world championship of Sensha-Do was to be organized,” the black-haired girl said. “And the inaugural tournament of this championship is to be held here in Japan. Therefore, MEXT has requested that schools of all levels do their part in strengthening the Japanese Sensha-Do Federation in preparation for this event.” The twin-tailed pipsqueak took over.

“So, therefore we’ve decided to restart our school’s Sensha-Do program. If you choose it as your elective, we will provide a bunch of special benefits. Vice President?” She turned to the Vice President, the brown-haired girl with a ponytail, who nodded and continued from where the pipsqueak had left off.

“Those who perform well in the course will receive 100 vouchers for cafeteria lunches, 200 free passes for late arrivals to school, as well as three times the credit any normal class will provide.” A shocked murmur made its way through the auditorium, and even Maho had to admit that she was impressed by the sheer audacity of the bribes the Student Council was offering to those who would dance to their tune.

“So, that’s it everyone. We look forward to starting up the electives, so choose well!” the President said with a cheerful wave as the trio made their way off the stage.

* * *

After the Student Council's abundantly clear attempt at bribery was over, Maho returned to class along with the other students. The pure annoyance she felt at the Council’s conduct was enough to open the door for the darkness.  _ Did they honestly think that she, or anyone else for that matter, was that easily swayed?  _ She only just managed to keep it all at bay by focusing on the lesson, but when lunch came around, her usual mode of distraction proved to be too far away to help her in any meaningful way.  _ The Cafeteria it is, I suppose _ . Thankfully Maho managed to arrive before the rush of students made the queueing untenable, and sat down at a table to eat. Her dour expression thankfully let her keep it to herself. At least for a while.

“Uhm… Excuse us, but…” Maho’s meal was interrupted by Hana’s voice, and she turned to glare at the two girls.

“Look, we know that you want to be left alone, but, you know…” she gestured to the packed cafeteria, noting that Maho’s table was the only one with empty seats. “We promise we won’t talk to you unless you want us to…”

“Fine,” Maho sighed, “Just leave me alone.” and returned her attention to her food.

“So, what are you gonna pick for your elective Hana?” Saori asked with her usual cheerful voice. Even if they weren’t talking to Maho directly, she still couldn’t escape their chatter. “I’m thinking Sensha-Do. I can’t wait for the boys to start swooning over me!”

“I was going to pick calligraphy to try something new, but I think Sensha-Do might inspire me to do more with my flower arranging.”

“That’s probably true. Sensha-Do is one of the maidenly arts after all, so it stands to reason that being good at one makes you better at the others, right?”

“I don’t think that’s quite right, but I look forward to experiencing it. Those tanks looked really elegant the way they moved.”

“I don’t know about elegant, but did you see all the attention the girls got in that parade at the end? I don’t know how I’m going to be able to reject all the love confessions I’m going to get…

The fools carried on their conversation for quite a while, still talking when Maho left the table.  _ Let them do what they want. It’s not like it concerns me anyways. _

* * *

Maho returned her tray to the kitchen, and began making her way back to the classroom. Unfortunately, her walk was intercepted by the Student Council President.

“Hiya Nishizumi! Did you see the presentation? Perhaps all those extra benefits made you reconsider my offer?”

“No, it didn’t. Now go away.”

_ Why do you coddle with her like this? She is an annoyance, and should be struck down _ , the darkness whispered seductively in her ear, using the voice of her mother. It annoyed Maho even further.

“I haven’t even told you why I’m here yet. Listen, about the electives…”

_ The lesser should be broken by the better, should they not? It’s a dog-eat-dog world, so why not break her? _

“Leave me alone,” Maho growled at her. “I’ve told you before, I’m not here to do Sensha-Do, so drop it before I do something I regret.”

_ But isn’t that what you want? To destroy her, to be rid of this pipsqueak and her demands? _

“Oh come on, you don’t mean that,” the tiny girl continued in her chipper tone, as if Maho’s fury was invisible to her. “I just know that once you give it a try, you’ll fall right in love with Sensha-Do. It’s destiny I tell ya!”

_ Perhaps she is right? Surely it is destiny that you should be pulled back to the turret of a tank? You were never stronger than when you were in a tank. With a tank you could end this girl and any who oppose you for all time. Why restrain yourself? _

“I’m warning you. Stop talking, or else…”

_ Yes, use me, I beg of you... Use the rage, use the power... Let me give you the strength to silence her... _

“I’m just saying, there’s nothing more fun or freeing for a girl than Sen…” The President didn’t have time to finish her sentence. Maho could feel something within her snap. She turned and grabbed the president by the collar of her shirt with one hand, lifting her a foot off the floor and slamming her into a locker. She had given herself fully to the darkness, sinking into the abyss with every moment as it promised her strength and safety with it’s whispers.

_ Good… You should relax... Let me handle this insignificant nuisance… I insist... _

“You think Sensha-Do is ‘fun’ and ‘freeing’ do you?! You don’t know the first thing about it! It’s nothing but a road to oblivion, a shortcut to death and destruction!” Light and color vanished from Maho’s vision. All she could see was grey and darkness. She had reached the abyss proper, and all control was lost to her. She was a passenger in her own body, a mere witness to her own actions. “Trick these girls all you want, see if I care! I don’t give a damn what happens to them, but don’t come preaching to me of the so-called virtues of Sensha-Do! Do you even know who I am?! I am Maho Nishizumi, heir and first-born to the Nishizumi name, and I will destroy you and all you hold dear if you don’t leave me alone!” The darkness held her body in it’s tendrils, like a puppet on strings. She could do nothing but watch as her body readied itself by pulling a fist back, and fear crept into the girl’s eye. 

Maho tried to look away, tried to stop herself, but her body refused to obey. Whatever manner of being was pulling the strings, it wasn’t her. And so, she was forced to watch as the darkness made her strike, her fist making contact with the locker behind the President, mere inches from the girl’s head. She pulled back for another blow, oblivious to the gasps and shouts from the students around them, but before she could land it, she was dragged away. Her grip let go of the President, and as Maho looked to find what had interrupted her, color slowly began returning to the world. A hint of orange hair. Black hair reaching down to a green skirt. It was Hana and Saori. They had stopped her from doing what she wanted, stopped her from beating the ever-loving crap out of the president. That was what she wanted after all, to see her beaten and bloody like the insect she was. Wasn’t it? The voice had told her as much…

“Maho, what are you doing?!” Maho could barely hear Saori’s voice. It was muffled and silent, as if she was truly at the bottom of the sea. As her body struggled against her classmates' attempts to restrain her, Maho began to swim. She tried to reach the surface, to regain control of herself. She struggled against the torrents and crushing pressure, but after a minute or so, she could see the surface, and her vision was slowly restored. She shook herself free from the two girls, gave the President a final glare, and walked away in silence, feeling as if an invisible smog of darkness surrounded her. The rest of the students could do nothing but stare, not understanding what had happened.

* * *

Sleep came easily to Maho that night. Peace did not. In other words, it was like most nights. The cold and rain came to her as she slept, as it always did, and she watched helplessly once again as the Panzer III fell into the river.  _ Why do you care? That is the cost of winning,  _ her mother’s voice once again whispered in her ear.  _ When you take aim, you hit. When you advance you break through, and when you defend you hold. Is that not what I taught you?  _ Maho struggled against her restraints as always, but as they released their hold on her, she didn’t fall. She was somehow free. Free to run, free to rush to the fallen tank's aid, and yet, as she began to move towards the river, she could feel something holding her ankles in place. She tried to turn and shake it off, but that invariably made her fall. As she hit the mud, she once again found herself in the turret of the Panzer III with her faceless teammates. But they did not share the tank with her this time. The crew carried the faces of Hana and Saori, and their wails were far different. Almost cheerful.

“Well, they say that boys love a girl with trauma!” Saori said in a chipper voice.

“Yes, an experience like this is sure to help me put more feeling into my flower arrangements” Hana replied, equally cheery.

“Why didn’t you tell us tanks could lead to all this? We’re friends, are we not?”

“Yes, we would never have ended up here if it wasn’t for you not telling us.”

“Did you want to keep all these fun dreams to yourself?”

“Did you perhaps think your trauma would have less worth if others shared it?”

Maho tried her best to block them out, but they just kept on chatting as if nothing could ever be wrong as the water rose inside the tank. Slowly, the two girls were silenced by the drowning water, and Maho was left alone again, chipping for air in the silence. The water reached the ceiling, and as she struggled to breathe, the hatch suddenly opened and she was lifted from the tank. Suddenly she was floating in place in the murky depths, seeing her sister and old teammates floating lifelessly in the water around her. Her sister and teammates, replicated in the hundreds, littered like leaves in the depths around her. A sharp jolt of pain pierced her heart, and as she looked down, she saw her torso splitting open, revealing the dark void inside. Black and purple flames burst forth from it, adding to the earth-shattering pain. Maho tried to scream, but she couldn’t. Her lungs were filled with water, and no sound would emerge. As the flames grew larger it was as if they were trying to creep forth from inside her. Soon they left the void in her chest entirely, dancing around her, but the pain wouldn’t stop. As the flames danced, they grew in size, until they were as large as her, and came to a halt before her. The flames began to twist and turn, slowly taking form, mirroring her own shape and look until there were two perfect mirror images before her. One made of purple flames, the other of black ones. For a moment they stood motionless before her, their faces bowed and their eyes closed. She reached out a hand to try to reach them, and in an instant, their eyelids opened, their open eye-sockets staring blankly at her.

* * *

Maho awoke with a scream. She was drenched in sweat, short of breath, and from the looks of her sheets and pillows being thrown across the room, she had been writhing in her sleep. She reached a panicked hand towards her chest, and looking down, found it to be whole. She gave a short sigh of relief. Still, she was covered in sweat, and her bed was equally soaked through. She hadn’t reacted quite like this in over six months, so familiar was her nightmare to her, and now it had suddenly changed? She reached over to her nightstand and picked up her phone, before putting it down again.  _ What good would calling him do me? It's not like he'll pick up...  _ She tried to get out of her bed, to get into the shower to clean herself off, but her body felt sluggish and unresponsive. The sharp pain in her chest was still there, and as she forced her body to comply, it only grew.

* * *

“Hey, Hana,” Saori said to her friend as they walked across campus after lunch. “Have you seen Maho today?”

“No,” the tall girl replied. “It’s strange. I didn’t see her yesterday either.”

“I haven’t seen her at all since she got in a fight with the Student Council President on Monday.”

“I hope she isn’t sick. She seems to have enough worries as it is.”

“Me too, but four days without showing up to school is weird, isn’t it?”

“It is. I wonder what could have happened.”

“Ok, here’s what we’ll do!” Saori said and jumped in front of Hana. “After school is done, we’ll go to her apartment and see if she’s there.”

“But she specifically told us to leave her alone? And we gave her our word?”

“But what if she is injured? What if she fell in the shower and needs our help? Or,” she gasped, “what if she’s been kidnapped? What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t at least go check?”

“I suppose,” Hana said, still unsure. “Four days missing is a bit strange… so I guess it’s warranted.”

* * *

As school let out at the end of the day, the two friends began making their way to the apartment complex where Maho lived, unaware that they were being followed.

“Maho?” Hana called out as she knocked on the door. “Are you there? It’s Hana and Saori! We’re worried about you!”

“Hello?! Anyone ho-oome?!” Saori called out as well, knocking harder and faster on the door.

“I don’t think there’s any need for that Sao…” Hana began and reached to grab her friend's hand, but accidentally pushed the doorknob, revealing that the door was unlocked as it swung open. They both leaned around the door and looked inside. Boxes were toppled over, their contents spread across the small apartment, all of it having been turned into a great big mess.

“I knew it!” Saori shouted triumphantly, with just a hint of worry. “I knew she had to have been kidnapped. Come on Hana, we need to get to the police station to tell them what’s happened” She began to rush down the stairs, but as she rounded the corner, she instead ran straight into another girl that had been peeking around the corner.

“Ow…” the girl said to herself as she rubbed her forehead where she was now sitting on the ground.

“Ow indeed…” Saori said and did much the same. “Hey, wait a minute, who are you? And why were you peeking at us from behind the corner?!”

“Oh, uh, uhm, I mean…”

“Come on, out with it!” Saori said, pushing the issue. “Were you the one who kidnapped Maho?”

“Wait, what?” the girl replied with sudden clarity. “What do you mean kidnapped?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Missy. We know that Maho is missing, and considering you were shadowing us, it stands to reason that you’re behind this!”

“Wait, what?

“Don’t believe me? We are her friends, and she’s missing. Now tell us where you’ve taken her, or I’ll have Hana beat you up!” Saori’s threat made the girl look with fright at Hana, who shook her head and smiled.

“Saori, I'm not going to beat anyone up, I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable expla…” 

“I swear I haven’t taken her. I would never dare do anything to harm Miss Nishizumi.”

“Then why were you following us?”

“I...uh…”

“Oh, forget it. This is ridiculous. Come on Hana, we’ll just have to search the carrier from bow to stern until we find her.” Saori got up from the ground, and dusted off her skirt before walking away.

“I’m terribly sorry for all this. Have a nice day,” Hana said to the girl as she passed, and bowed in apology. As the two turned the corner and began making their way down the street, they heard the girl calling out for them.

“Hey, wait!” she shouted as she ran towards them. “I might not have taken Miss Nishizumi anywhere, but if you’re looking for her, I know where she is!”

“You do?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Then why didn’t you say so? Lead the way,” Saori said with enthusiasm. “I’m Saori takebe by the way, and that’s Hana Izusu.”

“Y-Yukari Akiyama, at your service.” The girl straightened her back, clacked the non-existent heels of her shoes and saluted the two girls, who could only give her a quizzical look, before turning and leading them the opposite way down the street.


	5. The Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saori and Hana follow Yukari into the bowels of the Zuikaku in search of Maho, and find out a bit about their friends past.

“Where are we even going?” Saori asked as they continued following Yukari into the bowels of the _Zuikaku_. “Are you sure this is where Maho is?”

“Absolutely, Miss Takebe!” The girl answered enthusiastically as she led on.

“If I say ‘run’, we turn and go back the same way as fast as we can,” Saori whispered to Hana. “I feel like we’re being led into an ambush. Maybe this is how they got Maho?”

“Oh, don’t be like that. I’m sure we can trust Miss Akiyama,” Hana whispered back, before calling out to Yukari. “Excuse me, but how did you know this is where Maho is?”

“Oh…” Yukari said and stopped. “I...uh… I… I might have followed her ever since she came aboard. A-and this is where Miss Nishizumi has been heading every day since the fight with the President.” In the daily lit corridor, the two could only make out a hint of blushing on Yukari’s cheeks, before she turned and continued into the depths.

“Wait,” Saori called out and sprinted to keep up with their guide. “Why have you been following her? Are you some sort of stalker?”

“N-no, I wasn’t stalking her… I… I just wanted to be near her. She’s just so cool, and I’ve dreamed of meeting her for so long…”   
“What do you mean you’ve wanted to meet her? She’s just a high-schooler like us?”

Once again, Yukari stopped, but this time she spun around to face the two girls, almost blinding them with the flashlight she was carrying.

“What are you talking about?!” She yelled at them. “Miss Nishizumi isn’t ‘just a high schooler’! She’s the greatest ever!” Yukari stared at the two girls in disbelief, before asking in a low and unsure voice, “W-wait… You mean you really don’t know who she is?”

“What do you mean ‘we don’t know who she is’?” Saori asked as they rounded another corner. “She’s just a high schooler who transferred here after having to repeat a year, right?” She turned to look at Hana with exasperation, but Hana only shrugged.

“As far as we know.”

“Wait, are you telling me she really is famous? And she didn’t trust us enough to tell us? Maybe she’s worried about paparazzi showing up if anyone were to find out.” While Saori was busy going into high gear with her theories, Yukari stopped before a heavy metal door, and sighed.

“Miss Nishizumi is one of the greatest Sensha-Do aces of all time. She’s the heir and first-born of the famous Nishizumi family, and led Kuromorimine’s Sensha-Do team as its commander for the past two years. Together with her younger sister, the vice-commander, she was an unstoppable force, impossible to defeat. Until the accident, that is…”

“What accident? What happened?” Hana asked.

“It was during the final match of last year's tournament. Kuromorimine was facing off against Pravda, another powerhouse school, and one of Kuromorimine’s tanks fell into a nearby river. There was no rescue in sight, and for some reason the crew didn’t reappear in the water, so Miss Nishizumi left the flag-tank and ran to save her teammates. Unfortunately, the confusion that followed in Kuromorimine’s ranks meant that Pravda could take out the flag-tank, and won the match. It was supposed to be Kuromorimine’s tenth consecutive win, so people were… dismayed, to say the least. Many blame Miss Nishizumi for the loss.”

“Forget about all that, what happened to the crew of the tank in the river?”

“No one really knows. The broadcast cut out before anyone found out what happened to them, and Kuromorimine refused to answer any questions. Considering the temperature of the water and how long they must have been under for, most people are pretty sure they didn’t make it.”   
“That’s awful…” Saori said with a gloomy look, which was unusual for her.

“Yeah… No one’s seen Miss Nishizumi since the match either, until she showed up here at Ooarai that is.”

“No wonder she didn’t want to talk about her past… I can’t even imagine what that must have been like…” Hana said in a low voice.

“We’ll just have to show her our support when we find her. So let’s get going. She must be so lonely…” Saori looked to Yukari, who gathered herself, and answered with a tone she most certainly hadn’t used before.

“We’re almost there, but…” There was something uncertain in Yukari’s voice, something neither Hana or Saori could quite grasp. “Look… I need you to keep quiet as we pass through here. And make sure to not make eye contact with anyone. Ok? That’s how people end up disappearing.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Just trust me. Keep quiet and follow my lead, and we’ll be fine.” Yukari didn’t give the two any more time to think as she pushed the door open and continued down the corridor, Saori and Hana hot on her heels. Lining the dusty and filthy corridors they now passed down were girls in torn or heavily modified school uniforms, each looking meaner and more prepared to assault them than the last. In one corner sat a group gambling, in another someone had started a fire in a barrel with old textbooks to give some warmth to the dreary halls.

“Just keep your heads down. We’re almost there,” Yukari whispered back to them, before turning one final corner. At the end of the short corridor was another heavy door, with two powerfully built girls standing guard outside.

“We’re here to see the captain’s guest,” Yukari said to the two girls, and handed them a small envelope. “I hope that won’t be too much of an inconvenience?” One of the girls took the envelope and opened it, looking at the contents inside, before nodding to her comrade who opened the door for them.

“What did you give her?” Saori asked in a nervous whisper.

“My allowance. Most top-siders don’t get in without a bribe,” Yukari whispered back without paying the answer much mind, and the three walked through the door. Inside they found what looked like a half-dozen different types of bars and pubs all mashed together, and sitting at the bar with a half-empty glass before her, and many more empty, was Maho.

“Maho!” Saori called and ran towards her, leaping at her and hugging her tightly. “We were so worried!”

“Get off me…” Maho growled back at her, and kept her gaze fixed on the glass before her. “How did you even find me?”

“We went looking for you at your apartment, but then Yukari told us she knew where you were,” Saori said and pointed to Yukari, who looked like she could melt from excitement.

“M-Miss Nishizumi!” She said and bowed. “I-I’m so happy to get to meet you. I’ve been following you for a long time… A-as a tanker, I mean. I’m a big fan, and I just wanted to say, about last year's tournament…”

“Don’t bring it up, or I might do something I regret.” Maho emptied her glass and put it besides the others. “Another!” she called to the bartender, a blonde girl with short hair who was leaning against the wall cleaning a glass, but quickly put a newly filled glass of something rather foul-smelling before Maho, who continued to drink.

“B-but, are you ok? With all that happened during the match?” Saori asked.

“Yukari told us what happened, and we’re so sorry we tried to get you to tell us about it. If we had known we would never…”

“You think you know what happened? You think you know why I stare into the abyss every waking moment, and every sleeping one too?” For the first time since the three had entered, Maho looked up from the glass before her, and glared at Yukari. “What did you tell them?”


	6. The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We return to Maho after she awoke from her new nightmare, and find out why she has been missing all this time.

Maho awoke from her fresh nightmare with a scream, and bolted upright covered in sweat and short of breath. She had faced the darkness in one way or another for as long as she could remember, and rarely had she been  _ this _ terrified. The pain in her chest was a sharp reminder of the terror she had just witnessed, and as she sat on the side of her bed, grasping the sides of her head and trying to understand what had brought it on, she found neither answers nor comfort. She reached over to her nightstand and opened her phone, scrolling through her contacts. Her thumb was shaking, hovering over the call button, before she turned the phone off again and threw the phone on the bed beside her.  _ What good would calling him do me? It's not like he'll pick up... _ she thought to herself, and put her face in her hands, sighing to herself as she did so. Despite the sluggish unresponsiveness her body exhibited, she stubbornly willed it up from her bed and towards the shower so she could clean off. With every step she forced her body to take, the pain in her chest only grew.

She showered as quickly as she could in an attempt to not be reminded of the battle and rain, and once she was cleaned off, changed the sheets in her bed for fresh ones. She warmed some milk to calm her nerves, and headed to bed once more. The lateness of the hour soon lulled her to sleep, but not to peace.

Her nightmare played out as it normally did, thankfully with no special additions or changes. She watched as the Panzer III fell into the river, and fought to get free. She fell, and found herself in the cramped tank filling with water, and her old teammates cried for help. Help she was unable to provide. They would all fall silent as they drowned, and she once again woke up in the rain, watching the small tank fall anew. The nightmare repeated itself time and time again, until it didn’t. During one of the many repeats, as Maho struggled against her restraints, she was not being held in place by her mother as she usually was. Behind her stood her two flaming dopplegangers, holding the ropes binding her. The ropes burst into black and purple flames, which slowly crept towards her while her captors stood silent and unmoving. She desperately struggled to get free, but to no avail. The flames were drawing nearer, licking at her flesh. Soon enough they were upon her, engulfing her body in searing flames. She screamed from the burning pain, and was once again awake.

The sun was high in the sky, and when Maho looked at the time, it became clear she had overslept by quite a bit. She contemplated rushing to be in time to at least the afternoon’s classes, but ultimately decided against it. She had already involuntarily skipped so much of the day, what point was there to rushing to catch the rest? Still, she got up from her bed, and changed into some fresh clothes. Since she wasn’t planning on heading to school anyways, she put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and covered it with a black leather jacket. She left the apartment, locked the door, put her hands in her pockets, and just walked. She didn’t know where she was heading, she just knew she had to get away for a while. She walked up and down the small town streets of the Zuikaku, not paying any particular attention to her surroundings, instead just taking turns at random whenever she came to another crossroad. Not that her surroundings mattered very much. Wherever she went, color and light seemingly vanished from the world, as the darkness made its mark on her surroundings. 

After a while, the world itself seemed to respond to the darkness’ whims, and it began to rain. Not wanting to get soaked through but also not wanting to go back home, Maho headed to the lower decks to continue her walk. As she kept on taking random turn after random turn, she soon found a strangely placed door. Not keen on backtracking, she pushed it open, and continued down the hallway it opened up to. As she kept walking down the corridor, she was given strange and bitter looks from the many girls lining its sides. They were all clearly delinquents or other troublemakers, but no one caused her any trouble apart from the many eyes glaring at her. The filthy corridors and unkept state of the girls reminded Maho of the old quarters on the  _ Graf Zeppelin _ . The ‘ghetto’, as it was called, were some of the worst dorms on the entire carrier. They were the furthest away from campus, had next-to no cleaning or maintenance staff, and were where troublemakers, students with particularly poor performance, or those whose parents simply couldn’t afford the more well-kept dorms were squared away.

* * *

“Hey, I know you!” a voice called out from behind her, but Maho just kept walking. She was in no mood for small talk. “Hey!” Another call, and still Maho ignored it, until someone grabbed her shoulder.

“Hey! Are you deaf? The Captain is talking to you!” a short girl with brown curly hair in a sailor uniform told her, as if she had just ignored a member of the Yakuza.

“I don’t care,” Maho answered and kept walking. The girl grabbed her shoulder again, and turned her around.

“Maybe I wasn’t clear? The Captain was talking to you?” she repeated. Maho, with a silent fury similar to what she had unleashed on the president the day before, put an arm across the girl's throat, pushing her into the wall.

“Maybe  _ I _ wasn’t clear? I. Don’t. Care,” she growled through clenched teeth as the girl struggled for air.

“That’s enough Rum!” the voice that originally called out to Maho said from beside the two, and as Maho looked over, she saw a tall girl with long black hair rivalling Hana’s dressed in a long black coat leaning calmly against the wall beside them, a small pipe in her hand. “If you don’t mind, could you let my first mate go?” Maho looked at the newcomer for a few seconds, before taking a step back from the curly-haired girl, giving her the room and opportunity to catch her breath.

“I’m not in the mood for small-talk,” Maho said, and turned to leave, but the black-haired girl began walking beside her.

“Who is?” the girl said and laughed. “But, I already know a bit about you, so let me even the playing field. The name’s Ogin, captain of this here scurvy crew, and friend of all who oppose the top-siders. Let me at least offer you a drink as proof of my appreciation.”

“What are you talking about? You don’t strike me as a follower of Sensha-Do. And what do you mean by ‘top-siders’?”

“I’m talking about your sticking it to the president yesterday,” Ogin answered as if it was obvious. “She had it coming, the way she struts about like that. Taking what should belong to others. But I see you’re new down here. ‘Top-siders’ are those pesky morons who hold to following the ‘rules’ and live atop deck, going to school as if it wasn’t all just a waste of time. But what’s this ‘senshado’ you speak of?”

“Never mind,” Maho said dismissively. If this ‘Ogin’ was as unaware of who she was as Hana and Saori, then all the better. “And I’ll pass on your offer. I don’t want any appreciation. My life has led me to deserve nothing but punishment.”

“Well, if it’s pain and punishment you want, we can most assuredly arrange that  _ while _ sharing a drink.” As they came to a junction of the corridor, Ogin put a hand on Maho’s back and gently prodded her down the path to the right, at the end of which was a door guarded by two girls in ragged clothing. 

“I take it you don’t take kindly to being told ‘no’?”

“I’m used to getting things my way, if that’s what you’re asking, yes.” A rumble from Maho’s stomach interrupted their veiled battle, and Ogin pounced upon the opportunity. “But if you’d permit me the chance, I would be delighted to offer you a bit to eat as well.”

“I suppose I can’t refuse you…” Maho sighed, and let herself be guided to the door.

* * *

The two guards made way for Ogin and Maho as they approached, and opened the door for them. Beyond was a strange hybrid of a room. Simultaneously a living room, a karaoke parlor, an old-timey tavern and a children’s clubhouse, it was most easily described as ‘a mess’. What little activity there was in the room froze for a second as the two entered, but soon enough continued. In one corner the girl Maho had choked sat drinking from a bottle, and in another a girl with long silvery white hair was singing sea shanties by a karaoke station. Ogin strode through the room without paying them much attention, and Maho followed her example, soon reaching the bar that ran all along the back wall. Behind it a bored-looking girl in a red waistcoat with short blond hair was cleaning a glass, and merely nodded to Ogin as they took their seats.

“Captain,” she said in a tone that was equally as bored as her expression.

“Cutlass, have Murakami bring our guest something to eat.”

“Aye Captain,” the girl replied, and pulled on a small rope that hung in a cutout section of wall behind her. “Anything else?”

“Pour us some of the usual.”

“Are you sure Captain? She doesn’t look like she’ll handle it.”   
“Our guest has requested to be punished, and so she shall have some of the usual.”

“Very well. It’s her funeral…” the girl replied and rolled her eyes, before placing two small glasses on the bar, and pouring a red liquid from a bottle into them. “Two ‘Habanero Club’”

“This here be the punishment you seek. There is no girl aboard this ship who won’t suffer from it’s burn.” Ogin bragged, and downed her glass in one fell swoop.

Maho looked at the curious red liquid, before following Ogin’s example.The liquid was thick and not very pleasant to drink. There was a small burning sensation to be sure, but it was nowhere near what Ogin had promised.

“Was that really all?” she asked of her host. “I was promised pain and well-deserved punishment, so why do you coddle me? Give me your worst.” Maho glared at Ogin, who after a few uncertain seconds turned back to the bartender.

“Very well. Cutlass, you heard the order. Give our guest what she’s asked for.”

“ _ I am become death _ , Captain?”

“ _ The destroyer of worlds _ ,” Ogin replied and shrugged.

“As you wish,” The girl behind the bar responded and shrugged as well. She turned and grabbed bottle after bottle from the shelf behind her, and began to mix a multitude of liquids together. Behind them, Maho could hear the silver-haired girl whisper to one of her companions.

“May god have mercy…”

After a few minutes of mixing, Cutlass pushed a glass towards Maho. “One Hiroshima, as ordered,” the girl said dryly, and leaned back against the wall, seemingly as disinterested as she had when the two had first entered.

Maho inspected the concoction placed before her with an inquisitive eye. The glass was strangely warm to the touch, with its contents having a foul smell to them. The drink itself was a vivid, almost flaming mixture of colors; Green, yellow, orange and red. She grasped the glass in her hand, raised it to her lips, and began to drink.

* * *

From the moment the liquid passed her lips, she could feel it burning. It burned every part of her mouth as she drank, and the raging fire continued as the ‘Hiroshima’ flowed down her throat and into her stomach. It felt as if her entire body was on fire, and yet she continued to chug down the drink, not stopping until the glass was empty and she could return the glass to the bar. Maho could feel her cheeks and body go red from the heat, and sweat beginning to pour out of her. She could feel the burning, searing pain all throughout her as she fought against her body’s wish to thrash against it. Instead she closed her eyes and remained calmly on her stool, taking deep, heavy, burning breaths as she did. In her mind’s eye, she could see the darkness flee from the raging inferno. She could hear it’s screams as it burned in the immolating flames. She could feel the flames of the ‘Hiroshima’ burn away the clinging cobwebs and tentacles that grasped at her soul. And all of it, despite the pain, brought a smile to her face. She knew the flames wouldn’t last forever, and that the darkness would return to assault her mind again, but for the moment the burning pain brought her a sense of clarity she hadn’t experienced in months. The dark and grey fled from her vision, and color and light began to return.

“I… how…” Ogin stammered with a stunned expression as Maho remained still in her seat. “That should be enough to burst an appendix, and you just… drank it?”

“Oh, don’t... you...worry…” Maho said between ragged breaths, clenching and opening her fist a few times against the pain. “It… haa… it burns… like all hells. It feels like… like I was just pushed… onto a Tiger’s engine… while it’s running…”

“Here you go,” Cutlass said with her bored tone, and pushed what looked like a milkshake towards her, but Maho just pushed it away.

“Give…” she began. “Give me… god that stings… give me... another…” You could almost hear the sound of jaws hitting the floor through the stunned silence. 

“I… I don’t think… I don’t think that’s a good idea…” Cutlass said with sudden concern in her voice and a raised eyebrow, but Maho slammed her fist on the bar, shaking the glass beside her.

“I said… god that’s hot… Give me… another!” Cutlass looked back to Ogin, who observed her guest for a few seconds, sharing the girl’s concern, but ultimately gave in.

“If she wishes to have another, give her another. She doesn’t seem like she’s used to being denied what she asks for. A girl after my own heart,” she replied, even if she just mumbled the last bit to herself.

“But...but why? You are clearly in pain? At least drink the milkshake first…”

“Because…” Maho began to answer, bending her head down as tears began to well in her eyes, hiding them behind her bangs. “Because I deserve to be punished for all the pain I’ve caused... and at least through this vile mixture, I regain some clarity. For months I’ve been in a daze, and the fire this drink sets alight within at least brings me back to the world proper.” She was shaking, not only from the pain, but from sadness as well. A tear fell onto her clenched fist as she grimaced in an attempt to keep herself together. After a few seconds, she could feel a hand on her shoulder.

“You’ll do fine. You seem a strong and fiery lass.” As Maho looked up, she saw Ogin standing beside her and another girl, buff with black hair, handing her a platter of food. “You don’t strike me as one to talk about your issues or past, cause neither am I. But if you feel that Cutlass’ drinks can grant you some clarity, you are free to drop by whenever you wish.” She gave Maho’s shoulder a pat and put the plate before her, before putting her hands in her pockets and making her way towards the door. “We’ll give you some space. You seem to need it.” She gave a quick gesture to the rest of her companions as she reached it. “Ladies. We’re leaving.”

A calm and quiet fell over the bar after they had left, leaving Maho and Cutlass as the only ones left. Maho began to pick at the food while Cutlass moved some things around behind the counter.

“I really hope you’re not expecting me to be the sort of bartender who asks how you’re doing and helps you figure out your problems,” Cutlass said dryly.

“I’m not,” Maho replied as she began to eat. Getting some food in her seemed to do her good. “And I really hope you’re not expecting me to be the sort of patron who lays out my life’s story in search of advice and answers,” she answered equally dryly. There was something about the place that gave Maho a sense of calm and perspective, something she couldn’t quite explain. Perhaps it was the ‘Hiroshima’, perhaps it was her own self finally breaking through where the darkness had spun it’s cobwebs for the past few years. At this point she wasn’t even sure who or what ‘her own self’ was. But with the smoldering fires of the drink still keeping her mind clear, she could perhaps come to figure it all out. Her self-reflection was interrupted by a glass being pushed towards her. A glass that was warm to the touch, and filled with a fiery mix of colors.


	7. The Two Nishizumis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maho is torn back and forth between her newfound clarity at the hands of the 'Hiroshima', and the darkness clawing at her mind. Another Nishizumi makes an appearance, and Maho might actually face her own issues. Might.

After Ogin and her crew had left the room, Maho remained in her seat for hours, enjoying the unending silence. Cutlass didn’t pay her any mind, only giving her the slightest occasional glance as she fiddled behind the counter, cleaning glasses or reorganizing a shelf. Maho didn’t complain. In fact, she preferred being ignored, as long as there was a freshly brewed ‘Hiroshima’ before her when needed, and Cutlass always made sure there was. The raging fire the drink set aflame within her shed light on her surroundings, and on the state of her own mind. It gave her clarity, yes, but also a sense of comfort. For as long as she could remember, the darkness had ravaged her mind, tempting, teasing, and toying with her. Now, for the first time in ages, her mind was at peace. She could merely sit at the bar, and think things through, without being dragged away to some tragic battle or unpleasant memory.

All things considered, her life was seemingly getting better. She had managed to leave her old life in Kumamoto behind her. She left Kuromorimine and found a new school to call home. Who she was was unknown to her peers as was, it seemed, her past. Still, she wasn’t going to take any chances. The more she could keep others at a distance, the more she could ensure that neither herself or those around her got hurt again. Hurt. Maho didn’t need the darkness there to know that was one of her biggest issues. Anyone she got close to either ended up broken, hurt, or dead. Therefore, it was safer to be alone. As long as she was alone, she was the only one who could end up hurt. She wouldn’t let what had happened to any of her friends happen again. She wouldn’t let what had happened to Miho happen to anyone else. She would carry her burdens alone, even if it would end up breaking her. Living her life under her mother had already given form to many cracks and stresses on her body and mind, and the events during the match against Pravda had nearly broken her completely.

Maho sighed and stared into the fiery mixture of the new glass Cutlass pushed towards her. The embers of her last drink were still smoldering inside her, so she simply leaned against the bar and gazed into the vibrant greens and reds for a moment. She moved her jaw around a bit, hoping to alleviate some of the pain, but to no avail, Perhaps that was for the best. She did choose to punish herself like this after all. It was at the least a less extreme form of self-harm than what she had turned to in the past. She ran a hand over her lower arm, feeling the scars through her jacket. In the end, she deserved every bit of what she was doing to herself. There was no one on earth she hated more than herself, with the possible exception of her mother. Every bit of pain she dealt herself was, in a small way, a way of making amends for the pain she had caused others. At least, that’s what she told herself. Deep down, she knew of course that it didn’t actually matter. People had already gotten hurt, and hurting herself wouldn’t make it right. Still, the part of her that knew that that was true was hard to hear between the overwhelming cries from the part of her that told her she deserved it. Unfortunately, this was the part of her she most often gave in to, and so it was this time as well. She grabbed the glass before her, and downed it all, reigniting the burning pain once again. 

Having emptied the glass, she pulled out her phone from her pocket, and fiddled with it for a minute or so. She swiped back and forth among the applications, not looking for anything in particular. Time and time again, she found herself opening up her contact lists, and one contact in particular. She would quickly realize her mistake however, and return to merely browzing photos she had taken, or reading an article. And yet, she returned to the contacts. Why was she insistent on it? She knew that it wouldn’t help. She knew that it wouldn’t matter. She could call him a thousand and one times, and he still wouldn’t pick up. She would never feel his embrace again, no matter what she did. Without her realizing, her thumb had opened up her voicemail, and pressed play on the only one she had stored. Not wanting to bother Cutlass, but also not wanting to stop herself, she lifted the phone to her ear, and just listened.

She remained there a while longer, before another warm glass of the foul cocktail was pushed towards Maho, and Cutlass’ glance to the grandfather clock in the corner let Maho know that this was to be her last for the night. The fires of her last drink were still alive and well, and yet, she lifted the glass to her lips and downed it in one, just as she had done the ones before. A new inferno was set alight inside her, and having returned the now empty glass to the counter, she turned on her stool to leave. As she lifted her body off her seat however, her legs gave way from underneath her, and she nearly collapsed to the floor, barely managing to catch herself on the counter.

Cutlass gave Maho a concerned look, but soon returned to cleaning off her bar. Her patron seemed to be able to take care of herself, so why interrupt and perhaps insult? Maho hadn’t counted on the numbing effect the painful fires of the many drinks would have on her. Her entire body was screaming out in pain, warm to the touch from the fires that burned within her, and yet it was at the same time numb and unresponsive, as if her entire body had fallen asleep. It was a strange and unpleasant sensation, like moving someone else's body. She both knew and could see that her own limbs were moving, but they wouldn’t move quite like she wanted them to, and she couldn’t feel them moving at all. She struggled for a minute or two to get herself standing upright, before she clenched her jaw and started to stumble towards the door, willing her body to move despite the soreness, despite the numbness, and despite the burning pain.

* * *

Slowly but surely, she made her way back towards her apartment. The sun had set beyond the horizon at this point, and Maho had no true idea of what time it was. What little attention she could spare from the seemingly unending task of keeping her body in line as she walked through the streets, her brain instead put into registering the colossal pain ravaging her every fibre. Finally, she reached her apartment door. Her body still very numb indeed, she struggled with unlocking it, lacking the fine motor skills needed to skillfully do so. Once she got the door open, she stumbled into the hall, managed to wrangle out of her jacket, and collapsed on the floor, leaning against the kitchen counter. She drew a couple of deep breaths, the air seemingly catching fire in her mouth as she inhaled, and let her body relax. As she looked around her apartment, she realized it was the first time she had truly seen it in color. Ever since she moved in, her apartment, and the world in general, had been bathed in greys and blacks, with no real color appearing before her except for the slightest hint. But now, she could see it clearly. 

She could see the green carpet, the light blue walls, her off-red pillows and mint-colored covers. She could see the bowl of fruit, apples, oranges and bananas, standing on the counter being reflected in her hallway mirror, a cavalcade of colors she could hardly have believed existed yesterday. She struggled to reach a hand up to the counter to grab an apple, doing her best to fumble around with only the mirror for guidance, something her nerves proved useless at providing. Her hand landed on something, and so she forced her fingers to close around it, and let her arm sink back down. Looking down, she hadn’t grabbed an apple, but the small teddy bear that she had placed there last week. Miho’s old teddy bear. When she left Kumamoto, it was the only memory of her sister she could bring. It was the only reminder she had left of the sweet and innocent sister, other than her drawings. She kept on looking at the stuffed bear through teary eyes, caressing it’s bandages with her thumb. It had been her fault. Despite the darkness having been driven from her mind and soul by the still-burning embers of Cutlass’ mixture, she knew that it was true. It wasn’t all her fault of course, the Nishizumi way held a grand portion of the blame, but deep down she knew. It was all her fault. It was her actions, and her actions alone that had lost her her sister. It was her feeble and futile attempts to protect Miho that was to blame for Maho losing her. It was Maho’s order that had sent the Panzer III so close to the cliff-side. It was her ignoring the objective and leaving the flag-tank and her team that had lost them the match. It was her hesitating to do so, and her stumbling as she ran, that was to blame for the tragedy that unfolded that day. Everything Maho could think of and more was, in the end, all her fault.

* * *

“Big sis! Big sis! Wake up!”

Maho was awoken by someone very rudely jumping up and down on top of her while she was lying in bed, trying to sleep. Instead of responding, she just groaned and pulled herself deeper underneath her covers, before someone started pulling at them, and she had to fight to keep them.

“Come on, Maho! Today’s the day!” A final sudden yank pulled the covers right off of Maho, and she was left lying in her bed, beams of sunlight attempting to breach her eyelids. Realizing the futility of her position, she sat up, and yawned.

“What?” she replied drowsily. “I’m up, I’m up… What is it?” Having hastily rubbed her eyes to remove the worst of the grime they had accumulated during the night, Maho finally opened her eyes, and was met by the sight of a smiling Miho, staring up at her.

“We’re going to the lake today! You promised!” the girl replied, a smile from ear to ear. Maho sat in stunned silence, not entirely believing what she was seeing, before lunging at her sister, holding her tightly in her arms.

“Miho!” she almost yelled, tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, it was all my fault. I should have done more, I should have protected you…”

“Maho, I can’t breathe. Let me go...” Miho answered, struggling for air against Maho’s embrace. Reluctantly, Maho let go.

“But...Miho… How are you… I thought you…”

“What are you talking about?” her younger sister asked once she was released, seemingly oblivious to the fact that anything was wrong. “Now come on,” the girl whined as she tugged at Maho’s pajamas. “We gotta go. Erika’s already waiting.” With that, Miho turned and ran out of the room, her arms flowing behind her, not a care in the world.

Maho blinked a few times, and once again rubbed her eyes. Looking around, she began to recognize her surroundings. She wasn’t in her apartment as she had first believed, but in her old room in the Nishizumi family mansion. She jumped out of bed in a slight panic. Why was she here? Why wasn’t she aboard the Zuikaku? Had she been taken away in the night? And what had Miho been talking about? Erika was here? How could that be? Why would she be here? She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself, and rushed over to the door as quietly as she could. Pushing the door open slightly, she saw the familiar hallways and tapestries, everything she had tried to escape. At the end of the hall she could see Miho and Erika talking, smiles on their faces. It wasn’t until now that Maho realized how small the two of them looked. Almost like they had done when they were children. What was it Miho had said? Something about the lake? That they were going there? The specifics didn’t matter. Maho needed to get out of here. Seeing an opportunity to get the three of them out and away from the house, Maho quickly changed out of her pajamas, and made her way to the garage, the two younger girls following excitedly behind her.

“Come on,” she told the two as she helped them up onto the Panzer II that was stored there. “We need to get going...”  _...before Mother finds us _ , she thought, keeping her fears to herself as she climbed up after them, and jumped down into the driver's seat. Miho and Erika shared the commander’s seat, their heads barely popping up and out of the hatch. Maho turned on the engine, and was almost calmed by the familiar hum as she drove the tank out from the grounds and up onto the road leading to the lake.

Time seemed to pass in a strange way as they drove. There was an almost soothing familiarity that washed over Maho, and time seemed to speed up and slow down as a result. Her mind was racing as they drove, past the endless rice fields and scattered groves of trees, a flock of seagulls flying overhead that Miho was eager to point out. At several points during their drive Maho had to tell her sister to climb back to her seat, when the girl had clambered out and on top of the tank to point out something ‘Maho just had to see’, for fear she would fall off. After they had driven for a while, Maho wasn’t sure how long, they finally reached the small lake. Maho helped Miho and Erika dismount, the girls’ flailing attempts at getting off the tank by themselves bringing a smile to her face.

“Hurry up Sis!” Miho called out to her as the two girls ran to the water's edge. Maho, for her part, was still getting the bucket and fishing poles from the tank.

“Calm down, I’m coming. It’s not like the crabs are gonna go anywhere,” she called back. There was still something gnawing at the back of her mind. Something it felt like she should remember, but she couldn’t figure out what. In the end, she decided it mustn't be very important, so she grabbed the bucket from the tank's barrel, and the fishing poles from their place on the side of the tank, and leapt down to the ground. As a final flourish, she lifted her straw sunhat from it’s hook beside the driver’s hatch, and put it on her head.

“Your sister is so cool,” she heard Erika fawn to Miho. “It’s not fair. I want to have a cool big sister too.” Maho chuckled to herself at the comment, even if there was nothing very impressive with her jumping down from a Panzer II. It was nothing after all compared to what she was used to. The tanks at school were much bigger after all. Especially her beloved tank. Wait, what tank? What school? Maho didn’t drive a big tank at school. She’d never even seen a bigger tank than the Panzer II. Right? That sounded right, and yet it didn’t. Something wasn’t right, but what was it?

“Maho! Hurry up!” Miho yelling for her pulled Maho out of her daze, and she shook her head back and forth a few times as she walked over to Miho and Erika by the water. She must have just been tired. That was it. Of course nothing was wrong. The sun was shining, the breeze was warm, the three of them were going to fish for crabs just like they always did, and nothing was wrong. Everything was as it should be.

They walked over to the rock where they usually sat down, and did just that. They talked, they laughed, they let their feet dangle in the water. Occasionally one of them would splash water at the others, and an escalation would follow. They sat there for hours, hauling in crab after crab, and Maho could only smile. Everything was right with the world, and she was at peace. Of course she was. Why wouldn’t she be? What reason could she have to not be happy? Everything was so perfect. The only thing that was even remotely wrong was that nagging feeling at the back of her mind, telling her that something was wrong, but she just kept on ignoring it. How could anything be wrong when she was with Miho and Erika, and all of them were happy? She had missed this so much. Spending time with Miho and Erika. Playing around the grounds of the mansion, fishing by the lake. It had been so long since they had done this. And now they couldn’t anymore…

What was she thinking? Of course they could. They were doing it right now. Just like they did all the time. Maho was always together with Miho and Erika. They were always happy together. Right?

“Maho?!” Miho called out to her, and once again she was pulled from her thoughts. That was probably for the best anyways. Why should she be worrying when they were all so happy?

“What is it Miho?” she asked back, without looking away from the water.

“It’s...It’s Erika! She’s m-missing!” Maho nearly dropped her fishing pole at the words, but within seconds she had put it against the rock, and was up on her feet.

“What do you mean?”

“W-we were playing hide and s-seek in that forest, and n-now I can’t find her,” Miho answered, blubbering through her tears. “I even c-called out to her, t-telling her s-she won…” Maho looked over to the ‘forest’, which was really nothing more than a few trees in a grove. She jumped down from the rock, and took Miho’s hand, wiping away the tears with her thumb. 

“Don’t worry. I’m sure we’ll find her,” she said, a confident smile on her lips. “Erika’s both strong and crafty, so I’m sure she’s not hurt,” she continued as they began walking towards the ‘forest’.

* * *

“Erika?! We’re not playing anymore, you won!””

“Erika?! Come out, come out, wherever you are!”

“Erika?! Where are you?!”

They walked around the ‘forest’ for what felt like hours, and for some unexplainable reason they couldn’t find Erika anywhere. Now that they were actually in it, Maho had to admit that what she thought was just a few trees was actually much larger. The forest was dark and overgrown, stretching out as far as the eye could see. In just a few minutes of walking, Maho had lost sight of the lake and the Panzer II, and now they were much deeper still.

“Maybe she didn’t want to play anymore?” Miho asked out loud, still clinging to Maho’s arm. “Maybe she went home?”

“If she walked home, she would have told us first.” Maho replied, certain in her answer. “Besides, she would have told you that she didn’t want to play anymore, right? She always loved winning.”

“I guess…” Miho said, not as certain.

They kept on looking, calling out to Erika as they did, but it was almost as if the forest was twisting around them. Maho would make a small mark in a tree to make sure they knew where they had been, but even when she was certain they were doubling back, and by all accounts should have found the markings again, they were nowhere to be found.

“This is ridiculous,” Maho said as she stopped to look around them.

“What is?” Miho asked, her voice trembling.

“I could have sworn we’ve been past this tree at least five times, and I marked it every time,” she replied and gestured to one of the trees around them. “But apparently not, cause there’s not a single marking on it.” They continued walking despite their apparently being lost, until Maho felt a sudden tug on her arm, and the sound of leaves rustling behind her. As she turned around, Maho saw Miho trying to get up from the ground where she had fallen.

“Maho…” the girl said in a low voice, trying her best to hide the nasty-looking scrape on her knee.

“What is it?” Maho answered and bent down to look her sister in the eye.

“I’m scared…” the girl said, her eyes tearing up and her voice meek. Maho went down on her knees and hugged her sister, patting her calmly on the back.

“Don’t worry Miho. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Maho did her best to calm her sister down, even if it didn’t seem to help. “What does Boko always say?”

“That…” Miho sniffled, “That you should always get back up again…”

“That’s right,” Maho said with a smile. “And I’ll always be there to make sure you’re safe. Now come on, I’m sure Erika is just around here somewhere.”

“Who’s Erika?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Miho. You know we came here to look for… to look for…for...” Who were they looking for? Surely they were looking for someone. Why else would they be alone in this dark forest? But who? Maho couldn’t remember. Maybe they weren’t looking for someone? That was probably right. Two young girls walking through a forest to look for someone they didn’t know was ridiculous. No. They must have just been out on a walk. That was it. They were out on a walk, and were heading back home. Maho’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a branch snapping behind them. A sound that Miho jumped at.

“Miho, get behind me.” Maho spread her arms to act as some form of barrier between whatever it was that had made the sound, and Miho. Another branch snapped, and a bush rustled somewhere. 

“I’m scared Maho!” Miho cried out from behind her. Even without seeing her, Maho could tell her sister was quivering.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” Maho did her best to look around to see what was making the noise, while also keeping an eye on Miho, trying to calm her down. That’s when she saw it. A tall, slender-looking creature, walking on two legs and black all over. It had an insidious grin in the middle of its pale face, and claws as long as it’s forearms, with clouds of black smoke emanating off of it.

“MAAAAHOOO!” the creature growled, even if it almost sounded more like a roar. “MIIIIHOOO!”

“Kyaah!” Miho cried out from behind Maho “Maho! Make it stop! I’m scared!” Even if Maho shared her sister's terror, she wouldn’t let it show. There was something familiar about the monster, even if she didn’t know what.

“Miho, get on my back,” she said in a low voice. “NOW!” she yelled when nothing seemed to happen, and as soon as she felt Miho’s arms clinging around her neck, she grabbed the girls legs, turned, and ran.

Maho ran as quickly as her legs could carry her through the forest, doing her best to keep an eye out for any roots or rocks she might trip on. Miho was clinging to her back as tightly as she could, her tears falling on Maho’s neck and rolling down her back. Still hearing the creature following behind them, Maho tried to find the way back to the lake, back to the tank so that they could escape. So that she could protect Miho. But the forest wouldn’t allow it. It was as if their surroundings grew darker with every step she took, with branches and vines closing around them. At times, it was as if light itself fled, leaving Maho to fumble in the dark for the way forwards. In the darkness, she didn’t notice the roots of a tree, and she fell.

“Argh…” Maho growled and grabbed at her ankle, but soon let it be and looked for Miho.

“Miho, are you OK?” Silence. Nothing but silence could be heard in the dark woods. “Miho?! Miho, where are you?!” Maho crawled back to her feet, and leaned against a tree to take the weight of her ankle, which was still screaming in pain. She tried to take a step, and almost collapsed again, barely managing to stay upright. It didn’t matter. She had to find Miho. She had to protect her. She was the only one. The only one who mattered. It didn’t matter what happened to Maho. What was important was that Miho was safe… That she was protected… Maho had to keep searching. She had to. She pushed forwards, barely able to walk, but after a few more steps, she fell again, right through a bush, with sudden light blinding her on the other side.

* * *

Maho lifted her arm to shield her eyes from the light, and as she blinked a few times, found herself back in her apartment. She was still leaning against her kitchen counter, the small teddy bear held tightly in her hand. It had been a dream. A horrible dream, and nothing else. Of course she wouldn’t get to live happily with Miho and Erika. Those carefree summer days would never come again, and it was her own fault.

She shook her head a few times to return to reality, and gave her face a few claps to leave the dream behind her, struggling with her arms as she did so. Her body was still unresponsive, even if it wasn’t as numb and asleep as it had been the day before. She slowly got up, using the counter for support as she did so, as feeling slowly returned to her body. 

Her head was a different matter. Sounds seemed muffled, and her vision was blurry. These issues were complimented by an earth-shattering headache, and a sickening feeling all the way down her throat. As she put a hand on the counter to steady herself, returning the teddy bear to its place, she began to notice how bleak and dark her apartment seemed. She struggled to breathe, and had to put all her willpower into it. The air felt thick in her mouth, almost liquid. It was as if her entire body was at the bottom of a lake. No, not a lake. An abyss. 

Maho recognized the immense pressure, the unresponsiveness of her body, the blurred vision, and the dark thoughts creeping into the back of her mind. It was like an old friend returning. But this particular ‘friend’ was one she could do without. Still, as she opened her phone to check the time, she realized she was at risk of being late, so she forced her body out through the door, and rushed towards school.

* * *

Her run was not a pleasant one, as the malicious guest in her head wriggled within her to gain new perches on her soul. As she reached the school gates with some time to spare, she breathed a sigh of relief, and was about to walk through the gates when she was stopped by one of a trio of girls with short black hair, and equally black armbands.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” the girl yelled at Maho in an annoyed tone.

“Uh, I’m walking to school, so get out of my way,” Maho replied, hoping to get past the girl before the darkness convinced her to do something stupid.

“Not dressed like that you’re not,” the girl answered, seemingly equally as frustrated as Maho, and gestured to her clothing. As Maho looked down, she realized she hadn’t changed clothes since yesterday, and was still in her T-shirt and jeans. “All students are to wear the designated school uniform while on school grounds. Punishment for not following this shall be…” the girl started reading from a small book of rules, before Maho interrupted.

“Fine, I’ll go home and change,” she sighed and turned to rush back home.  _ Now I’m definitely going to be late _ , she thought to herself as she ran. In her rush, she accidentally bumped into a black-haired girl going the opposite way. “Sorry,” Maho yelled back, slightly annoyed, as she continued on her way towards her apartment, not paying the near unconscious girl much mind.

* * *

Once Maho reached her apartment and unlocked the door, she took a few seconds to regain her breath. She felt sick from all the running and rushed to the bathroom to throw up, before she started to rummage around the apartment for her uniform. Her still blurred vision, muddied thoughts, and the grey filter she seemed to view the world through didn’t help her in this endeavour, as she opened drawers, looked behind doors, and turned over moving boxes, but nowhere could she find the uniform. Taking a step back and looking around the apartment, she saw her jacket lying on the floor in the hall. “I can’t go on like this…” she said to herself. “I can barely think, and I can barely see. I need clarity, and I need it now, or I’ll never get through the day.” She walked over into the kitchen, and began pulling out whatever ingredients she could find. Perhaps she could quickly brew a suitable replacement for the ‘Hiroshima’, find her uniform, and then be on her way. She was already late, so what would a few extra minutes do?

A few minutes later, she held in her hand what at least looked somewhat like a ‘Hiroshima’, even if it was freezingly cold, and made the original’s smell seem almost pleasant. Maho raised the glass in a toast to no one in particular, and started to drink. She barely had time to raise the glass to her lips, before she spat what little she had let in her mouth into the sink, pouring what was left in the glass after it. It would seem her lack of skill in the kitchen was equally applicable to mixology. She followed this horrific experiment up with several glasses of water in an attempt to get rid of the foul taste, to moderate success. In the corner of her eye, Maho could see her jacket lying in a pile on the floor in the hall. She was already late. She could just take the jacket and go. Walk down to the lower decks, and find Cutlass. How much worse could her position be made by it?

“No,” she said to herself, determined. “This is a bad idea. I need to find my uniform, and I need to get to school. I already blew it off yesterday, and I can’t keep skipping out just because of my own stupid reasons.”

“ _ You’re right _ ,” she heard the darkness whisper back in her mother’s voice. “ _ It’s this sort of irresponsible behavior that makes people hate you… _ ”

“Shut up,” Maho replied into the ether.

“ _ You are a failure who won’t value the right things… _ ”

“Shut up...”

“ _ You never take responsibility _ ...

“Shut up, shut up, shut up…” __

“ _ Why should I? I only tell you what you already know… _ ”

“No, you don’t,” Maho growled back, grasping the sides of her head. “You just tell me what you want me to think. You just want to break me…”

“ _ Oh my dear Maho, you were always broken. That’s what made you so easy to use. If you had merely followed my teachings, and done what I said, you would have been feared and respected throughout Japan. No one would dare cross you, and you wouldn’t have to deal with these fools, calling themselves your ‘friends’... _ “

“Leave me alone…”

“ _ But instead, you decided to do things ‘your’ way. The real you wouldn’t have thrown a match that was destined to be won just to run to the aid of some fresh-faced amateurs… _ ”

“They were my friends, and it would have been wrong not to try! And you know it would have! What difference would winning have made, if I had been forced to live with the knowledge that I could have tried to save them? I would merely be haunted by a different darkness, and still stuck living under your thumb!”

“ _ Such fire in you. I clearly never taught you your proper place, nor how to respect your betters. What would Miho say… _ ”

“Don’t you dare speak her name!” Maho shouted into the void that was her apartment. “You don’t have the right,” she continued, whispering to herself with tears in her eyes. “You don’t have the right…” She walked over to the hall and picked up her jacket from the floor, throwing it on as she walked out the door. School was out of the question. She was going back down to Ogin’s and Cutlass. She was going to get a proper ‘Hiroshima’.

* * *

Maho’s walk to the lower decks was swift and determined. At one point she was almost hit by a car, having walked with such focus that she didn’t even notice the light still being red. Her path through the ship's bowels was equally focused, not paying any mind to the many glares the occupants of the corridors gave her.

“Stop right there,” the guard outside the bar said and held up a hand to stop her. “No one’s allowed inside except for the captain's crew and guests. Especially not a filthy topsider like you.”

“Get out of my way,” Maho answered and kept on walking, before being physically blocked by the muscular girl.

“ _ No one _ gets in without the captain’s permission,” the girl reiterated, and pushed maho back a few steps. Maho, on her part, closed her hands into fists, and prepared to strike back, but their scuffle was interrupted by a bored voice from behind.

“I didn’t expect you back so soon.” The girl standing guard shifted her focus to behind Maho, and bowed her head as Cutlass walked past Maho and up to the door.

“Mornin’ Miss Cutlass.”

“Morn’ Adrianna. Don’t mind her,” Cutlass replied while gesturing to Maho, not paying either of the girls much mind. “She’s a personal guest of the Captain. She’s free to come and go as she wishes.”

“O-of course, Miss Cutlass. I’ll make sure of it. Personally!” Cutlass didn’t seem to care very much about the reply, and simply walked past Adrianna, pushing the door to the bar open, and letting Maho follow. Cutlass didn’t wait for an order before starting to fiddle with bottles and tools behind the bar, while Maho took her seat from the previous night. Soon a properly brewed ‘Hiroshima’ stood before her, warm to the touch, foul-smelling, and vibrantly coloured. Seconds later, the glass was returned to the counter, Maho having emptied it in a single swig. The fires were lit, the darkness receded from her mind, her body cried out in pain, and she was left to ponder what little she could remember of her dream.

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a near identical fashion to the day before. Maho would sit and think in silence, silence that Cutlass respected. Whenever necessary, a new ‘Hiroshima’ stood freshly brewed before her, and she could reignite the fires in her body and mind. At some point during the day, a plate of food appeared, and she ate. When Cutlass began to close the bar, Maho began walking her numb and unresponsive body home, where she’d collapse on her bed and sleep. Thankfully, her sleep was uninterrupted and free from strange dreams, only the familiar nightmare dared disturb her. Morning came once again, and Maho didn’t even bother to change, or walk to school. She could feel the battle start to take shape within her again, and headed down to Ogin’s for another dose of the infernal brew from Cutlass. She drank, she ate, she pondered, and she walked home to sleep.

* * *

Maho awoke the next morning, and noted the day on her phone. It was Friday morning, meaning she had skipped almost an entire week of school with no real reason than feeling sorry for herself. She groggily got up and out of bed, and got into the shower. The warm water calmed her down, and almost seemed to clear her mind in the same way as the ‘Hiroshima’. Having cleaned herself off, she changed into her school uniform, hanging in its place on the door of her wardrobe as it was. She walked over into the hall to pack her bag, making sure pens, books, and everything else was in its place.

“You can’t run forever, you know that right?” Maho turned around to face whoever had spoken, but saw no one. She was all alone in the apartment.

“Great… Now I’m hearing things…” Maho muttered to herself as she returned to packing her bags.

“You’re not.” Once again Maho turned around and inspected her surroundings, but there was no one there except for herself, and her own reflection in the mirror. A reflection that wasn’t reflecting her. It was her alright, but not in the green and white of Ooarai. In the mirror stood Maho Nishizumi, wearing the blacks and reds of Kuromorimine. “There we go,” her mirror image said with a smile. “As I was saying; You can’t run forever. You need to face what happened.” 

“What do you know about it?” Maho asked angrily. “You’re just my mind playing another trick on me, trying to tempt me back to what I hate.”

“Perhaps,” the Maho in the mirror said with a shrug. “But just because I’m not real doesn’t mean I’m not right. You are not in a good place, and until you deal with what happened, you won’t ever be.”

“Just leave me alone,” Maho answered, and looked down at the phone in her hand.

“He won’t call. And even if you call him, he won’t pick up. We both know that,” her mirrored self noted. “This is what I’m talking about. You need to let things go…” 

“Just shut up! I don’t want your advice.”

“Why not? After all, we are one and the same you and I.”

“We’re nothing alike! You’re a despicable person who doesn’t care for anyone or anything. I hate you and everything you stand for!”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do! So leave me alone! You just want to tempt me. Make me go back to Kuromorimine, to tankery, to my mother… But I’m not having it, you hear?!”

“Is that so?”

“Of course it is! I can barely count the reasons I hate you!”

“Shouldn’t be difficult. After all, there’s only one.”

“You’re wrong!”

“Am I? So you don’t despise me because I know what scares you the most?”

“I’m a Nishizumi! I’m not scared of anything!”

“What scares you, beyond everything else, is the truth.”

“What truth?! I’m not scared of any truth!”

“The truth that, deep down, you enjoy the feeling of invincibility you get when you command a tank. The undeniable truth that you're not haunted by your time doing tankery. No. You miss it.”

“I… No… You… you’re wro…” Maho stammered, not being able to truly refute it, and her twin continued.

“You miss it. And the mere thought that this is true frightens you to your core.” The Maho in the mirror looked at her with concern. “Let’s face it; you don’t hate me. You don’t hate who you were. You hate the fact that you desperately want to go back. Despite all that happened.”

“No,” Maho said in a low voice. “You’re wrong.” She clenched a fist as tears formed in her eye. “YOU’RE WRONG!!!” she screamed and punched the mirror image of herself in the face, shattering the mirror into a thousand and more pieces, blood flowing freely from cuts on her knuckles and hand. She didn’t even care to clean any of it up, she just grabbed her bag and walked out the door into the blinding sunlight.

* * *

Maho was lying in her bed, her eyes opening slowly. She lifted her hand and looked at it in the dimly lit apartment. It was fine. No cuts, no bruises, no blood. Rising slowly from her bed, she looked towards her hall, where her mirror was hanging whole on the wall. Another dream. No, not a dream. It was far clearer than a dream. There was something about it she couldn’t place. All she knew was that she didn’t want to experience it again. Looking at her phone, it was indeed Friday morning again. She tried showering as an attempt to clear her thoughts, but unlike the dream, it didn’t help. She changed into fresh clothes, and looked around her apartment. It was a mess. Boxes were lying upended, their contents strewn across the floor. Clothes were spread chaotically around the room, and it was all in all a great big mess. She didn’t have the energy to care, and instead just threw on her jacket, walked out the door, and closed it behind her. She was going down to Ogin’s to get some peace and quiet.

A strange feeling nagged at the back of her mind as she walked, not only because of the dream, but something else as well. As if she was being observed, or followed. Ultimately though, she didn’t care.

* * *

Maho was sitting at Ogin’s bar and was pretty sure it was the afternoon. She had downed four or five ‘Hiroshima’s, and been given food, so it ought to be the afternoon. Her thoughts were consumed by the so-called dream, and what her mirrored self had said. Surely she was lying? Maho never wanted to go back. She had sworn never to. She wouldn’t so much as touch a tank until the day she died. She was sure of it. She was going to live out her life in obscurity, never so much as giving the idea of tankery another thought. What did that phantom know anyways? She was nothing more than a few neurons acting up, nothing more. Right?

“MAHO!” Her thoughts were interrupted by a jubilant Saori rushing over to hug her. Something Maho very much wasn’t interested in right now.

“Get off me,” Maho growled in response, noting the presence of Hana as well, and a girl with fluffy brown hair that had seemingly accompanied them.

“We went looking for you at your apartment, but then Yukari told us she knew where you were,” Saori said, not showing any indication of letting go. Maho made the assumption that Ykari was the fluffy-haired girl's name.

“M-miss Nishizumi!” the girl said and bowed deeply. I-I’m so happy to get to meet you. I’ve been following you for a long time… A-as a tanker, I mean. I’m a big fan, and I just wanted to say, about last year's tournament…”

“Don’t bring it up, or I might do something I regret.” If there was one thing Maho most certainly didn’t want to discuss, it was last year’s tournament. Hopefully this girl hadn’t run her mouth and told Hana and Saori about it. “Another!” Maho called out to Cutlass, one of few words she had exchanged with the girl this entire week. A minute or so later, Cutlass delivered, and another ‘Hiroshima’ stood before her. The smell did at least seem to repel Saori somewhat, as the ginger let Maho go and took a few steps back.

“B-but, are you ok? With all that happened during the match?” she asked. Of course Yukari had told them. Why did Maho ever think she could remain anonymous for long?

“Yukari told us what happened, and we’re so sorry we tried to get you to tell us about it. If we had known we would never…” Hana continued, but Maho interrupted.

“You think you know what happened? You think you know why I stare into the abyss every waking moment, and every sleeping one too?” Turning away from the counter and glasses before her, Maho looked at Yukari with a glare. “What did you tell them?”


	8. The Usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ogin shows her true colors, Hana and Saori defend their new friend, Maho is on the verge of giving up, and Cutlass serves an unexpected drink.

“What did you tell them?” 

A sudden sense of panic gripped Yukari as  _ the  _ Maho Nishizumi, her idol, glared at her. Her eyes almost seemed to pierce her skin, so intent was her vitriol. Had she overstepped? Had she done something wrong in letting Miss Takebe and Miss Isuzu know who she was?

“I-I-I…” she stammered, her cheeks turning red in embarrassment. She bowed again in an attempt to hide them. “I’m sorry! I only told them what was publicly known. I would never gossip!” She felt someone hold her hand, and looking up, she saw Miss Isuzu standing beside her

“You can’t blame her for talking about your career as a tanker Maho,” she said with a slightly defiant but still calm tone, raising her voice just slightly. “It doesn’t matter what happened. She’s free to talk about whatever she wishes.”

“That’s right!” Miss Takebe concurred and took Yukari’s other hand in her own. “She already said she’s sorry, and she hasn’t said anything disagreeable ever since we met her.”

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Maho growled, before turning back to the empty glass before her on the counter. “I was talking to her. Did it not cross your mind for a second that I prefer not being known?”

“I-I-I…”

“You don’t have a right to not be known Maho.” Hana took a step in front of the girl as she interrupted, shielding her from Maho’s gaze. “Yukari is a huge fan of you, and was just excited to meet you. We asked her who you were, so she is nothing but innocent in this.”

“But why didn’t you tell us Maho? You’re a hero!” Saori also took a step forward, hiding Yukari completely behind the two of them. “You saved those girls' lives that day!” Maho didn’t respond. She just looked away and stared blankly into nothingness. “You...you did save them right? Right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Maho closed the hand she had resting on the counter into a fist. “I’ve told you I don’t want to talk about my past. And you said I didn’t have to.” She turned back to face the trio. “So what changed? You find out I’m famous, and suddenly my right to privacy is gone?”

“O-of course not!” Saori protested. “Of course you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want. We just thought…”

“Thought what?! That just because you call yourselves my friends that you get to know everything about me?”

“We just thought that if we got to know each other, then…” Hana took a step forward as she spoke, but Maho just broke her off.

“I told you! I told you both why I don’t want to get to know people! Or have you forgotten?!” She got off her chair, and steadied herself against the bar, managing to keep her balance. “Everything I care about crumples away! Everyone I care about keeps getting hurt or worse! And I’m tired of it! So just leave me alone!”

“But…”

“There is no ‘but’! I’m done! First I lose my friends, then my sister, and then…” The arm she was using to steady herself gave way, not being able to hold her weight any longer, and she collapsed on the floor, tears streaming. “So just… just... go away. I don’t want to lose anyone else…” Between the tears she could see the three girls slowly come closer. “I SAID GO AWAY!!!”

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?! How did you get in here?!” The door flew open and crashed into the wall beside it. Another voice bellowed into the bar, and Hana, Saori and Yukari turned to face it. Maho recognized it as Ogin’s, and looking up she saw both her and her brunette subordinate standing in the open doorway. “Did you let them in Adrianna?! Huh?!” Ogin snarled to the girl standing guard. Leaning in closer, Ogin reached into Adrianna’s pocket and produced the envelope of money Yukari had bribed her with. “That’s how little you respect me?!” You let them in for some cash from a filthy topsider?” A wicked smile spread across Ogin’s face, as if she was almost impressed by the insubordination. It quickly disappeared however, as she struck the girl square in the stomach. “You disappoint me, you snot-nosed sea slug!” Ogin spat at the floor beside where the guard was lying doubled over from lack of air, and turned her attention to the bar.

“What did you do to the Captain’s guest, huh?! I’ll beat the living daylights out of every one of ya!” Rum shouted at the three newcomers, twirling the bottle she was holding around so she could brandish it as a weapon..

“RUM!” Ogin roared at her subordinate, smacking her over the head. “I’ll deal with these trespassers personally, thank you!” From inside her coat she pulled out a small knife, and made quick strides over to Yukari, grabbing her by the arm. Hana and Saori tried to rush to her aid, but Ogin was quick to react. She twisted Yukari’s arm behind the girl's back, and put the knife to her throat. “Ah-ah-ah, no hasty moves now, or I’ll be forced to repaint the floor red. Why don’t we all just calm down, and you can tell me what the hell you’re doing uninvited in my little corner of Ooarai?” She leaned in close, and whispered in Yukari’s ear, “See, we don’t take kindly to topsiders down here… Perhaps you didn’t know...”

“I-I-I-I…”

“Oh I see,” Ogin continued, grinning almost seductively. “You knew very well what happens down here, and yet you came anyways. Perhaps you came to join us? I must admit, it’s been a while since we had some fresh meat down here…” She let her tongue dance upon her lips as she spoke.

“What do you want me to do with the other two, Captain?” Rum asked from the doorway, causing Ogin to turn back to face her, jerking Yukari wildly along with her.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE FOR, YOU BARNACLE-BRAINED BLOWFISH?! DIDN’T I SAY I’D DEAL WITH THESE INTERLOPERS MYSELF?!”

“A-aye Captain… sorry Captain…” the brunette answered timidly, like an angry bulldog being yanked to heel +by a leash.

“Now get the hell out of here you moronic mackerel!” Ogin continued, maintaining her verbal broadside. “Go take a look at the western corridor. Apparently they had a scuffle. I want anyone found guilty thrown in the brig!” Rum didn’t move, only glaring at the newcomers in the bar “NOW RUM!” The knife left Yukari’s throat as Ogin pointed it in Rum’s direction. “Or mark my words, I’ll do the same to you! I’m certain I couldn’t go five minutes in the hall before I found another sycophantic sardine to replace you!” Rum gave Hana and Saori a final glare, but nodded to Ogin and left the room, closing the door behind her. 

Suddenly Ogin, Maho, Saori, Hana and Yukari were alone in the bar, except for Cutlass looking disinterested behind the counter. As soon as the door closed, Ogin released Yukari, and carefully put the knife back in her coat, pulling her pipe out instead. “Now,” she took a deep breath, straightened her jacket and shirt, and continued in a far calmer tone. “Terribly sorry about that,” she said with a smile, as she lit the pipe and began to smoke. “You’re not hurt I hope?” she asked Yukari.

“I-I-I… yeah, I’m… I’m fine.”

“Good to hear it. And again, I’m sorry about that.” Ogin looked around the room. “So, you’re friends of my guest here?” Hana and Saori nervously nodded, while Yukari just looked back and forth in confusion between the four girls. “Well then, pleased to make your acquaintance. Ogin lifted her hat and gave a theatrical bow. “The name’s Ogin, and I am the proprietor of this humble little watering hole.” 

“What the hell Ogin?” Maho interrupted, wiping her eyes dry with her sleeve. “Didn’t you say you hated top-siders? These three are as top-side as they come…”

“Well, it’s mostly about keeping up a reputation really... Some theatrics, a dash of intimidation, and a soupçon of acting, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for keeping order without ever getting your hands dirty.” She chuckled to herself as she spoke, clearly finding amusement in her scheme. “It’s a necessary evil. The minute those girls find out I’m actually quite agreeable, I’d have a mutiny on my hands within the hour.” Ogin pointed to the door behind her with a thumb over her shoulder. “So I’d appreciate it if this stayed between the five of us. If I find myself in unpleasant circumstances, I’m afraid I’d have to bring you with me.” A malicious grin made it clear Ogin wasn’t bluffing. “Anyways,” she said, and walked over to Maho, reaching out a hand, “let’s get you off the floor to begin with.” Without waiting for a response, Ogin grabbed Maho’s hand, and pulled her to her feet, putting her guest’s arm across her own shoulders to give her support.

“Which part of ‘I want to be alone’ don’t you understand?” Maho mumbled through gritted teeth.

“Well, as you said yourself, I’m used to getting things my way. And right now, ‘my way’ involves getting you up and off the floor.” She dragged Maho over to one of the booths in the corner, and sat her down. Maho’s body was too numb to resist. “Now,” Ogin said and turned to the other three girls. “I’m sure you four still have a lot to talk about. But I would suggest you leave.”

“But we…” Saori began to protest, but was stopped by Ogin shaking her head and putting her hands in her pockets.

“I would suggest you leave,” she repeated, giving a sly wink and smile when Maho couldn’t see. “In fact, I insist. Cutlass will show you a way to the surface that doesn’t pass by any of my girls, so you should be fine. My guest and I need to talk in private.” Saori, Hana and Yukari gave each other a few worried looks, but gave in without further protests, and followed Cutlass through another door.

* * *

“Now that we’re alone,” Ogin said as she pulled a chair over to Maho’s booth, sat down and threw her boots upon the table, “What’s the issue?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Too bad. I do.”

“Leave me alone.”

“I don’t intend to.”

“Just let me be alone.”

“As long as you’re in my bar, you play by my rules, so no.” Maho tried her best to get up from the booth, but her body failed her. Ogin leaned back in her chair and put her hands behind her head, a smug grin on her face. “Yeah, I don’t think you’re getting up anytime soon. So, what’s up?”

“Have you just been messing with me this entire time?”

“Not at all. I’ve left you quite alone all week, haven’t I? Though Cutlass tells me you’ve been very generous in your use of my bar.”

“The ‘Hiroshima’ helps me think. That’s the only reason.”

“Uhuh, and I’m Mary Read herself. The ‘Hiroshima’ is  _ this _ close to drinking thermite. That’s not something you put yourself through a dozen times a day just because it helps you think.” Cutlass, who Maho hadn’t noticed reentering the room, came over with a tray, putting a cup of steaming light-brown liquid topped with whipped cream, marshmallows, and sprinkles in front of Ogin.

“Your usual, Captain.” she murmured, and folded the tray underneath her arm as she returned to the bar.

“Thank you Cutlass,” Ogin chirped, and pulled her feet off the table and leaned in to take in the aroma. “Warm Cocoa,” she said and looked at Maho with a smile. “Made from the finest beans money can buy. Cutlass gets them special from Grenada. D’you want one?”

“I’ll pass thank you.” Maho rolled her eyes at the Ogin she saw before her, and gestured to get Cutlass’ attention. “Just get me another ‘Hiroshima’.”

“No,” came the reply in almost an instant from the bar. Cutlass didn’t even look up from the glass she was polishing to answer. “You drink too much.”

“I drink whatever I want. You’re just supposed to serve it, not judge me.”

“You heard me.” Cutlass didn’t spare Maho any attention whatsoever as she spoke. “You’re running away from your problems. A drink won’t help you face them.”

“I thought you told me you weren’t the type of bartender who helps me deal with my problems?!”

“Perhaps I did, perhaps I didn’t. I don’t really know.”

“That’s a little girl’s answer!” For the first time this entire week, Cutlass seemed to react to what was going on around her. She froze for not even a second, and calmly hung the now polished glass in its place. In the corner of her eye, Maho saw Ogin grimace.

“You want a real answer? Very well.” Cutlass turned to face Maho, speaking in her bored voice, as if she was merely reciting facts. “You’re a coward and a weakling. You’d rather drown your self-pity in a bottle than lift a finger to help yourself. You could own up to whatever haunts you and deal with it. But you won’t. I don’t know if it’s because you’re scared, or because you’re weak, or if it’s both. It doesn’t really matter to be honest. Either way you’re pathetic.” Having given her answer, Cutlass turned back to her bar, and began to polish another glass. Ogin for her part just shrugged, and took another sip of her cocoa.

“HOW DARE YOU?!” Maho shouted in reply. “I’ll make you regret those words!” Cutlass just ignored her, so Maho forced her unresponsive body to stand up. “Hey, I’m talking to you!”

“She’s said what she has to say,” Ogin noted. “And you’re not in shape to make anyone regret anything.” Maho could feel her strength fail her, as if the world itself wanted to prove her wrong, and she collapsed back in her seat. “You might have been both ready and able to take on a dozen and more of my girls when you first showed up down here. But now I imagine even one of those topsiders could knock you down. Hell,” she gave Maho a self-satisfied smirk, “perhaps even the Student Council President would prove a challenge.” 

“Let’s face it. This behavior of yours isn’t doing you any favors. If you don’t want to talk about your issues, that’s fine. I can’t force you. And if you want to keep coming down here to drink yourself half-blind every day, I’m not going to stop you. Cutlass will keep serving you as if none of this happened. But if you think for a second that I condone how you’re dealing with whatever it is that’s bothering you, or that coming down here is somehow helping you think and deal with your issues, then you are just deluding yourself.” Ogin smothered her pipe with her thumb and returned it to her coat. “Make this place your personal little opium den if you so wish, but make sure that’s what you want. Because in another week or two, I don’t think you’ll have the strength or reasoning to leave.” She then drummed her hands on the edge of the table a few times, and got up from her chair. “It’s been great chatting with you, whatever your name is. I hope I never see you again.” She gave Maho’s shoulder a firm pat, nodded to Maho and Cutlass in turn, and left the bar.

* * *

Maho didn’t remain in the bar for long after Ogin left. As soon as her body allowed itself to be moved, she gathered her strength and left, ignoring Cutlass just as much as the blonde girl ignored her. Once she reached her apartment it was already long past dark, and she collapsed on her bed, drifting off to sleep.

She awoke the next morning, and made herself some passable breakfast. Toast was thankfully not very easy to mess up. Having fed herself, she set to dealing with her mess of an apartment. Her body was still sluggish, and her mind groggy from her drinking the day before, but slowly but surely she managed to clean it all up, dealing with her remaining moving boxes and putting things in their proper place while she was at it.

All throughout her work, her mother’s voice teased inside her mind, but there was something else as well. Cutlass and Ogin’s words echoed throughout her psyche, drowning out the darkness. They called her a coward, a weakling, and a pathetic addict. She hated it, but what she hated more was that they were right.

Having dealt with the mess, she tried to get some studying done, but her mind wouldn’t rest. She tried reading a book, watching a movie, or taking a nap, but nothing worked. Maho knew she needed a distraction, something to dull her senses. Ogin had said she was welcome back down whenever, but no. Maho wouldn’t give either her or Cutlass the satisfaction of seeing her return, making them right in the process.

She sighed as she walked over to her desk to pick up her phone. “This means nothing,” she said as she began to type out a text message. “This is just to give myself a distraction. Nothing more. There is no hidden meaning, there is no affection. This is  _ nothing _ but convenience.” She looked at the message for a brief second, before reluctantly hitting send.  _ What does it matter… _ she thought as her phone gave off a swooshing sound to indicate the message had been sent.  _ It’s not like they’ll reply… _

The sound of a small pling quickly proved her wrong...


	9. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hana, Saori, and Yukari find out a bit more about Maho's past. Maho finds out how much someone else already knows about it. She also finds out the truth about the Student Council.

Maho stopped drawing and put her pen down, pulling out her phone to check the time. It was almost half-past three. As if she could possibly have misread, she once again opened up her text messages, and read the unexpected reply she had received. It was short and to the point. They were to meet in the park at three o’clock.

Maho sighed, put her phone back in the pocket of her leather jacket, and began to collect her things again. She let the half-finished drawing of the building across from her remain as such, and closed the sketchpad, putting it and her pens into the bag along with everything else. They clearly weren’t coming. She didn’t even understand why she felt sad and disappointed. It’s not like she cared. She just wanted some distraction, nothing else. She rose from the bench, brushed the back of her jeans off, and picked up her bag, turning to leave.

“Hey!” a voice called out behind her, out of breath. “Sor… hah… sorry about… about being late!” Maho turned around, and standing by the walled entrance to the park, was Hana and Saori, bent over and struggling for air. “We… we would have been here... sooner, but… you know…”

Maho sighed, and rolled her eyes. Why had she even asked them if they wanted to spend some time? She knew it was just to distract herself of course, but they could have at least had the decency to be on time. “Took you long enough,” she said in an annoyed tone as she began to walk over to them. “Another minute and I’d have already left!”

“Once again, we’re sorry.” Hana regathered herself the quickest of the two girls, and so was the first to speak without stopping for air in the middle of a sentence. “We had to make an extra stop.”

“An extra stop?” Maho raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “What for?” Her question didn’t wait for a reply to be answered, as Yukari came walking nervously around the corner.

“H-hi, Miss Nishizumi…” She bowed, but didn’t rise back up as expected while she continued to speak. “W-we didn’t get a proper introduction yesterday… I’m Yu-Yukari Akiyama. I’m very happy to get to meet you…”

“Saori, can I talk to you?” Maho said in a low, annoyed voice and sighed. “And stop bowing to me. It’s not like I’m the Emperor,” she said absentmindedly to Yukari as she pulled Saori to the side. They walked a few steps away from Hana and Yukari, before Maho put an arm across Saori’s shoulders and began to speak in a hushed voice, no less annoyed. “What the hell Saori?!”

“What are you talking about?” Saori did not, it seemed, see the need for a hushed voice, and spoke as if nothing was wrong.

“I’m talking about  _ her _ ! Why’d you bring her along?!”

“Because she’s a friend! Yukari’s really nice when you get to know her. It’s really a shame she’s not in our class, or I’d have met her earlier. Hey, yesterday, after that girl in the waistcoat led us up from the lower decks, she took us to meet…”

“I don’t care what you did yesterday, ok?! I’m asking why you brought her here today! I asked you and Hana, not her!”

“You’re really childish sometimes, you know that Maho? I brought her because she’s a friend, and because I think you need more of them, and because I think you’d get on like a house on fire if you just gave her a chance. Besides, I already made it clear to her that you don’t like to talk about your past, and she’ll make sure to respect that.”

Maho sighed, and glanced over her shoulder at where Hana and Yukari were talking. “You sure she’s got it? Cause the moment she asks something I don’t want to answer, I’m out of here, ok?”

Saori nodded and smiled. “U-huh! I’m positive!”

_ I’ll say… _ Maho thought, but sighed and let go of Saori’s shoulder, walking back to the others with the ginger girl in tow. “Alright, fine.” she said and put her hands in her pockets. “So where are we going?” Hana, Saori and Yukari shared a few looks, before Yukari took a nervous step forward.

“U-uhm… We talked about it on the way here, and if it’s ok with you Miss Nishizumi…”

“It’s Maho,” Maho interrupted, cursed to herself, and reached out a hand towards Yukari. “It’s Maho, and nothing else. You’re Yukari, right?”

The girl looked like she was ready to faint, but after a few seconds, she took Maho’s hand and shook it enthusiastically. “Y-y-yes, I am. P-pleased to make your acquaintance Miss Nish...I-I mean Maho!”

“I don’t really care where we’re going, as long as it gives me something to think about.” Maho pulled her hand back, and returned it to her pocket, letting her thumb hang on the outside. “Lead the way.”

* * *

Yukari took the lead, with Hana and Saori sprinting for a second to walk beside her, hanging off of her and talking the way Maho had seen close friends do. Maho for her part, walked with her hands in her pockets, and followed quietly a few steps behind the others. She wasn’t very much in the mood for talking. The walk was enough of a distraction for now. Still, whenever one of her companions looked over their shoulder or took a few steps back to ask some question, or try to talk to her, she answered. She didn’t say much of course, but she answered. 

Not paying a great deal of attention to where they were actually going, Maho was brought back to the walk by the sound of a bell, and looking up, realized they had reached a house, and walked through the door.

“Here we are then,” Yukari noted, and kept on walking into the room. Looking around the somewhat empty room, Maho could clearly tell it was a hair salon, and quickly identified the seemingly only worker. A woman with short curly dark brown hair, wearing a pink apron over her regular clothes. 

“Hello dear, back already?” the woman asked Yukari.

“Yeah, we took a walk but it didn’t take very long,” Yukari answered matter-of-factly.

“Good afternoon Missus Akiyama,” Hana and Saori said almost in unison and bowed to the woman who all evidence pointed to being Yukari's mother.

“Good afternoon to you too,” the woman answered with a smile to the two girls. “But who’s this? I don’t think we’ve met, miss...?” She looked Maho up and down for a few seconds, before Maho bowed and answered.

“Nishizumi. Maho Nishizumi. Thank you for your hospitality.” She may have been in a foul mood, but Maho wasn’t about to be rude to someone’s mother the first time they met.

“Oh you are most welcome. It’s good to see Yukari making friends.” She grabbed Yukari and pulled her in close, using her free hand to ruffle her daughter’s hair.

“Mo-ooom! Stop it!” Yukari protested, and wriggled free from her mother. Maho didn’t see the issue, considering that Yukari’s hair returned instantly to the shape it had had before the ruffling. After giggling to herself for a few seconds, Yukari’s mother gave Maho another quizzical look. “Nishizumi, Nishizumi… That sounds familiar…” She turned to her daughter. “Yukari, isn’t that the name of that tanker you like so muc…”

“Yes Mom, so don’t embarrass me ok? She doesn’t like talking about it.” Yukari interrupted in a hushed voice, before walking through the salon towards what looked like a small kitchen. She stopped in the doorway, and turned back to the three of them. “You can go upstairs in the meantime, and I’ll be right there.” Saori and Hana nodded, and began walking towards the stairs. Maho reluctantly followed behind, finding herself trapped by pure politeness. “MO-OOOM?!” she could hear Yukari yelling from the kitchen while her mother swept the floor of the salon, “WHERE’S THE TEA KETTLE?!”

“It’s where it always is dear. Second cupboard from the stove,” she answered in a calm tone.

“NEVERMIND, FOUND IT!!!”

“Yukari?”

“YEAH?!”

“Do you see the blue tin in the window?”

“YEAH!”

“If you want, there are some cookies for you and your friends in there.”

“THANKS MOM!”

* * *

“Uhm… so…” Saori said in a nervous tone as the three girls walked up the stairs. “Yukari’s room is a bit… uh… special. So, just… Just be understanding, ok?” Maho didn’t understand what all the fuss was about, thinking Saori was just being overly cautious, but when Hana opened the door to Yukari’s room, she quickly understood.

Lining the walls were posters of famous tankers, or for movies involving tanks in one way or another. More than one featured Maho herself, wearing her black-and-red uniform and standing in the turret of her 212, or in front of it. Complimenting the posters lining the walls, every shelf and horizontal surface in the room was filled to the brim with models of tanks. British, American, German, Japanese, the diversity was staggering. Leaning against a bookshelf in the corner there were even some incredibly detailed replicas of a panzerfaust and some old stielhandgranate. If Maho didn’t know any better, she could have sworn they were real. What little open space was left in the room was given to a bed, a small square table, and a desk with an accompanying chair.

Hana and Saori each took a seat on the floor by the table, while Maho walked to the other end of the room, and straddled the chair standing by the desk, leaning forwards onto the back-rest. Her jacket she took off and threw onto Yukari’s bed.

“I see what you mean…” she noted in a dry tone to Saori. “It’s certainly special…”

* * *

They sat mostly in silence for the next few minutes, until Yukari came through the door carrying a tray with cups of tea and some cookies. She set the tray down on the table, allowing Hana and Saori to grab a cup each, and then reached over to give Maho a cup of her own.

“Thanks,” Maho mumbled and took a sip. She still wasn’t quite at ease with the decoration of Yukari’s room, and she had just spotted something that added considerably to her unease. “Hey, Yukari…”

“Yes Miss Ni-I-I mean Maho?” she answered, flustered by her mistake.

“Do you think you could… you know… put that somewhere I can’t see it?” Maho continued, and gestured to a model standing on Yukari’s bedside table. It was a Tiger 1 with Kuromorimine’s insignia and the number 212 painted on the turret. That much Maho would have been able to stomach, both Kuromorimine and Wittmann were well-regarded in Sensha-Do circles after all, but the fact that a miniature version of herself was looking out from the turret did make her quite uncomfortable.

“Oh, r-right. Of course!” Yukari said and in a slight panic got up from the table, put the tank down on the floor, and gently pushed it underneath her bed. “Sorry…”

“It’s fine…” Maho mumbled, and stared out the window.

* * *

“Maho, you doing ok? We’re not annoying you are we?” Saori asked after a little while, breaking the awkward silence.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…” she turned back to the table, and sighed. “I’m sorry, ok?”

“Sorry for what? You haven’t done anything wrong have you?” Hana replied.

“No, I have. I’ve been horrible to you three, and I need to apologize, ok? I’m still not used to, or ready, for all of  _ this _ ,” she gestured to the three, “I still don’t want to make friends. Someone will just end up hurt by it. Still, I realize I’ve been unreasonable. So, if you’re ok with it, just give me some time. I need to clear my head, and figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life.” She turned back to the window, and mumbled to herself. “It might take a while…”

At first there was no response, and Maho felt like an idiot. Of course they wouldn’t just up and forgive her. She was a horrible person, and she didn’t deserve forgiveness. She looked down at her lower arm, and saw the faint white scars she’d put there to remind herself.

“Of course. You take however much time you need.” Saori was the first to speak, but Hana soon followed. “Yes, we were the ones who pushed you after all. We didn’t know how much baggage you were carrying, so the blame lies entirely with us.”

“I-I need to apologize too. I shouldn’t have said a word about your past without asking first!” Yukari practically sprung to her feet to give her confession. Maho just rolled her eyes at the sight, and turned back to the window.

“Thanks…”

* * *

“M-miss Maho?”

“What?” Maho sighed as she answered Yukari. “And drop the ‘Miss’. It makes it seem like I’m better than you…”

“Y-yes, o-of course…”

“So, what is it?”

“I… uhm…” The fact that Yukari hesitated put Maho on edge. She was about to ask something Maho would find uncomfortable to talk about, wasn’t she? “I hope I’m not being rude, but… Why did you leave Kuromorimine and come here? Someone like you could go anywhere she wanted, and yet you chose Ooarai? Why?”

Maho didn’t answer at first. She just continued to stare quietly out the window. Behind her she heard Saori talking in a hushed voice. “Yukari! I told you not to ask anything personal! I don’t know how I could have been cleare…”

“You really want to know?” Maho interrupted without facing them. “Are you sure?”

“I…” Yukari swallowed, but nodded. “Yes, Maho. I need to know.”

Maho sighed, took a deep breath, and turned to face her three companions. Hana was hard to read, but Saori was clearly shocked, sitting almost frozen with her mouth agape. Yukari for her part had a look of determined anticipation.

“I got fed up with my old life. Every day was a horrific struggle, and everyday I felt the light and fire within me get smothered a little bit more.” She reached over to the desk where she had put her cup of tea, and emptied it before continuing.

"Every single day I was growing up, I was taught that people were tools to be used and discarded. I was taught that nothing but perfection and strength mattered. I was taught that life was a zero-sum game, that anything someone else gained was at my own expense. All my life I was taught that I was superior to others, and excelling at Sensha-Do made others believe it too. I was praised for my ability to destroy, my ability to take from others to better my own standing. It sickened me, all of it. I knew it was wrong, but everyone treated it as true and right. I tried and tried to fight against it, but whenever I did, my only reward would be pain." She turned around in the chair, and lifted the back of her T-shirt, showing the hideous scarring on her back. A dozen and more lessons forever marked on her skin.

“Maho…” Saori said quietly, clearly disturbed.

W-who… who did tha...” Hana asked gently. She hesitated slightly, which was unusual for her.

“My mother. Whenever I failed at a task or didn’t do as I was told, she’d add another scar to the collection. ‘Something to remember the lesson by’ she’d call it.” She let her T-shirt fall back down, and turned back around. She could still recite every lesson, and point out the corresponding scar. "Then the Pravda-match happened. I was already fed up with it all long before the accident, but seeing my friends in trouble and being expected to do nothing? That broke me. I snapped like a twig in a typhoon, and I left. I left my family, my name, my school, everything I knew. I left it all, and I came here.” There was nothing but silence in the room as the trio considered what Maho had just told them.

"That… that must have been hell..." Hana looked down at the floor as she spoke.

"No, the Nishizumi style isn't Hell,” Maho replied. “The Nishizumi style is the Nishizumi style, and Hell is Hell. And of the two of them, the Nishizumi style is much worse."

"How do you figure? I get that it was horrible, but..." Yukari asked, but Maho quickly countered with a question of her own.

"Who goes to Hell?"

"Well,” Saori said, taken aback by the unexpected question. “Supposedly all the bad people?"

"Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. But the Nishizumi style destroys everything it touches, no matter who or what it is."

“So… I guess that’s why you didn’t sign up for Sensha-Do then…” Yukari deduced, and Maho nodded. “I’m sorry I asked…”

* * *

Maho, Hana and Saori left shortly thereafter, and Maho soon separated from her companions. The following day Maho spent trying to study all that she had missed during her week of drinking and blowing off school.

As Maho arrived at school on monday, she was fully prepared for a berating lecture from the teacher for her absence. She had after all done it fully aware of the consequences. As the first period ended, the teacher called her over, just as she had expected.

“Miss Nishizumi, if I could have a word please.”

“Of course Sir.”

“Are you feeling alright?” The question took Maho a second to comprehend. She was feeling fine, but what kind of question was that to ask of someone who had skipped school for a week.

“I’m… I’m fine, Sir, but why do you ask? I thought you were going to… I mean... I was missing almost all of last week?!”

“Oh don’t worry. It’s not your fault you got the flu.”

“The flu? But I…”

“Anyways, I must get back to the staff room. It’s good to have you back, and to hear you are well.” The teacher collected his things, and left through the door. Maho wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened. Then it hit her. Slightly annoyed, she turned around and glared at Hana and Saori, and took a few quick strides over to their desks.

“What the hell?!”

“What?” Saori asked, startled. “What did we do?”

“You guys covered for me last week, didn’t you?!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

“You told the teacher I had the flu!”

“No I didn’t. I swear. Did you cover for her Hana?”

“No,” Hana answered, just as surprised and lacking understanding for Maho’s accusation. “How could we cover for you when we didn’t know where you were or what you were doing?”

“You could and you would! I never asked you to cover for me! I blew off school for a week, and I’m prepared to face the consequences!” She turned and stormed out of the classroom, and ran down the corridor to catch up with the teacher.

“Excuse me! Sir!”

“Oh, Miss Nishizumi. Was there something else?”

“Yes, well, I’m really sorry to trouble you but, who told you I had the flu last week?”

“Hmm… I don’t remember to be frank. I think it was input into the report-system by someone else. But as I said, it wasn’t your fault you were sick, so don’t worry about it. I understand completely.” The teacher disappeared into the staff room, and Maho was left just as confused as she had been before.

* * *

The rest of the day continued without much spectacle. As lunch arrived, maho left and ate by her lonesome and continued with her drawings. As she headed back, she steeled herself when she saw the black-haired cyclops approaching her in the corridor.  _ Here we go again, _ she thought, but to her surprise, no lecture on the need for her to do Sensha-Do came.

A few feet ahead of her, the black haired girl was intercepted on her collision course with Maho.

“Momo, thank goodness I found you,” a girl with brown hair in a ponytail said and grabbed the cyclops by the arm.

“Yuzu? Can’t it wait? I was about to…”

“Sorry,” the brunette apologized. “I really need your help with some important business in the office right now.” Not waiting for a reply, she began to drag the black-haired girl down another corridor. Maho breathed a sigh of relief, and returned to her classroom.

* * *

Shortly after Maho got back to her apartment after school, the dark clouds outside devolved into rain and thunder. Opening a window to let some fresh air in, she sat herself down by her desk to deal with her homework. The rain should have dealt her psyche a pretty bad blow, but something about the sound of it plonking off of the window seemed to counteract the effect.

After a while, there was a knock on the door. One which Maho ignored. She wasn’t interested in spending time with Hana and Saori right now. She had to get her homework in order. Once again, there was a knock, and again Maho ignored it. By the third time the knock sounded, Maho sighed, and got up from her desk. “Can’t they take a hint?” she muttered to herself as she walked over to the door. As she looked through the peephole, she did not see Hana or Saori, but a girl with brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. The same one she had seen earlier in the day dragging the black-haired cyclops away.

“What?” Maho asked as she opened the door. The girl’s jacket and hair was drenched by the rain, and she was doing her best to protect a folder of documents of some kind from the elements. She was failing.

“I’m terribly sorry to intrude, but I was hoping to talk to you, and apologize for my colleagues behavior,” she said and bowed.

“Your colleagues?” Maho replied and raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, my colleagues in the student council. I’m Yuzu Koyama, the Vice-President. I hope it’s not too much to ask after all they’ve put you through, but would you mind if we continued this conversation inside?” She gave Maho a pleading look, clearly not wishing to be turned away and back into the rain. Maho wasn’t very interested in hearing apologies or excuses, but ultimately sighed and stepped aside, allowing Yuzu inside.

“Tea?” she asked absentmindedly as she walked back to the room while the vice-president got out of her jacket.

“Please, if it’s not too much trouble.” At least the girl had manners, which was more than could be said for her colleagues.

* * *

A few minutes later, Maho brought a steaming cup of tea for them each, and sat herself down by the small table she had in her room, gesturing for Yuzu to join her.

“Thank you,” the brunette said as Maho gave her the cup, and took a sip. “Oh that feels a lot better. Terrible weather, isn’t it?”

“I suppose,” Maho shrugged, not caring for small talk. “Now, you said you were here to apologize?”

“Ah, yes.” Yuzu put the cup down, and gave a quick bow. “I wanted to apologize on behalf of my colleagues. Anzu and Momo can be quite… determined once they get an idea in their heads. You’ve sadly had to suffer for it, and for that I am truly sorry.”

“I see,” Maho replied, trying her best to read the girl as she spoke. “And do your colleagues know that you are here?” Yuzu’s cheeks turned red, clearly embarrassed.

“Oh… Uhm… No. No they do not.”

“Then explain to me how you can apologize for their behavior, when they don’t know about this. I suspect they don’t condone it.”

Yuzu sighed, and took another sip of tea before answering. “I can’t. I’m here on my own initiative, it’s true, but I want you to understand…”

“Understand what? That they have deluded themselves to believe that I would join a fledgling Sensha-Do team just for the hell of it? That much was  _ quite _ clear, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“They have been very clumsy and clearly overstepped, I agree. But please, let me explain. Things aren’t as simple as they may appear.”

“No, I won’t let you explain a thing. The kindergartener and cyclops you call colleagues think they know me and what’s best for me, and they don’t. They don’t know the first thing about me. All they see is a former Sensha-Do ace and some easy publicity. Until they come crawling here on their own to apologize, I don’t need to listen to a thing.”

“I was afraid you’d say that.” Yuzu sighed, took a deep breath, got out the folder she had brought with her. “They may not know you Maho, but I make a point of doing my homework properly.” She began flipping between different pages in the folder, not looking up at Maho at all as she continued. “Maho Nishizumi, born July 1st, 1996 in Kumamoto City, Kumamoto prefecture. Named after your great-grandmother, you’re the firstborn daughter of Shiho and Tsuneo Nishizumi, and heir presumptive to the Nishizumi family.”

Maho wanted to interrupt, but couldn’t. She just sat in stunned silence. How did Yuzu know all this?

“You studied under your mother for most of your youth, together with your sister Miho, born October 23rd of the following year, learning the ways of the Nishizumi style. Her methods were cold, calculating, and by all accounts ruthless. Still, despite it all she taught you everything there is to know about tanks and more. That is until you enrolled at Kuromorimine in middle school and was almost immediately promoted to Commander of their Sensha-Do team. Heavy criticism was leveled against your conduct in a match against the German ‘Oberpreussische Akademie’ when you faced them in an exhibition match, and you fired on an enemy tank rushing to the aid of one of your own. This is quite the contrast to how you helped and protected both your sister and her best friend throughout their younger years. The Nishizumi style, and a woman who wants to help and protect others. Quite the paradox that.”

“Why are you telling me this? And how did you find all this out?”

“A magician never tells,” Yuzu said and looked up at Maho with an innocent smile, before flipping to a new page and looking back down at her documents. “Anyways, as I was saying; Together with your sister who enrolled a year later, you quickly made a name for yourselves, taking home title after title. As things continued, you were named ‘Most Distinguished Young Tanker’ by the Sensha-Do Federation Journal, and gained the nickname ‘The Kurt Knispel of Sensha-Do’, quickly leading to…”

“Why?” Maho slammed a fist into the table, nearly tipping over the cups of tea. “Why are you so interested in me? What makes me so special?”

“Because I know what happened. I know why you left Kuromorimine and your family. Or at least I know a big part of it.”

“If you know so much, then you know why I’m not going back to Sensha-Do. I swore an oath I’d never get in a tank again, and I’m not about to break that oath just to give some upstart school the illusion of a shot at winning a match.”

“You and I are quite similar, did you know that?” Yuzu asked, seemingly ignoring Maho’s reply, and calmly took another sip of her tea.

“Don’t change the subject! You and I are nothing alike!”

“All your life, you tried to protect your sister from your mother. Your sister that you loved above all else. And in the end, you failed. Didn’t you?”

“What… How…”

“As I said, I do my homework. But I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. I’m here because I too have something that I love above all else and will do anything to protect. And I need your help doing it.” She pulled out a piece of paper, and slid it across the table to Maho. Glancing at it, she recognized the formatting.

“This is an official MEXT document…”

“Read it.” Whatever happiness or friendliness that had surrounded Yuzu when she arrived at Maho’s apartment was now gone. She was dead serious. Maho picked up the piece of paper, and began to read. “Then you’ll understand.”

* * *

Maho read the piece of paper several times over, and still couldn’t believe it. “They… they’re shutting down Ooarai?”

“At the end of the semester. ‘Government spending cuts and all that’ they told us,” Yuzu nodded, and reclaimed the document. “But Anzu managed to give us a chance. A chance to save Ooarai. One we intend to pursue.”

“The Sensha-Do-team…” Suddenly everything started to click for Maho. This explained why the student council had been so fanatical in their attempts to have her join the team.

“Correct. If we manage to win the national tournament, Ooarai will remain open. That’s why we restarted the team, and that’s why we need you.”

Maho stood up from the table and walked a few paces back and forth, almost laughing to herself. “Winning the national tournament… with nothing but beginners… It can’t be done… I’m sorry to say what you already know, but it can’t be done. You can’t just take a newly formed team of all beginners and win the national tournament.”

“It  _ can _ be done!” Yuzu replied, and stood up from her own seat. “It can be done, if you lead us. We’ve already started training, and…”

“How many tanks do you have?” Maho interrupted, looking at Yuzu. She didn’t answer. “Tell me.”

Yuzu remained quiet for a moment, before she looked at the floor and answered. “We have five.”

“I’m sorry what? How many did you say?”

“I said we have five tanks, ok?!” Yuzu cried out to Maho with closed fists. “And I’m telling you it can be done!”

“Five tanks, you say. That’s a far cry from the 20 your opponent will use in the finals.” Yuzu was about to reply, but Maho kept going. “Any of them serviceable? Have you got any competent trainers? What about maintenance crews? Logistics? Just putting me in charge isn’t going to win the tournament. Hell, even putting my sister in charge wouldn’t have saved you. It takes scores of talented people and years of training to even reach the finals, nevermind winning it. And all you’re betting on is me? You say you’ve done your homework, so you know I’m nowhere near my best right now.” Maho looked down at the floor, and for some reason felt sad as she finished her speech. “And I don’t intend to go back and improve…”

Yuzu sighed, and took a deep breath. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I really thought you were the one. I hoped beyond all hope that you’d help me save the school.” She reached down to the table and picked up her teacup. “Not that it matters. I’ll keep trying no matter what you claim is possible.” She turned and looked out the window at the pouring rain. “My family actually founded Ooarai. Did you know that?” Maho’s surprised expression answered the question, so Yuzu took a sip of her tea and continued. “It was my great-great-great-grandfather, I think. Or maybe it was a great-great-uncle. I don’t remember. Anyways, he and some friends founded this school, and even though I never met him, for some reason I felt like it was my responsibility to maintain and protect the school. It runs through my blood after all.” She finished her tea, and returned the cup to the table. “But I guess if you’re not interested, I suppose I should get going. Thanks for the tea.”

Yuzu gathered her documents and papers, and walked over to the hall. “You are one of the greatest tankers of all time,” she said, almost like an afterthought, as she put on her jacket. “And I think it would be a terrible thing to let that talent go to waste. Especially when you could use it to help people.” She grabbed her umbrella from the stand, and reached for the doorknob. “Just my two cents. ”

“I don’t know who I am anymore...” Maho replied, resigned, and stared at herself in the mirror. “I don’t know...” Yuzu let the doorknob go, and turned back to face her. “I look at myself, and the only thing I see is a monster who destroyed people’s lives, and a coward who ran from it all.”

“Interesting…” Yuzu replied, and walked back towards the room, putting a hand on Maho’s from the other side of the counter. “That’s not what I see.” She looked at Maho’s reflection as she spoke, a gentle, almost motherly smile on her face. No, Yuzu wasn’t motherly. Kikuyo was motherly. “I see a girl who wants to do her all to help people grow, but can’t bear to help herself.” Yuzu acted like Maho used to do towards Miho. She spoke like a big sister.

“How can you be so sure? You don’t know me. You’ve only spoken to me for less than an hour. How do you know that you can entrust me with your family’s legacy?”

Yuzu turned to look Maho in the eye before continuing. “If you had come here to run away after doing nothing, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t so much as look at you. But you did do something. You tried, despite knowing both the risks and the consequences. And that’s what Ooarai needs. Someone who will try, despite it all.” She gave Maho’s hand a quick squeeze. “Anyways, thank you again for the tea.” Yuzu didn’t even wait for a reply before she walked out through the door into the pouring rain, and Maho was once again alone in the empty apartment.


	10. The Advisor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ami Chono tries to find a way to get the team ready for the national tournament. Maho takes bold action in response to Yuzu's revelation, and Yuzu is given strange instructions by the troubled Nishizumi.

Ami Chono leaned against her desk in Ooarai’s tank garage, and flipped between pages in a book. A month had passed since she had arrived on the _Zuikaku_ and started her time as staff advisor to the school’s newly reborn Sensha-Do team, and things were going as smoothly as she could expect. Not smoothly enough for what the Student Council had planned of course, but smooth. She simply couldn’t see a way for this newly started team to win the national tournament, no matter how set the girls were on their goal. 

She had tried to advise restraint, and that the team should perhaps instead aim to be able to win an exhibition match with a similarly sized school in a few months time. But Anzu Kadotani, the Student Council President, had been adamant. They were aiming to win the national tournament.

The team had just finished the day’s training session, and everyone was improving at a rapid pace. Far more rapid than Ami had expected. When the Federation called her and asked if she wanted to take on the role of staff advisor, she had assumed it would involve laboriously training absolute beginners for months on end, but here she was. A month, and these schoolgirls were already showing promise. During their practice match on her first day most of them could barely manage a tank, and handling it effectively was off the table. The girls manning the M3 Lee had even left their tank in sheer panic.

That had given her a baseline to work with, and through their daily training sessions every afternoon, they had improved at a tremendous rate. They were still nowhere near as good as they would need to be to be able to participate effectively in the national tournament however. Nor did they have enough tanks or members to field an effective fighting force. And so she was looking through every textbook and article she could find in search of solutions. Glancing over her shoulder she could see the pile of books she still had left to read on her desk.

 _Practical Application of Military Tactics in Sensha-Do_ , _Sensha-Do and You: A Woman’s guide to Self-improvement_ , _The Nishizumi Style_ , _Tankery Across the World_ , _Way of the Shimada_ , _Armor Rusts: A Treatise on the Desensitizing Nature of Sensha-Do_ , and _A History of The Japanese National Sensha-Do Federation and 50 years of The National Tournament_. Deep down she knew they wouldn’t help, but she clung to what little hope she had left for these girls. They had impressed her so deeply in their improvement, that she felt obligated to do her best to help them in return.

She took a deep breath, turned to her desk, and put the book down beside the others, before shaking her head a few times, and rubbing her eyes. She grabbed the coffee cup that stood atop the pile of books, and took a sip. Sadly, it was empty. She sighed, and yelled over her shoulder, “FAYA!!!” There was no reply from her aide de camp. “FAYA!!!” she yelled anew, before stopping and chuckling to herself, realizing her mistake. She still hadn’t gotten used to being without Faya. The young girl had stayed behind in the JSDF, snapped up by Major Anzai to handle her office. Ami sighed again as she returned the empty cup to its pedestal.

She was perfectly capable of handling the job herself of course, and having an aide at a small school like this would have seemed pompous and snobbish, to say the least. Still, she missed the energy Faya brought to her surroundings. The company certainly made dealing with problems or late nights far easier. Perhaps their relationship didn’t quite follow the JSDF’s regulations for officer-subordinate relations, but they didn’t pay it much mind.

The sound of a faint knock on one of the pillars holding the roof up pulled Ami out of her reminiscing.

“Excuse me Miss?” a voice said behind her, and Ami answered while taking a few seconds to compose herself.

“Ah, yes. Anzu told me there would be a late joiner to the course. But don’t worry, I’m certain we’ll have you up to speed in no time. I’m the staff advisor for the course, and my name is Ami…”

“Chono,” the voice replied. “I remember you well Captain.”

Ami turned around to face the newcomer, and couldn’t quite believe what she saw.

“Maho? What are you doing here?”

* * *

“I see…” Captain Chono replied as she leaned back against the type 89 tank, after Maho had explained how she had come to be a student at Ooarai. “I can’t say I blame you. The Nishizumi style may get results, but it is not one for the faint at heart. One of the first things I got knocked out of me in the JSDF.”

“Yes, and I would appreciate it if this stayed between the two of us.”

“Oh, but of course. Your secret is safe with me,” the captain nodded in reply. “So, you’re joining the team? Despite it all, I mean?”

“No…” Maho shook her head. “I’ve lost too much to Sensha-Do. I’ll only help the other members improve, acting as a second advisor. If that is alright with you Ma’am, of course?”

“Certainly! They have all shown incredible promise already, but with the two of us guiding them together, I’m sure they’ll achieve a win-rate of 140 percent!” The Captain still had her appreciation for impossible numbers it seemed. She put an arm across Maho’s shoulder, and began walking her through the garage to show off the team’s meager arsenal. 

“There’s the Panzer 38 (t) you just saw that’s manned by team E, they’re the Student Council Members.” Maho made a mental note to stay as far away from the 38 (t) as possible, to minimize any interactions with its crew. “Then there’s team D, they’re all first-years, who drive the M3 Lee, as well as team C in their StuG III Ausf. F.” Captain Chono stopped for a second before the StuG. “Curious girls, Team C. They all call themselves by strange names, and one of them seems to idolize Rommel.” She gave a quick shrug, and continued the tour. “Oh well, I suppose everyone needs a hobby. Finally we have the Type 89 for team B, and the team’s MVP, Team A’s Panzer IV ausf. D.” They stopped before the blueish grey beast, and Maho took a step forward.

“A Panzer IV huh…” she said to herself. She had commanded many a Panzer IV during her youth, and even more while she was at Kuromorimine. She involuntarily reached out to touch it’s front armor plate, like she was pulled towards it. With only centimeters between the armor and her fingertips, the sight of the Panzer III disappearing beneath the surface of the river flashed in her mind, and she caught herself. She yanked her hand back like she had been given an electric shock, and took a few quick steps back from the tank.

“You weren’t kidding… were you?” the Captain asked with a worried look.

“No… No I wasn’t…” Maho replied as she took a few deep breaths to calm herself.

“Do you… I mean… I know it’s difficult, but…” Miss Chono said, seemingly not finding the words. 

“You’ve known me and my family for how long Captain?”

“Hmm… most of your life I’d say?”

“Something like that, yeah. So please, with all due respect, just spit it out.” She turned to look at the captain as she spoke in her dour tone. “I’m not in the mood for guessing games.”

“What I meant to say was… I’ve known soldiers like you. Soldiers who have gone through things. Some of them bottled it all up. Some didn’t.”

“I’m fine,” Maho mumbled.

“Ok. If you say so. But what I know for sure is that the ones who bottled it all up were the ones who suffered the most. So, you know, if you ever want to talk…”

“I said I’m fine, didn’t I?!” Maho snapped at the Captain, and turned to leave. “Practice starts at 1600?”

Ami looked at the poor girl for a few seconds before she answered. “Yes. We go for 2 hours every afternoon. I’ll be here from 1400 to get things prepared.”

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” The young Nishizumi growled. She didn’t even look back at Ami as she left, just walking away with her hands in her pockets.

* * *

“Maho?! What are you doing here?!”

Maho looked up from the desk where she and Captain Chono were discussing the day's practice, and saw Saori, Hana, and Yukari having just entered the garage.

“I… I thought you didn’t want to do Sensha-Do?” Yukari asked. 

“I didn’t, and I still don’t,” Maho replied. “But the Vice-President asked me to help Captain Chono as an extra advisor, so here I am.”

“Oh…” The three girls gave each other a few silent looks.

“Is that a problem?”

“Oh, n-no, of course not…” Saori’s answer petered out, and the trio awkwardly turned and walked towards the Panzer IV.

“Friends of yours?” the Captain asked, giving Maho an inquisitive look.

“No.” Maho replied, intentionally keeping her answer short, and returned to the planning. Captain Chono’s look didn’t end however, so after a few seconds she sighed, and gave in. “They’re just classmates. Nothing more.”

* * *

The training session passed in a blur. With school and helping Ami advise the team, two weeks had soon passed, and Maho considered herself to have at least a passing understanding of the weaknesses that needed to be ironed out. No matter the training however, she still didn’t believe winning the tournament was even remotely a possibility.

Team E in the 38 (t) was, as Maho had predicted, a mess. Yuzu was seemingly the only one capable of handling the tank properly, and drove it with some skill. The President’s lax and carefree attitude seemingly extended to tankery as well, and the cyclops PR officer could barely hit the broadside of a barn from 10 meters. Maho had been on the verge of berating them publicly for their failures, but was stopped by Yuzu. The Vice-President had told Maho that she would deal with it, and that she didn’t want anyone to know about their meeting or the true reason behind the team restarting. Maho had obliged her, if only to minimize her interactions with them, hoping to keep her old bitter self from resurfacing too much.

The StuG III was a different story. Commanded by a blonde girl named Riko, even if everyone called her Erwin, Team C handled their assault gun well, and were reasonably accurate. At least for being complete beginners. There really was nothing about their performance for Maho to complain about, with the possible exception of their own over-confidence. They were slowly driving her to the brink of insanity however, with their incessant spouting of historical references. Every single method, tactic, or maneuver was ‘just like this battle or that’. Their reasonable performance thankfully meant Maho didn’t need to interact with them terribly much, leaving the finer details to Captain Chono to deal with.

The ‘muscle-brains’ as they were called when out of earshot, in the Type 89, did however have problems. Team D’s respect for tried-and-true maneuvers and proven tactics was non-existent, and so they always insisted on applying their own moronic ideas on the field. Maho had many arguments with them, trying to get them to see the value of learning to do things by the book, but she had yet to get anything through their thick heads.

Team A, who the team had come to refer to as ‘Ankou’ after the town mascot, was a very different issue for Maho. The Panzer IV was manned by Hana, Saori, and Yukari, as well as a black-haired girl called Mako. Apparently she was a childhood friend of Saori’s. She was rarely on time to practice and often napped during lectures and meetings, which annoyed Maho to all hell, but she couldn’t argue with the girl’s skill as a driver. Hana’s aim, Yukari’s loading, and Saori’s ability to command also didn’t leave much to be desired. What made dealing with them awkward was how much they knew about her, with the exception of Mako. Maho rarely spoke to the trio at school, and they returned the favor during practice. Mostly they just gave her the occasional concerned look, as if she was a glass figurine or porcelain doll, who could crumble at the slightest disturbance.

It all annoyed Maho like nothing else. She knew herself better than anyone else did, so they could take their worry and go to hell with it all. Why did everyone who found out about her insist on treating her as being fragile and delicate? She was, despite her own wishes, a Nishizumi, and Nishizumis didn’t break. They only grew stronger.

Still, the Panzer IV’s crew wasn’t the one that Maho felt the most uncomfortable dealing with. That honor belonged to team B; The M3 Lee. The six first years were all far too young to get in a tank in Maho’s opinion. She had made vague mentions of the idea to Captain Chono, but she didn’t seem to see the issue with it. Of course she wouldn’t. Both her and Maho had practically been raised in tanks, so why shouldn’t first years in high school be able to handle it? Still, whenever Maho showed them a new maneuver or told them how to reload just a bit quicker, she had to fight every urge in her body. She wanted to grab them by the shoulders and tell them to get out while they could. To regale them with stories of every scar and misfortune the sport had caused her. But she knew she couldn’t. They showed surprising promise, all had a cheerful attitude to each other and their teammates, and even if they didn’t know it themselves, they were fighting to save their school. Her telling them the truth would do far more harm than good. Besides, even if the team got into the tournament, they’d be beaten and out by the first round, probably by a minor team like Maginot. The risk of them facing a team like Kuromorimine was minimal.

Maho’s silent objections to the crew being so young was not the only thing that made her want to avoid them. There was also the team commander, Azusa Sawa.

Whenever Maho saw the young girl, something within her set off alarms and objections. There was something familiar about her, something that only made the pain and darkness within Maho grow stronger. It was something she couldn’t explain. Simply being in her presence made Maho feel like a cold wind was blowing at the flickering candle giving light within her, and she didn’t know why.

Maho would be lying if she said the team was as inept as she expected them to be. When she was still back in Kumamoto, she would have killed for recruits that improved as quickly as the team seemed to do. Still, there were issues that needed overcoming. Team E were, with the exception of Yuzu, useless. The first-years needed to better their confidence and morale, the history buffs in the StuG III needed to lessen theirs if anything, and the knuckleheads in the Type 89 needed to learn some normal and actually useful tactics. And then there was Saori. 

She had the respect and ear of her crew, which was always a good baseline for a commander to keep control of their tank. She was also excellent at communicating over the radio, always keeping the team informed of the smallest detail. Where she fell down was her ability to do both at the same time. An ability that was non-existent. Maho had discussed the issue at length with Captain Chono, but they both came to the same conclusion. There simply weren’t enough members on the team. The limited membership of the team meant some positions had been left open, radio operator of the Panzer IV among them. Overall the team seemed to be doing fine even with a few missing crew, but Saori’s inability to multitask made the omission stick out like a sore thumb.

* * *

With the day’s training session at an end, the team stood lined up in front of the garage. For reasons passing anyone’s understanding, the student council, who were the most fanatic about the importance of training, had been absent. This left a strange opening in the lineup. Maho, not being part of the team, had her arms crossed and her back leaning against the wall, not paying a great deal of attention to the small ceremony Captain Chono had instituted at the end of the sessions.

“Excellent work from you all today, girls!” she said and clapped her hands together.

“Thank you very much Ma’am!” the team said in unison and bowed.

“Well, then I’ll see you all back here tomorrow then. Take care on your way ho…”

“Actually Ma’am,” a gleeful voice interrupted. “There’s one more thing!” Maho just sighed as she saw the student council walking towards the garage, with the president taking excited strides as she spoke. “So, remember how you said the best way to improve is a match?”

“Why… yes, of course?” the captain answered, slightly flustered.

“Well, now it’s settled!” the diminutive girl exclaimed , full of energy and delight. “We’ve got ourselves a match everybody!”

A general murmur of excitement made its way through the assembled girls, as the prospect of an actual match sounded far more exciting than more endless training sessions.

“This sunday, we’ve got an exhibition match, right at home in Ooarai,” The black-haired girl continued. “We’ll be up against St. Gloriana Girls College, so it’s quite the challenge, but one we intend to overcome.”

The name didn’t mean anything to most of the girls, but Yukari met Maho’s eye with a sad look. They both knew that St. Gloriana played on an entirely different level. Yukari seemingly decided to keep her objections to herself however, and just looked down at the ground while the President started speaking again.

“And as an extra incentive for you guys; The losing team will perform the Ankou dance for the winning side.” A horrified shudder seemed to make its way through the team, even if Maho didn’t understand why. “And if we win, everyone on the team gets a week’s supply of dried sweet potatoes!”

A meek and unenthusiastic cheer, sounded in response.

“Uhm… Madame President?” Karina, one of the girls from team D, asked. “What if someone doesn’t like dried sweet potato?”

“Oh, don’t you worry! I’ve already thought about that!” The president answered with glee. “I’ll happily take their share!”

* * *

“Saori, would you wait a second?” Maho asked and walked over to Team A after practice was concluded.

“Eh? Uh… Sure?” she answered and took a few steps towards Maho, meeting her halfway. “What’s up?”

“Have you done the exercises I told you to?”

“I mean… I tried?” She gave Maho a sheepish smile as she answered.

“So that’s a ‘no’ then?” Maho sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Look, it’s really hard to keep your mind on two things at once, ok? You can’t expect me to both keep track of ‘Anky’ _and_ talk to everyone else!”

“All the other crews seem to manage just fine.”

“That’s not fair Maho, and you know it!”

“Frankly, Saori, I don’t care. You do fine at commanding the Panzer IV, and you’re good at keeping everyone posted over the radio. You’re just utter crap at doing them both at once, and that’s not gonna fly in a real battle.”

“Fine, I’ll work harder at it, but I’m doing my best.”

“And your best is not nearly good enough.”

“I said I’ll work harder! What more do you want from me?”

“I want you to stop screwing around and take this seriously.”

“I’m sorry, ok?! Not everyone was taught how to handle a tank from birth! Just because you got to do this since you could walk doesn’t mean everyone else can just pick it up in a month, o all-powerful Nishizumi!” Saori froze, realizing what she had just said. She didn’t actually need the frightened gasps of Yukari and Hana behind her to realize. Maho’s raised eyebrow and bitter glare was more than enough.

“What?”

“I-I-I… uhm… I’m sorry! That came out wrong…” 

“Forget it.”

“You see, what I meant to say was…”

“I said forget it!” Maho snapped at the girl. “And stop giving me excuses for your lack of ability! You’re in Sensha-Do now, the big leagues, and that means being a cog in a machine!” She gave Saori a forceful poke in the chest, pushing her back slightly. “If you can’t do your job, everyone else will suffer!” Another poke. “If everyone else suffers, they can’t do their job!” By this point she was actively pushing the girl backwards. “And if they can’t do their job, you lose! It’s that simple. Either you take this seriously, or you don’t!”

“I’ll… I’ll keep up with the exercises. I’ll have it down before the match.”

“No, you won’t. You’re nowhere near as good as you need to be.”

“Maho, you’re really not being fair here. She’s doing her best,” Yukari interceded, but Maho was squarely focused on Saori.

“And her best won’t do. I don’t think you guys realize what’s at stake here. Do you know what happens if you don’t get your act together?!”

“Maho, calm down. We’re not at Kuromorimine. It’s just a game, nothing else. If we lose we lose, and then we come back stronger and better next year.”

Maho glanced over to the Student Council, pondering if she should just tell the team what was at stake. If they knew, perhaps they’d actually put the necessary effort in. Who knows, maybe reaching the quarter or semi finals would be enough to sway MEXT’s opinion? But no. adding pressure was not the way to go about it. Maho just sighed, and turned away from the crew.

“Right. Of course. It’s just a game.” She took a deep breath. “But you’re not gonna handle the radio in the match on Sunday, Saori.”

“What, why?” she asked, clearly hurt. “Then who’s gonna keep contact with the rest of the team? I might not have it all down, but I’m better than both Hana and Yukari at it. Right?”

“They’re not doing it either.” Maho turned back to face them. “I am.”

For a moment, there was silence. Hana, Yukari and Saori simply stood there, mouths agape, looking back and forth between each other and Maho.

“You… you are?”

“Are you sure?

“Didn’t you say you would never get back in a tank again?”

“Will you guys quit it?!” Maho yelled at the three of them. “Do you honestly think I’m saying I’ll do something I can’t, just to make you feel better?! If I say I’m gonna man the radio, I’m going to man the damn radio. I’m not some fragile maiden in need of defending, so you can just knock it off!” She turned, put her hands in her pockets, and began to walk away. Not looking at the trio, she said her final piece. “I’ll see you on the battlefield.”

* * *

Having blown up at Saori and the rest of the Panzer IV’s crew, Maho took a few deep breaths, and set her sights on her next target.

“Yuzu!” she called out and walked over to the Student Council, giving the president and cyclops a disdainful glare. “A word.” 

Yuzu gave her two companions a confused look, but soon nodded. “Sure.” Maho walked the two of them over to the side of the team's garage.

“It was you. Wasn’t it?”

“It was me what?”

“It was you who made the teachers believe I had the flu when I was missing three weeks ago.”

The brunette stood silent for a moment, before giving a small nod. “It was. I take it you’re about to berate me for it? First just let me say that we needed you on the team…”

“I need you to cover for me again.”

“...and if you had been in trouble then we…” She stopped talking, staring at Maho like she had grown a second head. “You _want_ me to cover for you? Why? And when?”

“I assume you already heard Ami and I note the need for a dedicated radio operator in the Panzer IV? I’m not good for much else, but I can relay information faster and more accurately than anyone on the team.” A happy look of excitement started to show on Yuzu’s face, so Maho quickly burst her bubble. “I’m not joining permanently, and I’m not doing it for you, you hear? It’s only for this match so the team can get a proper taste of what a battle is like. I might not like it, but manning the radio is at least something I can stomach. Are we clear?”

“Crystal!” Yuzu answered and nodded. “But... what was that about me covering for you?”

“Friday. I’ll leave the ship as soon as we dock, and be back in time for the match.”

“But why? Where are you going?”

“I have something I need to take care of. I can’t get back in a tank without dealing with it first.”

“Ok?” Yuzu looked at her with a nervous lack of understanding. She still didn’t get what Maho was sneaking away to take care of. “But what is it?”

“I need to go back to Kumamoto.”


	11. The Ambush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maho returns to Kumamoto to take care of unfinished business, and the first true trial for Ooarai's Sensha-Do tea begins; It is time to face St. Gloriana.

As Maho looked at the sight before her, she pulled her jacket tightly around her to shield her from the cold wind. A black stone monument, finely polished to the point that she could see herself in its surface, standing underneath a magnificent wisteria tree in full bloom. Atop the monument, a winged knight stood guard, carved from the whitest marble Maho had ever seen. Across the face of the monument was gold lettering denoting its purpose; The Nishizumi family grave. 

“I miss you. I miss you so, _so_ much. And I’m sorry. You know I am.” She felt tears well in her eyes as she spoke. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry you had to face it alone. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more. And I’m sorry for what I’m about to do.” She knelt down and put the small bouquet of flowers she had brought to rest against the base of the monument. 

It was a simple bouquet, but it suited her somewhat destitute circumstances. A pink carnation, a few anemone surrounding a dark crimson rose, a pair of hydrangea in the middle, and a single blue salvia at the back end. She looked at the flowers for a second before standing back up and taking a step back. “I know I swore to never climb back in a tank, and I know I swore never to take up Sensha-Do again. But these people need my help. They need _me_. Like you did. You needed me, and I wasn’t there. How can I even keep going if I don’t even try to help them? What kind of failure would that make me?”

“The dead seldom give answers. And when they do, it’s not ones we enjoy,” a voice said behind her.

“Did you follow me here?” Maho asked without turning around, hastily wiping her eyes dry with a sleeve. She knew who the voice belonged to.

“I did not. I merely came here to pay my respects, just like you. But I am pleased to see you are well, Miss Nishizumi,” Kikuyo answered, probably with her usual gentle smile. Maho didn’t bother to turn and look.

“Is that how it appears? That I am well? After last year, I swore I would never as much as touch a tank again, and here I stand. Less than a year later, haunted by my mistakes and my past, and about to repeat them all over again.”  
“Perhaps. But perhaps this is an opportunity for you to rectify those mistakes, and to grow beyond them? I certainly hope it is, for your sake Miss Nishizumi.”

“Maybe it is… Maybe…” Maho didn’t dare to hope.

“I’m certain of it. You were always strong. You still are, even if you can’t see it yourself,” Kikuyo continued behind her. “Like the moon pulling and pushing the tides from so far away, you too change things you aren’t even aware of. And like the moon, perhaps you must go through a period of emptiness to become whole again?”

“Will you be reporting this to my mother?” Maho asked as she turned to face Kikuyo, changing the subject entirely.

“I serve the Nishizumi household, and at the pleasure of Lady Nishizumi. If my Lady asks me if I have seen you, I will be obliged to answer.” Maho began to walk away, but Kikuyo continued. “But she seldom asks me that.” Maho stopped, and felt a smile start to take form.

“Thank you Kikuyo. I can never thank you enough for what you have done for me.”

“You growing beyond what haunts you. That will be thanks enough, Miss Nishizumi. I pray for your success and health.” There was a sadness to Kikuyo's voice that she had never displayed before, but Maho was on a tight schedule and didn't want any more familiar faces to show up. So instead of asking questions, she left the silent graveyard behind, and let Kikuyo pay her respects in peace.

* * *

She made her way back to the station as quickly as she could. She had known that returning to Kumamoto was a risk, but it was one she needed to take. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she returned to Sensha-Do without explaining why.

Thankfully she didn’t see any associates of her family, or anyone else who might recognize her and report her presence to her mother. She had made sure the _Graf Zeppelin_ wasn’t in port this weekend, so the possibility of running into anyone from Kuromorimine was thankfully not an issue. She boarded the Shinkansen, always keeping a watchful eye out for any unwanted faces, and took her seat. She didn’t see anyone, but that was no guarantee that she was safe. The bullet train began to make its way north, but she didn’t drop her guard. She was on edge long after she left the city behind and made her escape.

As she flew across the countryside, villages and mountains flashing by, She only stared out the window. She stared out the window, and tried not to think about how incredibly stupid what she was doing was. She had returned to Kumamoto and risked being recognized. She was going to jump back down into the hull of a tank. She was letting other people get close to her. She started to care for others again. It was all moronic, and she knew it. The taller she built her tower of friendship and happiness, the more it would hurt when it inevitably collapsed upon her.

Soon it was as if the weather itself wanted to chime in, and rain began to fall. She shuddered, and leaned her head against the wall as she kept staring out across the dreary landscape.

* * *

The halls of Kuromorimine were made of grey stone with vaulted ceilings, and the floors were polished marble. She knew them well, but she didn’t remember the ceiling to be so far up, or the corridors to be so twisted. All around her, filling the halls, were faceless students in the school’s grey and black uniform. They parted before her, like the sea before Moses, all of them bowing low to her as she passed. 

As Maho, dressed in her old tank jacket and burgundy skirt, took step after step through the crowded halls, she felt incredible pain. Her feet and soles were consumed by pain, as if she was walking on shattered glass or burning coals, despite her wearing the heavy combat boots of the school’s tankery uniform. Every step was torture, but still she kept walking, slowly making her way down the corridor which seemed to twist and turn before her eyes, never taking a solid shape.

“What’s wrong, Commander?” A student with light blonde, almost snow white hair asked her. “Is something the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” Maho said shortly, before doubting herself. There was something familiar about the girl. “It’s just… there’s something strange going on with the floor. Every step I take is agony.”

“Oh! Don’t worry Commander!” The girl threw herself on the floor before Maho, and soon more of the faceless students joined her, creating a pathway of human bodies down the length of the corridor. “Let us handle the pain!” the white-haired girl said cheerfully. “This will be much more comfortable for you!” 

“But, won’t it hurt you?” she asked timidly, her head filling with worries for her schoolmates. 

“It’s fine! We’ll do anything for our Commander!” The pain in her feet only increased as she stood there, and similar cheers could be heard from the other members of the human carpet. Carefully and as gently as possible, Maho took a step forward onto the blonde girl’s back.

The feeling of comfort was indescribable. It was like walking through a field of flowers on a just warm enough summer’s day, or on pillows stuffed with rose petals. All Maho knew was that it felt incredible, and she soon forgot her every worry and objection. The carpet was just so comfortable, it almost sent shivers up her spine as she walked.

She continued down the halls for what felt like eternity, every turn always opening up to another corridor, with more faceless students throwing themselves before her. No matter the corridor, there were no doors or exits anywhere in sight. The comfort didn’t decrease as she walked, but she did start to feel a bit tired. She must have been walking for hours, but then, as she turned the corner, she was met by a large oak door. She pushed it open as if it was nothing, and walked into the shining fog beyond.

* * *

The halls of Kuromorimine were gone. Maho found herself in a wasteland, with nothing but cracked and drý earth as far as the eye could see. The sun was nowhere to be seen, and the sky was covered in grey clouds promising rain that never came. The air was heavy, and all sound was muffled, like if she was underwater. But she just continued walking. Walking further and further, missing the comfort of the carpeted floor, until finally, she collapsed.

She didn’t know how long she was lying there on the cracked dirt, collapsed and lacking the strength to continue. But after some time, she heard footsteps. She could barely open her eyes, and all she could see was a blurred mess of black and white. The footsteps stopped before her, and she could hear a low rumble, almost a purring, before something warm, rugged, and moist rubbed across her face. Gathering all her strength, she opened her eyes, and saw a black and white tiger lying beside her, licking her face. Somehow it slowly reinvigorated her, even if it tickled, and so she reached out a hand towards the beast. She stroked it’s fur a few times, before starting to scratch at the base of its neck. 

“You’re all alone as well… Aren’t you?” she asked the tiger, knowing it wouldn’t respond. “I know how you feel… All alone and abandoned, not knowing what to do or where to go…” The tiger stopped licking her in the face, and put its head down on the ground, looking her in the eye as it purred. The low rumble calmed Maho to her core, and it was almost as if she could lose herself in it. The sound felt like it pierced her body, and the rumble massaged her very core.

“You know…” she said lowly. “Maybe being alone isn’t so bad. If I wasn’t alone, I wouldn’t have met you.” She stopped scratching the tiger’s neck, and stroked it’s back a few more times. “Maybe you and I should go on, together. If I’m with you, I don’t think I’d be as alone anymore.” The tiger continued to purr, and Maho closed her eyes, leaning in to nuzzle the big cat and enjoying the soothing sound.

* * *

When next she opened her eyes, the tiger was gone, but the low rumble was not. She was sitting alone in the commander’s seat of a Tiger I, it’s engines humming peacefully behind her, and the smell of the exhausts filled her nose. It was almost intoxicating. The smell of the exhausts, the rumble of the engine. The excitement of it all caused her breathing to become heavy and her body to become warm to the touch. All of it gave her new strength and energy. Her revival was interrupted however, as she could hear the low sound of an explosion, and a sudden bang on the side of the tank, causing it to rattle. Maho reached up to open the hatch, which somehow opened on its own. She looked up and out from the turret, and in the distance she could see a T-34, slowly rumbling towards her. She looked back down into the tank, and noted that it was indeed completely empty. There was no one but herself. If only she had a driver, she could turn this tank around and escape.

As if somehow hearing her wish, the tank began to turn on it’s own, and slowly began to roll away in the opposite direction from the T-34. Maho blinked a few times, making sure she wasn’t seeing things, before preparing to order the tank to halt. It did so before she even had time to utter the word. She looked down at her hands, and smiled. She and the tank seemed linked somehow. Whatever she could think of, the tank did without delay. Not even the most well-drilled crew could act this quickly. She stood up in her seat, her torso peeking boldly out of the hatch of the turret. She saw the T-34 roll into range, and as she lifted her arm before her, looking towards her target, the Tiger’s turret took aim. She took a deep breath, steadied herself, and pointed her arm towards the T-34, commanding the tank to fire.

In the blink of an eye, the round made its way to the Russian tank, which burst into flames on impact, a perfect hole in its front armor plate. Maho would have looked at the carnage in awe, but she was too overcome by the sound and blast from her own tank’s cannon. It filled her with nothing but pure bliss. She almost fell back into her seat as her legs nearly gave out from the feeling of pleasure. The Tiger continued to rumble along the arid wasteland, making its way towards the destroyed T-34 when Maho heard more rumbling and more explosions. Looking around her, she could see dozens of tanks.

Shermans, Panzers, T-34s, Churchills and more, the armada of tanks slowly moved towards her from every direction, all of them firing on her position. But they were not only slow, but inaccurate. Almost every single shell missed her Tiger, and the few that hit only bounced off. She laughed at their puny attempts to destroy her, and the Tiger accelerated to full speed. She made her way through the armada like a warm knife through butter, firing on her foes with impunity, and taking them all out one after the other. Each downed tank burst into flames, or downright exploded when her shots were particularly accurate. Shot after shot fired at her from the tanks that remained, and shot after shot missed or bounced. She was not only unstoppable, she was truly invincible.

After a few minutes, the guns had fallen silent, and Maho’s Tiger came to a stop. She looked around her at the carnage, still high on both exhausts and cannonfire, laughing like a maniac to herself. She had never experienced anything like this before. Never before had she experienced such power, such enjoyment and bliss, such pleasure. What the Tiger gave her was true, unlimited power. The power to destroy anyone who would ever come for her.

Over the rumble of her Tiger’s engines, and the still crackling flames of some of the destroyed tanks, Maho heard one more engine. It came to a halt behind her, and in an instant, her turret had turned to face her new opponent. She closed her eyes and drew a few deep breaths, savoring the smell of exhaust fumes, gunpowder and carnage, before looking at the newcomer. She almost began to laugh anew. Before her was a blueish grey Panzer IV, with a faded symbol of blue and dark blue ribbons on the side. Poking up and out of the turret, was a girl not much younger than herself. A faceless girl, with long ginger hair. The girl was clearly panicking, but Maho calmly got her Tiger’s turret aimed at a suitable weak point. The turret ring. A hit there would utterly destroy the tank and anyone inside it. A subtle smile appeared on her lips, and she fired.

“Next stop, Tokyo. Tokyo, next stop. Tokyo will be the end of our line, and we wish to thank all who traveled with us…”

The announcement and accompanying chime woke Maho from her nap, as Tokyo slowly rolled into view on the other side of the window. Memories of the dream quickly vanished from her mind as she collected her things and prepared to leave. Her stomach rumbled as she climbed off the train, and she got herself a bento to eat before boarding the train back to Ooarai.

* * *

“Maho!”

“Huh?”

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Saori asked her, shouting down from the commander’s seat in the Panzer IV’s turret. “You’ve been kinda unresponsive…”

“I’m fine,” she replied over the internal radio. “Just… repeat whatever you said.”

“Ok! We’ve spotted the enemy’s main tank! It’s an… uh… Yukari?”

“It’s a Churchill mk. VII, Commander.”

“Right! One of those! Maho, tell the rest of the team to advance. We’re taking out their main piece right at the start! That’ll show them.”

“Copy that Commander,” Maho replied, and switched the frequency over to connect to the rest of Ooarai’s tanks. “All tanks, this is Team A. Enemy tank spotted, Churchill mk. VII. All tanks are to join up, and advance in line-formation. Accelerate to match our speed. Over.”

“Team B here, full of determination!”

“Team C, ready to battle! Just like the battle of Kursk!”

“Th-this is Utsugi. The-the Lee is following your lead Ankou.”

“38 (t) joining in. I can already taste those dried sweet potatoes.”

“Copy. Team A, out.” Maho switched the frequency back to the internal radio, and called back up to Saori. “All teams are joining up on our position, and advancing at our speed, Commander.”

“Great! Mako, full speed ahead!”

The tank accelerated and she leaned up and out of the radio operator’s hatch, feeling the rush of wind in her face, Maho could see the Churchill slowly trumble towards them over the barren field. Looking to their left and right, she could see the rest of Ooarai’s tanks keeping good pace with them, even if they didn’t quite keep in formation.

“Maho! Get back in the tank!” Saori yelled at her from the commander’s hatch, just peeking out while keeping herself firmly inside the turret. “What if you get hurt?”

“It’s fine,” Maho responded as she turned to Saori. “I’ve done this since I was a kid you know? Besides, no one’s even firing ye...” Maho stopped herself, and looked back at the Churchill. Something wasn’t right. Why was it advancing towards them? They were in a valley with hills on both sides, so there was no way for the British tank to easily escape, except for retreating the other way down the valley. And even if it advanced towards them to attack, it was easily in range, so why weren’t they firing? Then it hit her. 

“SAORI!” she yelled as she turned back. “We need to turn around! NOW! It’s a tra…” Her warning was cut short by the formation being pounded from both sides with shells. A group of Crusaders had snuck up on them, just cresting the low hills on both sides to fire. The first volley had already taken out the StuG III and Type 89, their hulls now sporting white flags, while the 38 (t) and M3 Lee were breaking formation in a panic.

“Saori!” she yelled anew, this time into the radio. “What are your orders?” She ducked back into the tank, glancing up at the turret where the ginger girl was panicking.

“I, uh… uhm… We… uh… F-fire! Fire back on them!”

Maho sighed at the not very helpful orders, but relayed them over the radio nonetheless. She wasn’t in command. Saori was.

“All tanks, this is team A. Stay in formation and fire at will. Over.”

There was no response from the other tanks, and soon the second volley came. The Panzer IV rattled back and forth as it was hit by two shells. Once the tank had steadied itself, Maho looked out from her hatch again and saw the 38(t) and M3 Lee tumbled over on their sides with white flags blowing in the wind, but there was also the Churchill. Having used the confusion and chaos to creep unreasonably close to the Panzer IV, it’s 75mm cannon was now pointed right at their hull.

The Churchill fired, and the Panzer IV was thrown across the battlefield, rolling on its axis a few times before coming to a halt.

“Is… is… is everyone ok?” Maho asked timidly, her ears ringing, with no reply. She fumbled around to get upright, the ringing not subsiding, and asked again. “Saori? Hana? Yukari? Mako? Anyone?”

The ringing soon overtook any ability she had to think. Opening her eyes, she realized she was in her bed in Ooarai, and groggily reached over to turn off the alarm clock. That was what had been the source of the ringing. Looking at the time, it was almost five in the morning, Sunday. The team was to gather for the match in an hour or so.

* * *

She sighed, and got up from the bed. She shook her head a few times to try and get the dream out of her head, but to little effect. She showered, ate breakfast, and got into her uniform. The team still hadn’t gotten a hold of any proper tank jackets, instead training and fighting in their regular school uniforms. Knowing the absolute hell that being in a tank could bring, Maho threw her leather jacket over her uniform, at least it would give _some_ protection. She then opened the drawer of her bedside table, and rummaged around a bit. Soon she found what she was looking for. A small key. She had debated throwing it away entirely, but keeping it had turned out to be the correct choice after all. She reached in underneath her bed, and pulled out a small box with a padlock keeping it closed.

“And here I thought I was done with you…” she mumbled to herself.

She took a few deep breaths, looking back and forth between the key and the box, contemplating her decision, before finally opening it. Within the box were two small white bottles, covered in labels. She opened them each in turn, grabbing a small pill from each, before closing the containers, returning them to the box and locking it, and shoving it back underneath her bed.

She kept the two pills in her hand as she walked over to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water, downing it and the pills in one fell swoop. She didn’t like it, but at least she was ready. She sighed, and walked out the door, towards the team’s garage.

* * *

“Okay, Mako, wake up and get the tank rolling.” Saori said as she clambered up onto the Panzer IV when her and Yukari returned from their reconnaissance. “Maho, tell the rest of the team to move out as well.”

“Copy that Commander,” Maho answered over the internal radio, before switching frequencies. “All tanks, this is Team A. Enemy spotted, 5 tanks in total. Move out towards position C-7 as planned, and set up the ambush. Team A out.” Looking out from her hatch, Maho could see the rest of the team passing them by on their way to the ambush point. In her absence, the team had seemingly decided that the key to a successful Sensha-Do team was paintjobs, and Maho hated every single one.

The M3 Lee was now entirely pink with a cartoon rabbit emblazoned on the side. The StuG III was a ghastly combination of blues and reds with three meter tall flags attached to the hull. The Type 89 was relatively modest with its many kanji written across the green hull. But, then there was the 38 (t). The Student Council had, in all their infinite wisdom, decided to paint their tank entirely in gold, letting the sun reflect off it and point out exactly where it was for anyone who was even remotely looking for it. They were all, with the possible exception of the Type 89, impossible to miss, both literally and figuratively

The rumble of the tanks' engines echoed off the walls of the canyon as they moved, and the Panzer IV, which had thankfully been left untouched bar a few interior modifications which Maho found unnecessary, but wasn’t going to complain too much over, soon turned away from the rest of the team. They began rolling down a separate path to a better vantage point while the rest rolled on to set up their trap.

It was a simple plan, which was good. Simple plans were hard to mess up. Especially when the team was full of beginners. Unfortunately for the team, this particular plan was a bit too simple. The Panzer IV was going to act as bait to get the enemies attention, and then lead them into the ambush the rest of the team had set up in advance. Maho was certain it wasn’t going to be enough. Especially when facing a team like St. Gloriana.

* * *

As the Panzer IV rolled down to its vantage point where they were to fire on the enemy formation, Maho looked out from her hatch, and saw the enemy. A Churchill mk VII, flanked by four Matilda IIs, two on either side. The chevron of tanks had already turned to face them, and a volley of shots pounded the cliff wall behind them.

“Uwah, how did they know we were here?!” Saori yelled, clearly not enjoying the experience

 _It’s because you ran the engine on full effect. The sound echoing off the cliffs made it hard not to know where we were…_ Maho thought, but kept her mouth shut.

“Well, at least we’ve got their attention,” Yukari piped in, excitement clear in her voice.

“Well, for all I care, they could have kept it. Hana, take a shot, then Mako, get us out of here!”

The cannon sounded, with the shell bouncing cleanly off the turret of the Churchill, and the Panzer turned to retreat. The plan seemed at least in theory to be working, but Maho was still feeling uneasy. Either they were themselves being led into a trap, or Earl Grey had picked the wrong successor. Someone who clearly didn’t know what they were doing.

The Panzer IV made its way back up the cliff, the British tanks hot on their heels, and down the canyon towards the ambush. “Maho,” Saori called out over the radio. “Tell Momo we’re coming, and that the enemy is right on our butts.”

“Yes, Commander,” she replied. “All tanks, this is Team A. The enemy formation is following us according to plan, and we’re nearing the ambush. There is some distance between us and the enemy tanks, so hold your fire until we’re through the chokepoint. Team A, out.”

The tank rattled and rumbled, both from the uneven terrain, but also from the enemy shells bouncing off their armor or hitting just beside them as they neared the trap. For a single moment, Maho thought that it might actually work. Perhaps St. Gloriana hadn’t actually seen fit to put someone competent in command, and the trap would work?

* * *

These thoughts were quickly dashed as they passed through the chokepoint of the canyon into the open area where the rest of Ooarai’s tanks had taken position. Maho heard the idiot cyclops yelling over the radio “THERE THEY ARE! FIRE, FIRE, FIRE!” and all four tanks fired on the Panzer IV. They all thankfully missed, but the cyclops’ itchy trigger finger meant that the entirety of St. Gloriana’s advance force was allowed to pass through the ambush without so much as a shot firing at them.

“You idiots! That’s us you’re firing at!” Maho said and swore, tastefully choosing to keep the radio turned off as she spoke. After a few seconds too many, the team had reloaded, and tried to re-aim their turrets. In the time it took them to do that however, St. Gloriana’s Matilda’s had already had time to fire off their first salvo, make their way partially up to the plateau Ooarai was firing from, and were ready to fire again.

The Panzer IV arrived at the top of the plateau in the midst of this chaos. Ooarai’s tanks were trying to turn and aim in sheer panic, and St. Gloriana slowly trundled up the slopes towards them, firing shot after shot in rapid succession. Then, the Churchill came through the chokepoint, it’s 75mm firing without delay towards the gathered Ooarai tanks. The shot hit right in the golden 38 (t)’s left tread, sending them reeling backwards into a ditch completely stuck, with their tread rolling right off the drive wheel. Saori did her best to direct the Panzer IV’s crew, but had seemingly forgotten to give Maho anything to relay to the other crews. 

This left Maho with nothing to do but sit there and watch. Sit there and do nothing as St. Gloriana pounded their positions, shells flying high and low, the tanks rattling from bouncing shots. Sit there and do nothing as the first years broke and left their tank in the middle of the battle, fleeing into a nearby patch of trees.

 _“This is pathetic,”_ her mother’s voice whispered in her ear. _“But I suppose it was predictable. They will be destroyed, as weaklings should.”_

“No…” Maho whispered. “No, you’re wrong…” But despite her attempts and wishes, she could feel it. The darkness clawed and pulled at her, as seductive as ever.

_“Am I? You have seen it too, haven’t you? They will never amount to anything. That’s why you didn’t want to lead them, despite how you long to command and use your lessers. It’s only natural”_

“Shut up…” She clasped the sides of her head, covering her ears in a vain attempt to make the voice. “Shut up, Shut up, Shut up!” 

_“It’s really quite sad, Maho,_ ” the voice teased. _“You could probably save them if you wanted, but clearly you don’t.”_

“Just shut up! You’re not real!”

_“Oh, but I am. You know that I am right. If you only let me take over, we could save this sorry excuse of a team. You know what power I can give you…”_

At this point Maho was hyper-ventilating, rocking back and forth in her seat trying to make it all stop. The voice, the darkness, the shots bouncing off their armor, the sound of cannonfire. She wished it would all just stop.

_“But I suppose you would rather see them end up like your old crewmates. Humiliated and destroyed, driven out of the sport by pure shame. Or like those two other girls. What were their names now again…”_

That was it. Bringing her friends up was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and something within Maho just snapped. Something very familiar. She was once again sinking, dark tendrils grabbing her and pulling her into the depths. Colour disappeared as her vision filled with greys and blacks, and sound became muffled. Her body became unresponsive, her limbs being moved on their own like they were on strings, and her mind was left vacant. She was once again at the bottom of the abyss, and a passenger in her own body...


	12. The Old Maho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle against St. Gloriana continues, and Ooarai sees a change in their command. Will this upset be enough to save the fledgling team against overwhelming odds?

The world was peaceful. At least that was how it appeared to Maho.

She couldn’t hear the screams of her comrades. She couldn’t hear the bangs and explosions as shells hit and bounced off their armor. She couldn’t feel the tank rattle. All she could feel was how she was sinking. Sinking, deeper and deeper into the abyss.

She tried to fight it. She tried to get herself back to the surface. She tried desperately to regain control of herself. But no matter how hard she tried, she only sank further. Dark tendrils grasped at her from the abyss and embraced her as she was pulled down deeper. It was a calm and comforting embrace. Soothing and gentle as she sank and finally found herself at the bottom. She was too weak to resist, and could do nothing but watch as the tendrils bound her.

Her body was no longer hers. It was nothing more than a puppet, being moved according to the darkness’ wishes. Her mind was foggy and empty, her thoughts thick like syrup, and as the dark tendrils’ embrace soothed her further, she closed her eyes, giving in fully to the darkness.

* * *

**A/N: Hi, Rhino here. Just popping in to say that while the rest of this chapter is mainly shown from Maho’s perspective, it’s not her own conscious actions. Hopefully that’s obvious, but just so you know. Maho might be doing it, but she’s not the one to consciously decide to do it.**

* * *

“MAKO!” she yelled across to the black-haired driver. “Turn 15 degrees to the right! That Matilda’s about to fire!”

“I’m on it,” the girl replied, and the tank jerked to the side, just in time to deflect the incoming shell.

“HANA! Return fire! Their left track is wide open!”

“Huh? But…”

“DO IT!” Maho practically screamed both up into the turret and over the internal radio, and after a second Hana did as instructed. The shot didn’t hit quite right, and bounced off the front armor instead.

“DAMMIT!” Maho slammed a fist into the wall by her seat. “I thought I told you to take out their tracks!”

“Maho, what are you…” Saori yelled down to her, interrupting herself with a scream as another round hit the Panzer IV’s armor.

“I’m saving our sorry asses!” Maho yelled back up. “In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re being slaughtered out there! The command tank is out of action, so you can either lead, follow, or get the hell out of my way” Maho didn’t wait for a reply. “Team B and C, fall back through the ravine! I’ll hold the rear and cover your escape!”

“Copy that Ankou! We’re moving out,” came the reply from Erwin. The Type 89 soon joined in. “Thanks Ankou, good luck! We’re getting out of here!”

“Mako, back up 5 feet and turn me 60 degrees left. We’re about to get one hell of a beating from the Churchill! Get ready to reverse on my command!” The tank moved as she wished it, and while it did, Maho turned back towards the turret. “Yukari!”

“Yes Commander?” she replied instantly.

“Get the gun reloaded! I need to be able to return fire five minutes ago!”

“Already done, Commander!”

“Well, at least someone knows what they’re doing…” Maho muttered to herself, and waited.

“Maho, what are you doing? You’re the radio operator, not the commander?!” Saori called down from her seat. “Mako, get us back in position, and stop listening to her. We’ve got enough chaos to deal with…”

“If you move this tank so much as a centimeter, I’ll throw you out of the turret myself!” She counted the seconds in her head, and called out to Mako. “NOW!” A near ear-deafening bang could be heard as the Churchill’s 75mm cannon fired, and the Panzer IV reversing put the front armor at just the right angle to get the shell to bounce. The impact still pushed them back a good meter. “Alright, I’ve done enough! Mako, get me out of here!”

“As you wish,” she replied, and quickly got the Panzer IV rolling at top speed down the ravine in pursuit of their allies. St. Gloriana’s tanks were right on their heels as they retreated, firing shell after shell in an attempt to halt them.

As they rocketed down the ravine, Maho opened the hatch above her head, and began to climb out.

“Maho!” Saori yelled over the radio. “Please get back in the tank! You’ll get hurt, or hit by something or you’ll fall off and probably die!”

“Right now I don’t give a damn!” Maho answered over her throat mic. “Just get your ass down in the radio operator’s seat!” 

“What?!”

“You heard me! Now go!” By this point Maho was up and out of the hatch, slowly walking on top of the Panzer IV to ensure she didn’t lose her balance while it barreled over the uneven terrain. Once she reached the turret, she yanked the commander’s hatch open. Saori was still in her seat.

“ARE YOU DEAF?! Get out of that seat!”

“But it’s a really tight squeeze to get down there…” Saori complained, but Maho just smacked her over the head.

“Unless _you_ want to try and save this absolute mess of a match, you’re getting out of my seat NOW!” Saori finally gave in, and began to make her way down into the bowels of the tank. As soon as the seat was empty, Maho heaved herself over the side of the turret and down into the Commander’s seat.

“Hana!”

“Y-yes?”

“Take out the lead Matilda. Aim right at the turret ring, that ought to get them off our tail.”

“Right…”

“Preferably some time today!” Maho glared at her unwilling gunner, and the turret soon began to turn. Maho didn’t even have to look to know the shot had missed. She slammed a fist on top of the turret and swore to herself, before ducking back into the tank and calling down to Saori over the radio.

“Saori! Get Teams B and C on the line, and tell them I’m on my way.”

“Oh, o-of course.” The ginger fumbled with the radio, but soon got the other teams on the line.

“Hello? Noriko? Erwin? … Hi, it’s me, and we’re… No, Maho’s fine. She’s actually… you know what, I’ll tell you later… Where are you right now? … Uhuh…” She turned back around and called up to the turret. “They’re at the highway into town, Maho.”

“Tell them to await my arrival, and then we’ll get St. Gloriana to follow us into town. Hopefully we’ll do better in the streets than we’re doing out here!”

“Right! Guys, wait where you are right now, and we’ll be there soon… Yup, we’re gonna get them to follow us into the town… Yes, I know we already tried an ambush... Well, this time it’s gonna work… No, it’s not gonna be like when you tried to get back together with your ex... Because he was a slob and an idiot!”

Maho reached up to her throat and pressed at her mic. “If you’re just gonna use the radio to gossip, I’ll deal with it myself.”

“Oh... eh, right. Look, talk to you later. We’ll be there soon.”

* * *

As the rocky ground of the ravine gave way to the tarmac of the highway, the StuG III and Type 89 came into view. As soon as she saw them, however, Maho had to yell down to Saori. Both tanks stood completely still, and as far as Maho could tell, their engines weren’t even running. “Get a hold of those morons and tell them to get going! I’m not exactly rushing for the hell of it!”

“G-got it!” Saori replied, and began fiddling with the radio. A few seconds too many later, the rumble and exhausts of the engines appeared, and the tanks began to roll in the same direction as the Panzer IV. They continued along the highway, towards Ooarai proper. 

As they joined up, Maho was pretty sure the commanders of the two other tanks tried to greet her or simply have some idle chit-chat, but she just glared at them and any attempts quickly quieted down.

“All remaining tanks, go into the town and split up. Use knowledge of the town to your advantage. Trick and trap the enemy as much as possible. Team A, out”

As they reached an intersection at the edge of town, the three tanks parted, each going its own way into the city. The Panzer IV was once again alone, and what had been a game of tag was now turning into one of cat and mouse.

* * *

“They’ve disappeared…” the commander said, speaking over St. Gloriana’s radio wave. “Spread out and find them.”

“Copy that, Commander!” Nilgiri replied, and took off down the road to the west, with Hibiscus following closely behind. As they got further from the main force, Nilgiri signaled to slow their movement. She didn’t want any surprises to pop out, and as the new commander of one of the Crusaders had proven, surprises did more damage when you moved too quick to see them coming.

“It’s quiet…” she said over the radio, keeping a watchful eye on their surroundings as they crawled forwards.

“Too quiet,” Hibiscus replied, and nodded when Nilgiri met her eye. “We should be able to hear their engines. They can’t have gotten that far.”

“Yeah…” Nilgiri took another look around her, but still saw not the faintest hint of the enemy. “It’s not like they could just hide.”

“Perhaps not, but still. Keep an eye out.” Hibiscus looked past Nilgiri, and nodded to the junction they were coming up to. “Guess we’ll have to split up some more. You go left, I’ll go right.”

“Affirmative, Miss Hibiscus!” Nilgiri gave a quick salute, before ducking back into the turret of her tank. As she reached the end of the road her Matilda turned left as ordered, and Hibiscus made her way to the right. She had barely gotten 10 meters down the road before she heard an explosion behind her. Turning around, she saw Nilgiri’s Matilda with its white flag popped out, and a trail of smoke emanating from behind two buildings. 

“Well, looks like we found them,” she sighed. “Get us turned around.”

“Yes, Ma’am!” her driver replied, and they quickly turned to face the now-defeated tank. Popping out from between two other buildings a few dozen meters away came the StuG III in it’s ghastly color scheme, and Hibiscus ordered the chase.

“I’m sorry, Miss Hibiscus!” Nilgiri bowed and apologized as they passed. “I should have been more careful.”

“Don’t worry about it. We found the buggers, and that’s what’s important.” Hibiscus replied. As they began to drive off, she turned back and called out to her teammate, chuckling a little as she did so. “Look at it this way; At least you’ve kept your streak going!”

“That’s not funny!” Nilgiri yelled back, but Hibiscus had already turned around a corner in pursuit of the assault gun, so she just sat back down in the commander’s seat and sulked.

“It was a little bit funny,” Nightingale, her gunner, said and looked up to her. “I mean, I don’t think we’ve ever been in a match where we don’t get taken out firs…”

“Just shut up.”

* * *

“One Matilda down, and we’re getting away scot-free!” Riko laughed over the radio, reporting on their daring raid to the commander. “U-94 scores a kill in the dark! It's just like the Battle of the Atlantic!

“Yeah!” Caesar said, equally enthusiastic. “Or like the battle of Kalkriese!”

Saemonza was about to chime in, but their beloved StuG rattled from the shell that had almost hit them, and so she kept quiet.

“Looks like we’ve got company,” Riko noted with a smug grin, glancing over her shoulder to the Matilda that had taken up the pursuit. “Oryou, take us into the alleyways, and we’ll slink away without a scratch!”

“Yes, Commander!” Oryou answered gleefully, and they disappeared without a trace in the many alleyways of Ooarai. Outsiders like their opponents could never navigate them with any speed. But they, who had been born and raised in the city, knew the twists and turns well. And so they would strike like ghosts in the dark. Riko smiled to herself, amused by her getting to take up the mantle of her idol and namesake.

“I told you the lower profile of the StuG would come in handy,” she said to Caesar as they drove, hidden from view behind a wall. “There’s no way they know where we are.”

“Uh… yeah… about that…” Caesar replied, looking up at the banners they had attached to their tank. “I think we might have not thought this through…”

Riko didn’t have time to answer, as an explosion sounded on the other side of the wall, and the StuG jerked to the side, before stopping. They had been hit. A white flag popped out, and they were defeated. Soon after, one of St. Gloriana’s Matilda’s drove past where the alleyway met the road again, and stopped. A girl with deep red hair popped out of the commander’s hatch, and cupped her hands around her mouth as she called over to them. 

“You know, the paint job might not have been the best idea, but putting the flags on was an even worse one!” she taunted. “No point in having a low profile if you’re gonna put up a big sign saying where you are!”

“Yeah, yeah! Just get outta here, ya redcoat! Or I’ll come over there and show you why you don’t mess with the Afrikakorps!” Riko yelled back and waved a fist in the girl’s direction. The red-head laughed, and soon drove on, leaving them stranded where they were.

* * *

Rukuriri scanned every alley and street as she moved through her sector of the town. Matcha, her squadmate and senior, was performing her own search a few blocks away, which gave a sense of security to Rukuriri. Even if she was to be ambushed or taken out, Matcha would soon arrive on the scene and deal with her attackers. But Rukuriri had no intention of being defeated today. She was the only first year-commander that the Commander had chosen to bring for this exhibition match, and so she needed to prove herself. If she could make a name for herself during this match, she would get a headstart over the other first-years, and would be that much closer to a seat in the Tea Garden. And the quicker she got a seat in the Tea Garden, the closer she was to being promoted to Vice-Commander. Or maybe even Team commander? ‘Lady Rukuriri’ did have a certain ring to it. 

All she had to do was take out a tank or two, and not get taken out herself. What could go wrong? Sure, it was the first time she had actually fought in a real match, but she had performed admirably at every training session the team had held ever since she joined in April, and how different could it really be?

Her prayers were answered when she turned a corner and saw a set of flashing lights on a nearby garage door that slowly opened. _Amateurs, did you really think you could hide so easily?_ She thought and scoffed, before quietly directing her driver to place them right in front of the door.

“Are you sure about this Commander?” her gunner asked nervously. “We’re really hemmed in here. What if they sneak up on us?”

“Fear not, the only place they can come at us from is right ahead. Just like a fox striking when the hens leave the henhouse, I’ll take them out right as they think themselves safe. Just be ready to fire as soon as they’re in view.” She threw her braid over her shoulder to keep it out of the way, and readied herself.

“Yes, Commander…”

Rukuriri’s attention was squarely focused on the garage door before her as it slowly opened. The wait seemed to last an eternity. Seconds seemed to take minutes, and minutes hours. She felt her muscles tense up, and determination coursed through her veins. This was the beginning of her legend. The first kill of Rukuriri, the Scarlet Pimpernel of Yokohama, the one her grandchildren would ask her to tell stories about. But as the door opened, and sunlight slowly crept in through the opening, she could finally see that the garage was empty. She had been duped. She heard the sound of a cannon being loaded behind her, and she turned around in a panic, trying desperately to get her gunner to rotate the turret.

Behind them, rising from an underground garage, was the Type 89, and its cannon was aimed right at her engine with only inches for the shell to travel. The turret of her Matilda hadn’t even turned 90 degrees before the Type 89 fired, and a white flag popped out beside her, taunting her as it blew in the wind.

“What...” she asked flatly, not entirely accepting what had happened. “What just happened?”

“You just got taken out by the best volleyball team in Ooarai!” a short dark-haired girl replied with excitement from the hatch of the Type 89, clearly celebrating. Several whoops of excitement from within the tank joined her.

“But… but… No I didn’t! That’s not fair! You cheated!”

“Oh yes you did. We never cheat!” The dark-haired girl answered.

“Did not!” Rukuriri yelled back.

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Are you two done?” Rukuriri turned to the road beside them, as did the crew of the Type 89 who all popped their heads out of their respective hatches. In their arguing, they hadn’t even noticed Matcha’s Matilda II rolling up beside them. She looked at them all like they were idiots.

“M-m-miss Matcha…”

“Rukuriri…” Matcha shook her head in disappointment.

“I-I-I-I was… I mean, this isn’t what it looks like… I... uhm...” She fumbled in a panic for what she actually wanted to say, but in the end all she could do was point accusingly at the Type 89. “They cheated!”

“You Liar! Just because you fell for our trap doesn’t mean we cheated!” The dark-haired girl looked like she was ready to climb out of the turret and start a fight, but Rukuriri was equally furious.

“Yes, you did!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Oh for crying out loud, just shut up the both of you!” Matcha yelled at them, and her turret turned to aim at the Type 89. Even though the crew seemed too occupied with the argument to care. The Matilda fired, the Type 89 rattled a bit, and its white flag popped out.

“I’ll be sure to note your contributions to the team to the Commander, Rukuriri,” Matcha said coldly and began to roll away down the street. Behind her she could hear the argument flare up again, causing her to sigh. “I knew we shouldn’t have brought a first-year to this match…”

“Your orders, Commander Matcha?” her driver asked over the internal radio, and Matcha returned her focus to the match.

“Get us to that intersection and we’ll see what’s in store.” Matcha picked up the transceiver from its place beside her, and called in. “Commander, this is Matcha. Rukuriri has been eliminated, and the Type 89 has been dealt with. Our sector is clear, and we are currently at grid G-6. What are your orders?” Matcha took a sip of her tea as she listened to the new orders. “Copy that Commander. We’re on our way.” She hung the transceiver back in its place, and relayed the orders to her crew. “Take a left. Hibiscus has already dealt with the StuG, so we’re meeting up with the Commander to deal with the Panzer IV. Rendezvous is at L-2.”

“Affirmative,” her driver replied, and they were on the move.

* * *

“Okay, just stay safe. We’ll deal with the rest. You did good.”

Saori put the transceiver for the radio down, before nervously turning to call up to Maho in the turret.

“Teams B and C have been taken out. They did get two of the Matildas, but we’re the only ones left.”

“Damn amateurs…” Maho growled, and clenched her fist. “Three tanks left then… Two Matildas and a Churchill.” She mumbled pondering the possibilities. “Well, I’ve dealt with worse. Even if I had more to work with than this old rust-bucket…”

“I guess we’re done then…” Yukari commented with a look of resignation.

“The hell are you talking about?!”

“I mean, we’re the only ones left, and St. Gloriana has three tanks heading our way. What else can we do?”

“I’m going to keep going! I’ve only lost a single match in my life, and I don’t intend for this to be the second!” Maho stood up and looked out from the turret, and in the distance she could see the exhausts of St. Gloriana’s tanks creeping closer. “Mako! Start the engine back up, but don’t move. Hana, aim right at the sign of that apothecary and wait for my signal. Yukari, be ready on the reload. I’m gonna show those tea-slurpers who they’re dealing with.”

The field was silent save for the rumble of their own engine, but not to Maho. She sat back down in her seat, and closed her eyes. She had been trained in tanks for as long as she could remember, and in the distance she heard the near inaudible sound of the Matildas’ Leyland engines and the Churchill’s Bedford one. The Matildas were leading the column. Or rather, one lead and one followed, with the Churchill between them.

Most would call her ability to perceive tanks she couldn’t see ‘witchcraft’. Some even called it impossible. But it didn’t matter what others called it, she saw what she saw. She knew exactly where their adversaries were, and she knew where they were going. She didn’t move, and she barely breathed, keeping her focus squarely on the enemy. She only waited. Waited for the perfect moment to strike. A few more seconds, and it would be here.

“Fire.” She spoke coldly as she gave the command, and Hana obeyed. The cannon of her Panzer IV fired, and the shell flew across the open street towards what seemed like nothing. But Nishizumis never missed. Just as the shell was about to impact with the sign she had told Hana to aim at, the lead Matilda rolled out into their line of fire. The shell hit, and the Matilda was no longer operational.

“Alright, that ought to slow them down a bit. Full speed ahead!” Maho ordered, and they began to move. “Turret at three o’clock, fire on my command!”

“Yes Commander!” Hana and Yukari both answered in unison, already partway through completing their tasks.

“Now just a little bit more…” Maho mumbled as they got closer to where the Matilda had poked out, and just as they came to the next closest street, she ordered them to stop. The Panzer IV jerked forward violently, before settling. “Fire!” Maho yelled, and the cannon sounded. The remaining Matilda II that had tried to make its way down the street and up onto the avenue was taken out. “Now turn around and get us the hell out of here!”

They slowly began to turn, and in the corner of her eye, Maho could see the Churchill pushing the downed Matilda out of it’s way. It fired a shell towards them that barely missed, and the game of tag was back as they began to rocket down Main street, the Churchill following close behind.

* * *

The chase continued down Main Street, with the Panzer IV doing it’s best to stay ahead of the Churchill while weaving back and forth to avoid St. Gloriana’s fire. There was no way for them to fire back. They needed to get close if they were going to penetrate the British armor. Looking ahead, Maho saw their opportunity.

“Mako! Turn me onto and down that alley 700 meters away!”

“You sure?”

“I gave the order didn’t I?! Just do as I say!”

She let go of the throat mic, and turned down to Hana and Yukari. “Is the gun loaded?”

“Yes, Commander!” Yukari answered with a confident smile.

“Turn the turret around. I want it pointing straight back, running parallel with the tank.”

“But, we’re not in a position to do any damage…”

“Just turn the turret and watch me! Lowest possible elevation!”

“Got it.” The two girls jerked slightly to the side as the turret began to rotate, and back again when it stopped. Looking out from her hatch Maho could see the Churchill getting closer and closer, slowly making up what little ground they had gained. She reached a hand up to her throat, and spoke with calm fury.

“Mako. As soon as I give you the order, I want you to put the tank into reverse and get me back up the alley as quickly as the engine will allow. Am I clear?”

“Alright, you want me to go down the alley, and then back up again. If that’s what you want, sure. I can’t speak for how the drivewheels will deal with it though.”

“Just do it. After this they won’t matter anyways.”

After about a minute, Maho’s view shifted wildly as the Panzer IV turned and slid across the pavement, fitting perfectly down the narrow alley. As soon as she couldn’t see the Churchill anymore, Maho counted the seconds, and clasped her throat mic.

“NOW!” The tank hunched forwards as it stopped, and the tracks spun for a moment as they tried to gain perches and pull the armored beast back up the same way it came. “Come on, come on…” she mumbled as they began to accelerate back up the alley, and just as they flew out and onto Main Street again, the Churchill came passing by. The plan had worked perfectly. 

The Panzer IV was now perpendicular to its British adversary, and its turret was aimed right at the Churchill, with only a few meters for the shell to travel. The commander of the British tank was no fool however. The Churchill’s cannon was also turned and aimed down the alleyway, right at the Panzer IV. There was the flash of cannonfire accompanied by a deafening roar, and dense smoke engulfed both tanks as they fired.

* * *

**Author’s Notes:**

**Well, that went well I think. Not the battle itself of course, it’s a goddamned shitshow and Maho ain't doing too hot, but the writing worked out a lot better than I expected.**

**Special thanks to CrabbyCakes for helping me look over the chapter.**

**Anyhoo, welcome back next week for the thrilling conclusion to the match, and some other interesting things. As always any reviews or thoughts are appreciated.**

**See ya next week**

**/Rihno**


	13. The Junior

Even though both the Panzer IV and Churchill was blocked from her view, Maho knew what had happened. The smoke clearing only confirmed it. A white flag was blowing in the wind, and despite the gruesome dent and scorching on the turret ring of the Churchill, the Panzer IV was the one to fly it.

She collapsed back in her seat and simply sat there, quiet and empty, staring at the wall opposite her. In the distance, she might have heard the announcement of St. Gloriana’s victory, or she might have heard her crew ask her if she was OK. She didn’t. She simply sat there, and let the loss wash over her.

After a minute or so, color and sound slowly began to creep back into the world, and she could feel herself regain control of her body. The moment she had it, she climbed up and out of the tank, and jumped down to the ground.

“Maho, wait!” “Commander, where are you going?!” Saori and Yukari called out behind her as she started to run, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t allow them to catch up with her. She ran for several blocks, only stopping when she reached the river at the edge of town. She collapsed on the walkway running along it, and threw up into the water before her. She felt sicker than she had in a long time, her breathing was on the verge of hyperventilating, and she felt like her body would give up at any second. 

She could see herself in the water, but despite it looking like her, it wasn’t _her_. It was the old Maho, the one she resented and hated. What the hell had she just done? Why did she do all that? The match replayed in her mind, her every tyrannical action shown to her over and over again. She was supposed to man the radio, not overthrow Saori in the middle of a match and treat her team like pawns. Why didn’t she stop? Why did she keep on doing it? This wasn’t the deal she had made with herself. She should have just stayed quiet. She should have stayed quiet and remained in her seat like she was supposed to. So why didn’t she? Why did she let herself sink back down like that?

For the first time in her life, Maho felt truly terrified. She was shaking all the way to her core, her stomach only wanted to empty itself further despite being empty already, and she was completely petrified. Her mind was a wild jumble of thoughts, jumping back and forth between her actions during the battle, what she had done on that rainy day a year ago, what her mother had done to her, and back again to the horrific demon she had become today. That wasn’t her, it couldn’t have been. She must have been possessed by some evil spirit. Or perhaps she was still in one of her nightmares, trapped in a prison of her own making. She tried to pinch herself as hard as she could, but to no avail. She was still staring into the river, and her own face stared back.

Her reflection was shattered by tears falling into the water. Much in the same way, Maho felt like she was shattering herself. She should never have done it. She should have just stayed out of it all. She shouldn’t have taken command. She shouldn’t have said anything when the ambush failed. She shouldn’t have suggested she was going to man the radio. She shouldn’t have become an advisor to the team, or let Yuzu tell her the stakes, or let Hana, Saori and Yukari get to know her. She shouldn’t have left Ogin’s that day. She shouldn’t have come to this stupid town, or this stupid school. She shouldn’t have left the hospital that day. She shouldn’t have left Kuromorimine, or her flag tank. She shouldn’t have let herself grow soft. She shouldn’t have accepted what her mother did to her. She should never have set foot in a tank at all. She should have just let the lake take her that day. She should have just let herself sink to the bottom. She wouldn’t have suffered so much if she had, and the world and everyone in it would have been better off for it.

“I must say, I’m impressed…” As her reflection reformed in the water, it spoke back to her. It spoke back to her wearing the blacks and reds of Kuromorimine. “I think maybe we shouldn’t have tried quite that hard, but hey; I really didn’t think we had it in us. ”

“Just… Just go away. You’re not me, so just go away.”

“Oh, please. We both know that I am. At least in part.”

“You’re not! And neither was whatever that was back there. So just leave me alone!”

“You think so? I honestly think we haven’t been more like ourself in years. Again, we probably went a little overboard, but this is progress.”

“That wasn’t me. It was… It was… It wasn’t me.”

“Perhaps. Or perhaps, you now realize that I was right?”

“I’m telling you, that wasn’t me!”

“Oh give it up, Maho.” Her reflection smiled back at her. “You enjoyed it, didn’t you? The power, the sound of cannonfire, that feeling of invincibility. You enjoyed it, just like I said you did, and that’s what you’re trying to hide from yourself.”

“Shut up…”

“But you can’t hide anything from me Maho. After all, I’m a part of you.”

“SHUT UP!” She struck the water with her fist, shattering her reflection once again, before she recoiled from the water’s edge. Whatever that mirror image of her was, it wasn’t her. Not that it mattered what it was, since Maho knew it was clearly lying.

* * *

Maho’s rushing thoughts froze when something cold touched her neck, and shivers were sent down her spine. She flinched and turned around, only to see a blond girl with braided hair in a red and black uniform.

“My my… What have we here? A lost tiger cub perhaps?” She reached down and handed Maho the bottle of water she had pressed against her neck, and sat down on a bench a few steps behind her.

“Go away Darjeeling,” Maho growled, but opened the bottle and drank. The cold water at least helped clear the taste of vomit from her mouth. “I don’t want to hear any of your stupid sayings.”

“And here I had the perfect one thought out.” Darjeeling smiled at Maho, which in no way made Maho less frustrated. “It’s a shame really, but oh well…” she shrugged.

“What do you want? If you’re here to gloat you can do it somewhere else.”

Darjeeling put a hand to her heart, and looked away in a theatrical fashion. “You wound me with your words, Nishizumi. Truly, I am hurt. Can’t a commander merely hold concern for her opponent’s wellbeing?”

“So you _are_ here to gloat…” Maho took another sip of water, and wished that her legs would allow her to leave. The world seemed determined to play this prank on her however, and so she was unable to.

“Nothing of the sort.” Darjeeling leaned forward on the bench and looked at Maho with concern. “You don’t exactly seem to be doing well, so I thought I would…”

“I’m fine. Just leave me alone and I’ll do even better.”

“Really? That’s not the impression you give off, my dear.”

“I. Am. Fine,” Maho snarled, and averted her eyes from Darjeeling’s gaze. “So just go away and stop worrying about something that’s none of your business.”

“You know, I didn’t think I would see you again…” Darjeeling leaned back on the bench as she spoke, simultaneously ignoring Maho and changing the subject. “The Commander of Kuromorimine values the life of another over winning, especially their tenth consecutive win, and then disappears. That’s quite the story. Some people even claimed you’d done ‘the honorable thing’ like in the days of old. I wasn’t among them of course, but you have to agree that it is strange we should meet like this. I wish I had put money on you returning to the sport. The winnings for you becoming a commander again would have fetched some very fine tea indeed…”

“I’m not a commander! I’m just an advisor, and I just happened to sub in as radio operator in the Panzer IV. Nothing more. You’ll have to pay for your stupid tea out of pocket.”

“I see. Then Ooarai doesn’t quite seem to have grasped exactly what a radio operator’s job is, because last I checked, they’re not supposed to be in command of the tank.”

“I said; I’M NOT IN COMMAND OF ANYTHING! Besides, even if I was commanding, it’s not like it made a difference. We were losing back in the ravine, and we lost here in town.”

“True. But as long as it stays between us, I’ll tell you a little secret, Radio Operator Nishizumi.” Darjeeling got up from the bench, and walked over to Maho, where she kneeled down and whispered in her ear. “If you had been in command from the start, I wouldn’t have stood a chance. Not even against a hap-hazard team like that.”

Maho sat stunned, trying to come up with a response, but when she had one figured out, Darjeeling had already walked off somewhere.

* * *

She remained by the river for a while longer after Darjeeling had left, before finally getting back on her feet and turning to walk back to the harbor and the _Zuikaku_.

She didn’t get very far. As she passed through town and the gathering spot for the reclaimed tanks, the rest of the team came running over, almost swarming her.

“Maporin!” Saori shouted and hugged her tightly. “That was incredible!”

“Get off me!” Maho yelled and wrangled free. “And leave me alone!”

“But Commander, we almost won,” Yukari said with admiration in her eyes.

“But we didn’t! We lost, so leave me alone! And I’m not your goddamned commander!” Maho began taking determined strides towards the harbor, and most of the team parted to give her room. At least, all but two did.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Momo said coldly, refusing to move.

“Away from here, you cyclops.”

“Well, we’re not exactly done here yet, are we?” Anzu noted, almost gleefully. “There’s still the matter of the bet.”

“What bet?” Maho growled through gritted teeth, and closed her hands into fists. Anzu took a step back when she noticed, but didn’t seem too deterred.

“The bet we made with St. Gloriana. The losing team, which means us, will perform the Ankou dance for the winners.” She put a hand on Maho’s shoulder, turned her towards the gathered tanks and began trying to push her in their direction. “So come on, it’s time for us all to change!”

Maho pushed the hand away. “I never agreed to that…” she said in a cold voice.

“Well, I made the bet on the team’s behalf, and you’re on the team, so…”

“I’M NOT ON THE TEAM!” Maho pushed Anzu to the ground and glared at her. “So you can take your bets and your dance and go to hell, you arrogant pipsqueak!” She put her hands in her pockets, and began walking away again. After only a few steps she was stopped again. A hand appeared on her shoulder, and held her in place. In the corner of her eye, Maho could see that it belonged to Momo.

“You. are not. leaving.” Momo said with a veiled anger that rivaled Maho’s own.

“Take your hand off of me…” Maho spoke with a voice sharp enough to cut steel, “or this is the last day you’ll have hands.”

“You will apologize.” Momo’s voice faltered slightly, but she continued. “You will apologize for what you just did, and you will do as the President says. Your little stunt in the Panzer lost us the match, and you will face the…”

Momo didn’t get to finish. She didn’t even see it coming. In the blink of an eye, Maho spun around and punched the girl right in the face. She fell backwards into Yuzu, who stopped her from hitting the ground. Maho shook her hand a few times against the pain, but as she looked at Momo, she almost smiled. Her monocle had fallen off and was lying on the ground, while she held a hand to her most likely broken nose, blood trickling down her face. “You… You bitf…”

“IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO BLAME THE LOSS ON, YOU CAN LOOK IN THE MIRROR! AN AMBUSH A TODDLER WOULD SEE COMING?! WAS THAT REALLY YOUR INVINCIBLE STRATEGY?! HATE AND DESPISE ME ALL YOU WANT, BUT DON’T YOU DARE SUGGEST THAT I LOST US THIS MATCH! I’VE CAUSED A LOSS BEFORE, AND IT SURE DIDN’T LOOK LIKE THIS!” The confusion and commotion that followed gave Maho an opportunity to leave, and she took it. She left the stunned team behind her, and walked back to her apartment aboard the _Zuikaku_.

* * *

“Azusa, are you coming?!” Aya called out as the group began to leave, but Azusa shook her head.

“You go on ahead. I’ve got someone I need to talk to first.”

“Oh? What’s his name?” Ayumi teased, but Azusa just shook her head and sighed.

“Just go. I’ll catch up with you later.” She pushed her friends towards the school gates, and waved as they left, before she sat down on a bench and waited.

After ten minutes or so, Azusa saw who she was looking for. She got up from the bench, and walked over to place herself in the path of the older girl, and as she got closer, put her hands together and bowed low.

“Commander Nishizumi! I’m really sorry about…” She didn’t get much further before the Commander had walked past her, ignoring her completely.

* * *

Azusa wouldn’t let this setback stop her. She needed to apologize to the Commander properly for her and her team’s cowardice. While no one had actually blamed her for it, she knew that their failure to remain in the M3 Lee was a big part of the team losing against St. Gloriana. She knew that they could do better, and that they could have helped turn the tide, but they didn’t. They all just panicked and ran, leaving the Commander and their seniors to try and deal with it by themselves.

The following day, she once again endured some teasing from her friends, waved them goodbye as they left school, and waited. The Commander came walking towards the gate, and Azusa once again tried to get her attention. This time she elected to walk beside her as she spoke, in the hopes that this would be a more obvious way of starting a conversation.

“Commander Nishizumi, I just wanted to…”

“Go away.”

The answer was short, to the point, and stung worse than a hornet. Azusa was left stunned and silent as the Commander kept on walking. It was as if she was nothing more than an annoyance to the older girl, like a fly in need of swatting.

* * *

This continued for the rest of the week. Azusa tried everyday after school to get the attention of the Commander, and every day she was denied it.

“Go away.” “Leave me alone.” “Get out of my way.” These were the few words Azusa received as answer, never once actually getting to express her apology to the Commander. 

“So, Azusa,” the Student Council President said as she put an arm around her shoulder, “how’s it going with Nishizumi? Have you gotten her to budge yet?”

“Eh? Uhm… n-n-no, Ma-madam President… She won’t even talk to me…” Azusa had always prided herself on being someone others could depend on, but the kind of clandestine work the President had recruited her for made her deeply uncomfortable. She was just hoping the President wouldn’t notice.

“Oh well.” She patted Azusa on the back a few times, and grinned. “Just keep at it. You know how important this is, right? We need her on side to make this work.”

“Ye-yeah… right… I’ll… I’ll do my best.” Azusa tried to hide her nervousness behind a smile, and looked down at the floor.

The president let Azusa go, and put a hand on either of her shoulders, looking her in the eye. “I’m counting on you Azusa. You know that right? You’re the only one who can make this happen”

“R-right… I… I won’t let you down…”

“Excellent! Just remember, this is our little secret!” Azusa received a few more pats to the back, and the President walked away. 

“What did the President want?” Karina asked Azusa when she returned to her friends.

“Huh? Oh. It… it was nothing.” She leaned back against the M3 Lee and tried not to make any eye contact. “It’s just… nothing. Everything’s fine.”

Her friends did exchange a few concerned glances, but they didn’t ask any more questions. Not that they would have had the time anyways, as the President began to bellow from on top of the 38(t).

“Alright everyone, I’ve counted the votes, and it’s settled! We’re going for it!”

“But Madame President, is this really such a good ide…” Miss Takebe of the Panzer IV asked, but the President quickly interrupted.

“That’s what the votes showed the team wants, so that’s what we’re doing!” She leapt down to the ground again, and gave a quick wave of the hand as she began to leave the garage together with the rest of the student council. “That’s all, everyone. Dismissed!”

* * *

Azusa spent the weekend with her friends watching movies. It was their traditional weekend activity, but this particular weekend she had a hard time enjoying the films. She was too preoccupied with trying to figure out a solution to the issue of Commander Nishizumi. How was she going to get her to listen to her, not to mention talk to her? All her previous attempts had barely been worth calling attempts, and she was running out of ideas. She didn’t want to impose herself, that would just be rude, and was likely to give her the same fate as the Student Council PR-officer, Miss Kawashima.

“Hello?! Earth to Azusa?!” Yuuki said and knocked her on the head a few times.

“Huh? What?” Azusa snapped back to her surroundings.

“It’s time to go. We’re heading back, and I don’t think you want to sleep on Yuuki’s floor.” Aya called from the hall.

“Oh… right. I’m coming.” she quickly got up from where she had been sitting, and rushed over to join the rest of her friends in the hall. “Thanks for the snacks Yuuki. I’ll see you at school!” She added before rushing out the door.

“You sure you’re ok?” Ayumi asked her as they walked towards the dorms.

“Yeah, you’ve been spacing out _a lot_ recently.” Aya continued.

“It’s… It’s nothing.” Azusa smiled and increased her pace a little bit so she was at the front of the group. She turned and walked backwards for a few paces while she continued. “Besides, it’s a secret.” She turned again, and began to run towards the dorms, with her friends trying to catch up.

“What do you mean a secret?!”

“Azusa wait!”

“Is it a boyfriend? How long have you been dating?!”

* * *

Monday was here, and Azusa steeled herself. She waited by the school gates like she used to, but this time was going to be different. She was sure of it. She saw Commander Nishizumi exit the school and walk towards the gate, and so she made her move.

“Commander Nishizumi! I just wanted to…” 

“Go away.” Azusa had expected a reply like that, but she didn’t let it get to her. As Commander Nishizumi kept walking out through the gates and down the streets of the _Zuikaku_ , she made sure to keep pace.

“I would, but I really need to talk…”

“I don’t. So go away.”

“Please, I really feel like we should talk about what happened…”

“There’s nothing to talk about, and even if there was, I’m not in the mood. Leave me alone.”

“But Commander Nishizumi…”

“I’M NOT YOUR COMMANDER!!! AND DON’T CALL ME NISHIZUMI EITHER!!!” The Commander spun around and yelled Azusa right in the face, which left her utterly stunned. “I’m sorry,” the commander sighed. “I shouldn’t have yelled. But just… just leave me alone.” she turned and kept walking, while Azusa remained where she was, still stunned. 

After a few seconds however, Azusa composed herself. She curled her hands into fists, and asked the question she needed answered, straight out. “What did I do to make you hate me?!”

* * *

The question made Maho stop in her tracks. She bowed her head and sighed, but didn’t turn to face the girl. “I don’t hate you,” she said, trying to sound convincing. Maho only hated two people in the world. Herself, and her mother.

“Then why do you keep avoiding me?!”

“I’m not avoiding you, I’m just…”

“What do you call this then? You’re just walking away! Just like you did all of last week! And even before the match, you always avoided me! You gave pointers and advice to everyone else on the team, but me!” By this point Azusa was crying as she yelled proof after proof at Maho. “So why?! Why do you hate and avoid me?!”

Maho stood silent. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to experience all of this anew. She knew what would happen. But it seemed the world was intent on toying with her. She turned and began to walk over to Azusa. “Here.” She pulled out a handkerchief from her bag, and handed it to the first-year. “Take it. You need it more than me.” Azusa looked with confusion at the handkerchief for a second, before accepting it and drying her tears. “I’ve been avoiding you because you remind me of someone. Someone I’d rather not be reminded of.”

“So I remind you of someone you hate?”

“No, that’s not what I…” Maho sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She gave a quick glance around to see that they were alone, which they were. “Do you need to be somewhere?” Azusa slowly moved her head back and forth, and Maho pointed to a bench in an empty playground beside the road. They walked over to it, and each took a seat.

“The reason I’ve been avoiding you is… It’s because you remind me of someone I cared for very much. Someone I won’t get to talk to again.” Maho glanced over to Azusa, but it was obvious that she wasn’t entirely following. “You remind me of Miho… My younger sister. She was the most important thing in the world to me... still is, and I’ll never see her again.” She sighed and looked down at the ground. “I just… I just wanted to keep her safe, and I couldn’t. I’ve been broken by a lot of things in my life, but losing her… that was the most painful.” 

“Oh…” Azusa looked down at her shoes.

“That’s why I’ve been avoiding you Azusa. I know it’s unfair, and I really shouldn’t take the fact that you remind me of her out on you, but I’m scared. I’m absolutely terrified of getting to know you, because I know that if I do, I’ll just worry about losing you the way I lost her. If you had just been one of my juniors, and we didn’t both do tankery, then _maybe_ I could have dealt with it, but as it stands I just don’t… I just don’t think I can handle it.” She sighed, and put her face in her hands.

“Miss Nishizumi…”

“Don’t… just don’t call me that.”

“But then…”

“My name’s Maho. Nothing else.” She lifted her face and looked at Azusa with a faint smile. “It’s only fair, right? I call you Azusa, you call me Maho?”

“I… I guess that’s fair.”

“Look, I’m sorry about avoiding you. I didn’t mean to make you think I hated you. I just… I just couldn’t deal with losing Miho again.”

“It’s… it’s fine. I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have been bothering you.” Azusa carefully got up to leave, and bowed again to the Commander. “I’m sorry for taking up your time, comma-I mean Maho.”

“You wanted to talk to me about something…” Maho said as Azusa began to leave. “Didn’t you?”

“Oh, well, I mean, I did, but…”

“What was it?”

“Oh, it was nothing really…” 

“Come on, out with it. I took up enough of your time with my sob-story, it’s only fair I let you take up some of mine.” Maho gestured for Azusa to sit back down.

“I… I wanted to apologize to you.”

“What for? You haven’t done anything wrong, have you?”

“But I did! The entire crew did! Last weekend, during the battle. You and all the seniors gave your all, and we just ran and hid. We should have stayed and helped, but we were all cowards, It was just, all those tanks started firing, and the Lee started to rattle... “ 

“Azusa.”

“and there was the banging and we panicked and then…”

“Azusa! Calm down. It’s ok. I don’t blame you. Not in the slightest.”

“You don’t? But what about the battle…”

“We lost the battle the moment we tried to ambush St. Gloriana like that. It wouldn’t have mattered what any of us did.”

“How… how do you know that?”

“Because everyone did the best they could. You had never been in a real battle before. Of course you were scared. I was scared too.”

“You were?”

“Sure. I’ve been scared every time I set foot in a tank.”

“But… But you looked so cool and confident when you led the team through the comeback.”

“That wasn’t me. I just spent the entire match hiding inside my shell of a body.” Maho sighed and looked across the playground into the distance. “Do you enjoy Sensha-Do?”

“What?”

“Sensha-Do. Do you enjoy doing it?”

“I… I guess I do?”

“You guess?”

Azusa looked at Maho, and thought about what she had said. Did she actually enjoy Sensha-Do? Or was she still just doing it because it was what her friends wanted to do?

“No. I know I do. Even if I ran, I know that I could have done more. I could have kept the crew together, and I could have helped. And if I could go back to that morning, I would have. I would have made sure to help, and I would have made sure we won.”

“I see…”

“Do… do you enjoy Sensha-Do?”

Maho sat silently with a far-away look in her eye for the better part of a minute, until finally she responded. “I don’t know. I sure used to. At least, I think I did. Now I’m not sure.” She stood up, and turned to leave. “But if _you_ enjoy Sensha-Do, then I think you’ll only get better at it, as long as you keep trying. I even think you could become a good commander one day.” She began walking away again, but just as she was leaving the abandoned playground, she stopped. She looked over her shoulder, and gave a quick wave to her junior. “I’ll see you around, Azusa.”

* * *

_Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: Anzu enacts her sinister scheme, Maho is sent to Tokyo, and a face from her past makes an unwelcome appearance._


	14. The Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rabbit team has questions for Azusa, Anzu calls on a reluctant Maho for something, and a certain angry wannabe-German blonde shows up.

“Will… will I see you at practice this afternoon?” Azusa asked.

“No. I’m done with Sensha-do. Whatever happens to the team isn’t my problem…” Maho replied in her usual dour tone, even if Azusa had begun to identify the softness hidden underneath in the two weeks since their first talk in the playground. 

“Oh… alright then… Well, I guess I’ll see you some other time then. Maho.”

“Sure. You’ll see me around. Later.”

They parted and went their separate ways, as Azusa linked up with Aya who had been waiting for her a dozen or so meters down the corridor.

“Azusa…” Aya said cautiously as they began walking towards the lockers

“Yeah?” Azusa answered.

“Are you… I mean… Are you being bullied?” She lowered her voice further as she spoke.

“What? By who?” Azusa asked, confused.

“Nishizumi... “ At this point Aya was almost whispering, and pointing behind her in a not very subtle way to where Maho was walking away down the corridor.

“What on Earth gave you that idea?”

“Well, you know... “

“No, I don’t. We were just talking.”

“Azusa, are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean…” Aya stopped, and leaned in to whisper in Azusa’s ear. “I mean… she’s a delinquent, isn’t she?”

“No, she’s…”

“Hiya!” Karina interrupted in her usual cheerful manner, with Yuuki, Ayumi and Saki following behind her. “Whatcha talking about?!

“It’s nothing,” Azusa answered. “Aya’s just got this idea in her head that I’m being bullied.”

“Oh.” They said flatly, and continued down to the lockers. As they changed their shoes, Yuuki spoke.

“Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Being bullied?”

“Oh but for… No, no I am not being bullied.”

“OK,” she replied. “But if you _were_ being bullied, then who…”

Azusa just sighed and walked out the door, not dignifying the question with a response

“Nishizumi?” Ayumi asked Aya as they passed through the gates.

“Yeah,” Aya replied.

“Makes sense. She’s a delinquent after all.”

“She’s not a…” Azusa tried to protest, but the conversation quickly moved beyond her control.

“Did you see the way she broke Kawashima’s nose? I hear she even beat up the President a few weeks back.”

“You’ve got it all wrong. She’s…”

“I saw that! She was like a girl possessed. I hear the Public Morals Committee won’t even talk to her unless they outnumber her by four!”

“Apparently she blew off school for an entire week just to get drunk with pirates!”

“You’re all being ridiculous…”

“Ema heard from Maiya that Ruka told Naho that she got thrown out of her old school for beating up teachers who wouldn’t give her perfect grades!”

“I heard it was because she blew up the principal’s car!”

“Stop it…”

“That too! She’s definitely from a Yakuza family! You can tell just by looking at her that she knows how to kill people!”

“Yeah, maybe she’ll come for us next,” Yuuki laughed. “Did you hear her during the match? She was so bossy, even though she was just the radio operator. Can you imagine if I was like that? It’s no wonder she doesn’t have any friends.” They all laughed at the remark. Everyone but Saki, who was preoccupied by a butterfly, and Azusa.

“STOP IT!” She stopped in place and clenched her fists. “Stop saying things that aren’t true. Ma-I mean-Miss Nishizumi’s not a delinquent. She’s kind and sweet and has a good heart and if you’re going to keep talking about her like this, you can stop hanging out with me.”

“Azusa, what’s gotten into…”

“She’s fragile, OK? You don’t know what she’s gone through, and she doesn’t deserve you making fun of her!”

“We were just kidding Azusa…”

“No, you weren’t. And just because she’s not here to hear it, doesn’t mean it was OK.”

“I… uhm…” Aya stammered.

“We’re really sorry Azusa. We didn’t mean anything by it…” Yuuki interjected. “We shouldn’t have said all that stuff.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Azusa said in a dour tone. She was going to continue, but her phone ringing interrupted her. “Hello? … Hi, Mom… No, it’s fine. I’m just walking home with some friends… Yeah, I remember… Don’t worry, I will… Love you too… Bye.”

“What was that about?” Ayumi asked. Azusa sighed for the change of subject, but glancing at her friends they seemed sincere enough in their apology, so she let it go.

“My mom. She just wanted to remind me to wish my sister a happy birthday.”

“Wait, you have a sister?” Karina asked as they started walking again. Saki and Yuuki waved and they split off to head to their apartment, while the rest continued towards their dorms.

“Well, we don’t exactly talk that much anymore…”

“Oh. I’m sorry, Azusa, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, it’s fine. You didn’t know.”

“She’s the older one, I’m assuming?”

“Ye-yeah, by a few years…”

“I wish I had a big sister. Then she could take me shopping and to concerts and stuff. Instead I’m stuck with my two brats of little brothers.” Aya sighed.

“Yeah, me too. My sister’s not much better. She’s just so clingy.” said Ayumi.

“Well, so were you back in elementary school,” Karina said and grinned. “‘Oh, please Karina, don’t go away, I’m so scared…’”

“I was not!” Ayumi protested and nudged Karina on the shoulder, but they were all laughing at that point, except for Azusa who only feigned a nervous laugh, trying not to dampen the others spirits.

* * *

“See you tomorrow, Azusa!” Aya called to her from her end of the corridor. “Don’t forget we have that test tomorrow!”

“I won’t! See ya!” Azusa replied, and waved. She walked into her dorm-room and put her bag down by the door, before throwing herself on her bed. She spent a few minutes just lying there in the dark. Her curtains were pulled, so light was almost absent from the room, but after a while she got back up from the bed and sat down by her desk to study for tomorrow’s test. She was pretty sure she had it all down, but a refresher couldn’t hurt. She switched on the lamp beside her, put her textbook on the desk before her, and opened the top drawer. She got a pen that she put neatly beside her textbook, as well as a matchbook and some incense that she lit and placed in the burner beside a small shrine with a photograph.

“Happy Birthday, Sis…” she said in a low voice as she looked at the photograph, before looking down at her textbook and focusing on her studies.

* * *

“Maho Nishizumi, please report to the Student Council’s office.”

The call over the speakers had been annoying enough. At first Maho simply ignored it and continued eating, even as it was repeated several times over and more and more students both glanced at her and whispered amongst themselves about her. In the end, a quartet of near identical-looking black-haired girls wearing black armbands came over to her.

“Are you hard of hearing, Miss Nishizumi?” said the lead girl with an annoyed tone.

Maho ignored her as well, and kept her attention on her lunch.

“You are to report to the Student Council’s office at once! I don’t know what lax discipline your mother taught you, but here we follow rules and regulations.” The girl continued, almost yelling now, and began flipping through a little notebook she produced from her sleeve. “Article 4; The Student Council have ultimate authority on all correctional measures and have the right to summon students at any mome…”

“Are you done?” Maho said in a dry tone, and put down her chopsticks.

“Eh? No, of course I’m not done!” The girl held up the little notebook in front of Maho’s face, and pointed to a series of paragraphs written in a very small font. “I don’t think you realize how many infractions you’ve committed, Nishizumi! And I intend to…”

Maho snatched the notebook from the girl’s hand, and threw it onto a nearby table. “Then I’m leaving. I won’t enjoy it, but whatever those idiots in the Student Council have to say will no doubt be more interesting than you.” She got up and left the cafeteria. The black-haired girls, along with most of the room, stood stunned in silence as Maho left, taking a few seconds to process what had just happened. As she left and began making her way towards the Student Council’s office, Maho could hear absolute pandemonium break out behind her.

* * *

“Alright, I’m here. What do you want, Pipsqueak?” Maho said in a dismissive voice as she entered the office. Anzu was sitting in a chair with her feet up on her desk, with Momo on her right and Yuzu on her left.

“That’s ‘President’ to you, Nishizumi” Momo growled at her.

“Why hello to you too cyclops. How’s your nose?” Maho chirped to the black-haired girl, almost smirking as she did so.

“Why you…”

“That’s enough, Momo”

“But Madame President…”

“I said that’s enough. Now you girls play nice, and I’ll let you have some dried sweet potatoes!” The president showed a determined smile to them both. “Nishizumi, so glad you could make it. Tea perhaps?”

“Skip the pleasantries, Anzu. What do you want?”

“No one ever has time for pleasantries these days.” She sighed and shook her head in disappointment, but quickly returned to the conversation. “I wanted to inform you that you are to report to the ferry that rendezvous with the _Zuikaku_ tomorrow at 11 o’clock.”

“And why should I do that? If you want me to go grocery shopping for you, you can damn well send someone else.”

“Oh, don’t worry, that won’t won’t be necessary. Anyways, as I was saying; You’ll report to the ferry in the morning. If you had been at our training sessions these past two weeks, you would have known that the entire team is going to Tokyo tomorrow for…”

“And why does that concern me?! I’m not on the damn team!”

“Oh, well, after your performance in the exhibition match against St. Gloriana, I took the liberty of adding you to the course.”

“YOU DID WHAT?!” Maho glanced around for something to throw at the diminutive girl but couldn’t find anything, so she had to resort to waving a fist in her direction. “You’ll explain why the hell you did something like that, or I’ll make sure you and the cyclops have matching noses!”

“Well, in part because I thought you did quite an excellent job and thought we could use you, and in part because the team elected you to be our commander.”

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll take me off that team and find another commander. And you’ll damn well leave me out of your scheming!”

“Perhaps I wasn’t clear,” Anzu said with a mischievous smile, and picked up a form from her desk. “You’ll be on that ferry tomorrow either way. It’s just up to you if you go with us all to Tokyo for the day and then return here as our commander, or if we simply drop you with your luggage at the docks.”

“Are you threatening me?” The subtext in Anzu’s words was more than clear.

“Threaten is such an ugly word. I prefer ‘encouraging’. It has a much more positive ring to it.”

“You’d expel me just because I won’t do what you want?”

“Of course not. Surely you don’t think I’m that petty?” Anzu leaned back in her chair, her smile widening. “Buuuut I could quite easily, and with all right, expel you for assaulting a student council member, as well as your multiple counts of absence from school and extracurricular activities, disrespecting the Public morals committee, associating with known delinquents… You know, stuff like that.”

Maho thought about Anzu's words for a few seconds, before coming to a decision. She looked down at the floor, before looking back up at the girl with a confident smirk. “I don’t believe you.” She turned and walked towards the door.

“You know, I’ve been hearing some interesting rumours lately... All the way from Kumamoto,” Anzu said in a taunting tone behind her. “Rumors about the daughter of some great family who ran away...” Maho froze in place, her hand on the doorknob. “Now, I’m sure these rumors wouldn’t be concerning you, but either way, as a responsible Student Council President, it’s my duty to inform your family of your whereabouts in the event of expulsion.” Maho could hear the sinister glee in her voice. “I’m sure your family would be very happy to see you again, Nishizumi, and I couldn’t possibly deny them the joy of reuniting with you.”

Maho grimaced and gripped the doorknob even tighter. She almost thought she was going to crush it in her hand. She turned her head slightly, and glared at Yuzu. Had she been the one to rat her out? Or had Anzu figured it all out on her own? Either way, it didn’t matter. Maho couldn’t risk her mother finding out where she was without the protection of enrollment. The moment she was no longer a student, her mother was bound to find her and bring her back to Kumamoto. Maho couldn’t allow that. She would even prefer just jumping ship entirely to avoid that fate. But even when she had had that option before, she didn’t go for it. What evidence did she have that she was any braver now?

She drew a series of deep breaths, before answering the president with nothing but disdain in her voice. “Then I guess I’ll see you at the ferry tomorrow, madame president.” She didn’t even turn to face the short girl as she replied, and as soon as she was done, she left the room without another word.

* * *

Azusa had never seen anything like it. She had been to Tokyo once or twice, but she had never seen anything quite like this. She, along with the rest of Ooarai’s team, was seated in a large room formed like an amphitheater. Apparently it was usually a concert hall, but today it was the venue for the opening ceremony to the National Sensha-Do tournament. Teams from all over Japan were gathered in the large hall, and everywhere you looked there were girls in different uniforms. Down on the stage stood a rather fat and bald man with a microphone, reading names of schools one after the other off of a list. When a school was called, their commander walked up on stage and drew a number from the table in the middle of the stage. There weren’t that many slots left in the bracket projected on the back wall. 

“Entering slot five, Maginot Girl’s Academy will face off against Anzio High School.”

A girl with long blue hair and an equally blue jacket had just drawn the lot for her school, leaving only four possible slots for Ooarai to fit into. Apparently they could be facing some place called Koala Forest or Bonple, they could end up having an immediate rematch with St. Gloriana, or they might face a very American-looking team called Saunders. Azusa didn’t know anything about who these teams were, except for St. Gloriana, and even though she looked forward to a rematch, she had overheard Miss Akiyama talk about how strong they were during a practice session, so perhaps it was better if they faced off with someone else. 

“Oh no… Look over there!” Miss Akiyama from team A whispered to her friends, but Azusa heard it as well, since she was sitting right behind her. She looked over to where Miss Akiyama pointed, and saw a group of stern-looking girls in grey and black uniforms, many of them glaring at where Ooarai was sitting in general, and at the Commander in particular. 

“Excuse me, Miss Akiyama…” Azusa leaned forward and whispered, “But who’s that?”

“That’s Kuromorimine. They’re one of the best teams in Japan. With the exception of last year, they’ve won every championship for the past ten years.” The brunette looked nervously around herself for a second, before turning around and whispering in Azusa’s ear. “It’s also Commander Nishizumi’s old school…”

“Oh…” Azusa gave a short nod to her senior, and sat back down in her seat. The fat man on stage spoke, and another call went out over the speakers.

“Representing Ibaraki Prefecture, Ooarai Girl’s Academy. Would Commander Maho Nishizumi please come to the stage to draw the lot for Ooarai Girl’s Academy?”

* * *

“May I take your orde…”

“Coffee, black, as strong as you can make it.”

“Ok, Black coffee. Anything else?” The waitress chirped with a smile.

"No."

"You sure? We've got some excellent strawberry cakes..."

“If I wanted something else I would have already ordered it,” Maho growled and glared at her, and so she quickly scampered off. Once she was alone, Maho sighed, closed her eyes, and leaned back in her seat. Why on earth did she have to pull that one? She had a good three-fourths chance of not picking that one, and yet she did. Why? If winning the championship had been unthinkable before, now it was beyond all possibility. Now there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that they’d even get past the first round.

Of all the schools they could have faced in the first round, Maho just had to pick Saunders. A hastily thrown together group of amateurs in half-a-team’s worth of sub-par tanks against a top 4-school with a budget rivaling some prefectures. They were nothing less than screwed.

“Your coffee, miss.” The waitress chirped as she returned and put the cup before Maho.

“Thanks,” Maho mumbled in reply and handed over a few bills. “Keep the change.”

She took a sip of the scalding hot coffee, and it was indeed strong. It burned her mouth both from taste and temperature, but still she drank. She needed to be clear-headed if she was gonna find a way to solve this. Not that there was a way to solve it. All she could do was minimize the damage.

Kay was a strange one. She was so completely different from herself that there was no way Maho could predict or plan for what she would do on the field. But apparently she had a deep sense of fairness and sportsmanship. The kind of stuff many derogatory and downright insulting comments had been based on at Kuromorimine. Concepts like that were only seen as crutches the weak leaned on to excuse their own lack of ability. Just thinking about it sent shivers down Maho’s spine.

But maybe if she could appeal to that supposed weakness in Kay? Maybe if she could turn the battle from a one-sided slaughter to a fair fight with equal numbers. Not that there would be anything fair about it. Saunders’ tanks outclassed pretty much anything Ooarai could muster, so even with even numbers they would be certain to lose. The first round was a flag match though. Maybe calling her out for a duel could end it quick and easy. Either they got lucky and took out the enemy flag tank without issue, or they would be eliminated there and then. No, that would never work. Surely there were limits to even how low a fair-minded person would sink.

“DAMN IT!” She slammed a fist on the table and swore, causing a large part of the otherwise quiet café to freeze for a second, before sound and activity returned.

Within, Maho was nothing but a torrent of anger, fear, uncertainty, sadness, and bad memories. She was going to repeat her every mistake on that field, wasn’t she? She was going to get people hurt. She was going to act like a tyrant. She was going to destroy people both physically and mentally. She would be the sole reason for a dozen and more people being left broken and shattered by the end of it all, wasn’t she?

“I guess it’s true what they say: a cockroach really will survive anything!” As if Maho’s worries weren’t enough, she was called out by the voice she wanted least to hear in the entire world. “And here I thought a rat like you would have just scurried off somewhere to shrivel up and die of shame.”

Beside her stood a girl with light blonde, almost white hair in Kuromorimine’s uniform. Erika Itsumi, one of her old subordinates. Maho simply gritted her teeth and ignored her taunts. She had enough problems to worry about as it was.

“But I guess I should thank you. Your failure worked out pretty well for me in the end.” Erika seemingly invited herself to sit, and took a seat opposite Maho where she leaned back with a smug grin. “Gave me a very nice promotion. At least Lady Nishizumi sees my talents for what they are, instead of trying to keep me to the side like you did.“ She put her hands behind her head as she stretched herself out further, and looked down at Maho. “I’m amazed you even dare show your face around here after what you did. I thought you were more of a coward than that.” 

Maho just kept ignoring her, causing Erika to lean down across the table. “Hey! I’m talking to you, you coward!”

“I don’t have anything to say to you. I did what I did, and you know it was right.”

“‘It was right’?! You call destroying everything we worked for for ten years ‘right’?! You could have destroyed the flag tank and won the match, and instead you snapped and panicked like a weakling!

“Hey!” Maho’s heart sank further as she heard Azusa call out from the table behind her. Apparently she hadn’t been left as alone as she had wanted, seeing as the commander of the M3 stood up from her seat and walked over to their table. “You don’t talk like that about our Commander!”

Maho sighed as a vicious smile spread across Erika’s lips. “Well, well, well… What have we here? It looks like this place isn’t doing it’s pest control.”

“Azusa, stay out of this.” 

“So, this is your newest little toy?” Erika smirked at the newcomer. “I see you have a type. Although she seems to have more spirit than your last one... Tell me, ‘Commander’, did you tell her what happened? What you did?” While Erika might be speaking to Maho, here words were clearly meant for Azusa. “No, of course you didn’t. You wouldn’t want to scare away another fresh-faced weakling, would you? Who would you hide behind if you did?” 

Maho lifted her gaze from her coffee, and faced Erika. “Leave her out of this. This is between you and me.” Erika only laughed, and turned to look at Azusa.

“The last girl she pulled into her clutches hasn’t woken up since, but it’s good to see she was so easily replaced.” She refocused her attention to Maho. “Still, you even showing your face again disgusts me, you arrogant bastard. And don’t even get me started on you doing Sensha-Do again. You should have just stayed at the bottom of that river with the rest of them. _That_ would have been ‘right’.”

“I said… You don’t talk to our Commander like that!” Azusa said with a determined tone. “The Commander has done nothing wrong, and you’re not going to go around and spread lies about her! She’s twice the tanker you’ll ever be!”

“Why, you little…” Erika stood up and faced Azusa fully, causing the younger girl to take a step back.

“Azusa, I said stay out of this...” Maho said in a low voice.

“No, Commander. I won’t.” Azusa steeled herself anew, and looked Erika dead in the eye. “If you want to insult my commander, you’re going to have to go through me first. I would say we’ll settle this in the finals, but someone like you probably wouldn’t last that long.”

Erika’s face turned from one of petty amusement to one of raging fury in an instant. “You insolent rat. I’ll teach you not to meddle in things that don’t concern you!” She raised a hand to strike Azusa, but Maho caught it, holding Erika’s arm in place.

“I said, this is between me and you,” she growled, “And if you hurt so much as a hair on her head, I’ll make sure you don’t live to tell the tale.”

“Oh, I’ll show you hurt…” Erika began to growl back as she wriggled free of Maho’s grip, but she was interrupted mid-sentence.

“ERIKA! That’s enough!” a voice called out, and a girl came walking over towards Maho and Erika. She wore the black jacket and red skirt of Kuromorimine, had light brown hair under her side cap, and a look in her eye that Maho recognized all too well. Erika turned silent and snapped to attention at her call, fear mixing with something else in her eyes.

“Yes, Commander Nishizumi!”

* * *

_Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: What was Erika talking about? What actually happened before Maho left Kumamoto for Ooarai?_


	15. The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An anthology of events in Maho's past, from her training under her mother and her relationship with Miho, to her being commander at Kuromorimine and preparing for the match against Pravda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello everyone and welcome to this week’s chapter; The Past. Word of warning, this chapter is a bit weird. What you will find here is a series of flashbacks to different events in Maho’s past, which don’t necessarily have anything to do with each other, but they are all important in their own way. So if it seems like an event doesn’t seem continuous with the one before or after it, that would be why.  
> Also, important content warnings: This chapter contains depictions of drowning, trauma, domestic child abuse, as well as references to self-harm.   
> Despite this, I hope you can enjoy this week’s chapter. I’ll see you again at the end.

* * *

##  **_Water_ **

At first, Maho didn’t notice or understand what was happening. She was just feeling cold. Then she noticed her vision was blurry, and sounds seemed muted. It all became clear when she tried to breathe however. Water flooded into her mouth and lungs. She was sinking. She tried to struggle and thrash to get back to the surface, but to no avail. She just sunk faster. Soon she hit the bottom, and the edge of her vision blurred more and more until it blackened. She kept trying to struggle, but kelp wrapped itself around her legs and arms, keeping her tied to the bottom.

She involuntarily tried to take another breath, but there was only more water. It all became blacker and darker as she felt her thoughts slowing. Her mind was becoming sluggish, and she tried time and time again to breathe, but no air would come. She almost felt sleepy. It was like she had been up late celebrating the new years, and she should just let sleep and darkness take her. She soon lost what little energy she had left to struggle, and collapsed limply on the bottom, the world slipping away from her as she fell into blackness.

The next thing she knew, she was coughing. She was coughing, and throwing up water as someone pushed repeatedly against her chest. She gasped for air, and tried to focus both her mind and vision. She failed. All she could see was the sun in the sky, and black formless blots moving against it.

“Maho! Oh thank the stars! I was so worried!” a voice she thought she recognized said as someone or something hugged her, but she was too dizzy to see who. She closed her eyes and fell back into the dark.

* * *

##  **_A Lesson and A Burden_ **

The moment the shell left the barrel, Maho knew her mistake. She had miscalculated her target's speed while rushing to fire, and the shot hit several feet ahead of the drone driving along the practice range. 

"Well," she heard her mother say behind her. "I suppose that ends our lesson for today." Maho felt a chill run up her spine, in dreadful anticipation of the words she knew would follow. "Go clean up and eat dinner, then report to my study by 1830. Understood?"

"Yes Mother," she answered without emotion. Showing emotion would only add to her troubles.

* * *

“Big sis?”

Maho looked up from her plate. Miho was standing beside her, an innocent smile on her face.

“What is it, Miho?” she asked, and tried to push her mistake and the punishment that would surely follow from her mind.

“Why do you look so sad?”

“I don’t look sad, do I?” Maho said, trying her best to force a wide smile and giving off the appearance of happiness. “See?”

Miho hummed pensively, and looked down to the stuffed bear she was holding. “What do you think, Boko?” “Yeah, I think so too.” She looked back up at Maho. “Boko thinks you look sad on the inside.”

Maho had a hard time containing a giggle as she looked at her sister and the bear. “Does he now?”

Miho looked again at the bear and asked it something inaudible, using her grip to make it nod, before looking back at Maho. “Mhmm. Come on!” She grabbed Maho by the arm, and began dragging her down from the chair and out of the dining room.

“Miho,” Maho called out, surprised by Miho dragging her away from her half-finished dinner.

“Come on! Boko has an idea to make you happy again!”

Maho was led by her sister to her room, and was left standing near the doorway as Miho rummaged around in a box, pulling up what looked to Maho as near identical teddy bears one after the other and gingerly placing them beside her on the floor. There was no shortage of bandaged bears lining the shelves and any other flat surface in the room. Everywhere Maho looked there were copies of the bear in different sizes, colors, and with different wounds, all comically bandaged.

“There you are!” Miho said triumphantly, and turned around to face Maho again. She walked over towards her, hugging something very tightly and whispering gently to whatever it was. “Here,” she said, and held out a smaller bear towards Maho, cupping it in her hands. 

“Miho, I…”

“Whenever I’m sad, Boko always makes me happy again, so if you have Boko with you, you won’t be sad anymore.”

Maho picked up the small bear and looked at it, unable to contain a smile. “Are you sure? I’m sure he would be much happier with you.”

Miho nodded. “I’m sure. He said that he would be just as happy with Maho.”

“I see,” Maho chuckled, and held the small bear to her ear. “What’s that? You’re going to miss Miho?” Now it was Miho’s turn to giggle, and Maho held the small bear towards her. “He says he wants a kiss goodbye from you.”

Miho leaned forward and gave the bear a kiss on each cheek. “You be a good Boko and take care of Maho, ok?”

“You betcha,” Maho said in a squeaky voice and moved the bear up and down as she spoke. “Private Boko is ready for duty!”

“Ma-ho,” Miho laughed, “That’s not what he sounds like.”

* * *

At precisely half past six, Maho knocked on the large oak door to her mother's study.

"Enter," the call was heard from beyond it, and so she opened the door and stepped inside. Her mother sat at her desk looking through some documents, so Maho walked to the center of the room, and stood at attention. She knew what was about to happen, and she knew how it would all go down. This was not the first time she had been called to her mother's study.

Her mother continued looking through her documents for several minutes, ignoring Maho all the while, but Maho didn't move. After another couple of minutes, her mother put the documents down, leaned forwards in her chair, and steepled her fingers as she looked at Maho. "You missed." It wasn't a question. Just a cold statement of fact and disappointment.

"Yes Mother."

"Why?"

"In my attempt to minimize the time it took to fire, I miscalculated the target's speed. It was traveling at 33km/h, not 35. This miscalculation led to me missing by 4 feet." Maho didn't move as she spoke. She merely recited her mistake from memory.

"Correct." Her mother got up from behind her desk, and walked over to one of her bookshelves, her back turned as she spoke. "This is a mistake that cannot be allowed to repeat itself. When a Nishizumi fires, they hit their target. Understood?"

"Yes Mother."

"Remove your shirt, and face the wall."

"Yes Mother," Maho replied, and did as instructed. The cold autumn breeze flowing in through the open panels along the side of the study chilled her skin. She walked over to the wall, and faced it, while carefully folding her shirt and placing it on the floor beside her. Once she was finished, Maho could hear her mother walk closer, stopping just behind her.

“Recite the lesson,” she said in her cold and unyielding voice. “We must ensure it will be remembered.”

“When a Nishizumi fires, they hit their target.” Maho said out loud. As soon as she was finished, a short whizzing sound was heard, followed by a stinging pain appearing in a thin line across her back. 

“Again.” 

“When a Nishizumi fires, they hit their target.” Again, a whizz and a stinging pain on her back. As if following her own lesson, her mother struck in the exact same spot as her first hit. As she always did. ‘Every lesson should leave it’s own scar, so that they are clear and easy to remember’ she had told Maho the first time she was called into the study a few years ago.

“Again.”

“When a Nishizumi fires, they hit their target.” Once again, her mother hit her mark. The pain was excruciating as the piece of carved bamboo slowly cut deeper and deeper with every strike. But Maho didn’t cry. She didn’t flinch. She didn’t react in any way. She just continued repeating the words, and endured. The first few times she had been called in, she had cried out in pain with every strike. She had flinched, and begged her mother to stop. That only gave way to another lesson that needed to be remembered, and soon, Maho had learned to stay still and quiet.

“Again.”

The session continued for what felt like eternity. It usually did. Once her skin cracked and blood flowed freely along her back, Maho recited her lesson one final time, and was excused. In the corner of her eye, she could see her mother return to her desk and documents as if nothing had happened. She turned and bowed to her mother.

“Thank you, Mother,” she said, and left the room.

* * *

Kikuyo was waiting outside the door as Maho hobbled out of her mother’s study. She covered Maho in the towel she was holding, and helped her towards her room.

“I’m sorry, Miss Nishizumi…” she said as Maho flinched when she began cleaning the wound. “But we really must clean it out.”

“Yes, I know.” Maho tried her best to hold still, taking deep breaths all the while to steady herself. Kikuyo had helped her like this before. Every time she left her mother’s office, Kikuyo was there waiting with a clean towel and a comforting smile.

“I’m about to apply the alcohol, Miss Nishizumi. Are you ready?”

Maho took another few breaths, and steeled herself. “Yes.” The alcohol stung and burned, almost rivaling the pain that had caused the wound itself. But Kikuyo moved with a steady hand and a quick pace, doing her best to spare Maho any pain. Soon the wound was cleaned, and Kikuyo had applied a bandage to cover it until it healed.

“There, all done.” She could feel Kikuyo running a gentle hand across her back. “That makes thirteen… It really is not what you deserve, Miss Nishizumi…”

“No, I do. I missed, and when a Nishizumi fires, they hit their target. Mother only wants to help me get stronger.” She spoke with an innocent and naive tone. “And if I just remember my lessons, Mother won’t have to help me remember them…”

“I see…” Kikuyo said in a low and caring voice. “Well, let’s get you to bed then, Miss Nishizumi. You need rest if you are to remember your lessons and get stronger.” She picked up Maho, and gingerly put her in bed, tucking her in tightly. She was about to leave and turn off the lights when Maho spoke again.

“Kikuyo?”

“Yes, Miss Nishizumi?

“Do you think I’m strong?”

“I think you’re very strong, Miss Nishizumi.” She ran a hand through Maho’s hair as she spoke.

“As strong as Mother?”

“Even stronger. Now, it’s time to sleep.” She got up from the bed, and walked over to the door.

“Kikuyo?”

“Yes?”

“I think you’re strong too.”

Kikuyo smiled. “Thank you, Miss Nishizumi. Good night.”

“Goodnight!”

* * *

##  **_Long Range and Close Sisters_ **

“A little more to the right... Little more… There. Try now!”

The cannon of the Panzer III fired, and a second later, the shell impacted. It had hit just behind the drone Maho had set to patrol the firing range.

“Aaw, I’ll never get this. It’s too hard, Big sis,” Miho sulked from the gunner’s seat.

“No, you were super close,” Maho said encouragingly as she loaded another shell into the breach of the gun. “You just have to try again.”

“No, I can’t do it,” she protested from her seat and pulled her knees up towards her chin. “I’ll never be able to do Tankery.”

The words echoed in Maho’s mind. She had brought Miho out with the Panzer III twice a week for months now, trying to help train her in how to drive, load, operate the radio, man the gun, and command a tank. She needed to know it all like a running water once their mother began training her. If she could do it all perfectly, if she could remember all that the Nishizumi style stood for, there would be no need for mother to call her to the study. 

“Scooch over a bit,” Maho said and clambered around the gun to sit in the gunner’s seat, with Miho in her lap. “Just take it slow and work it through. You remember how to calculate ít right?”

“Yeah…” Miho said, disheartened. “I guess…”

Maho walked Miho through the different steps again, and got the gun aimed anew.

“I think I’ve got it…” Miho said in an uncertain voice.

“Then just tell me when to fire, and we’ll see.”

“Ok…” Miho said, and waited. “Now, Maho! Fire!”

Maho pushed down on the trigger, and the gun roared. The shell flew across the practice range, and the drone rattled from the impact. It settled after a second, and a white flag popped out as it began driving itself back to the starting location.

“I DID IT! I DID IT! DID YOU SEE, MAHO?” Miho celebrated as she jumped up and down in Maho’s lap. For a second Maho was afraid she was going to hit her head on the ceiling, but the hatch was thankfully left open.

“I saw it, Miho. You did great.” She couldn’t help but smile and laugh together with her sister, her celebratory spirit driving any worries away. “I bet you can’t do it again though,” she said, trying to coax Miho into continuing.

“Yes I can!” Miho said defiantly.

“Oh yeah?” She put Miho down on the floor and clambered back to the loader’s seat. “If you can hit the target three more times, I’ll let you have my dessert after dinner tonight.”

“You got it, Big Sis!” Miho said confidently as Maho loaded another shell and the session continued.

* * *

##  **_An Officer and A Lady_ **

“I thank you for coming, Commander Chono. Your leadership, for all it’s worth, has set an example for all to follow.”

“Thank you, Lady Nishizumi. You are too kind. I only worked from what you taught me.”

“Quite... I suppose a certain level of innovation is to be admired, even if your interpretation of my family’s style is… unorthodox, to say the least.”

“Ah, well,” the commander shrugged, “I find there are some elements of the style that lack a certain tact and civility expected of a maiden. None of which are evidence of your own failings, of course.”

“I see…” Lady Nishizumi answered coldly. “Still, I suppose there’s no arguing with results. A victory is a victory after all, and winning the national championship three years in a row is no small feat. I hope your successor will not disappoint us. But perhaps she will hold more respect for tradition.” 

Ami Chono had done what few thought possible. She had not only risen to the rank of Commander of Kuromorimine’s Sensha-Do team during her first year, but had also led them to victory in the Federation’s national championship during all three of her years there. Whenever Kuromorimine had stood victorious in the championship in the past, her mother had invited the team’s commander to an extravagant dinner to celebrate the victory, and through her consecutive victories, Ami had become at least tolerated by Lady Nishizumi, if not accepted. Maho and Miho spent the majority of the dinner in silence, as Commander Chono and her mother exchanged what on the surface appeared as pleasantries. They spoke only when spoken to, just like they had been taught.

“So, Commander Chono, what are your intentions for the future?”

“I haven’t quite decided yet, Lady Nishizumi. I’m considering joining the JSDF.”

“The JSDF?” Maho looked on as her mother scoffed. It was clear that she viewed the armed forces with a disdain that seemed incompatible with the regard she held for Sensha-Do. “That seems to me a senseless waste of your talents, Miss Chono. But I suppose you could use a little discipline… Still, why not aim for one of the professional teams, or a posting within the Federation?”

“Well, they have very strict conditions to…”

“I hold a great deal of influence within the Federation, Miss Chono, and you have honored Kuromorimine greatly these past three years. I’m certain we can find an occupation worthy of someone of your… talents…”

“Ah,” Ami bowed her head, looking slightly nervous, before looking up again. “If you say so, Lady Nishizumi. I would… be grateful, for any support you may offer me…”

* * *

“Hey Maho!” Ami called out as Maho passed through the hall as she was putting on her jacket, preparing to leave. She and Miho had been excused while Ami and her mother discussed ‘adult business’.

“Hi Ami,” Maho replied excitedly, and came rushing over to her. “I think you were great in the finals! The way you just broke through those Cromwells was awesome!”

“Oh yeah?!” Ami replied, feigning humility. “You mean like this?” She grabbed Maho and turned her around, holding her with an arm under her armpits, as she used the other to tickle Maho. She tried her best to struggle free, which was rather difficult between all the laughing. Ami’s lax and rebellious style might have made her an enemy of her mother’s, but to Maho she was a welcome change of pace.

“Hahaha...stop...haha...I mean it…” Maho giggled as she finally managed to break free, and shared a smile with the older girl. 

“God, you keep getting bigger, don’t you? Last time I was here you barely reached my elbows, and now look at you.” She ruffled Maho’s hair a bit, and knelt down so that she was at eye-level with her.

“I’m stronger too! I bet I could beat you with one arm tied behind my back!”

“Oh yeah? You’ve got guts, challenging the commander of Kuromorimine!” Ami said with feigned sternness, before breaking down into a chuckle. “You’ll do fine Maho. I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

“Will I see you again?”

“Well, I probably won’t be welcome back here after I leave Kuromorimine, but I’m sure we’ll meet again someday.” Ami pulled out a pack of gum and began chewing on a piece. “If nothing else you’ll probably come to take my spot in Kuromorimine’s hall of fame.”

“You think so?!”

“I’m sure of it, buddy…”

“Maho,” her mother called from the hall, and Maho instantly snapped to attention and turned to face her cold glare.

“Yes, Mother?”

“What have I said about bothering my guests? Commander Chono does not need you giving her trouble. Off to bed.”

“Yes Mother,” she replied, and began making her way towards her room, leaving Ami behind.

* * *

##  **_A Memory Forgotten_ **

She struggled to keep herself above the surface, but it didn’t matter how much she struggled. Maho was sinking beneath the waves, and she couldn’t stop it. She tried to take a deep breath before she went under, but water somehow managed to fill her mouth as the waves pulled her down. She tried to breathe, but there was only water. She struggled to get back to the surface, but she only sank. Her vision blurred and blackened, and she was almost falling asleep as she lost all energy and strength she had left.

Her eyes shot open, and she bolted upright in her bed. The memory of the nightmare quickly vanished, but her fear did not. She was scared, and she felt cold and alone. She crawled out of her bed and threw a blanket around her head and shoulders to keep her warm. Outside she could hear the wind howling and the rain pouring onto the roof and walls of their house. She walked as quietly as she could through the dark halls of her home, the faint pitter-patter of bare feet on the hard wooden floor being drowned by the storm outside.

Once she reached her destination, she carefully slid the door open and walked inside.

“Kikuyo?” she asked meekly into the dark room, and was answered only by a snore. She closed the door behind her, and walked over to the servants bed. “Kikuyo?” she asked again, and tugged gently at her sleeve.

“Hmm…” she groaned in answer, and stirred slightly.

“Kikuyo… I can’t sleep…” Maho tugged at Kikuyo’s sleeve again, and she slowly began to rouse.

“Miss Nishizumi?” Kikuyo said groggily and yawned. “What are you doing up? Go back to bed.”

“No,” Maho answered meekly. “I can’t sleep. I had a… a nightmare.”

Kikuyo finally woke up enough to realize the situation, and reached over to turn on the lamp beside her bed, filling the corner of her room with a faint but warm light.. “I see,” she said and smiled at Maho once their eyes had readjusted to the light. “What was the nightmare about?”

“I was…” Maho began, before stopping as tears began welling in her eyes. “I can’t remember… But I’m scared…” She dried some of the tears with the corner of her blanket. “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

Kikuyo sat silent in her bed for a few seconds and looked down at Maho, before giving a quiet sigh and answering. “Oh, alright then.” She reached down and lifted the girl up and beside her, tucking her neatly underneath her covers and putting her pillow under Maho’s head.

“Thank you, Kikuyo,” Maho said in a low voice. “I’m sorry I was so scared.”

“Oh, don’t be,” Kikuyo said. “It’s only when we’re scared that we can be brave, right?”

“I guess so…” Maho yawned, and began falling to sleep while Kikuyo hummed a song she used to sing the girls to sleep with when they were younger.

* * *

##  **_Panic at the Tank Range_ **

“Target at 7 o’clock.” 

“Yes Mother.” Maho turned the turret, and fired.They were out on the training field in her mother’s Tiger, with Maho in the gunner’s seat. The drone that was the target showed a white flag, and retreated to its starting position, leaving the field to it’s comrades. As it did, Maho began to feel ill and dizzy, the condition descending upon her without warning.

“Target at 2 o’clock.” Her mother didn’t seem to notice from her place above the gunner’s hatch, and picked out a new target.

At first Maho didn’t hear the order. She could barely hear a thing, nor could she see or breathe. The air felt heavy and thick, as if she was under water. Sound, light and color seemed to disappear from the world, and she felt like she was sinking.

“Maho. Fire upon the target,” her mother repeated, hiding her annoyance behind her cold voice, but Maho couldn’t do it. All her focus was spent on trying to breathe, and she was rocking back and forth grasping the sides of her head as she hyperventilated.

“MAHO!”

“M-mother… I… I can’t…” She managed to stammer out. “I… I can’t breathe… I can’t… I can’t see…”

“Then what use are you in a tank?” her mother said coldly, and climbed down from the turret, leaving Maho. “Report to my study in an hour,” she said equally coldly as she walked away.

“Y...yes… Mo-mother…” Maho replied between chipped breaths. She frantically grasped for perches to climb out of her seat, but her limbs felt sluggish and unresponsive. It took her almost a quarter of an hour to climb out of a tank that she could usually get out of in less than a minute. Once she reached the ground, she collapsed to the ground as her knees gave in, trying with all her might to calm herself and take slow, deep breaths. She felt something wet appear in the corner of her eyes, dripping down on the ground beneath her. She was crying.

She couldn’t understand. What was wrong with her? Why had she broken down like that? She was Maho Nishizumi. She had practically been raised in a tank, and suddenly she cracked? It didn’t make sense. She was supposed to be a Nishizumi. She was supposed to be infallible. She was supposed to be like a living tank. She was supposed to withstand anything, and destroy anyone or anything that stood in her path. She was supposed to have an armored heart and an iron mind, and now she had none of that. She had somehow been reduced to a frightened little girl, crying and chipping for air beside the thing she was supposed to be like.

* * *

She thankfully managed to compose herself before she was supposed to report to her mother’s study. What her mother would do if she hadn’t, she didn’t want to know. She entered at the exact moment she had been ordered to, and took her place in the middle of the room, standing silently with her arms crossed behind her back. But today was different. Her mother usually made her wait for twenty minutes or more while she handled some documents or other paperwork, but not today.

“What is the meaning of this?” She asked coldly, but Maho could see the fury in her eyes.

“I don’t…”

“What do you mean by this failure?” Her mother got up from behind her desk, and walked over to Maho, pacing slowly around her like a tiger waiting to strike as she spoke coldly. “You are supposed to be a Nishizumi. Nishizumis do not cry.” Maho felt one of her scars burn slightly at the mention of the lesson. “Nishizumis do not flinch, Nishizumis do not break down, Nishizumis fire when the target is before them” More burning across her back, each scar making itself known as its lesson was mentioned.

“I’m sorry, Mother.”

“SORRY?!” Her mother struck her across the face with the back of her hand. “You will not dare speak so to me. You will explain your failure, and now! Why did you fail?!”

“I… I don’t know…”

“Oh? And you expect me to simply work around your flaws? You are supposed to be a Nishizumi, and Nishizumis do not have flaws. Flaws are for the weak, and Nishizumis are not weak. Or is that what you think we are?”

“No, Mother.” Maho said and swallowed. “I shall double my efforts.”

“I would hope so, Maho, for your sake.” Her mother’s fury had died down slightly, even if she still looked at Maho with nothing but disapproval. A light knock on the door drew her attention away, and Kikuyo opened it slightly.

“Madam, he has arrived,” she said, glancing at Maho while hiding any emotion behind a blank expression.

“Excellent. Send him in,” her mother replied, and gathered herself. She paced back and forth in front of her desk, while Maho tried to hide her confusion. Who had arrived?

After a minute or so, Kikuyo returned and opened the door to the study, allowing a man in a finely tailored suit carrying a bag to enter. He was thin and tall, standing a head above her mother and far more above Maho herself, which made him give off an almost unsettling impression. This was not helped by the smile filled with perfect teeth he showed at all times, and his eyes being hidden behind a large set of round glasses, the reflecting light making them seem fully opaque.

“You called for me, Lady Nishizumi?” he said in a tone not too dissimilar from her mother as he bowed deeply towards her.

“Yes. I believe your services are required, Doctor.” Her mother nodded towards Maho, who snapped to attention.

“Ah, yes,” the man said, his voice suddenly full of glee. “What seems to be the issue then?”

“Apparently, a lack of breath and sight came over her earlier.” There was no concern or affection in her mother’s voice, only cold fact and disappointment. “I trust you understand this cannot be tolerated?”

“Oh, of course, of course,” the man said without moving his eyes from Maho. He put his bag down and rummaged around in it for a second, and suddenly shone a small flashlight into Maho’s eyes. It startled her, but she tried her best to remain still in an effort to not incur further wrath from her mother.

“Ah, yes, yes… I see…” the man said and began flipping through a small notebook he pulled out of his bag. “Any significant trauma in her past?”

“None. She has been treated like all Nishizumi’s.”

“I see, I see…” He continued in excited tones, and glance back and forth between Maho, her mother and his notebook. “Might we speak in private for a moment?”

“Certainly. Maho.” Maho bowed to her mother and turned to leave the room, but was stopped by the man putting one of his hands on her shoulder.

“Actually… If it’s not too much trouble, I would want to speak to the subject undisturbed.”

“I see.” Her mother nodded to the man, and left the room. He gestured to a chair beside her mother’s desk, and Maho sat down, feeling a deep sense of unease both from the man’s presence and from her apparent condition.

The man grabbed the chair from behind her mother’s desk, and sat down opposite her. He pulled out a notebook and pen from his bag, and began asking her a series of questions. There was nothing directly malignant in his questioning, but his tone and overall appearance still kept Maho on edge, even if a lifetime of training from her mother helped her keep that fact hidden. After perhaps half an hour of questioning, the man nodded and got up from his seat, opening the door to call her mother back inside.

“I believe I have found the source of the issue,” he said giddily. “It is a deep-rooted one, but nothing we cannot solve. Modern medicine truly is remarkable, isn’t it?”

“So, how is it solved then?” her mother asked coldly. “I will not have a sniveling coward for a daughter.”

“Oh, most certainly.” The man clapped his hands excitedly a few times, and walked back to his bag. He rummaged for a few seconds, and placed a few bottles on the desk before getting out a syringe. “The mind is a strange thing, is it not, Lady Nishizumi? Capable of so much, yet a single flaw can render even someone as skilled as the young miss here completely useless. May I?” he asked of her mother, who nodded. He began filling the syringe from one of the bottles, and walked over to Maho. “Now, Miss Nishizumi, this may sting a bit. But it will be a small price to pay for solving this particular flaw of yours.” He grabbed her arm and stuck the syringe into her shoulder. He depressed it, and the liquid began flowing into her body.

At first Maho didn’t feel anything in particular, but her shoulder quickly began to burn and itch on the inside, and her head soon followed. It was as if there was a wildfire inside her mind, burning all in its path. The man then handed her some pills from two different bottles, and instructed her to swallow them. She glanced over at her mother, then down at the two green and white pills, and did as she was told. After a few minutes, the burning subsided and her mind cleared. She didn’t feel sluggish exactly, but something was most certainly different.

“She is to take these a few minutes before getting into a tank,” the man said to her mother. “They should help clear her mind, and prevent this flaw from rearing its ugly head again.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Oh, no worries. Helping the Nishizumi clan continue its greatness is an honor in and of itself.” he bowed, and scribbled something down in his notebook which he ripped out and handed to her mother. “I will leave these two with you, Lady Nishizumi, but take this for the day they need to be refilled.”

“Thank you. I shall see to it that you are compensated for this.”

The man collected his things, and bowed again.

“All in good time, I hope. I wish you a pleasant evening, Lady Nishizumi.”

* * *

##  **_Little Army_ **

As Maho walked down the gangway of the  _ Graf Zeppelin _ , she was met by Kikuyo standing under her colorful parasol.

“Welcome home, Miss Nishizumi. I’m glad to see you well.”

“Thank you Kikuyo. It’s good to be home.” Home. She hadn’t set foot on land since she started at Kuromorimine half a year ago apart from when participating in matches. And now, she was finally allowed back home for two weeks. She would finally get to see Miho again.

“Is there anywhere in particular you wish to go? The car is waiting for us, ready to take you anywhere…”

“No,” she said sharply. “Take me home first. I imagine Mother wishes to speak with me.”

“The Lady is currently in Kyoto, Miss Nishizumi. She will not be returning until Monday.”

“Even so, take me home.”

“Of course.” Kikuyo bowed and smiled. “Right this way.” She picked up Maho’s bag, and led the way across the dock to where Konuma had parked the car.

“Your studies go well then, Miss Nishizumi?” Kikuyo asked as they drove through the city towards the Nishizumi household.

“Yes, they do.”

“As one would expect of you, Miss Nishizumi,” she continued. “We were all very proud to see you lead Kuromorimine to victory last month.”

“And Mother?” Maho answered in a dour tone as she looked out at the passing landscape. “Was she ‘proud’ to see it as well?”

“I’m sure Lady Nishizumi was extremely proud…” Kikuyo said, not very convincingly. “In her own way…”

“Is Miho alright?” Maho couldn’t wait any longer. She needed to know. She had been gone for almost six months. six long months, during which their mother would have had free reign over Miho. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if Miho had come to harm while she was away.

“Miss Miho is well and happy.” Kikuyo glanced towards Konuma in the driver’s seat. “Mister Konuma? Might we have some privacy?”

“Oh, of course, Ma’am,” he answered in a stilted fashion, and soon a divider rose up between him and them.

Maho glanced over to Kikuyo. This wasn’t like her.

“Those who hear often speak, Miss Nishizumi.” She gave a short nod to Maho, who answered it in turn. “But you will be pleased to hear that Miss Miho has performed admirably under Lady Nishizumi’s tutelage, and not once has she been called to the Lady’s study.”

Maho breathed a sigh of relief, and felt some of the tension leave her body as she could finally relax. She had somehow managed to protect Miho from the ruthlessness of the Nishizumi style.

“Thank you, Kikuyo. It’s good to hear she’s well.”

“Indeed,” Kikuyo said, and looked at Maho. “But are you, Miss Nishizumi?” Maho followed her gaze to her lower arm, and the handful of scars scattered across it. “Those were not there when you left…”

“I’m fine,” Maho replied and crossed her arms, covering the scars from sight.

“There is no weakness in asking for help when things are difficult, Miss Nishizumi…”

“I SAID I’M FINE!”

* * *

The rest of the drive passed in silence, but as they neared the Nishizumi residence, Maho saw something further down the road.

“Stop the car, please,” Maho said and Konuma did as instructed. 

“Miss Nishizumi?” Kikuyo asked with a confused look.

“I’ll walk the rest of the way, thank you.” She got out of the car and began walking through the late summer air, while Konuma drove on the last few hundred meters towards the residence. It took most of Maho’s discipline for her not to run towards her target.

“It’s been a while, Miho,” she said as she approached, and her sister turned away from the three girls she had been speaking to.

“Big Sis?!” Miho said affectionately, and walked with springy steps towards Maho, hugging her.

“Hi Miho,” Maho said in a low voice and nuzzled the top of Miho’s head. “I missed you.”

“Me too! You did so great at the tournament! I saw it!” There was something odd about Miho’s answer. On the outside she still seemed like the happy and carefree sister Maho had left when she set out to sea, but there was something else too. Something that wasn’t entirely apparent, and even Maho who had spent most of her life with Miho had a hard time picking up on it. As if there was a veiled coldness beneath the affection, and not one that had been there when Maho left.

Miho held Maho in place a few moments more, before letting go and turning to her companions. “These are my friends! We’re doing tankery together!” The strange coldness was gone, and Miho again seemed like the sister Maho remembered.

“Is that so…” Maho said pensively, trying her best not to sound anxious. “Well, I’m glad to see you’ve made friends while I’ve been gone.”

“Mh-hm!” Miho nodded. “That’s Hitomi, and that’s Chihiro, and that’s Emi!” Miho pointed to her friends in turn as she introduced them. Hitomi was a short girl with blond hair, who bowed enthusiastically. Chihiro was roughly as tall as Miho with a slender build and short black hair, and was more reserved in her greeting, but still polite. Finally, Emi had a pale complexion and long red hair tied up into twintails which made her stick out from the rest. Her body language added to this, for while her two friends came up and greeted Maho, Emi remained a few paces away, and only glared at Maho.

“This is my big sister, Ma…”

“Maho Nishizumi,” Emi said coldly. “I know.”

“Emi already did tankery in Germany!” Miho said with enthusiasm and pulled the reluctant girl closer, seemingly not picking up on her cold demeanor towards Maho.

“Really?” Maho said with a fascinated tone. “You must be quite skilled then.”

Emi yanked her arm free from Miho’s grip, and began walking away. “I’m going home!” There was clear dislike in her voice, even if Maho didn’t know what she had done to cause her offense.

“Emi?” Miho said and walked after, grabbing her arm again, but Emi quickly pulled free again. 

“Don’t you get it? I don’t want to be near her!” She took off down the road, leaving the rest of them behind with confused faces.

* * *

“That is a valid hit. The Panzer IV is taken out, and the StuG III is victorious.” The duel was over. Maho had been surprised when Miho asked her to face her in battle, but had agreed nonetheless. The air of coldness in Miho had been coming and going all throughout the week, never appearing long enough for Maho to notice it outright, and perhaps a Sensha-Do battle would allow her a greater insight.

It had not. The battle had been a simple affair, and Maho had defeated Miho and her friends with the aid of some disciples of the Nishizumi style, studying under her mother. Still, the cold tone in Miho’s voice reappeared for a fraction of a moment while the two teams bowed and thanked each other for the match. At this point, Maho knew she wasn’t imagining things. Still, Miho was not the only one she needed to take care of.

“You’re injured..:”

“Don’t bother…”

“Here. Take it.”

“Leave me alone.” 

“That’s a nasty bump you’ve got there. You should put this salve on it to help it heal.”

Maho again held the small container out to Emi, who after looking between Maho and the container for a few moments, cautiously accepted it.

“Tha...thanks… I guess.” She bowed her head, before looking back up at Maho. “You fought well. I… I thought you were more cruel than that.”

“Of course not!” Miho said as she walked over. “Maho always does the right thing!”

“Then tell me…” Emi said and curled her hands into fists. “Why did you do that?” Maho raised an eyebrow, not fully understanding. “In the final match of the summer tournament, you were facing the German team and fought expertly. You had the enemy flag tank isolated and surrounded. But the weather shifted to rain, and one of your tanks advanced too far on the flank, leaving it on the edge of a cliff once the ground gave way. The enemy flag tank rushed to help, and you fired on it.” Maho sighed at this retelling of her actions. “Why? Your victory was already certain, so why? They were going to help your own teammates, and you could have easily waited until they were safe.”

“It was your sister, wasn’t it? Who commanded the German tank?”

“It was.” The answer was cold and direct. “So tell me; Why did you have to fire on her?”

“I only did…” Maho began answering, but was interrupted by a voice calling from behind her.

“Maho, Miho!” It was their mother, who took determined strides towards them. “Kikuyo, what’s all this?”

“A training match took place between the ladies.”

“I see. I suppose that is acceptable.” She looked down at Maho. “You performed admirably in the summer tournament, and defended the Nishizumi name. Well done.”

“Yes Mother.” Maho answered instinctively, and bowed.

“I shall hear the rest at home.” She began walking away, and even though she hadn’t said it, the command to follow was clear. What surprised Maho was seeing Miho fall in beside her. “Kikuyo, I trust you will see this dealt with?”

“Yes, Madam. At once.”

* * *

“You are dismissed,” her mother said coldly after Maho had finished her report.

“Thank you, Mother.” She bowed, and left the study while her mother began looking through some paperwork. Her stomach grumbled as she closed the door to the study. She should get some food, but first she needed to talk to Miho.

“Miho?” she said as she knocked on the door to her sister’s room. “Are you there?”

Maho heard steps inside, and after a few seconds Miho opened the door. “What is it?” That coldness again.

“I… I just wanted to talk to you a little. But if it’s inconvenient, it can wai…”

“No, of course not. Come in,” Miho replied with a smile, and left the door open as she walked over to her desk, sitting down on it. Maho followed her inside, and sat down on the bed. It wasn’t hard to see that the room had changed. The room which had once been filled with injured teddy bears was now screaming with their absence. Only one remained beside Miho’s pillow, while the rest of the room had a much cleaner appearance. There was the occasional model of a tank, and the shelves were lined with books on tanks and Sensha-do. Maho recognized the majority as being about the Nishizumi style, written by their mother or some other famed adherent of the style. 

“How have you been?”

“I’m good,” Miho shrugged.

“How’s school going?” Maho asked, unsure of how to proceed. Miho was usually more expressive and affectionate than this. “Your friends seem very nice.”

“I guess so.” Miho looked down at the floor, before she looked up at Maho again with a quizzical look. “Why does Emi hate you?”

Maho sighed. She had imagined the subject would come up, and she was intending on bringing it up herself, if not this quickly.

“I don’t think she hates me, she just…”

“No, she hates you.” Miho fiddled with a pen as she spoke. “She said so herself a few days ago. I yelled at her. That’s why I challenged you to the match. To help her understand you…”

“I see…” Maho looked down, but soon looked up with a smile. “So that was what it was about.”

“I don’t know… Still, I don’t get why she would hate you.”

“She’s angry at me for what I did during the summer tournament,” Maho sighed.

“Why? Is she just jealous of you for being good at tankery?”

“No, I don’t think that’s it. Her sister was in Ober Preussische’s flag tank.”

“But what does that matter? You won fair and square. Emi even said so herself.”

“She tried to go to help Tanigawa’s tank when it got stuck on the cliff, and I fired at it. There were no reinforcements in sight, and she was surrounded. I could easily have waited until Tanigawa and her crew were safe. But I didn’t” Maho took a deep breath, and steeled herself. “Miho…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know why I had to fire on her?”

“Of course,” Miho answered with a sincerity and smile that made Maho’s heart sink. “That was Nishizumi style tankery. We value victory and strength above all else. I know you always do the right thing.” There was not a shred of doubt or questioning in Miho’s voice, and Maho felt her heart shatter.

“Right…” Maho said in a low murmur. “The right thing…”

“Was that what you wanted to talk about?” Miho said. “I have homework that needs doing.”

“Right… of course…” Maho answered, not quite listening. “No, there was… there’s nothing else…” She got up from the bed, and walked towards the door while Miho turned towards her schoolwork. “Goodnight Miho…”

“Goodnight, Maho.”

She walked through the halls to her own room and collapsed on the bed, letting the pillow muffle the sounds of her crying. Despite all of the struggle and pain she had gone through to keep Miho safe from the ruthlessness of the Nishizumi style, she needed to work harder. Miho might not have had it beaten into her like Maho had, but she did not seem to find any flaw in its doctrine either.

* * *

“Miss Nakasuga?”

“What do you want?” Emi answered bitterly as Maho began walking beside her.

“I wanted to explain myself.”

Emi stopped, and gave Maho a surprised look, but nodded for her to do so.

“You asked me why I fired on your sister. I did what I had to do.”

“But you didn’t. You didn’t have to fire. You could have waited instead of firing on someone who was only trying to help _ your _ teammates.”

“I know…” Maho said and looked down. “But that’s what’s expected of me. I’m the heiress of the Nishizumi name. I need to be a living embodiment of the Nishizumi style, and I can’t show any weakness.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why?” Emi repeated, as if it was obvious what she meant. “Why do you have to do that? You could choose not to.”

Maho looked at Emi for a second, puzzled by the suggestion, before answering. “Miho. I need to do it for Miho’s sake. The Nishizumi style is horrible, and there is real pain that comes with it. If I must go through hell to spare Miho pain, then that’s what I have to do.” She sighed. “I will always have to carry this burden, but if that allows Miho to go her own way and be happy, then it will have been worth it.”

“You’re doing all of this for her sake?”

“Yes. I love my sister above anything in the world, and I would do anything to protect her.”

Emi turned away from Maho in silence, but turned back a few seconds later. She didn’t look Maho in the eye however. “I forgive you…” she muttered.

“What?”

“I said I forgive you!” she said, louder. “I still think you’re stupid, but I forgive you, OK?”

The light at the crossing turned green, and Emi began walking away muttering to herself about something, leaving behind Maho who was at first stunned, but soon found a smile creeping across her face. 

* * *

##  **_Subordinates and Old Friends_ **

“As some of you already know, Amaya Takata, our previous Vice-Commander, graduated and moved up to the High school-division’s team at the end of the last school year. Therefore, I have chosen her replacement.” It was the first training session of the year, and Maho spoke with cold efficiency as she addressed the roughly 100 girls gathered before her. Most she had served with during her first year at Kuromorimine, and they both knew and respected her command. But there were also the first-years. Two or three dozen new members that would need to be trained and integrated into the existing team. 

Even in the middle school-division of the Federation, Kuromorimine was a feared opponent, and as the heiress of the Nishizumi name, Maho couldn’t afford to disrupt that reputation. Ideally she would have preferred to name Miyaguchi to the post of Vice Commander. She had been good friends with Amaya, knew her way around both a tank and the battlefield, and had proven her ability to command on several occasions. 

Unfortunately, the decision was out of Maho’s hands. She knew that there was only one choice she would be allowed to make, and even if she would have rather chosen anyone else, she steeled herself before she spoke the name.

“Miho Nishizumi, Class 1-D. Please come forwards.” A silent murmur could be heard as Miho took a few steps forwards, and stood next to Maho. “I hereby name Miho Nishizumi to the post of Vice Commander of Kuromorimine’s Middle school team. Her authority is only superseded by my own.” She turned to Miho and affixed the brass oak leaves to the epaulettes of her uniform. “Congrats, Sis,” Maho said in a low voice, receiving only a nod in reply from Miho.

As she took a step back from Miho and returned to her position, a round of applause from the crowd greeted the two, even if it wasn’t very enthusiastic. Maho had known that the appointment would be controversial. She had herself been made Commander almost the moment she set foot on the  _ Graf Zeppelin _ , and there were many who disliked her command because of it. Second- and third-years who had been with the team far longer and suddenly got passed up simply because of Maho’s last name.

Her first few months had been an uphill struggle, and even if naming Amaya Vice Commander had helped, her command was still not one based on respect. Even the most avid dissenter couldn’t argue with the results however, and after leading the team through victory after victory, the situation had improved somewhat. Maho just hoped that Miho wouldn’t face similar problems.

* * *

The two of them sat at their desks in the team’s garage, opposite each other, as they worked through the lists of new and old team members, deciding on what newcomers would be assigned to what role and tank based on their preliminary tests, as well as any reshuffles of old members that they deemed necessary. The work was silent and soul crushing. Name after name passed under Maho’s fingers as she scanned the lists, making notes and recommendations on who would be assigned where, until they stopped having any meaning to her. 

What in reality was a person with likes and dislikes, hobbies and friends, became nothing but a string of numbers and checkmarks. Just like they were supposed to be in the Nishizumi style. Sensha-Do was not a team sport in the eyes of Nishizumis. It wasn’t like baseball or soccer where every person was of near equal-import, but instead it was a game of chess. The Commander made the decisions and gave the orders, and all those underneath her were supposed to do was what they were told.

_ That must be why these lists are the way they are _ , Maho thought. After all, as long as you didn’t see those underneath you as people, you wouldn’t think about what might happen to them. As long as you considered them to be numbers, cogs in a machine, you would grow fond of assuming they were there to fulfill a function and nothing else.

She sighed as she continued scanning the lists. Glancing down at the pile in front of her, she was at least relieved to see that there were only two pages left to go through. She made her final notes on the page in front of her, and moved on to the next.  _ Only two to go _ , she thought. Soon they would be done with this unending work.

She began moving through the list, noting the scores of the different members, their names forgotten the moment she had read them. Driver, commander, loader, loader, gunner, gunner, gunner, reserve, driver… Maho paused for a second. Something had jogged a part of her memory, and she wasn’t sure what. She returned to the top of the page and started anew, moving through the list with far more care and attention to detail than she had on the previous pages. After a few minutes, she found what had caused her to pause. She looked blankly at the name, not quite believing the fact that it was written down. Miho glanced up at her with a questioning look, and so she made a mental note of the fact, and continued down the list.

* * *

“That’s all for today. Go clean up, and get some dinner!” Maho called out to the gathered team after their training session the following day, but as the crowd dispersed, she made her way into it, searching. She scanned the mass of bodies as they parted before her, until finally she found her target.

“So, you noticed,” said a bitter tone, as Emi Nakasuga looked over to her.

“I did,” Maho answered. “Do you have a moment, cadet?” she continued, keeping up a veneer of formality with all eyes pointed at them.

Emi paused for a second and glanced around, before nodding. “Of course… Commander.”

Maho motioned for Emi to follow, and they walked back towards the garage.

“You can leave, Miho. I’ll finish things up,” Maho said with a pointed tone as she passed her sister, making it clear that it was a command and not a suggestion.

Miho raised an eyebrow at the sight of Emi, but nodded to Maho. “Of course, Commander.” She bowed slightly, and walked towards the locker rooms after the rest of the team.

“So…” Maho said as she leaned against her Panzer IV, “what brought you here? I thought you would go back to Germany once you were done in elementary school?”

Emi looked away, making sure not to meet Maho’s eye. “I was, but then mom said I should finish at least middle school here as well. To experience my heritage. It’s not like I wanted to stay, you know. And it’s not like I wanted to go here either. This just happened to be convenient. Mom’s still staying in Kumamoto, so it’s just convenient that I’m here, OK? It’s not like I wanted to go here just because you were here. I didn’t even know you studied here.” She turned her nose at Maho and crossed her arms, trying to sound convincing in her anger. “I just thought that if I was going to stay in Japan for longer, I might as well continue with Sensha-Do, and Kuromorimine just happens to have an OK program for it, OK?! It’s nothing else! WHAT?!”

Maho had a hard time containing her laughter, and waved a hand in apology towards Emi. “I’m sorry, Emi. It’s just… I don’t know, it’s just funny.” She took a few breaths and composed herself. “I don’t mind that you’re here, ok? And I don’t need to hear a reason for it either. I was just surprised is all.”

“Oh.” Emi slumped a little, and Maho swore she could see her cheeks redden for a second. “I… uhm… I didn’t know that…”

“Regardless, it’s good to see you again. You know how to handle a tank, and I’m sure you’ll be a great addition to the team.”

“You really think so?!” Emi perked up again and looked at Maho with determined enthusiasm, before she caught herself and looked away again, scoffing. “I mean, yeah, sure. I guess I can help you out.”

Maho stifled another laugh, and tilted her head slightly. “So, what’s up with you and Miho? You two seem cold. That is, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“We had a fight a few months back. She was being stupid, and I punched her…”

“You did  _ what _ ?!” Maho asked with slight bitterness, using her elbows to push herself away from the tank.

“It was her own fault. She said my sister was stupid for trying to help your teammate in the summer tournament last year. She said she deserved getting fired on.”

“Oh…” Maho again leaned back, and let her fists open back into open hands. “I’m sorry, Emi…”

“Why?” She interrupted. “Why did you make someone like her commander?”

“She’s my sister. She’s a skilled tanker, and she…”

“Don’t lie to me. We both know she shouldn’t be in command of anyone, so why?”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“Really? More than a hundred girls on the team, and you didn’t have a choice?”

“No, I didn’t. It’s what the school and my mother expects, and I didn’t have a choice. She’s the Vice Commander, whether I like it or not.”

“She’s also horrible. Don’t tell me you can’t see it?” Emi asked. Maho wanted to argue, but deep down she knew she was right. “She’s cold, and bitter, and she doesn’t care about anyone.”

Maho sighed, and her shoulders slumped. “I know… I… I didn’t want it to be like this. I wanted her to be free, and for her to do whatever she wanted with her life… I wanted to spare her the ruthlessness of my family and the Nishizumi style…”’

“So what happened?” Emi kept her dour tone as she leaned back against the Ferdinand that stood behind her.

Maho didn’t answer. She just looked down at the floor, and felt a wave of sadness wash over her.

“What happene…”

“Dismissed, Cadet.”

“I asked you what happe…” Emi began to protest, but Maho cut her off.

“AND I SAID YOU ARE DISMISSED!” She glared at Emi, who only glared back defiantly, before she finally began walking away and out of the garage. As she reached the door, she turned and looked at Maho.

“You’re still as big of an idiot as you were last year. You say you want Miho to be free, but you just accept the cage you’re in…”

“GET OUT!”

Emi left, the door slamming shut behind her, and left Maho alone in the quiet garage. She was left sad and alone, haunted by Emi’s question. What happened? She took slow and unsteady steps towards her desk and sat down, her head collapsing against the hard wooden surface. She knew exactly what had happened. In her attempt to shield Miho from the ruthlessness of the Nishizumi style, her attempts to make sure that their mother never got to her, her attempts to teach and prepare Miho so that she would never share her own fate, she had ultimately failed. 

Instead of letting Miho go her own way in life, free from the burden of being a Nishizumi, she had removed all obstacles. Miho didn’t hate the Nishizumi style like Maho did. She wasn’t trapped by it like Maho. She had never once in her life been struck by the realization that their mother was a cruel, cold, calculating, and bitter woman, and that the Nishizumi style was equally so. Miho had become a true believer of the style’s tenets. She truly believed that Maho did the right thing when she fired on Emi’s sister that day. She truly believed that their subordinates were numbers and pawns, not people.

The signs had been there for a long time, but this was the first time Maho truly realized how monumental her failure was.

* * *

##  **_A Table for a Friend_ **

“Commander?”

At first Maho didn’t hear, her mind lost in thought as she looked down at the maps and scattered documents before her.

“Commander?!” the voice asked again, slightly more forceful this time, grabbing Maho’s attention.

“Yes?” she asked, still regaining focus on the real world, and turned to face the voice. Behind her stood one of the first-years. Maho hadn’t had time to learn all their names yet, but she had short reddish-brown hair and a kind but concerned expression.

“Are you… I mean… Aren’t you going to eat?” she asked nervously.

“No,” Maho answered. “I don’t like all the noise in the dining hall. Was there anything else, cadet…?”

“Akaboshi,” the girl answered, and flustered, stood at attention. “I… I’m sorry, Commander. I… I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“It’s fine,” Maho replied and turned back to her maps. “You didn’t know. But thank you, Cadet Akaboshi.” She gave a wave of her hand, even as her stomach grumbled. “Dismissed.”

* * *

“Commander?”

Maho looked up from her maps, and just like she had done yesterday, Akaboshi stood behind her. Today she was holding a tray however, holding a steaming plate of food and some milk in a glass.

“Akaboshi?” Maho asked, confused. “You’re not going to eat out here I hope?” she said, and privately noted the lack of flat surfaces in the Sensha-Do team’s garage.

“Oh… No, Commander. But I… I thought… since you don’t like to eat in the dining hall… that, maybe… maybe you would be happier eating out here?” She glanced down at the tray, before looking up at a stunned Maho. “Nevermind, it was… it was a stupid idea…”

“No, no…” Maho said, trying to find the right words. “That was very… thoughtful... of you. Thank you. You can…” She glanced at her desk and quickly moved some papers around to leave an opening for the tray. “You can put it there.”

Koume put the tray down, took a few steps back, and bowed. “Well then… Commander… I… I guess I’ll be leaving then…”

“Right… yeah… I… I guess…” Maho stuttered out, still stunned by the girl’s kindness. “Thank you, Akaboshi…”

* * *

“Commander?”

The next day, Akaboshi was once again there with a tray of food as Maho worked through the evening.

“Oh, Akaboshi,” Maho replied, now somewhat more prepared than she had been the day before. “Thank you.” She moved some papers, and nodded to the opening. “You can put it there.”

“Of course, Commander.”

“Hey…” Maho said pensively as Akaboshi prepared to leave. “What’s your name? Your full name, I mean?”

“Oh…” the girl said, and made a confused face before smiling. “It’s Koume. Koume Akaboshi.”

“Koume…” Maho said, committing the name to memory. “Thank you, Koume. I really appreciate it,” she said, before catching herself. “You don’t… You don’t mind if I call you Koume?”

“Oh, n-no, Commander. Koume is fine.” She bowed, and left the garage.

* * *

“Koume?” Maho asked as the first-year put the tray down beside her.

“Yes, Commander?”

“Do you have to be anywhere?”

“No, I don’t think so…” she answered nervously.

“Any homework to take care of?”

“No, I’m all caught up.”

“Then I…” Maho said, and paused. She wasn’t entirely sure. Was this overstepping? “I was thinking…” She looked at Koume’s face, and the combination of confusion and anticipation it showed, deciding she might as well ask. “Maybe you could stay a little. I could use some company.”

“Oh, I… I mean… Yes, of course, Commander” Maho chuckled slightly at the girl’s formality, and nodded for her to pull up a nearby chair while she began to partake in the meal.

“Oh, and one more thing.”

“Yes, Commander?”

“You don’t have to call me ‘Commander’. At least not when we’re alone like this.”

“Commander?”

“My name’s Maho. It’s only fair, right? I call you Koume, you call me Maho.” She gave Koume a reassuring smile.

“Of course, Commander,” Koume answered, but seemingly not out of fear or discipline. There was a warmth to her voice that let Maho know there was nothing but respect in the word. Maho just rolled her eyes and chuckled however, and let it slide.

The following week, Koume somehow managed to carry two trays down to the garage so that they both had something to eat, and it soon became a routine. Whenever the rest of the team were dismissed from training, Koume would join them on their way to the dining hall, and sneak down to Maho in the garage with dinner for them both.

* * *

##  **_Ritual of Remembrance_ **

“Commander, they’re all ready,” Miho said as she clacked the heels of her boots.

“Good… I’m coming,” Maho replied and dismissed her.

“Yes, Commander.” Miho nodded, turned on the spot, and left. Maho reached into her right breast-pocket, and pulled out a small container, spilling its contents into her open palm. Two small pills in green and white. She took a deep breath to steel herself, and swallowed them both, before putting on her side cap and walking out to the waiting team.

* * *

“Everyone, to your tanks!” Maho called out to the assembled team once she was finished with her speech.

“Yes, Commander!” the call came back, and almost a hundred girls rushed off to their places. The exhibition match against Bonple wasn’t supposed to be a challenge, but it was an opportunity for the team to see some real action, and get the taste of true combat. It was also an opportunity for Maho to see how they worked under pressure, and whether or not the months of hard training had given the wanted results. 

“Commander,” Miho said coldly from beside her and nodded, before walking over towards her tank. As Vice commander, she only got into place when everyone else was ready, and once Miho was in place, Maho would follow and go to her own tank.

“Here goes,” Maho said to herself as she got the signal, and walked over to her Panzer IV. She climbed up to the turret with a few steady steps, and sat down in the commander's seat. 

“Commander,” her crew said one after the other, and Maho nodded in reply to them each in turn, before closing her eyes and leaning back as she took deep breaths. Her crew knew to keep quiet for what came next. In her mind's eye, Maho found herself back in her mother's office, with her torso bare and facing the wall. She began to recite her lessons like she was in a trance. "A Nishizumi doesn't cry." "A Nishizumi doesn't run." "When a Nishizumi fires, they hit." When a Nishizumi advances, they break through." With every sentence, she felt the corresponding scar on her back flare up with pain, and then dying down again as the next lesson was recited. And with every sentence, she heard her mother's voice as it repeated the lessons with her.

The ritual didn't take long, barely more than a minute, but once she had worked her way through her scars, her mind was clear and focused. All distractions and errant thoughts fled her mind. There was nothing but her, the tanks she commanded, and the enemy. She gave a near unnoticeable nod, and her driver got the Panzer IV rolling.

* * *

##  **_The Kuromorimine Triangle_ **

Maho’s stomach rumbled again, making sure that the fact that she was hungry wasn’t forgotten. Still, she kept up her work, looking over some of the repair estimates for the team’s tanks. Koume would get here sooner or later, and there was no need to worry. A few minutes later, she was proven correct.

“Good evening, Commander.” Koume said from behind her, and Maho could smell the food as she turned. What she was not prepared for however, was Emi standing next to Koume with a tray of her own.

“Emi? What are you doing here?”

“Koume’s been acting weird and sneaking away to eat alone for a couple of weeks now, so I just wanted to make sure she was doing OK. It’s not like I wanted to join you or anything.”

“Then… wait, you two know each other?” Maho asked, still slightly surprised.

“She’s my driver,” Koume answered as she looked between Maho and Emi. “And we share a dormroom. So yeah, we know each other.”

“Huh. I didn’t know that.” Maho got up from her chair, and took one of the trays off Koume’s hands, nodding to the planning table in the corner where they all sat down.

* * *

Emi’s participation in their dinner soon became just as routine as the dinners themselves. The team would finish up the session, Maho would send Miho away, and after a while Koume and Emi would come down with food for the three of them.

“Koume, do you mind if I ask you a question?” Maho asked one day as they ate.

“Yes, Commander?”

“What’s the deal with you and Itsumi?”

“She’s in love with her,” Emi answered without even looking up from her dinner, as if it was obvious.

“W-what? No I’m not!” Koume answered, but the panic in her voice and the blushing of her cheeks betrayed her.

“Oh give it up,” Emi replied. “You sure give her a lot of dreamy stares and a longing sighs whenever she passes in the hall for someone who isn’t in love.”

“I do not!” Koume protested, but Emi seemed to enjoy teasing her friend.

“You walked into a pillar this morning because you focused on Miss Snow White instead of where you were going.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Ok, so what were you focusing on then? Or are you admitting that you’re airheaded enough to not see a stone pillar coming towards you?”

“I… well… but… uhm…” Koume stammered, before finally bowing her head in defeat. “Fine.”

“ I knew it.” Emi grinned in celebration, and returned her focus to her food.

“So…” Maho asked again cautiously, “What’s the deal there?”

“It’s nothing, Commander. It’s just…” Koume was now blushing fully, almost looking redder than the skirts of their Sensha-Do uniforms. “Erika’s an old friend of mine. We were neighbors growing up, so we usually walked to school together and hung out a lot.” She sighed. “She was my first real friend, and I always liked hanging out with her, and then somewhere along the line I started to notice… things… and suddenly I always felt awkward around her...”

“Ah,” Maho said, grasping the picture. “I see. I’m not judging, by the way. I was just curious. You always seemed to acta bit strange when she was around, so, you know…”

“Oh, no, I get it, Commander. I didn’t take any offense.” She sighed and deflated slightly as she looked down at her food, giving an opening for some fresh teasing from Emi, while Maho looked on in amusement.

“What about you?” Emi said, seemingly out of the blue.

“‘What about me’  _ what _ ?” Maho asked, not understanding.

“Itsumi,” she said, once again speaking as if it was obvious. “What do you think about her? She sure seems to like you.”

“I… uh… I guess she’s an OK tanker?”

“Uhuh, and anything else you’ve noticed about her? Anything you like about her? Not that I care.” 

* * *

##  **_Between a Sister and a Sycophant_ **

"Here Commander, let me carry those for you!"

“You looked thirsty, so I got you something to drink, Commander!”

“Is there anything I can help with, Commander?”

“Of course, Commander!”

“At once, Commander!”

While the help and support Erika Itsumi always offered was appreciated, she was slowly driving Maho insane. Ever since the girl had joined Kuromorimine back in middle school, Maho’s life had been filled with constant offers of help and assistance. Maho thought back to one of the discussions she had had with Koume and Emi in middle school, and how Emi had asked, or at least implied to ask, if Maho was in love with Erika. At that point Maho could only make vague excuses and assurances that she most certainly didn’t see Erika in that way, but now she knew exactly how she saw her. Erika was like an excited puppy, always in want of attention and appreciation, but also often so clingy and closeby that you ended up tripping over it. 

She was a good tanker, and she always made sure to follow orders without delay. She was well-liked by most of her team-mates, even if Maho occasionally caught some of those who didn’t like her call her ‘the commander’s lapdog’. 

The year of relative respite that Maho’s graduation and ascension to the high school-division of Kuromorimine had given her had made her forget how annoying Erika’s sincere helpfulness could be. But where before Maho had assumed she was only enthusiastic about the team and wanting to help her commander out as much as possible, now she suspected there was an ulterior motive at play.

When Maho graduated from middle school, Miho, the team’s Vice Commander, naturally took her place as Commander, and appointed Erika as Vice Commander. Maho suspected that the return of Erika’s sycophantic behavior was an attempt at snagging the position of Vice Commander away from Miho now that they both had joined Maho in the high school-team.

As if the decision wasn’t enough of a burden on Maho’s shoulders by itself. She had once again been made Commander immediately upon joining the team, and even though a large part of the team had served with her in her middle school days, there was still some challenges to overcome from those who found her promotion unfair or saw it as the obvious case of nepotism that it was.

Now that Amaya had once again graduated, and Maho was once again facing the choice of who to appoint in her place. On the one hand, Erika had potential to be sure, but she also lacked some of the qualities Maho looked for in a second-in-command. On the other hand, both her mother and the alumni association had made their wish of seeing Miho in the role again impossible to miss. She was facing two equally bad choices, and she was going to have to find an answer soon.

* * *

##  **_Full Confidence_ **

“This is an outrage! You can’t do this!”

“I can, I will, and I already have. Or need I remind you of article two of the team’s bylaws?” Maho didn’t pay the headmaster much attention as she continued working through the paperwork on her desk. This only infuriated the already furious man even further.

“Don’t you dare preach to me about bylaws, girl. Article one clearly states that you only serve at the pleasure of the alumni association!”

“First of all, it’s  _ Commander _ to you, Sir. Commander Nishizumi. I would have thought the headmaster of Kuromorimine would know to address people with the appropriate respect. And secondly, yes. You are correct, in as much that I am indeed appointed by the alumni association. But article two also clearly states that the Vice Commander is appointed by, and serves at the pleasure of, the Commander. Which would currently mean me.”

“Why you little…” At this point the headmaster was seething with anger. “You can’t appoint that girl as Vice Commander. I forbid it!”

Maho put her pen down, steepled her fingers before her on her desk, and looked up at the man with a calm smile. “As I’ve just explained, you really don’t have the power to do that. I’ve made the appointment, and the alumni association has been notified. All in accordance with the bylaws.” She leaned back in her chair and turned around, looking out through the panoramic window behind her as she continued. “The only way you could stop me is if the alumni association elects to remove me from the position of Commander. But I don’t think they will. They wouldn’t dare remove me. My family’s donations add far too much to this school’s budget, not to mention the fact that Kuromorimine removing a Nishizumi from command would cause a far greater scandal than her appointment as Vice Commander could ever cause. Especially now. I can almost see the articles already. ‘Kuromorimine loses coveted 10th consecutive win after ousting Nishizumi heiress from command.’”

“How  _ dare _ you…”

Maho turned back towards her desk, and returned to her paperwork. “If there was nothing else headmaster, I wish you a good day. So much work to do, I really don’t have the time for idle chit-chat.” She looked up, and showed an innocent smile, causing the man to storm out of her office, red in the face. Whether it was from his anger, or from him having been told off by a girl at least 40 years his junior, she didn’t know or care. Although she secretly hoped it was the latter.

* * *

She worked for a few minutes more, finishing up the paperwork she had started during the headmaster's rant, before putting her pen down and reaching over to the intercom.

“Would you send her in please?”

“Yes, Commander,” came the answer from her aide, and a few seconds later the door to Maho’s office opened. Maho got up from behind her desk and walked over to greet her guest.

“Koume, thank you for coming.”

“Of course Commander.” The girl glanced back nervously to the door before returning her focus to Mah. “Uhm… am I in trouble, Commander?”

“Not at all.”

“But the headmaster…”

“Simply had some bad coffee this morning. Or was it something else he was angry about? Honestly, I didn’t really listen. But honestly, stop it with the ‘Commander’. I’ve told you a million times to call me Maho when we’re alone.”

“I know, Commander.”

“I’m serious, Koume. This was funny back in middle school, but this sort of joke really is unbecoming of a high schooler. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“You’re hopeless, you know that right?”

Koume smiled and stifled a giggle “I have a vague memory of you telling me so before, yes.  _ Commander _ .”

Maho rolled her eyes, sighed, and chuckled. By this point she knew Koume was never going to call her by her name, but she’d be damned if she’d let her get away with it. After a few seconds, she shrugged and smiled, gesturing to a pair of armchairs in the corner, where the two sat down. “You doing ok? With your classes and everything I mean?”

“I suppose so. But what is…”

“‘This all about?’ Well, I just wanted to give you a heads up for tomorrow's practice session. I’m naming you Vice Commander.” 

Koume’s expression was one of surprise, enthusiasm, and worry. “I… I am? But… What about your sister? Or Erika… They’re…”

“They’re not ready to command. Nor are they fit for it. But you, you have my full confidence.” Maho put a hand on Koume’s. “I wouldn’t have done this if you didn’t. I can’t afford to not think my decisions through. I saw your work back in middle school, and I kept an eye on you last year too. You’re ready.”

Koume’s expression lightened, and a sheepish smile appeared. “Alright. If you think it’s a good idea, I won’t let you down. I promise. Thank you, Commander.”

* * *

##  **_Words She Regrets_ **

“Good luck, Commander,” Koume said as they walked through the rain, away from the commanders’ greeting ceremony and towards their command tanks.

“Thanks, Koume,” Maho answered. “Good luck to you too. Not that I think we’ll need it.” They stopped between Maho’s Tiger I, her beloved “212”, and Koume’s Panzer III, and shook hands. “I still can’t believe you insisted on sticking with the Panzer III instead of a Tiger,” Maho teased, chuckling at the sight. “The Tiger and The Cub” as some had taken to calling the duo, would once again go into battle together. The nickname had supposedly been started by some disgruntled members of the Sensha-Do team who disapproved of Koume’s promotion, but both Maho and Koume had found the description fitting enough that they let it slide, and it had soon become their unofficial callsigns.

“Well, I like her. She’s got spirit, and she gets the job done,” Koume said and looked affectionately at the Panzer. “Not that “212” doesn’t do that of course,” she quickly added, and blushed slightly at Maho’s raised eyebrow.

“Right. Well, it’s not like another heavy tank would have made any real difference, and if you like her, you should keep her.”

“Hey, are you two gonna stand around talking all day, or are we going to get going?!” Emi called out in an annoyed tone from the driver’s hatch of the Panzer III. “You morons are gonna get colds if you stand around like that!”

“We love you too, Emi,” the two said in unison and laughed. Emi simply shook her head and sighed, glaring at the two.

“But I guess she’s right,” Maho said. “I’ll see you on the other side, Koume. 1000 yen says I’ll get the kill-shot on the flag tank?” She held out a hand and smiled at her friend.

“You’re on,” Koume answered and shook her hand. “But, Commander,” she said as she let go and Maho began climbing up onto 212, “Aren’t you being a bit over-confident? What if something goes wrong?”

“It’s just Pravda,” Maho said with a laugh. “What could go wrong? That 10-year streak is as good as ours!”

* * *

_ Next week on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: The match against Pravda takes place, and the incident that will define Maho’s life happens. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:  
> So, uhm… yeah… this chapter was an absolute nightmare for me. Still, I had been looking forward to writing it for a long time. When I first started thinking about DWiMW, and asking myself “What if Maho went to Ooarai instead of Miho”, I came to the pretty obvious conclusion that the Maho we know wouldn’t do what Miho did. So then the question became, “In what way is Maho different in this universe, and what happened to make her become that way?” I have of course hinted at it in previous chapters, how Shiho disapproves of her and considers her a failure, how she had “lessons” beaten into her, and so on. Still, trying to get all of these rather important events into the story proved a lot more difficult than I imagined they would be.  
> The sheer amount of time I had to cover in this chapter (almost 15 years) made a linear “event takes place, describe what links to the next event, next event” pretty unfeasible, so instead I tried to create this anthology-style chapter, where each event is its own little mini-story. I’m pretty pleased with how the earlier ones turned out, but the ones that take place when everyone’s joined KMM I’m honestly not too sure about. It’s hard to describe character interactions over the course of 4-5 years in only a scene or two, but I hope that I managed to get the point across.  
> Anyways, on to what actually happened this chapter. We get some actual clarity into Miho and Maho’s childhood which was a treat to write, Koume got to make her first real appearance, and I finally got to introduce Emi to the story.  
> I always liked Emi ever since she first showed up in Little Army, and especially considering how she is one of few characters to ever question Maho’s actions, felt that she would be a perfect fit to bring into DWiMW. She, Maho, and Koume form a really nice trio together IMO, and if I didn’t feel a need to wrap up the flashback-iness in less than a month, I would love to explore their dynamic even more. Alas, I don’t want to put the present-day story on hold for too long.  
> When it comes to last week, I am utterly floored by the amount of support, thoughts, and reviews I received when it was revealed that Miho is indeed alive. I was honestly a little bit scared that people would think I just pulled that development out of nowhere, but seeing the amount of people who love it, I cannot thank you enough.
> 
> As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback, so please leave a review and let me know what you guys think.  
> Oh yeah, and fittingly enough for a giant chapter, you got giant author’s notes ;)  
> We are now on week 11 of tuesday-posting, and if nothing gets in the way, week 12 will finally reveal what happened during the match with Pravda, and how Maho handles it all.  
> Until then, Arrivederci!  
> / Rihno


	16. The Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Battle for the coveted 10th win rages, and the incident that starts it all takes place. How does Maho deal with her friends being in danger, and what happens once the dust clears?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please note that this chapter contains depictions of suicidal thoughts.

“A Nishizumi doesn’t hesitate.”

“A Nishizumi doesn’t break.”

“A Nishizumi doesn’t cry.”

“When a Nishizumi has the target before them, they fire.”

“When a Nishizumi fires, they hit their target.”

A few deep breaths, and Maho returned to the present. Her ritual was completed. She had recited her lessons, her mother’s words had echoed in her mind, and her scars had burned all her knowledge and skill into her. Her mind was quiet and empty, and there was nothing but the battle. All errant thoughts were silenced, and she sat silently in the commander’s seat of ‘212’ with her eyes closed, waiting for the signal like a tiger waiting to pounce.

A signal rocket was fired, illuminating the overcast sky. The final match of the 63rd National championship had begun, and Maho raised a hand to the mic against her throat.

“All tanks, Panzer vor.”

The aír grew cold as she spoke. With a single command transmitted across the airwaves, Kuromorimine ceased to be a hundred individuals. As if casting a spell upon her team, every tank and every crewmember coalesced into a single being. A single immortal being, with Maho as its brain and her subordinates acting as her limbs. In her mind’s eye, she saw the battlefield splayed out before her, knowing the position of every tank just like she knew every centimeter of her own skin. Her command was supreme, and her ‘body’ followed without question. 

This was the Nishizumi style. Her family’s style. Her mother’s style.  _ Her _ style. She was Maho Nishizumi, her mother's first-born, and the heiress of the Nishizumi style. She  _ was _ Kuromorimine, and Kuromorimine  _ was _ her, fused together into a singular force of nature. Victory was nothing but a formality, a matter of time.

* * *

The battle was indeed nothing but a formality. The initial meeting between Pravda and Maho’s forces was nothing less than a massacre. Flanking the Russian tanks and acting as hammer and anvil both, the forty tanks on the field were quickly reduced to twenty-five as Pravda fled with their remaining seven tanks, Maho pursuing with her overwhelming advantage of eighteen.

So astounding was her assault that the gods themselves seemed to weep at Pravda’s defeat, with rain falling hard on the battlefield, removing any real visibility from the field. But this only favored Maho further. She did not need her eyes to see her enemy. She needed only to close her eyes and listen, and she could sense their every movement.

The battle was nearing its end. She could feel it. There wasn’t even time enough for a crescendo. Pravda would fall, not with a bang, but a whimper. As she followed the Russian tanks between a cliff and river, she could see the proverbial noose tightening around the enemy commander’s neck. It was over. At the end of the path was nothing but a dead end, and the few T-34s and IS-2s that opposed her didn’t stand a ghost of a chance.

She ordered a battle line set up along the small plateau, ensuring that there would be no escape, and gave the order to fire. A symphony of cannonfire sounded, and the Russian tanks closed ranks under the rain of fire, a pathetic attempt to protect their flag tank in hopes of a last minute-reversal. But Maho wasn’t going to allow them to even entertain the hope of one.

“Tank 217, advance to point 3-L-7 and press the assault along their right flank. We’ll squeeze out what little life remains in them.”

“Yes, Commander,” a voice answered in acknowledgement, and a Panzer III began rolling up along the edge of the river. The death-knell was imminent.

* * *

A call over the radio disturbed Maho’s thoughts. She tried not paying it any mind, and retained her focus on the task at hand: Victory. But then the call was repeated.

“Mayday, Mayday, this is Koume Akaboshi of KMM-217. We’re losing traction and need immediate assista-aaaah!” Koume’s scream pulled Maho out of her planning, and she glanced over to where she had ordered the Panzer III to be. It wasn’t there. A jolt of annoyance hit her, and she scanned the field for the errant tank until she found it. It was lying askew on the edge of the cliff overseeing the river below, its tracks spinning wildly as it tried to gain perches as the ground only gave way further.

A shell from Pravda’s lines impacted with the ground underneath the Panzer III as another slammed into its front armor plate, and the ground collapsed completely causing the tank to tumble down the cliffside.

Time slowed to a crawl. Shells hung in place and the rain became nothing more than lone drops of water floating in the air. Meanwhile, Maho’s thoughts rushed faster than a bullet train through her head. KMM-217 had fallen. She would need to send another tank in its stead to deal with the gap in her lines. But what about Koume? Koume was fine. Tanks were thrown around all the time in Sensha-Do. What mattered was the match, and victory. She would end Pravda here and now. She would crush them for their petty insolence, believing they could stand against her. She would… but what if she wasn’t fine? What if the tank had fallen into the river? No, the judges were monitoring the battle. They would retrieve the Panzer III shortly. And if there was any immediate danger they would surely call a ceasefire. Of course they would. The assault was more important. She would send 103 in to take 217’s place. They would distract Pravda long enough for… Long enough for what? The vehicle recovery station was far away. What if they couldn’t see the danger Koume and Emi were in? Her thoughts only raced faster and faster as the battle around her stood frozen in a silent diorama.

But of course, time wasn’t standing still. She needed to make a decision. She needed to decide, and she needed to give orders.

“KMM-101, Come in,” she said coldly across the air-waves.

“KMM-101 here, Copy you KMM-212,” Miho answered. Her Tiger was the closest to the site where Koume’s Panzer III had fallen off the cliff.

“Disengage from battle, and inspect the area where KMM-217 fell from the cliff. KMM-334 will take your place. We need to make sure Vice-Commander Akaboshi and her crew are safe.”

“No, Commander. They will be fine, we need to push the advantage and destroy Pravda’s remaining forces. The match organizers will deal with any fallen tanks.”

“Maybe, but don’t you think…” Miho’s conviction made Maho falter in her own. Maybe she was just overreacting. Koume and her crew would surely be fine for another five minutes while they finished up the battle?

“This is the Nishizumi way, Commander. Victory is imminent. They will be fine. Your orders?”

“Uh… I…” she said, not knowing. “Standing orders... Return to battle.”

“Yes, Commander.”

She shook her head, and slapped her cheeks a few times. She needed to focus. But despite her attempts, she couldn’t. Whatever her ritual and her pills did to empty her mind from distractions, it had ceased to work. Memories of Koume and Emi flashed in her mind where tank positions and tactics should be. But so did memories of her mother’s lessons as well. She felt frozen in place, unable to move. Invisible hands and flaming lashes holding her in place as her scars flared up anew.

She drew deep breaths as the battle continued around her, gathering her strength. She put a hand on top of ‘212’s turret and felt the strength and power within, flowing through her. She was Maho Nishizumi. Her mind was of iron and her heart was armored. She was the living embodiment of a tank. She felt this herculean power flow through her, and in a single moment, made up her mind. She channeled all her strength and broke free of her invisible restraints, leaping from the cupola and down to the ground, breaking into a sprint across the battlefield.

* * *

The pouring rain cut her face and legs as she ran through the battle. Guns from both sides fired upon the others, and answered in turn. But one after the other, the guns of Kuromorimine began to fall silent.

A stray shell from Pravda’s lines nearly took her legs out from under her as she passed one of the Panzer IV’s in the vanguard, and it probably would have if she had been running any faster. Instead it hit the ground a few meters away and made her stumble, but it couldn’t stop her. She was Maho Nishizumi, and nothing could stop a Nishizumi.

The cliffside grew closer in her eyes as she ran, but as she passed the wreck of a Panther with a white flag flying above it and its crew huddled safely inside, her view of the goal was replaced by the ground. She had slipped in the mud, and fell face-first into the almost liquid ground. 

A jolt of pain flashed through her knee, and she instinctively curled up as she grabbed at the source. She drew a few breaths through gritted teeth, trying to still the pain in her leg before her mission returned to her mind. She rolled and sprung back to her feet despite the pain, and continued on her path. 

But as she reached the edge of the plateau where Koume’s Panzer III had fallen, she unwillingly lost all momentum. Staring over the edge into the muddy waters beneath, something within her screamed no, struggling against herself to keep her from going further. Dark waters and struggles for air flashed in her mind with incredible clarity, as if from a memory forgotten. Her unconscious seemingly was trying to frighten her away from the river. Having stopped her mind from throwing itself into further danger, her body took nervous steps away from the edge, unconsciously dragging her away from apparent danger. Still, beyond the dark memories flooding forth, she saw Koume. She saw Emi. If the river was a danger to her, it was most certainly one to the younger girls.

By this point her body had stepped back a few meters from the edge where it had stopped, apparently deeming the situation safe despite the explosions surrounding her. She wanted nothing other than to just leap into the river and find her friends, but her body wouldn’t allow it. Her unconscious had grabbed full control, using some forgotten fear to hold her mind hostage. She sensed a shell heading towards her, having bounced off of a Tiger II standing silent, and her body dove to the ground, the shell passing over her and spraying her in dirt and mud it threw up. Why couldn’t she move? Why couldn’t she break free from this fear she didn’t know the source of?

But there was something more. Something else that tried to break through the blockade in her mind. Beyond the memories of dark waters and struggling for air, she could hear a voice. She couldn’t make out whose, but trying with all her might, she could make out what it said.

“It's only when we're scared that we can be brave.”

A flash of light, striking like lightning through her mind, and Maho pushed herself to her feet. She curled her hands into fists and drew a single deep breath, steeling herself. The moment wouldn’t last. If she waited, her body would simply refuse to move again. She let out a blood-curdling yell, renewed her sprint towards the edge, and leapt off it into the waters below, diving into the muddy river in search of the Panzer III.

* * *

The water was cold and dark. There was no sound to go on except for the muted explosions above her, and she could barely see her hand in front of her. Her only guide was a faint trickle of bubbles floating upwards from below her, and so she followed them down until she could see the weak light of the Panzer III’s headlights. She found her way to the Commander’s hatch, and pulled it open with a combination of strength and adrenaline. Seeing some faint shadows move past her in the water, and feeling her lungs scream for air, she swam towards the surface, the light of explosions from the raging battle guiding her there.

Breaching the surface, she gasped for air. It took most of her strength just to keep her head above water, but her mind was only focused on scanning the river around her. She saw four heads bobbing in the water as Koume and her crew swam towards the shore a few meters away. Four heads. Four heads, out of a crew of five.

“WHERE’S EMI?!” she yelled at Koume, who looked around frantically, gasping for air and coughing up water. Blood trickled from a nasty-looking cut across the right of her brow.

“I don’t know! I didn’t hear her say anything when we were sinking! I think she’s still in the-Commander!!!!” Koume interrupted her own reply to yell at her, as Maho took as deep a breath as she could and dove back under the surface.

The trail of bubbles was gone by this point, and the only thing Maho had to go on was her own gut as she swam down to the bottom. By a pure miracle she found the Panzer III again, and crawled inside the turret. Looking down into the bowels of the tank, she could make out Emi still in her seat, unmoving, faint wispy tendrils of red flowing from her head.

She got back out of the tank, and swam over to the driver’s hatch, grabbing and tugging at the handle. Her strength was beginning to fail her. But she didn’t care. She couldn’t allow herself to stop. She was a Nishizumi, and nothing, not even her own mortal coil running out, would stop her. With a final shot of energy coursing through her veins, her reserves now fully emptied, she yanked the hatch open and reached down, putting her arms through Emi’s armpits and pulling her up. Once she had gotten her limp body out of the tank, she put one arm under the hollows of her knees, and the other behind her back, using her legs to propel them both to the surface.

* * *

The first thing that struck Maho as she reached the surface was how quiet it was. There were no explosions, no cannonfire, and no rumbling engines. She gasped for air, and made sure to keep Emi’s head above water as she made her way back towards the shore. A few meters from the water’s edge her feet finally found solid ground, and she hobbled back onto land, gingerly holding Emi’s limp body in her arms, as if she was made of glass. Now that they were no longer under water and there was at least a modicum of light, Maho could see the full extent of Emi’s injury. A gruesome wound ran across the left side of her head, hiding her face behind thick and sticky blood that now ran freely without the river’s water diluting it. The organizers were there with a stretcher, and Maho handed Emi over to the medics, almost reluctantly. There was no sign of Koume or the rest of her crew, but Maho assumed they had already been transported off the field. It was less than unwise to have girls running around just beside an active battle zone. 

But if there was still a battle, why was it so quiet? Maybe the organizers had called a ceasefire while she was underwater? She made her way back up the sloping cliff to the plateau where the battle was taking place as quickly as she could. She didn’t want the battle paused any longer than necessary just for her sake. But as she made her way to the top, she finally realized why it was so quiet.

Russian and German tanks, many wrecked, were scattered across the plateau with craters and thick mud littering the ground. And on the far side of the plateau, through the still pouring rain, Maho saw ‘212’. It’s left track was lying shattered and broken on the ground, and the gun hung limply from the turret. A white flag popped out from its hull completed the picture. 212, Kuromorimine’s flag tank, was out of the battle, and thus, they had lost. 

Standing among the metal husks that littered the field she saw her teammates, many with disappointment and dismay evident on their faces. In the corner of her eye, she could just make out the remaining girls of Pravda celebrating with their commander where their own tanks stood. 

Maho had always imagined losing was a horrible feeling. She had imagined it would feel like your very soul was being ripped from your chest. She had imagined it would be a feeling of unbelievable shame and sadness. That’s what she had been taught, all her life. That losing was tantamount to losing one’s soul, and that that was a feeling she was supposed to revel in inflicting upon others.

But she didn’t feel any sadness. She didn’t feel any shame, or any pain for that matter, except for the one in her knee. She didn’t feel like her soul was being ripped from her. She simply felt empty. She felt empty and hollow, and she was pretty sure the loss had nothing to do with it. She was simply too tired and fraught with emotion to care as she hobbled across the field, her teammates looking at her with eyes like daggers.

* * *

The silence was deafening. Even though the hall was full of sounds; pens scratching on paper, clocks ticking, the odd beep or call over the tannoy, there was nothing but a deafening silence. Maho and Koume sat side by side on a bench in the reception of the Black Forest General Hospital, the biggest medical center aboard the  _ Graf Zeppelin _ , and waited in silence. Koume and the rest of the crew had been cleared almost immediately by the doctors. The cut on her forehead had been sutured, and she had been given a blanket to warm her up. Now they were just waiting for word on Emi.

Koume’s radio operator had come by with a fresh change of clothes for her, but Maho was still in her rumpled and muddy uniform. She had come to the hospital as soon as she got back to the  _ Graf Zeppelin _ , and she had no intention of leaving to change before they knew what condition Emi was in.

They had been sitting there for hours by now, and not once had they spoken. They had certainly tried, but whenever any of them spoke, the other just nodded or hummed in reply, and the silence returned. There was nothing to talk about, and there was nothing to say. There was only the silent wait.

“Commander Nishizumi?”

Maho didn’t listen. She only kept staring at the doors to the ICU opposite her, hoping beyond all hope that, at any moment, Emi would simply walk out and yell at them both for letting her uniform get soaked.

“Commander Nishizumi! Mai Ogawa, of the Public Morals Committee.” Again, Maho didn’t listen.

“Commander…” Koume said in a low voice and nudged her shoulder, “I think you’re wanted.”

Finally Maho tore her gaze from the mint-green doors, and glanced at the girl beside them. She had long brown hair under a grey cap with black rim and Kuromorimine’s logo on the front, matching her grey coat; The uniform of Kuromorimine’s Public Morals Committee.

“What is it?” she asked, uninterested and vacant.

“You have a meeting, Commander. In your office.”

“It’s not important…”

“Commander, I believe it is. You have been summoned to your office. The head of the Alumni association wishes to speak with you.”

“She can go to hell.”

“Commander,” the girl said sternly, “I am under orders to escort you to your office, and if you will not come willingly, I will bring you anyways.”

“Go.” Koume took Maho’s hand, and gave it a short squeeze. “I will be fine here. If anything happens, or there’s any news whatsoever on Emi, I’ll let you know right away.”

Maho glanced over to Koume, who forced a smile, before sighing and getting up from the bench.

* * *

Maho put a hand on the door to her office, and took a deep breath. She tried to steel herself, to calm her mind and focus her thoughts. She failed. Still, she could feel the eyes of the public morals officer staring holes in her, and so pushed the door open and entered.

“You forfeited the match.” Her mother spoke in cold facts and resentment where she sat in the chair behind Maho’s desk. Suddenly, Maho wasn’t the battle-proven commander of a great team, but a young girl about to be reprimanded for her failure. She felt chills run down her spine, and in her mind she felt as if she was back in her mother’s study, her back bare as she faced the wall awaiting her “lesson”.

“No, I didn’t.”

“You left your post, and through inaction and incompetence handed the victory to the enemy. What would you call it?” Her mother’s words chilled her spine and cut fresh wounds across her skin with every syllable as she looked Maho up and down, glaring with apparent distaste at the sorry state she was in.

“I made an attempt to rescue my comrades when they were in danger. I only…”

“You left your post, and as a result you lost your team the championship.”

“I only tried to…”

“If you were so intent to leave my team to its fate, you should have transferred command to your Vice-Commander.”

”My Vice-Commander was at the bottom of a river. It’s a miracle she’s still breathing, which is more than can be said about her driver. And with all respect, Mother, I am the Commander. The team is mine, not yours.”

Her mother scoffed. “What do you know of respect? Do you know how much money the Nishizumi family donates to this school to keep its Sensha-Do program’s place as the finest in the country? I thought not. I have forged this team throughout the years, long before you were even conceived, and before that my mother did the same. I am the head of the Nishizumi family and this team is mine to do with as I please.”

“Mother, I never intended for a moment to forfeit the match, and I never for a moment wished to anger you.”

“No, you only made a fool of Kuromorimine with your actions, and you made a fool of me. A mistake you will rectify.” She glared at Maho with eyes sharp as daggers, pointing to a piece of paper on her desk. “You are going to sign this, you are going to resign as commander, and in time you will repent for this mistake.”

Maho stepped over to the desk, and picked up the piece of paper. It was a letter, with the signature left blank. Her mother pushed a pen towards her, expecting her to sign it, but Maho began reading instead. She wanted to know what she was signing.

The letter was dripping in her mother’s fury, disapproval, and her disdain. It outlined Maho’s many “mistakes”, and alleged that they were the result of excessive strain and stress upon her young mind. It claimed that her weak psyche couldn’t hold up in the heat of battle, and that her rushing to save the Panzer III’s crew was a mistake, made in the heat of the moment with no thought of the consequences by a panicked and frightened girl who’s nerves simply weren’t as made out for command as she had made it seem. “She wasn’t thinking clearly”, “She acted on an irrational impulse that she should have suppressed”, “She regretted her actions deeply, and hoped to atone for her mistake”.

“What is this?”

“It is an admittance and apology for your failures.”

Maho steeled herself. She summoned every ounce of strength still residing in her body, and looked up at her mother, speaking in a defiant tone.

“I won’t sign this. I knew what I was doing, and I would do it again. Without a moment's hesitation.”

Her mother rose from the chair, and began walking around the desk. “Let me make something clear, Maho. You  _ will _ sign that letter, and then you will hand in your letter of resignation to the alumni association, at which point your sister will take over your post. She has proven herself capable of following the Nishizumi style, something you are seemingly too much of an insignificant weakling to do. You have embarrassed me for the last time with your flights of fancy, and I will not have it any longer.”

“I refuse, Mother. I will not sign this.”

“YOU ARE MY HEIR, AND YOU WILL DO AS YOU’RE TOLD!” Her mother was barely a meter away from her now, and the flames of her fury had thawed all coldness in her voice away.

“No…” Maho shook her head slowly, memories of Emi and Koume flashing in her mind. “I will not sign this.” She repeated, before adjusting her grip on the paper, and tearing it in half. “Surely  _ your _ precious team should be able to handle itself better without an insignificant weakling like me there to hold their hand at all times throughout the battle?”

“You dare defy me? I see now that I have been lacking in your upbringing…”

“What upbringing?” Maho said dryly under her breath.

“You insolent…” Maho didn’t see it happen. Her mother struck her across the face with such force that she was thrown to the floor, gasping for air from pure shock. Looking up, still with defiance in her eyes, she saw her mother straighten her clothing, before stepping over Maho where she lay on the floor. “You’re lucky I’m a busy woman, Maho. I’ll have to deal with you later.” She left the office without another word, leaving Maho where she was.

* * *

“Commander!” Koume called out as Maho returned to Black Forest. “Is everything alright?”

“It’s nothing.” There was no point in letting Koume know what had happened. It would just worry her. Besides, Maho didn’t want to talk about it. “What about Emi? Any news?”

“The doctors finished up about fifteen minutes ago.”

“Is she…”

“She’s alive,” Koume said reassuringly and nodded. “But you probably won’t hear her celebrate it anytime soon?”

“What?”

“She’s in a coma. The doctor said it was something about the blow to the head she took when the tank rolled.” She looked to the floor as she spoke, with a low voice. Glancing up, she continued. “You should go see her. Even if she won’t know it, I know she would appreciate it. My parents are here and want to talk to me, but I’ll come by later. Ok?”

“Yeah… sure…”

Koume squeezed Maho’s hands for a moment. “She’s in room 217.” She couldn’t help but smile at the irony. “Fitting, isn’t it?”

“No. None of this is fitting…” Maho answered in her dour tone. She wasn’t in the mood for jokes.

* * *

She left Koume behind and made her way to the second floor. After asking one of the nurses for directions, she found Emi’s room and entered, looking at the sight before her. Emi was lying lifeless and unresponsive in the hospital bed, her hair let down and flowing across the pillows. The left side of her face was hidden behind bandages, a machine made raspy sounds as it pumped air through a mask covering her mouth and nose, and a number of other tubes and instruments were attached to her as well. It was one of the most frightening sights Maho had ever laid eyes upon. To see the usually spirited girl reduced to this. A limp body lying silent and unmoving, kept alive only through machines and fluids.

“Hi, Emi…” she said meekly, and walked over to the chair beside the bed where she sat down. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner. I was called away for something. My mother tried telling me to… no… no... You don’t want to hear about it, do you? You probably think I’m an idiot for it. That’s what you always said.” She reached out a hand and moved some scattered strands of hair out of the girl’s face. “You never deserved this. No one does. Still, it should have been me, shouldn’t it? I was selfish, and stupid, and over-confident, and I should be the one to pay for it, not you.” She chuckled softly, but it quickly died down again. There was nothing funny about it. Her voice began to tremble and shake as she spoke further. “ Is this… Is this your way of telling me a joke? Of rubbing my face in everything I did wrong? It isn’t funny. You don’t get to do this… It’s not fair, and you don’t get to do this! You don’t get to tell me for years that I was an idiot for not letting your sister help my teammates, and then just fall in a coma when I throw my life away to save you! You don’t get to do that… I never… I never gave you permission… I’m your commander, and you’re supposed to do what I tell you! I never gave you permission to fall in a coma, and you’re going to damn well wake up NOW!” Her voice was cracking, and tears rolled down her cheeks as she felt herself unraveling. “Just… just... JUST ANSWER ME!” She stood up with such force that the chair flew back into the corner as she yelled at the unconscious girl in front of her. “OPEN YOUR EYES AND ANSWER ME! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME, SO WHY WON’T YOU WAKE UP?! WAKE UP AND CALL ME AN IDIOT AGAIN, YOU SELFISH BASTARD!” She collapsed to her knees, and began beating her fist on Emi’s chest, trying to get that arrogant brat to open her eyes again. “I JUST GAVE YOU AN ORDER! I ORDER YOU TO WAKE UP RIGHT NOW, YOU INSOLENT BRAT! YOU HEAR ME?! DON’T JUST LIE THERE, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! WAKE UP, YOU… you...” Her beating slowed as the tears grew more plentiful in her eyes, until she was barely trying anymore.

“Commander?!” Koume came into the room, and knelt by her side. “What are you doing?”

“I… I… I… I just...” Maho looked at Emi through teary eyes and clenching her fists before her, her voice cracking and meek. “It’s not fair! I ordered her to wake up, and she just... She just won’t respond! I gave her an order, and she refuses to do what I tell her! I’m the commander, and I’m ordering her to wake up! She’s supposed to do what I tell her, so why won’t she do as she’s ordered?!”

* * *

_ Tick, tick, beep, tick, wheeze, tick, beep, tick, tick, beep, wheeze, tick, tick, beep… _

There was a strange, almost dreamlike quality to the rhythm of the room. The clock on the wall ticked, the heart monitor next to Emi would beep, and the machine acting as her lungs would wheeze. This tragic rhythm, beating out an ode to Maho’s failure to help her friend, was all she could hear as she sat there.

It had been two weeks since the finals, and Emi hadn’t shown any signs of waking up. Still, Maho spent every waking moment beside the hospital bed, holding her hand and wishing with all her heart that Emi would stir, that she would open her eyes, and growl at her for being overly close. But no. The only growling came from Maho’s stomach. Worry made her unable to sleep at night, and waiting by Emi’s side day in and day out meant she barely ate.

“You know, it’s really nice and warm outside today…” she said, glancing out the open window. “If you woke up, maybe I could buy us some ice cream?” She sighed, looking back at Emi’s unmoving body.  _ As if that was going to be the magic word _ . She was running out of ideas. She had ordered, she had tempted, she had pleaded and she had begged Emi top open her eyes and answer her, but nothing was working. Deep down she knew that that wasn’t how comas worked of course, but for her own sake she had to believe there was something she could do, if she could just figure out what.

“I’m sorry…” she said, and squeezed Emi’s hand tighter. “I should just let you rest…” An idea struck her. Something she had yet to try. “Is… is that what you want me to say? That I’m sorry?” Emi neither stirred or moved, but Maho continued anyway. She might as well try.

“Emi, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hesitated... I’m sorry I waited... If I just hadn’t cared about the battle, I would have come to help you guys right away, and you wouldn’t be in a coma... Instead I just tried to rationalize everything, and spent seconds you didn’t have... And then, even when I decided it didn’t matter, I was still too weak and cowardly to jump in after you... I’m sorry... Please forgive me…” She put a gentle hand on Emi’s shoulder. “Come on, Emi… Please… I said I’m sorry… What else do you want me to do?” She collapsed back in her chair, a hand moving up to her face as she felt tears form. She was being stupid. Emi was in a coma, and there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing, except wait, and hope.

A few minutes passed, and behind her Maho heard the door to Emi’s room open. “Any news?”

“All quiet on the western front…” she answered solemnly as Koume rounded the corner.

“No surprises there then,” Koume sighed and sat down on the opposite side of Emi from Maho.

“How’s the team doing?” Maho asked, glancing at Koume’s uniform. She had come straight from practice again.

“All quiet on the western front,” she repeated with a despondent smile.

This didn’t surprise Maho. Even if she hadn’t shown up to practice since the match, Koume had informed her of the situation. The team was tearing itself apart from the inside. Part of the team, mostly the hardcore believers in the Nishizumi style, were angry at Maho and Koume for ‘causing the loss’. Those who did had closed ranks behind Miho, while those who didn’t tried their best to keep spirits up and do their best for the future had fallen in line under Koume. With Maho absent, Koume was the team’s de facto leader after all.

“You sure this is a good idea, Commander?” Koume asked. 

“Yeah..:” Maho answered. They had debated it several times, but Maho was certain. Her showing up to practice right now could only make things worse. Not only would she be another target for those who were angry with her actions, sowing further discontent within the team, but as long as Emi’s condition didn’t improve, she wouldn’t be of much use anyways. Her body might be at practice, but her mind would remain in the hospital.

“Alright then. If you say so…”

They sat in silence for a while, until Koume lifted her gaze and looked at Maho. “You should go home, Commander.”

“No. I’m where I need to be…”

“No, you’re not,” Koume insisted. “I know you want to be here when she wakes up, and believe me, I get it. I really do. But you’re not going to be of any help if you’re collapsing from exhaustion when she does.”

Maho wanted to argue, to protest. But she couldn’t. In part because she was too tired, and in part because she knew Koume was right.

“Go.” She smiled at Maho. “I’ll stay with her while you’re gone. And if anything at all happens, I’ll call you right away.”

Maho nodded in wordless acceptance, and got up from where she sat to leave. Just before turning the corner, she paused, and looked back at Emi and Koume.

* * *

There was a knock on the door, but Maho ignored it.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed in her room, looking down at a small tattered and bandaged teddy bear in her hands. The one Miho had given her so long ago. The only reminder she had left of who her sister had once been.

There was another knock, and after a few seconds the door opened as Miho stepped inside. Maho glanced up at her sister in her uniform, but quickly let her attention fall back to the bear.

“Here.” Miho spoke in cold and sharp tones, and held out a letter with the sigil of Kuromorimine stamped into the wax seal. When Maho didn’t move to take the letter of her hands, she just threw it on the bed beside her. They both knew what it said anyways.

“You’re being relieved of duty. The Alumni Association has revoked your command.”

At first Maho didn’t answer. She wasn’t even listening.

“Did you hear me? Because of your failure to win the match, you’re being relieved of…”

“Yeah. Sure.” There was no emotion in Maho’s voice either. No sadness, no reluctance, no begrudging acceptance. “I assume you got promoted then…”

“I did.” Even if Maho wasn’t looking, she could feel Miho glare at her. “The change takes effect at the end of the month. You have until then to clear your stuff from my office.” Miho turned on the spot, and began to leave.

“You should keep Koume as your second,” Maho said, despondent and vacant. “She’s a good commander, and you could use her…”

“I will name whoever I damn please to the post,” Miho answered and turned to look at Maho, disdain clear in her voice. “Didn’t Mother teach you to look at people when they talk to you?” When Maho didn’t answer, she stepped back towards the bed. “What is it even you’re looking at?” The question wasn’t asked out of curiosity, but Maho answered it as if it was.

“You gave me this, a long time ago, remember? You said it would stop me from feeling sad. I guess you were wrong…”

“Is that what you’re doing?” Miho scoffed. “You lose us the most important match in the school’s history, and now you just sit around here staring at a stupid kids toy?” She snatched the bear from Maho’s hands, and held it up to look at it. “I guess Mother was right. She was too soft on you. If she hadn’t been, maybe you wouldn’t have been so weak.” She grabbed the bear’s head with her other hand and tore it off, throwing the remains in the trash can beside Maho’s desk as she left the room.

* * *

Maho put down her pen and looked up from her sketchpad to gaze at Emi where she lay. “Well, I guess it’s decided then… Miho’s going to take over as commander,” she said, and as usual, Emi didn’t answer. “If you didn’t want to wake up before, I doubt you’d want to now…” She forced a smile, not that her friend could see it. “Still… It’d be great if you did…”

She was sitting by Emi’s side as usual, holding her hand and talking to herself. She had been keeping the one-sided conversation going for a few hours while she sketched, hoping that whatever subject she landed on was going to get Emi to wake up. But of course she didn’t. She looked down at her drawing again. While she couldn’t fault her technique, she didn’t want to see it. Knowing Emi was just lying there lifelessly was hard enough. She didn’t need a drawing to remind her, and she didn’t think Emi would want a memento of the occasion either. 

She sighed and tore the drawing from the pad, crumpling it up and letting it fall to the floor. “What’s the point… it’s not like you’re listening…”

“Who knows? Maybe you being here is exactly what she needs?” Maho glanced beside her, and saw Koume leaning against the wall.

“Maybe…” she answered, not daring to hope. “Maybe…” But as Koume hobbled over to her chair on the opposite side and drew a few heavy breaths, Maho looked up to see the state her friend was in. Her uniform was rumpled and dirtied, which one might expect considering she was probably coming straight from practice, but the bluish swelling around her right eye told a different story. “Koume? What happened?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, Commander,” Koume answered, but the fact that she was in obvious pain and struggling somewhat for words betrayed her. “Just tripped, that’s all…”

“Koume, don’t lie to me. What happened?”

Koume looked down at Emi for a few moments, but leaned back in her chair and began to answer.

“Some of your sisters' followers jumped me after practice. Said, ow, said your failing to win us the championship was my fault.” They had said a whole lot more as well, but Koume decided to keep that to herself. She sighed, and looked at the floor as she continued. “Erika was leading them… she’s the one who gave me the black eye…”

For the first time in what felt like weeks, Maho began to feel emotion flare up in her again. A raging storm of anger started to build up within her. “Who else?” she said through gritted teeth, and balled her hands into fists as she looked at Koume. “Who else was there?”

“It doesn’t matter…”

“It sure as hell does! No one’s to blame for what happened except me, and the next time I see Erika I’ll make sure your eyes match!”

“No!” Koume snapped back. “No, you won't. None of this is going to get better from more violence. Commander, please just let it be. What people think of me is my problem, just as what they think of you is yours.”

“But Koume…”

“No. Leave it alone. We both know they’re wrong, and that’s enough.”

Maho sighed, and leaned back as she let some of the tension in her body go. Koume was right. “Alright… If you say so.”

* * *

She left the hospital shortly thereafter. She didn’t feel tired, at least not physically, so she decided to go for a walk instead of simply making her way home. She didn’t pay much mind to her surroundings or direction, and after a while she found herself at the stern of the carrier. The sun was setting over the horizon, bathing the skies in warm purples, reds, and oranges. It was a beautiful sight, and if she hadn’t been so empty and hollow inside, Maho might have sat down to capture the moment to show Emi when she woke up. 

_ When _ she woke up. Not if. When. She would surely wake up sooner or later, no? Surely, if Maho just kept being by her side and talking to her, one of these days she would open her eys and say something, wouldn’t she? And once she did, Maho could refocus on Sensha-Do, and prove herself anew to her team. She would prove her abilities and strength until the alumni association couldn’t ignore her any longer, and came begging her to take back command. Then she would deal with the girls who dared hurt Koume, and then, once she graduated, she would deal with her mother. She would go to Tokyo, she would find Ami, get a job in the federation, and then she would deal with her mother’s cruel ways.

She sighed, and let her shoulders slump as she looked out across the endless sea. She could talk herself up however much she liked, but she knew it was never going to happen. When they docked in Kumamoto again, her mother would return to the carrier to “deal with her”, and Maho imagined being called to the study would appear as a godsend compared to whatever awaited her. 

Perhaps she would simply disown and disinherit her. No, that would get her off the hook too easily. Maybe she’d be taken out of Kuromorimine and become a prisoner in the family home. Maybe she would bring the creepy doctor along to inject her with more chemicals until her mind was just mush and she could do nothing but what she was told. 

She looked down over the railing. When she had first enrolled at the school the guide had taken all new students on a tour of the carrier, and they had mentioned how high up the top deck actually was. Maho had forgotten exactly how high up they were, but she knew it was far. Far enough that there probably wasn’t any risk of drowning if you fell off. You’d be dead the moment you hit the water, or at least beaten so senseless you wouldn’t realize you were drowning.

She put a foot on the railing, and lifted herself up further. It would be easy to take another step over the edge. She’d reach the surface in seconds, and then she would be free. No more having to deal with her mother, no more regretting how she paved the way for Miho to become a fanatic, no more having to sit idly by while Erika and her cohorts beat up Koume. No more having to wait for Emi to wait up. She would be the one waiting instead. Waiting to see Maho again once she too arrived on the other side.

Maho had never been spiritual. While her upbringing had scarred her deeply and left her in staunch opposition to all her mother’s values, the Nishizumi-sense of pragmatism had been difficult to disregard. What god or spirit would leave the world in the state it was in? Why concern yourself with what was to come in the afterlife if you couldn’t take all you wished during your time on earth? And even if there was some omnipotent force or being out there, why would it care about any individual in a world of billions? Trillions, if you counted animals and plants. How vain a creature would you have to be to believe that any divinity would care about  _ you _ ? No. Either there was no “god” or there was one and they didn’t care. The rest didn’t really matter. 

Maho sighed, and stepped back down to the deck of the ship. She sank down to the ground, and pulled her knees up towards her face. Even if it was a quick and easy exit for her to take, she was too much of a coward to do it.

* * *

“Koume?”

“What’s up, Commander?”

“Are you doing ok? Like, really ok?” There was a new bruise on Koume’s shoulder today.

“I guess so…”

“Koume… please…”

Koume sighed, and looked at Maho from across Emi’s bed. “Don’t worry Commander. I’m fine. I’ve gone through worse things than a little bullying. Almost drowning, for example.” She chuckled and smiled, seemingly trying to put Maho at ease.

“I’m sorry, Koume… I really am…”

“About what? You’ve done nothing wrong, no matter what anyone says.”

“About Erika… I know it’s none of my business, but still, I’m sorry…”

“Oh…” Koume’s smile disappeared as she looked down at the floor. “That… Don’t think about it, Commander. I’ve moved past it a long time ago. It was just a stupid crush. I know she would never look at me like that. And the way she is now, I don’t think I want her to either…”

“Still…”

“Although, she wasn’t always like that…” Koume chuckled slightly, trying to lift her own spirits now rather than Maho’s. “She used to always be kind and cheerful. She actually saved me once. Did I ever tell you that?”

“No, you didn’t… We never talked much about what our lives were like before Kuromorimine…”

“Well, I was an outsider at my school. We had just moved, and no one wanted to be friends with the new girl, so I just spent my time alone reading. Some of the boys used to tease me for it. Quite often… Then teasing became picking on me, and then that became outright bullying. But then one day, Erika saw them and saved me. She was like a knight, scaring them off even though they outnumbered her five to one… And then she helped me to my feet, and we were almost always together after that… No one ever picked on me again, and then, well…”

“That’s enough. You don’t have to tell me any more. I get the picture,” Maho answered in full understanding. The story was far too similar to her and Miho’s for her to feel comfortable prying answers from her friend “Although…” She said tentatively, going against her own words. She knew it made a hypocrite out of her, but she was curious. “What happened?”

“I’m not entirely sure… We didn’t talk much about it so I can only guess, but one year after summer break she was different. She was still the same friend I knew, but she was different. Her mom had passed away, I think it was cancer, and her dad was… well, he wasn’t the best dad, let’s just leave it at that. This was about the same time she got really into Sensha-Do, and I think it all kind of blended together in a way. She became colder, and even if she had always been hot-headed and loved winning, she began to hate losing, always talking about being the strongest of them all.” Koume looked up from the floor. She had unconsciously bent forwards as she spoke, clasping her hands before her. Now she stirred in a nervous manner, sitting back upright. “B-but I’m just rambling… Don’t think too much about it, Commander…”

Maho couldn’t help but feel the edge of her lips form into a smirk. “Didn’t you hear? I’m not the commander anymore. You really should just call me Maho.”

“You’re not relieved until Monday, aren’t you?”

“I guess. But still…”

“Then you’re still the commander, and I don’t care what those old hags in the alumni association say. You’re Kuromorimine’s rightful commander, and more importantly, you’re  _ my _ commander. And nothing anyone writes on a piece of paper can change that.”

Maho didn’t respond, and Koume didn’t push her. They both just sat there quietly, waiting for Emi to break the silence.

“I’m done…” Maho said with a solemn yet determined voice after a quarter of an hour. “I can’t do this anymore…”

“I get it,” Koume said reassuringly. “You go home and rest, and we’ll see you tomorro…”

“That’s not what I meant. I mean that I’m done with all of it. My mother, my family, this school, Sensha-Do, all of it. I can’t do this anymore…”

“But then… what do you mean to do?”

“I’m leaving. When we dock tonight, I’m leaving, and I don’t intend to come back.”

“Commander, you really shouldn’t. Where are you going to go? What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know… But I know that wherever I end up going and whatever I’ll end up doing, it can’t be worse than this.”

“Are you sure about this, Commander?”

Maho sat there for a second, but answered. “I am.”

“And you’re sure you’ve thought this through?”

“I have. I can’t stay here anymore. I’ll just end up making things worse, either for myself or for someone else.” She looked up at Koume. “So, are you going to try and stop me?”

“What’s the point?” Koume shrugged. “If you’ve made up your mind, you would take down a Ratte barehanded, and I don’t think I compare favorably to one of those.” She smiled at Maho.

“Thank you, Koume. Although, as my Vice-Commander, is it ok if I give you one last order? As a favor?”

Koume nodded. “Try to take care of them,” Maho said to a Koume who didn’t quite understand.

“Them, Commander?”

“Emi, Erika, Miho, the team, the school. All of it. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I can’t leave unless I know someone like you is looking after this place. Someone I trust with my life. I’ve tried to talk Miho into keeping you as her Vice-Commander, although I doubt she’ll listen to me. Still if you could…”

“I will, Commander. It’s a promise.”

Maho took Emi’s hand and gave it one final squeeze before getting up from her seat. She looked at Koume, and moved her right hand to her forehead in a salute. “Good luck, Koume. This team never had a better Vice-Commander.”

Koume stood up and answered Maho’s salute. “Nor a better Commander.” They both lowered their hands, and Maho gave a silent nod as goodbye. She began walking towards the door, but just as she was about to open it, Koume spoke again.

“Commander? Can I ask a favor in return?”

Maho turned and nodded. “Sure.”

“Please, just… just take care of yourself… Maho…”

Maho smirked. “So, that’s what it took to get you to call me by my name. But yes, I’ll take care of myself. It’s a promise. Goodbye, Koume.”

“Goodbye, Commander.”

* * *

Maho left ‘Black Forest’ behind, and made her way towards the dorms and her room. Having packed her suitcase with what little she had brought to the carrier, she sat down by her desk. She opened the top drawer and got out a piece of paper and a pen, and began writing. A few minutes later she looked down at what she had written, and crumpled the paper up. It was too formal. She began anew, but again, once she looked at what she had written, it was no good. It made her sound like she felt guilty. She crumpled it up, and threw it in the trash. Another piece, another attempt, and another poorly worded letter.

After another fifteen minutes of this, she looked down at the page staring back at her, and was finally satisfied. It was simple, not too formal, and not too rambling. It laid out her thoughts and her actions, and made it evidently clear that she had no regret in what she had done or what she was about to do. She folded the letter twice over, wrote “For whomever it concerns” in big characters on it, and put the pen back in the drawer. She looked at the letter for a solemn moment, before reaching in under her desk and retrieving the envelope she had taped there. Inside was a few thousand yen, money she had saved for an occasion like this, hoping she would never need them. She put the bills in her wallet and placed it safely in the inner pocket of her jacket before getting up from her chair. 

But as she did, she accidentally knocked her trashcan over, spilling crumpled up paper all around her feet. She instinctively knelt down to clean it up, even though it soon wouldn’t matter. She returned her failed attempts to the trashcan, but there was something else among them as well. The teddy bear Miho had given her. Its head was almost torn completely from its body, hanging limply by only a few scant threads. She gingerly picked up the bear, noting the irony of a bandaged and wounded bear being struck with an actual injury. Perhaps Miho had been right, and she was a moron for living in the past. The Miho who had smiled and laughed while giving her the bear was gone. Gone, and replaced with exactly what Maho had tried to prevent her from becoming. Perhaps even something worse. Still, just like she had to believe that Emi was only moments away from waking up, she had to believe that the sister she remembered wasn’t gone. That perhaps, some day, Miho would laugh and smile together with her. 

She sat there for a few minutes, just kneeling down and looking at the injured bear. 

“Miho…” she said in a low voice. She had never named the bear, and for a lot of her life she hadn’t even cared very much about it. It had simply been there to remind her of her sister and why she was doing all of this. But now it had instead become the only proof left that Miho had once been what Maho remembered her as. She opened her bag, and carefully placed ‘Miho’ inside, making sure it wouldn’t rattle around and cause further damage to itself. She walked to the door, her suitcase behind her, and threw her phone on the bed. Perhaps she was being paranoid, but she had no intention of making it easier for her mother to find her once she left the carrier.

* * *

Once the  _ Graf Zeppelin _ docked in Kumamoto, she made her way off the ship, using the steady flow of people doing the same to go unnoticed. Once she was away from the docks and a few blocks into the city she turned, if only for a moment, to look at the home she was leaving behind. She had lived aboard the carrier since she was 13, and before that she had been stuck in the Nishizumi family home rarely seeing the outside world. Now she was throwing it all away, with nothing but a vague hope that she could find what she was looking for. She turned her back on the  _ Graf Zeppelin _ and continued into the city, getting on the train that would take her away from it all.

* * *

“Oh, just continue up this road to the top of the hill, take a left by the temple and then a right, cross over the alley, and it should be the third on the right.”

“Thank you very much. Have a good day.” Maho bowed to the old man, and continued on her way. Her journey looked like it was coming to an end. If she was right, that was. She had gotten off the train in Kyoto, and through a combination of buses, hitchhiking, and walking, had come to a small town in the countryside. 

The gravel road crunched under her steps,, and she had given up entirely on treating her luggage with any kindness, dragging it behind her as it cut deep furrows wherever she had passed. She paused at the top of the hill and caught her breath, looking for the temple the man had described. She continued past the gates and turned left, following the instructions. She would have stopped and prayed, but the events of the past few weeks left her with little faith in the use of doing so.

After another turn and a few hundred meters, she had reached her destination. At least she hoped she had. She was standing in front of a decently sized house, looking like most of the ones around it. She took a deep breath, hoping she wasn’t going to make a fool of herself, and knocked on the door.

After a moment, there was the sound of someone stirring inside, and after another few seconds the door to the house was opened by a man.

Maho breathed a sigh of relief. Everything she had practiced and prepared to say vanished from her mind as it was left vacant by the tension releasing its grasp on her, and she could do nothing but smile sheepishly as she opened her mouth and spoke in nervous tones. “H-hi dad…”

* * *

_ Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: Maho starts being haunted by nightmares and dark thoughts, even as she leaves her old life behind her. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:   
> So, another week, another chapter. And it became quite a long one at roughly 10.000 words. If anyone walks away from this chapter with dry cheeks you’re an inhuman monster ;) But on a serious note, this chapter really brought out the feels in me writing it, and I hope it does the same for you the reader. Especially the scene of Maho seeing Emi in the hospital for the first time. I almost tear up just scrolling past it.   
> So, this week’s events: Koume thankfully survives the events of the Pravda-match without major injury, while the same sadly cannot be said for Emi. This, as well as Maho’s reaction during the match, was a series of events I thought up almost the moment I had the idea for the series. The fact that Emi calls Maho out in Little Army for doing what Miho couldn’t in canon always struck me as a perfect case of dramatic rhythm, and I really wanted to use it for this. Getting Shiho and the KMM hardliners reaction to Maho’s “mistake” to seem, if not right at least reasonable was certainly a challenge, and even if they are most certainly wrong in their belief that Maho did the wrong thing, I think I managed to at least get across why they feel that way. We also get to see Maho decide to leave everything behind and seek out a better or at least different life away for herself, how the Boko that appeared back in chapter 3 as a bit of a red herring in the Miho-cover up lost its head, and finally the fact that Maho seeks out Tsuneo, her father.  
> Next week will be the final part of this trilogy of flashbacks, and then I promise we’ll return to the present and the tank café. Honest!  
> Thank you all so much for your support, especially for letting me know how much you enjoyed last week’s weird mishmash of short stories. I really didn’t feel confident in it, and getting to read your praise was really extremely motivating, so thank you all.  
> As always, I’d love to hear more of your thoughts, so please leave a review, if nothing else so I have something to talk about her next week.
> 
> Until then, Do svidaniya  
> /Rihno


	17. The Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maho sees her father again for the first time in a decade. What do the two think of eachother after all this time apart?

Maho had only been intending to get a glass of water, but here she was. She had awoken in the middle of the night, and as she made her way towards the kitchen, she had overheard her parents arguing. Now she was standing by the door, trying her best to keep quiet and peering through the small crack between the door and it’s frame. 

“...and you know it’s not right! You can’t make her do it just because it’s what you want!” her father said.

“I can and I will. We made a deal, remember? She is to be raised as a Nishizumi. And that means she will be trained in Sensha-Do,” her mother replied coldly.

“But why won’t you at least ask her about it? She’s her own person, and should be allowed to do what she wants!”

“She is a Nishizumi, and that means she will need discipline. As soon as she turns 6 I will start to train her, just like my mother trained me.” She paused and grinned at him. “Or would you prefer I go back on  _ my _ end of the deal, just like you seem to want to do with yours?”

“Shiho… please…” Her father’s tone softened, cowed by whatever yhe words meant. “I can’t watch you do this to her, you know that…” He walked closer to her, and took her hands. “Please, my dear. I beg you…”

“I would suggest you-what was that?” Her mother turned to look at the door. Maho had accidentally bumped it, and the creak had alerted her parents to her presence. She saw her mother begin to take slow strides toward the door, and she ran as silently as she could back towards her room.

* * *

That had been the last time Maho saw her father. The next morning he was gone, and her mother acted like he had never existed. And now, in the countryside of Kyoto, he stood before her again.

“H-hi dad…” Maho felt herself blush from embarrassment, and looked away from the door where her father stood. He had disappeared more than ten years ago, but he still looked just like she remembered him. He was tall and powerfully built. His skin was tanned and his arms were hairy. His brown hair grew curly on his head, even if it had begun to turn a silvery grey at places, and framed his face together with his rugged beard. “It’s… it’s been a while…”

He took a cautious step towards her. “Maho? Is… is that really you? What are you doing here?”

She felt so incredibly stupid. What had she been thinking? She hadn’t seen or talked to him in years, and now she showed up unannounced on his doorstep in the middle of nowhere, just expecting him to take her in when she had run away from everything she had ever called home? How deluded had she been to think this was a good idea. He probably didn’t want anything to do with her.

“Y-yeah… it’s… it’s me… I… I shouldn’t have come here… I’m really sorry, I’ll leave…” she bowed in a quick apology and was about to turn and leave. Where she would go she had no idea, but she didn’t have time to think it over. Her father lunged forwards and held her as tightly as he could.

“It really is you, isn’t it?” He spoke in a tender voice as he kept hugging her harder, refusing to let go. “You’ve grown so much… I almost didn’t recognize you. But it’s so, so good to see you again…”

Maho stood stunned for several seconds, not in the slightest prepared for her fathers reaction. But once she allowed herself to believe it was actually happening, she returned the embrace as well. “Yeah…” she said in a low voice as she nuzzled his shoulder. “It’s good to see you too… I missed you...”

“I missed you too, Maho. Like you wouldn’t believe… But… What are you doing here? How did you even find me? Where’s your sister? Is everything alright?” He let Maho go, even if she wished he wouldn’t, and took her by the shoulders as he looked at her. But that was when the dam burst. For a few beautiful moments she had forgotten all that had happened, and all that had brought her here. Now it all came rushing back to her in an unstoppable wave as she slowly shook her head back and forth, tears in her eyes.

“N-no… It’s… It’s-sniff-it’s not… It’s-It’s-It’s… It’s all wrong… And it’s all my fault!” She started blubbering like she was a child with a scraped knee, and lunged back at her father, who embraced her anew.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok, honey.” He patted her back gently as she cried against his shoulder, simply letting her take her time. “It’s all ok... Nothing’s your fault… You’re going to be ok… Just let it out… I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you...” They stayed like that for several minutes, embracing on the steps of the house as Maho cried and her father spoke softly to her, trying his best to assure her everything was going to work out. A grumble from Maho’s stomach interrupted the quiet scene. “You haven’t eaten in a while, have you?” Maho shook her head, still refusing to let herself let go or move her head from her father’s shoulder. “Hey it’s ok. Let’s get inside, ok honey? I’ll fix you up something to eat, and you can tell me everything that’s wrong…”

* * *

As Maho told her father about what had happened and how she had come to find him, she couldn’t help but wolf down all that was put before her on the table. Having not eaten much during her last few weeks at Kuromorimine from worry over Emi’s condition, and nothing at all since leaving the  _ Graf Zeppelin _ , she ate more from hunger than appetite, but she couldn’t deny that it was tasty.

“It almost tastes like Kikuyo’s cooking,” she said in a low voice. She had managed to calm herself while she ate, even if she was still feeling far from happy.

“I would hope so. She’s the one who taught me how to cook,” her father said over his shoulder.

“It was?”

“It was,” he said with a beaming smile. “But I agree that she is far better at it than I.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that…” She answered in a low, but surprised voice. A question was nagging at the back of her mind, and she didn’t know how to ask it. Silence fell over the room for a minute or so, but her father soon broke it with concern in his voice.

“I everything al…” he began, but Maho couldn’t wait for an answer any longer.

“Why did you leave? Why on Earth would you...” she interrupted, before stopping herself. “Sorry, I don’t have the right to ask questions, do I?” she said in a meek voice, averting her eyes from her father’s surprised look.

He shrugged, and took a seat beside her by the table. “Shiho and I had different views on how you and Miho should be raised. She wanted to train you in Sensha-Do and the Nishizumi style no matter what, and I thought you should get to make the choice yourselves when you were older. In the end… I guess I just couldn’t bear to stand by and watch.” He took her hand in his own. “I’m sorry, Maho. I truly, truly am. I wish I would have done things differently. You’ve gone through far more than anyone twice your age should have, none of which you deserved. Still, I’m proud of you, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday.”

Maho glanced up at her father, before looking away again. “How can you be proud of me? You left…” she said, despondent. “Why do you even care? You disappeared and Mother made it seem like you never existed, I show up on your doorstep a decade later, and you just take me in, despite not knowing me or what I’ve done or who I became? I don’t get it. You didn’t care for all that time, and now you act like we were never separated?”

He bowed his head and sat silent for a moment. “You’re right…”

Maho sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be asking questions or making demands when I’m the one who came to you for help. Just… forget I said anything.”

He rose from the table. “Wait here a second,” he said and walked down the corridor. Maho bowed her head. Great. Another relationship she had ruined, and in not much more than an hour too. She chuckled mirthlessly at the thought. This was probably the fastest she had ever turned someone against her.

A minute or so later her father returned to the kitchen with a book under his arm, which he placed before Maho on the table.

“Go on, take a look,” he said with a saddened smile. Maho glanced up at him, but opened the book to see its contents. To say she was surprised would be an understatement. Each page was filled with pictures, newspaper clippings, articles from various Sensha-Do magazines, and more. All of them focusing on a single person.

“I might have left you, and I know you might never forgive me for that. But I never stopped caring about you. Not for a second.”

“Are these all… about me?” she said once the surprise let go of its grip on her.

“Yeah… I have another one for Miho.” He sat back down at the table. “I never wanted to stop watching over you, Maho. It’s a long story why, but I just had to do it from a distance for a while.”

Maho continued flipping through the pages, until she came to where the content ended. The entire spread was filled to the brim with articles about the accident during the finals against Pravda, with photos of her running through the mud, with scattered notes and much else. And below it all, written in a proud and boisterous hand, was a single sentence;  **My daughter is a hero** !

Maho turned her head to look at him, asking a wordless question that he answered with a smiling nod. She felt tears begin to fall from her cheeks and closed the book to save it from being damaged, bending over to give her father a hug.

“Thanks dad…” she said softly.

* * *

“It’s not much, but it’s what I’ve got right now. We’ll fix you up something better soon.” Her dad smiled from the corridor where he was leaning against the wall. “OK?”

Maho gave a nod in reply as she inspected the futon that had been rolled out for her. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine with this. You don’t have to trouble yourself for my sake.” She still felt guilty for being there. It felt like she was intruding. Like she was using the fact that she was his daughter in a dishonest fashion, and the fact that her dad didn’t seem to mind only made it worse.

“It’s no trouble, I promise.” He walked back over to her and ruffled her hair. “I’m right at the end of the corridor if you need me for anything. If not, that’s fine too.” He turned to leave, and began making his way towards his own room. “Good night Maho.”

“Yeah… Good night Dad…” The words felt strange and foreign to her. She was definitely feeling uncomfortable, but she had no idea if it was because the situation mandated it, or because she had never experienced affection like this before. Sure, there was Kikuyo when she was still living at home, but there always seemed to be an invisible barrier between the two of them. It made sense of course. Maho was the first-born daughter of her mother, the head of the Nishizumi family, and Kikuyo was only a servant, bound to serve her mother and Maho both, no matter the circumstance. It would never matter how close the two of them grew, the barrier would always remain.

She didn’t exactly have much experience from any friendships either. Whenever anyone tried to get close to her at school, they had more often than not just been doing it because her surname was Nishizumi, and not because they actually wanted to spend time with her. Koume and Emi had been among the sole exceptions.

But her dad was different. As far as she could tell, he had no real reason to care for her, or to take her in. He had been missing for a decade, and yet the first thing he did when Maho showed up was to hug her and let her into his home without asking a single question. Still, she didn’t want to think ill of him. She couldn’t bring herself to. Especially when compared to her mother. She was without a shred of doubt a cruel and disdainful person, and if she had ever shown any love or affection for her, Maho hadn’t seen it.

She tried her best to shake these thoughts from her mind, and prepared to sleep. She brushed her teeth, changed out of her dirt-ridden clothes, and laid down underneath the warm covers. Even if she was nowhere near at peace of mind, the exhaustion from her travels and the day as a whole soon took its toll, and she fell asleep.

* * *

Maho’s sleep was not very peaceful however. She found herself standing alone in the freezing rain, looking on helplessly as the Panzer III fell down the cliffside and into the river. She wanted to run to them, to do something, but she was trapped in place. Her limbs were restrained and her mother stood behind her, holding the ropes that bound her. She berated Maho for her weakness and for her failure, seemingly taking uncharacteristic pleasure in her gloating. Any attempt Maho made to move, to help, would only start to choke her as the ropes curled more tightly around her, and yet she tried. As she felt panic begin to grip her, her thrashing became more violent. She had to get free. She had to do something. And suddenly, as if they had never existed, the ropes were gone and Maho fell face first into the mud. 

When she lifted herself from the ground, she was no longer on the plateau in the rain, but in the commander’s seat of the Panzer III. Koume and Emi sat below her in the turret, but Maho didn’t dare look at them. Koume’s face was hanging limply from a cut across her forehead, almost like it had been peeled off, and Emi’s looked like it had been crushed by a hammer. She wasn’t even moving, her body sitting limp in the seat as her voice rang through Maho’s ears. They cried out for help as the cramped tank slowly filled with water, but once again Maho was powerless to do anything. She tried with all her might to push the hatch open, but it was too heavy, the weight of an ocean holding it in place as they sank deeper into the depths. The only thing she could do was watch her faceless friends cry out in anguish.

"Why didn't you help us?"

"Why wouldn't you do something?"

"You only cared about winning didn't you?"

"We were only pawns to you, weren’t we?."

"That's the Nishizumi way for you."

As the tank slowly filled with water more and more, the voices quieted down and ultimately died out, as her friends lost the ability to speak from their lungs filling with water. Once they did, Maho was alone in the dark and murky depths, chipping for air as the tank filled to the brim, no rescue in sight. She couldn’t save them, and she would soon perish together with the rest of her friends.

She awoke with a gasp, sweaty and short of breath. She threw off the covers to give her body better access to the cool night air, but to no avail. Looking at the time on her phone, it had barely been fifteen minutes since she had gone to bed. The nightmare was still fresh in her mind, and even though it had robbed her of rest, she tried to banish it from her memories as she lay down to sleep once more.

But her sleep was once again consumed by this dark reminder of her own failings. She was once again stuck watching the Panzer III fall, unable to do a thing or move a muscle to help. Again she thrashed in an attempt to get free, and again she fell into the mud. Again she found herself in the cramped tank as it filled up with water and her friends asked her why she was so horrible a person, and again she had no answers. Again their voices drowned out, and again she was left alone and distraught in the final moments before she too was silenced by the river.

And again, she woke up gasping for air and sticky with sweat. It seemed the nightmare didn’t intend to leave her alone. She sat up and tried to take deep breaths and calm herself, but it didn’t seem to help all that much. She just wanted to lie back down and go back to sleep, but she didn’t need to make the attempt to know it would be pointless.

Even though she was still sweaty and the covers provided her ample warmth, she felt just as cold, despicable, and alone as she had in the final moments of the nightmare. She curled up in an attempt to assuage the feeling, but to no avail. She wished Kikuyo was there. Even if she was technically a servant, she had always given maho a willing ear and a shoulder to cry against. She could really use her right now, but of course that was impossible.

Kikuyo wasn’t there, and even if she was, she would be beholden to report on Maho’s whereabouts to her mother, meaning she would have to leave again. She sighed as a thought entered her mind. It was one of those thoughts that made her feel even more stupid and worthless than she already felt. She glanced towards the corridor, and her dad’s words echoed in her mind. “ _ I’m right at the end of the corridor if you need me for anything. _ ” Was she really going to be that selfish? Was she really going to interrupt his sleep just because she had a nightmare? What was she; a child? Of course she wasn’t.

But after another couple of minutes of cold worry and anxious thought, she gave in. She rose from the futon, and made her way down the corridor, knocking lightly on the door that stood ajar to her father’s room.

“Mhuh?” He stirred and rubbed his eyes for a second. “Maho? What’s the matter?”

“I can’t sleep…” She was feeling more ridiculous and childish by the second, so she decided it was best to just ask before her embarrassment got the better of her. “Could… uhm… could I sleep here tonight?”

“Is it the futon?” He began getting up out of the bed, throwing his covers aside. “Of course you can sleep here. I’ll be fine with the futon, so don’t worry about it.”

“N-no… that’s… I mean… that’s not what I meant.” As if she hadn’t felt silly the first time she asked. Now she would be forced to not only repeat herself, but to spell out precisely how much of a child she was. “I meant… would it be ok if… if… no, never mind. I’ll go back to the living room. You just go back to sleep and forget I said anything.”

“No, no, what did you mean?” He was asking sincerely, that much she could tell, but it didn’t make her feel any better about having to ask for something so stupid.

“Would… would it be ok if I slept here… with you?” The moment the words passed her lips she felt a million times more embarrassed than she had before, and she could feel her cheeks redden to prove it. It was like asking for a stuffed toy or favorite blanket, or demanding that the lights be left on for fear of monsters. It was childish and silly and stupid, and she wished she had never asked.

“Oh.” He glanced back and forth between Maho and the bed. It was decently sized, so there wouldn’t be any need for them to be improperly close, but Maho was hoping the sheer fact that he was there would make her sleep easier. “I… I guess that’s fine. If you want to, that is.” He looked at her for confirmation, and she gave a quick, embarrassed nod in reply.

* * *

Maho awoke the next morning as sunlight gleamed in through the window, prying it’s way past her eyelids. She tossed around a bit trying to escape this newfound unpleasantness, but to no avail, so in the end she opened her eyes. Looking around drowsily, she noticed she was alone again. A small sense of worry took root in her mind, and she got up from the bed, walking anxiously out through the hall and over towards the kitchen.

“Oh, good morning!” her dad called out cheerfully from the hall. “Did you sleep well?”

Maho was taken aback by the question for a moment, still processing the relief that she hadn’t been abandoned once more. But once she considered it, she had to admit that she had slept better. She still remembered the nightmare clearly, as it had repeated further throughout the night, but at least it hadn’t interrupted her sleep.

“Y-yeah…” she answered. “I guess.”

“That’s good to hear. There’s some breakfast left on the stove, but I need to head out for a while. Are you going to be ok being alone for an hour or so?”

Maho paused. She still wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of him leaving her, to maybe never return again, but she also felt that after last night she couldn’t ask him to stay around just for her sake. There was a limit to how needy she could allow herself to be.

“I’ll be fine,” she lied, and nodded to him. “I’ll see you later.”

“You sure?” he asked, looking with a bit too much concern at her.

“Yes, I said I’m fine,” she said slightly annoyed to him. “Now go, I’m not going to keep you waiting for my sake.”

He left the house, and Maho made her way to the kitchen to get some breakfast. Images of the nightmare flashed in her mind periodically, and once she was finished, She remained at the table in her pajamas, staring down at her empty plate. 

She sat there for a moment, and simply let it all wash over her. With the house empty, all her mistakes and terrible memories came rushing back to her. She was a coward. She was weak. Just like Miho and her mother said she was. If she had just been stronger in her convictions, Emi wouldn’t be in a coma, Miho wouldn’t have become a monster, and Maho wouldn’t have run away. None of it would ever have happened. 

“ _ Indeed, it wouldn’t have, _ ” she heard her mother say in her mind. “ _ Not only are you a failure for losing the match, but even though you decided to throw your life and everything you should have valued away, you couldn’t even do that right, could you? _ ”

“No… I just… just…” Maho tried to protest, but of course her mother was right. If she just hadn’t hesitated and come to a decision at once, her friends would be ok and she would have made it back to the battle in time to finish it.

“And now that you’ve run out of lives to ruin at Kuromorimine, you have come here. Surely your father can carry another burden, can’t he? Why should you have to take responsibility for your actions?”

“Just… just shut up… you don’t care about him. You don’t care about me. You never did.”

“ _ Oh, but I care so very deeply for you Maho, _ ” the voice teased. “ _ Not a night passes where I don’t lie awake regretting that I raised such a failure. _ ”

“I’m not a failure… I did what was right, didn’t I?” Maho’s voice slowly grew meeker as she felt her conviction fail her. “As if I would be better off if I hadn’t.”

“ _ Oh, but you would have, wouldn’t you? You ran to help those who weighed the team down with their incompetence, and now you’ve lost everything, hiding in Kyoto and feeling miserable. Just imagine if you had done what was expected of you. You would have been the commander to gain the 10th consecutive win. You would have been lauded as a hero! A champion of Kuromorimine and a true daughter of the Nishizumi style! Yes, perhaps those girls wouldn’t have made it, and perhaps you would have felt just as miserable, but by now it would have been over. The funerals would be a thing of the past, you would be respected and honored throughout the school, and your sister would be by your side as a loyal vice-commander. What better world could you imagine? _ ”

Maho didn’t respond. She didn’t dare. Especially since she had had that exact same thought several times since the accident. What if she had just ignored the Panzer III? Maybe she would be happier that way? Everything would have returned to normal by now, and Miho wouldn’t hate her. Maybe some other girl would have snapped and gone to save them, and they would now be the ones to have left Kuromorimine behind, cast out and shamed. Still, having to look at Emi’s comatose body and Koume’s downcast expressions every day made her certain she had made the correct choice. 

But now, they were nowhere to be seen. Koume wasn’t there to tell her everything was fine, and Emi wasn’t there to call her out on how stupid she was being. She had only herself and her dark thoughts and nightmares to keep her company. Thankfully, with this seed having been planted anew, the voice didn’t seem to have anything else to add and left her alone. She slammed the side of a fist into the table, and set to cleaning up the kitchen.

* * *

“I’m back!” From her place on the couch, Maho heard the door close as her dad returned to the house. 

“Here.” she said despondently and raised a hand above the back of the couch to let him know where she was. After a few minutes, he came over to her, leaning over the side to look at her.

“Is everything fine? I know it’s probably strange with everything being so new, but you doing ok?”

“Yeah.” She lied again. She couldn’t keep piling her own problems onto him. She had to deal with them herself. “Everything’s great,” she said and forced a smile.

* * *

“Maho, are you doing ok?”

Maho looked up from her breakfast. It had been several weeks since he last asked her, something she had taken to mean she had finally managed to keep her problems hidden away. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she answered, not wanting to bother her father with her own problems. “Why do you ask?” She had lived with him for a few months now, and the snow on the ground outside foretold the coming of the new year. Perhaps that would be the push she needed to really get better?

“Oh, well…” He looked down at his own food, seemingly uncomfortable. “I just thought… I mean… With all that’s happened… maybe it would be a good idea if you started seeing someone… if you want to, that is. I’m not going to force you.”

“No…” she said in a low voice. “I don’t feel like it right now…” She steadied her chin on her wrist and looked out the window longingly, sighing. “There was someone… they were a good listener, and they were funny, and cute… but I messed that up, and they probably hate me now…” Glancing back, she saw her father trying to stifle a laugh. “What?! I’m 17, I can do what I want.”

By this point he had broken out in complete laughter, but soon collected himself. “That’s not what I meant. Of course you can do what you want on that front, and it’s nice that you’d tell me.” He still chuckled slightly as he spoke. “But I meant seeing someone as in someone to talk to. Someone who isn’t me.”

“Oh...” Maho felt her cheeks blush, and she averted her eyes towards the window again. “So that’s what you meant… Then you could have said so!” She pouted, annoyed at her own misunderstanding and at her dad for causing it

“Maho, I’m not deaf. I know you’re not doing great right now.” He put a hand on hers. “I’ve been there too, and it really helped having someone to talk to. I’d love it if you wanted to talk with me, but I know that it can also be awkward talking with someone you know. So, if you want, I could book you a meeting with someone, maybe see if it helps?” She gave him a quick glance as she pondered the proposal. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine too. It’s better to take your time with this stuff. But I do worry about you.”

She sighed. “I don’t know… But if you think it’ll help, I might as well try…” She forced a smile. “I’m already causing enough trouble for you, without worrying you as well.”

“I’m afraid you’ve already failed on that point. My eldest daughter shows up out of nowhere having run away from home after saving her friends' lives? How could I not be worried about you?” He shook his head. “But that’s a problem for me to worry about, not you. I was actually meaning to ask about school.”

“What about it? I doubt the teachers will give me a passing grade even if I had won us that match, seeing as I’ve been absent for a couple of months.”

“Yes, well, that’s what I meant. I might not force you to go and talk to anyone, but I really do think you should consider going back to school when the spring comes around.”

Maho sat silent for a moment, before sighing. “I don’t think I can…”

“Of course you can, honey. Sure, you might have to repeat a year, but you’ve always been clever. I really think it’s for the best. Getting back to school and making some friends apart from your old man will probably help you feel better as well.”

“Except that as soon as  _ the _ Maho Nishizumi joins the school, I would be swarmed with requests to join the Sensha-Do team. And I don’t intend to go back to tankery.”

“Really?” He looked at her in surprise. Apparently she hadn’t mentioned that she considered herself done with the sport. “But you’re so good at it, and you seemed to be enjoying yourself when you did it in the past?”

“Yeah, well, I don’t anymore,” she protested, raising her voice slightly. “I don’t want to do Sensha-Do anymore, and I don’t want to get back into a tank again.”

“Alright, that’s fine. If that’s what will make you ahoy, I’m not going to interfere.” He held his hands up and dropped the idea of tankery. “But let’s say we found a school without Sensha-Do? Then would you be up for it?”

She thought about it for a moment, and sighed. “I guess. But what kind of no-name school wouldn’t even have a Sensha-Do team?”

* * *

_ Next Week on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: Miho and Erika square off against Maho and Azusa in the Tank Café, and Azusa is torn between her wishes and her mission. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:  
> So, we’re back to a slightly more manageable chapter-size this week, but I also feel that it brought a really nice change of pace. There have been a few scattered scenes here and there, but after 17 chapters I finally got to write about Maho being safe and loved and appreciated, something she is most certainly long overdue for.  
> This chapter originally had a very different layout and focus, but I decided that exploring the relationship between Tsuneo and Maho was more important, and I hope that I got that across in the text of the chapter. We also see the beginnings of the nightmares and voices that affect Maho even in the present, the poor thing.  
> Speaking of the present, next week we return to the tank café, and Maho and Azusa’s unexpected meeting with Erika and Miho, which I think will be highly interesting. We’re also slowly but surely building back up towards the match against Saunders.  
> As always I want to thank you all for your support of the series, and I would love to keep hearing your thoughts. Nothing brings more warmth to my heart than seeing you guys enjoy my writing, so if it’s not too bothersome, please consider leaving a review.  
> And with that, I will take my leave and see you all next week. Au Revoir!  
> /Rihno


	18. The Opponents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We return to the present and the tank café, as Azusa picks a fight trying to defend Maho from her old subordinate.

“...You should have just stayed at the bottom of that river with the rest of them.  _ That _ would have been right.”

Azusa didn’t entirely understand why she was acting the way she was. She had never considered herself violent or prone to anger. She resolved conflicts with reason, kindness, and understanding. But at the sound of the white-haired girl insulting Maho like this, she became quite open to a different way of doing things. She was going to intervene.

“I said; You don’t talk to our Commander like that,” she growled through gritted teeth, with a determination she didn’t know she had in her, as her hands balled into fists. “The Commander has done nothing wrong, and you’re not going to go around and spread lies about her. She’s twice the tanker you’ll ever be!” She let whatever this newfound determination was course through every fibre of her being, her body tensing up with anger.

“Why, you little…” the older girl snapped back and stood up from her seat. The surprise at seeing the girl rise so unexpectedly, combined with the realization that she was a fair bit taller than herself, caused Azusa to take a step backwards.

“Azusa, I said stay out of this…” Maho said in a low voice from her seat beside where Azusa stood.

“No, Commander. I won’t,” Azusa replied, not shifting her glare from the other girl for a moment. She drew a quick breath and steeled herself anew, locking eyes with her foe. "If you want to insult my commander, you're going to have to go through me first.” She felt an uncharacteristically cocky smirk appear on her face as she spoke. “I would say we'll settle this in the finals, but someone like you probably wouldn't last that long.”

The girl’s face turned from one of petty amusement, to one of rage and fury in the blink of an eye. Not that Azusa blinked to miss it. “You insolent rat!” she snapped back. “I’ll teach you not to meddle in things that don’t concern you!” The girl raised a hand to slap Azusa across the face, but before she could do so, Maho had caught her arm. Azusa didn’t flinch, but that was more from her not having time to react than anything else.

“I said, this is between you and me,” Maho growled from her seat, not looking up from her coffee. “And if you hurt so much as a hair on her head, I’ll make sure you don’t live to tell the tale.”

The girl wriggled free from Maho’s grip, her attention momentarily shifting away from Azusa and retargeting on the Commander. “Oh, I’ll show you hurt…” she growled back, but was interrupted mid-sentence.

“Erika! That’s enough!”

The girl, whose name was apparently Erika, immediately and without question snapped to attention at the call. “Yes, Commander Nishizumi!” she said robotically in response, which Azusa found strange. Maho hadn’t said a word, and yet this girl who just a moment ago seemed to hate her with a burning passion called her Commander? 

Looking over Erika’s shoulder, Azusa saw a girl walking over towards the three of them. Presumably it was her who had called on Erika to stop. She had light brown hair under a black and red side cap, matching the red skirt and black jacket of her uniform. After a moments thought she recognized it as Kuromorimine’s, the school Miss Akiyama had pointed out at the ceremony earlier. A set of double gold bars attached to the shoulders of her uniform seemed to match the black one’s sown into Erika’s grey jacket, leading Azusa to the conclusion that they were both presumably second-years, and the golden oak leaves fixed to her collar seemed to denote her as the team’s commander. Azusa wouldn’t have been surprised if the girl would have cut a striking and imposing figure in even the most dire war-zone. She most certainly did here.

But what took Azusa aback the most was the newcomer’s staggering likeness to Maho. Calling them similar-looking was an understatement, as the likeness was truly uncanny. Only the color of their hair, their clothing, and their general expression set them apart. While Maho often had a dour, bitter, or even cold expression, there was always a hint of warmth behind it if you looked close enough. At least that’s how Azusa saw it. But this girl was different. 

Her expression was cold and stiff, almost robotic in it’s mirthless efficiency. As if showing even a miniscule amount of emotion was a waste of time and energy. There was not even the slightest hint of a warm and gentle smile, nor a cold and bitter frown. And yet, despite the utter absence of emotion, her expression conveyed the complete disdain in which she seemed to regard her surroundings. As if the world and everything in it had been created solely for her enjoyment, and she was utterly unimpressed by whatever higher power had created it for her.

Returning her glare to Erika, Azusa could see what looked like fear in her eyes, but there was something else there as well. Something she couldn’t pinpoint. But whatever it was, it only became more prominent the closer Maho’s emotionless doppelganger came. The newcomer took place shortly behind Erika, and began speaking to her in a low voice, almost whispering right into her ear.

“You waste time with pitiful creatures such as these? I believed that I had trained you better. Perhaps you need to be reminded of your lessons?” She didn’t speak with affection, nor did she speak with any apparent hatred. It was different than that. There was an air of dismissiveness to her voice and yet it simultaneously seemed possessive, as if she considered the girl a toy, or perhaps a somewhat unwanted pet.

“N-no… hah... Comma-hah-ander…” Erika shuddered as the girl spoke, seemingly spellbound by her words. Her eyes seemed to lose focus and her breathing grew heavy, almost panting, as she answered. At times she seemed to have difficulties speaking, her words interrupted by her heavy breaths. “B-but I… I just… I was going to… to… to show these… these upstarts… mhhh…” She, seemingly involuntarily and without her own knowledge, bit her lip. “Th-that they… they… hah… they don’t belong here…”

“Oh, but my dear, sweet, Erika…” The girl wrapped her right arm around Erika’s waist, putting her hand  _ very _ close to the edge of Erika’s skirt,, while grabbing her chin with the left, leaning forwards over her shoulder to lock eyes with her. “Have I not told you this before? Just like a tiger cares not for the opinions of mice, a true Nishizumi cares not for weaklings and failures.” The girl gave a pointed glance towards Maho as she said the words;  _ a true Nishizumi _ .

“Y-yes… Co-hah-commander…” Erika almost appeared to be in a trance, all anger and rage from before gone in an instant, and instead she had somehow turned into a helplessly lost puppy, shaking with excitement and bliss at the slightest attention. Azusa almost couldn’t believe what she was seeing. First there was of course the fact that the two girls would act so intimately in public. But the fact that the other girl seemed to hold Erika completely within her grasp, like a snake might charm its prey before consuming it, was completely beyond belief to her.

“Miho…” Maho said and nodded to the newcomer. “I’m surprised you’re treating Erika like this. She must be quite valuable to you as a Vice Commander for you to show her such… affection.” She spoke in her usual dour tone, but there was a hint of mockery to the voice.

“Oh, she has proven herself to be quite useful. Not to mention loyal.” The hint of mockery entered the other girl’s voice as well, and was accompanied with a superior smirk. “Haven’t you, my darling Erika?”

Erika swallowed, and stared longingly into the other girl’s eyes. “Y-yes, Commander Nishizumi…” 

Nishizumi… Why did Erika seem to insist on using that name? She clearly wasn’t talking to Maho, so why the name? Was she so entranced by the other girl’s presence that she was misspeaking? No, that wasn’t it. She had said the name before as well. Azusa supposed it was possible that there were more than one family carrying the surname, but considering the two commanders’ likeness, that didn’t seem very probable. They clearly knew each other... But Maho had told Azusa her sister had died, so perhaps they were cousins? 

“So,” Maho continued, the mockery leaving her voice for a moment as she spoke, its place being taken by sad seriousness. “How was the funeral?”

“Nothing but a nuisance. An honor they didn’t deserve.” The girl let her gaze move from Erika back to Maho, looking down at her with clear disdain, and what seemed like a burning hatred, if only it hadn’t been so cold and formal. “I have far better uses of my time than considering stubborn fools who won’t fulfill their function. But I suppose you never learned that.”

“You changed, Miho. And it’s not for the better.”

There was that name again. Miho. Azusa hadn’t caught it the first time, thinking she must have misheard, but now she was certain she had heard correctly.

“I became stronger, as opposed to you. You were the one who cracked and broke.” She let her eyes turn back to Erika. “Don’t you agree, my sweet? You used to care for her so deeply when she was the Commander. All that affection going unanswered. Such pain she must have caused you when her fraud was revealed. But you know the truth, don’t you, my little tiger cub? Strength is the only thing worthy of respect, isn’t it? ”

Erika, seemed to snap out of her trance somewhat at the suggestion, even if she nodded obediently and affectionately at the girl’s every word. “Yes, Commander… She really is a pathetic weakling. Not like you, Miho. You’re truly strong. Not some fraud like her…”

Miho… Miho… wasn’t that what Maho’s sister’s name had been? Azusa’s thoughts were racing, trying to put the pieces together. Just who was this girl, and what was her connection to Maho? She eliminated possibility after possibility until soon, only one remained. The same surname, the incredible likeness, and Maho’s sister’s name.

“What…” Azusa interrupted. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She stared daggers at the girl, whose identity she was now certain of.

Miho Nishizumi, which was clearly the girl’s name, didn’t seem to pay Azusa any mind, and spoke instead to Maho. “Oh, I see you can’t even keep your subordinates in check. Is this your replacement for dear Akaboshi? I hope she’ll keep you happy just like that weakling did. Such a shame that she was so easily corrupted by you. With some proper guidance and the right… training,” Miho glanced at Erika with a smirk, “she might even have made a passable Vice-Commander. If you had allowed me to break her in, that is…”

“Azusa, don’t…” Maho started, but it was too late. 

“What kind of horrible person are you?!” Azusa said more forcefully before Maho had time to stop her, clenching her fists until the knuckles became white. “How the hell can you act like this towards your own sister?!”

For the first time since coming over to them, Miho seemed to acknowledge that anyone other than herself, Maho, or her toy Erika even existed. She let go of Erika, casting her to the side and took three quick, efficient strides over to Azusa. Within moments, Miho had grabbed her by the chin with one hand, and her wrist with the other. She lifted Azusa’s chin to peer at her more closely, as if she was nothing but a strange curiosity. Even though she wanted nothing more than to stare a hole right through the girl’s skull, Azusa averted her eyes against her will, and she could feel her cheeks grow warm. Almost as if she was embarrassed, even though she felt nothing close to it. Now that she was closer to the girl, she realized the aura that surrounded her, cold and overpowering. It felt like being trapped in the eye of a hurricane, for even though there was calm and quiet, Azusa could feel that a single misstep would bring deadly ruin down upon her.

“I see that the crumbled shards of a girl you call commander hasn’t taught you the proper way of things.” She looked down at Azusa with eyes that didn’t betray even the slightest emotion, only acting as amber gateways to the void within. “Subordinates are supposed to be seen, not heard. When trained  _ properly _ , they shouldn’t even be seen. They should merely fulfill their function.” She looked over her shoulder to where Erika was still recovering. “Isn’t that right, Erika my dear?”

“Y-yes, Commander…” She nodded enthusiastically as she answered her Commander.

Miho looked back to Azusa. “Let me make something perfectly clear, little bunny.” If her tone had been cold and inhospitable before, now it was downright deadly, almost as if a single syllable could slice Azusa’s throat open. Still, it wasn’t exactly malicious, nor was it dismissive or superior. That would have implied that she cared about what Azusa was saying, or that there was subjectivity to be found in her words. 

But no, instead the girl’s voice made it seem that even thinking about questioning her words was an act of insanity. Like claiming the sky was green and the oceans red. Her statements were merely facts to be observed. “ _ I don’t have a sister _ .” She spoke slowly and pointedly, making sure that her every syllable was clearly understood. “Now, what was that you were saying?”

Azusa wanted to retort. She wanted to strike back against this demon in the shape of a girl. She wanted to answer with the most cutting insult she could think of, if only to prove that she too could make people bleed with her words. But for some reason, she couldn’t. She could only feel cold and trapped, as if a hundred frozen hands held her in place and silenced both her words and her thoughts.

“What a shame,” Miho said with a dismissive tone, and let her go. “For a moment I almost thought you might be worth even the slightest of my time. It seems I was wrong.” She turned on the spot, and began walking away from them, stopping a few paces past Maho. “Humiliating the Nishizumi style has consequences. You might have escaped them once, but you won't be so lucky again.” She glanced at Erika. “Erika, come. Because of your failure, I’ve had to waste time on these rejects. It’s high time I gave you another lesson.” Erika swallowed anxiously, giving Miho a quick confirmative nod.

“Y-yes, Commander…” Whatever these ‘lessons’ entailed, Azusa didn’t want to know.

Miho smirked. “Oh, don’t look so glum, my precious. If you behave yourself properly, I might let you have a reward.” A look of excitement and anticipation appeared on Erika’s face as she again stared longingly at Miho.

“R-really?! I-I mean... Y-yes, commander. I-I’ll behave…I promise!”

“Good.” Miho began walking away, clearly expecting her subordinate to follow. Instead, now seemingly free of whatever spell had entranced her, Erika’s smug superiority returned as she glared at Azusa, as if Miho had never appeared to interrupt them in the first place.

“It’s too bad you’re going to be annihilated by Saunders in the first round. I almost looked forward to getting to crush a pathetic upstart like you myself. It’s been too long since I got to have a real turkey-shoot on the field,” Erika said to Azusa with a superior smirk as she prepared to leave. “Instead I’ll have to make do with Chi-Ha-Tan.”

“Oh I wouldn’t worry,” Azusa shot back, answering with a confident smirk of her own. “I’ll make sure to set aside a 75mm shell with your name on it until then.  _ If _ you can even make it to the finals, that is.”

“You arrogant…” Erika began to snap back, but was quickly interrupted by Miho.

“Erika. We. are. leaving.” The repeated command was short and cold. There was no room for arguing. Erika gave Azusa and Maho a final glare, and turned to follow Miho towards the exit. “Yes, Commander!”

* * *

Whatever warrior spirit it was that possessed her and compelled her to act the way she had, it left Azusa just as quickly as it appeared the moment Miho and Erika left the café. It was as if she had sapped her own strength to maintain her confidence and speak out in their presence, and now she was paying the price. Her knees felt weak and her legs wobbled slightly, before she sank down to the floor, catching herself with a hand against the stone tiling.

“Azusa?” Maho asked and got up to lend her a hand, kneeling down beside her. “Are you ok?”

“Y-yeah… I’m fine…” Azusa answered, even as she struggled to breathe. “I… I just need a second…” After a few seconds more, she accepted Maho’s hand, and let the older girl help her to the seat opposite her own.

“Azusa…” Maho started, but it quickly seemed like she ran out of words.

“Don’t… don’t worry. I’ll… I’ll be fine…” Azusa answered, her breathing becoming more steady as her strength slowly returned to her.

“Yeah, but you might not have been,” Maho shot back, with an almost accusatory tone. “Don’t ever do something that stupid again.”

“What are you talking about? Don’t do what again?” Azusa tilted her head to the side slightly. Perhaps it was just because she was light-headed from what had just happened, but she really didn’t understand what Maho was referring to. 

“Don’t ever stick up for me like that again,” she clarified with a serious look in her eye. “You don’t know those girls like I do. You don’t know what they might have done, and besides, what people think of me is my problem, not yours. Am I being clear?”

Azusa looked at Maho for a moment, not certain whether she was joking or not, but ultimately answered. “No, Maho.”

“Well, I don’t know how I can be any clearer. Don’t ever put yourself in harm’s way for my sake like that again.”

“No. I understood you the first time, and I’m saying no.”

“Azusa…”

“If we’re friends, you can’t expect me to stand idly by while someone stands there and insults you. Who do they even think they are?” Maho didn’t answer this, and only averted her eyes from Azusa’s. “Maho, who were they?” she repeated, perhaps more insistent on an answer than she had any right to be, but she needed to know.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Maho’s interruption was swift and struck the conversation with the force and speed of a whip, but Azusa shot back. 

“Too bad. I do.” It would appear that some of that uncharacteristic bravery still remained in her.

Maho glanced over at Azusa and raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised at the conviction with which she led the conversation. After a few seconds Maho sighed, and began answering, still gazing out the window. “Erika Itsumi and Miho Nishizumi. Two of my old teammates from when I still studied at Kuromorimine. I was their commander for several years, both in middle school and high school. And well… let’s just say that we didn’t exactly part on the best of terms.”

“So,” Azusa said, trying to formulate a question she already had the answer to, “that horrible demon of a girl… this Miho, she’s… she’s your sister?”

“Yeah… In a manner of speaking,” Maho said wistfully, still looking out the window.

“And she’s their commander, right?”

“And Erika’s her Vice-Commander. She was a good tanker back when I was in command. They were both really good actually. I just didn’t think they had the temperament to lead. Which is one of the many reasons I don’t want you to make an enemy of them. Miho might not have noticed you were here if you hadn’t forced her hand, but Erika would have destroyed you on the spot. Although, that was before. I haven’t seen either of them in almost a year, and it seems a lot has changed. Seems Miho tapped into Erika’s reverence for strength and the Nishizumi style. Considering how she seems to be wrapped around Miho’s finger.” Maho paused for a moment, staring at something unseen in the distance, before looking back at Azusa. “What were you even doing here?” she asked, changing the subject entirely, thus making it clear that she had no interest in answering any more of Azusa’s questions.

“Oh…” Azusa said in a low voice. “I was… I was waiting to meet up with my friends,” she lied, hoping Maho wouldn’t notice. We were going to get some sweets before getting back to the  _ Zuikaku _ . Why… uh… why were you here?” She didn’t trust her ability to deceive for long, so shifting the subject back to Maho seemed her best bet.

“I had to be alone. I’m going to need all the peace and quiet I can get if I’m going to come up with a way to beat Saunders.”

“Oh… right... Uhm… Maho?”

“Yeah?” Maho sighed. She was clearly not happy with her situation, but Azusa was curious, and she guessed that Maho was the only one who she could ask.

“Is… I mean... I know we lost against St. Gloriana, but, uh… Are Saunders going to be a problem for us?”

“Well, to be honest with you, it didn’t really matter what number I drew. We were going to be fighting an uphill battle no matter what. Freshly started teams with only five tanks don’t exactly fare well in tournaments, not to mention the National championship. But yes, Saunders is a big problem.”

“Why… why is that?”

“Ever heard of ‘Quality over Quantity’?” Maho asked.

“I have,” Azusa nodded back, even if she wasn’t quite sure where Maho was going with this.

“Yeah, Saunders doesn’t exactly believe in that. They’re the richest school in the country, and if there’s one thing they love above all else, it’s showing off that fact. Supposedly there’s a saying that ‘What doesn’t exist at Saunders can’t be bought for money’. They own over a hundred Sherman medium tanks in god-knows how many variants, as well as a bunch of other tanks as well, and they have three fully-equipped teams.”

“So it’s not going to be like when we faced St. Gloriana...”

“Bingo,” Maho sighed. “At least the first round’s limited to ten tanks per side. But still… we’re pretty badly outnumbered and outgunned.”

“So we’re really facing the worst-case scenario, aren’t we?”

“Not anywhere near, we could have faced…” Maho said, but stopped herself. “No, nevermind.”

“What? We could have faced who?”

Maho sighed again, and looked out the window. “Forget I said anything.”

“Maho? Who would have been worse? Didn’t you just say we were in hot water no matter who we faced, so what could be worse than facing Sau…”

“We could have faced Kuromorimine, OK?!” Maho snapped at her. “We could have faced Miho and Erika, and then we wouldn’t just have lost, we would have been utterly annihilated.”

“Oh… I’m… I’m sorry…” Azusa looked away, feeling stupid for not having seen the answer coming, or being able to figure it out on her own. “I’ll… I’ll let you think and plan by yourself…” she got up from her seat and walked over to grab her bag.

“No, I’ll go. You’re waiting for your friends, aren’t you?”

“Oh, uh, r-right…” Azusa stammered. Crud. She had been hoping to sneak away without Maho discovering her lie. “Actually, it seems they found another café a couple blocks away, so I’ll go meet them there instead,” she lied anew, gesturing to her phone and acting like she had just gotten a text message. Seeing Maho shrug and return her troubled gaze to the table before her, Azusa took her opportunity for escape and left the café, heading back towards the ferry terminal.

* * *

As the ferry to the  _ Zuikaku _ left Tokyo harbor, Maho didn’t do much. She simply sat and looked out the window. In the seats surrounding her, Saori, Hana, and Yukari were having a discussion about something, while Mako had stretched herself out across a whole row, falling asleep the moment she laid down. Maho didn’t pay the discussion surrounding her much mind, blocking most of it out. She did catch the occasional sentence or exchange though. Saori blabbering about how cool and handsome Tokyo-boys were, Yukari talking about this autograph or that she had scored at the ceremony, or a new model kit she had bought in their free time, or Hana speaking about some sculpture she had seen or how inspiring this or that had been for her flower arrangement.

“Hey, Maporin!” Saori said after a while in a voice that made it obvious she was repeating herself.

“What?” Maho grumbled in response. “And don’t call me Maporin. My name’s Maho, and either you’ll call me that, or you can stop talking to me all together.”

“Are you doing OK, Maporin?” Saori continued, blissfully ignoring what Maho had just said. “You’re really quiet.”

“Did I really think that would work?” Maho muttered to herself, before answering. “So what if I am? It’s not like I’m the chattiest person around under the best of circumstances.”

“I guess not. Still, something’s off about you.”

“Did something perhaps happen during the ceremony?” Hana asked. 

“Yeah, or did you run into an old ex?” Saori followed up, and despite her inquiry being as ridiculous as usual, Maho couldn’t help but find irony in how close she was to the truth.

Saori gasped, looking like she had just cracked a decades old murder case. “Ohmygod! Did you suddenly switch bodies with some stranger in the countryside?”

_ There it is _ , Maho thought.  _ Idiocy as usual _ . Saori’s head seemed to have refilled with air, and everything was back to normal. She was about to answer, against her better judgement, but Yukari cut in with a solemn tone.

“It’s Saunders, isn’t it?” Suddenly the entire situation flipped on its head, as Yukari stared out through the window at the ocean beyond while the rest of the group looked at her in surprise. Her usual excitement and enthusiasm for tanks and Sensha-Do having vanished without trace. “You’re thinking about how we’re going to face Saunders. Aren’t you?”

Maho sighed, but answered. “Yeah… Even if we had a full ten tank-arsenal we wouldn’t exactly be going into an even game. We never faced them back when I was at Kuromorimine. Not that they would have been a challenge, but that also means I have no idea how they fight. They’re sure to bring Shermans, but since I don’t know which variants or how they’re going to deploy, I can’t do anything with that info.”

“Wait, what do you mean ‘variants’?” Saori asked, as if the idea was completely foreign to her. “If we know they’re going to use Shermans, doesn’t that just mean they’re bringing ten identical tanks?”

This question, posing an opportunity to ‘educate’ about tanks, revived Yukari back to her old cheerful self, and she launched into her explanation with vigor. “Well, all tanks are different, and even tanks of the same model can be more or less different tanks. For example, ‘Anky’ may be a Panzer IV, but she’s an Ausf.D, with a 75mm KwK 37 L/24 gun, as opposed to if she was an Ausf.H with the more powerful KwK 40 L/48. The Ausf.H also has a number of improvements to its armor, bringing in armor skirts and…”

With Hana and Saori preoccupied by trying to follow Yukari’s frantic explanation, Maho took the opportunity to withdraw from the conversation and back into herself, staring out the window and trying to figure out if there was perhaps some miracle she could pin her hopes on.

* * *

A few rows down, Azusa was sitting much like Maho, looking out the window at the sea passing by, and not paying much attention to her friends as they talked.

“Hey, Azusa?” Aya asked and poked her in the side. “You OK?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just need some fresh air.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“No, it’s okay. You stay here, I won’t be long.” She got up from her seat and made her way to the deck. Leaning against the railing at the aft of the ferry, she watched as the wake from the ferry was eaten by the waves, melting back into the sea once again. They had only been in Tokyo for a few hours, and yet it felt like her entire world had turned upside down. 

“What sort of horrible person are you…” she said in a low voice to herself. “Was that really the best I could come up with?” She felt pathetic. When Erika began insulting Maho, she had felt so angry. She had understood the pain and fury Maho must have felt when she punched Kawashima. Azusa was pretty sure she would have punched Erika if they hadn’t been interrupted. But then Miho showed up. Miho showed up, and suddenly Azusa had seemed like nothing more than the insignificant rabbit the older girl treated her as. She had faced a devil, who could seemingly end her with a word, and only been able to strike back with a toy gun. She sighed, and kept staring out across the sea.

After a few minutes, someone appeared beside her. “So…” the student council president said with her usual gleeful tone, leaning back against the railing. “How’s it going with our little secret? Any progress?”

Azusa pondered the question for a moment, and sighed. “Yeah… I guess…”

“Anything I ought to know?”

_ “How much time do you have?” _ is what she wanted to answer, but she didn’t. For now she would keep her and Maho’s meeting with Kuromorimine’s commanders to herself. If nothing else so she could work through what she had learned. Instead she said “No. She seems to trust me though,” in a dour tone not unlike the one Maho usually spoke in.

“Great work, Azusa!” the President exclaimed, and patted her on the back. “I knew I could rely on you! Here, have some!” She reached out the opened bag of dried sweet potatoes towards Azusa.

“Yeah… thanks…” Azusa answered as she reached into the bag and picked up a chip. She took a bite, mostly to be polite, and was instantly reminded that she hated the taste of sweet potatoes.

“Now that you’ve managed to get close to her, it’s high time we move on to the second step of the plan.”

* * *

_ Next week on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: Preparations are made for Ooarai’s first match of the Championship _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:  
> And so, we return to the present. Writing this chapter mainly from Azusa’s point of view gave me a really nice chance to provide another lens for the story, and also to explore the not necessarily interplay between her, Maho, Miho, and Erika, but it definitely allowed me to bring out some contrasts in their characters. It also proved an excellent opportunity to bring up Anzu’s little scheme again, whatever it is. Still, I really did not expect this chapter to become as long as it did. For the longest time I thought I was going to end up at maybe half the length of this, but sometimes the spirit of writing just grips you.  
> If all goes as I think it will, next week will be a bit of a slower and quieter chapter, with the leadup to the Saunders-match, which ought to start just before the new year.   
> I guess this is just one of those weeks where I don’t have a great deal to say, but I look forward to hearing your opinions on who Miho has become in this universe. She is not the same cheerful girl she is in the canon-timeline, that much is certain.  
> With that, I’ll only say that reviews are extremely welcome, and I’ll see you all next week. Aloha!  
> //Rihno


	19. The Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azusa remembers her sister, Maho starts drilling the team, Yukari makes an attempt at gathering intelligence, and Saunders high command make their appearance.

“Hey, why don’t I ever get to sit in the front?!”

“It’s because you’re tiny. Kindergarteners like you belong in the back.”

“I’M NOT A KINDERGARTENER! I’M IN THE FOURTH GRADE!” she yelled back. “And it’s not fair that you always get to sit in the front just ‘cause you’re in high school!”

“Irisa, be nice to your sister. Azusa, you get to sit in the front some other time,” their mother interjected with a tired voice. “Now can we please get going? Your father’s waiting for us.”

With this outside interference backing her up, Irisa smirked at her sister, and Azusa stuck her tongue out at her in response. But after a second, she did as she had been told and grumpily walked around the car to sit behind mom. “Fine,” she grumbled. “I didn’t want to sit in the front anyways.”

Once she had put on her seatbelt, she crossed her arms and sulked as they drove away from the harbor. So what if Irisa was in high school and lived on a boat? Boats were stupid. Azusa always got to sit in the front when she wasn’t around, so it wasn’t fair that Irisa automatically got to sit in the front just because she was back home. Stupid Irisa. Azusa hated when she was around.

In the front, Mom was asking Irisa question after question, giving her all the attention she could ever want. Asking her about the results of her tests and her grades, which were of course perfect, what she wanted to eat for dinner, and how everything was with her friends. But Azusa didn’t want to listen. She didn’t care what her idiot sister was doing. She just kept on sulking, and played a game on her phone. It wasn’t like either of them bothered talking to her. Why didn’t Mom ask  _ her _ about how  _ she _ was doing in school? Or how things were with  _ her _ friends? Or what  _ she _ wanted for dinner? It wasn’t fair, and it was all stupid Irisa’s fault. She glanced out the window, and the idea that was planted in her mind by what she saw expelled all bitterness. She reached up and almost pressed her face against the glass, calling out in excitement to her mom.

“Mom! Mom! Can we stop for ice cream?!”

“No, Azusa. We’re already late,” Mom answered in a disinterested voice.

“But Moooom…”

“No ‘but’s,” she interrupted and sighed. “Why can’t you be like your sister?”

Azusa sat back down and sulked again. It wasn’t fair.

“Fine!” She was just going to stay quiet and not ask for anything ever again. Just like Irisa. Stupid, perfect Irisa. She was always doing everything right, always getting perfect grades, always being mom and dad’s perfect little girl who never did anything wrong, always getting all of mom and dad’s attention. It wasn’t fair.

Meanwhile, the only thing Azusa ever got to hear was how perfect Irisa was, and how everyone hoped she would grow up to be just as perfect as Irisa, and that she should act more mature, just like Irisa. It wasn’t fair.

Azusa hated it all, and she hated her stupid sister for always being so perfect. She wished Irisa would just stop existing. If she just wasn’t around, everything would be much better. Mom and Dad would pay attention to Azusa and care about  _ her _ , instead of stupid Irisa. Not a single thing about it was fai-

BAM!

* * *

“It’s not fair…” Azusa muttered to herself as she was lying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling in her dimly lit room. “It’s not fair at all…”

It had been five years since the accident. Five years since Azusa got her wish granted. It wasn’t fair. If she had known that a higher power was listening, she would have just kept her mouth shut. But no, instead she wished something stupid she didn’t mean, and the universe listened with naive sincerity, granting her wish without delay. All it had taken was a second. One second Irisa was there, the next she wasn’t. Just like Azusa wanted… A single moment, and now her sister wasn’t around anymore.

It wasn’t fair. Even with Irisa gone, she hadn’t been any happier. The void Irisa left behind made it impossible for things to go back to normal. Mom and dad had finally paid attention to her, but she could tell that they didn’t think it was fair either. Their precious perfect daughter had been taken from them, and they were left with Azusa. Stupid Azusa with her failing grades and her childish behavior.

It wasn’t fair that everyone looked at her with pity, as if wanting to say that it was a shame that she wasn’t as smart and accomplished as her perfect sister. In the end she got enough of it. She got sick and tired of the looks and the condolences and the concern. That’s when she decided. If Irisa wasn’t there to fill the void, she would do it herself. She had stopped acting like a child. She had stopped screwing around in class. She had put every fibre of her being into her studies. She had pushed herself to every extreme that was possible, all so that her parents could have something that at least resembled Irisa back. If the world wanted an Irisa more than an Azusa, then that’s what Azusa would give it.

She rolled over to her side, sighing as she glanced at her alarm clock. School didn’t start for at least another two hours.

It wasn’t fair that the universe had taken Irisa from her. It wasn’t fair that Azusa, ‘the worthless sister,’ was the one who was left behind. It wasn’t fair how Mom and Dad still hadn’t paid her any attention. It wasn’t fair that she had to push herself the way she did, just to fill the void her sister had left behind. It wasn’t fair that Irisa got to sit in the front. It wasn’t fair that Azusa hadn’t been sitting there. It wasn’t fair that it was all Azusa’s fault. It wasn’t fair that she had gotten her wish granted. It wasn’t fair that she had to lie to Maho. It wasn’t fair that Maho was lying to  _ her _ .

None of it was fair. Not a single thing in the universe was fair, and the more she thought about it, the more the anger within her simmered and boiled.

She was angry at Irisa for always being so perfect, and she was angry at her for being gone, dumping everything on Azusa.

She was angry at her parents for not paying attention to her, and she was angry at them for only wanting her to be another Irisa instead of herself.

She was angry at the President for using her, and she was angry at her for forcing her to lie.

She was angry at Miho and Erika for insulting Maho, and she was angry at them for being smug and superior.

She was angry at Maho for ignoring her, and she was angry at her for lying about Miho being dead.

She was angry at the universe for taking Irisa away from her, and she was angry that it didn’t even care.

But most of all, she was angry at herself. She was angry at herself for having wished Irisa out of existence. She was angry at herself for not standing up for herself. She was angry at herself for only trying to be like Irisa. She was angry at herself for running during the St. Gloriana-match. She was angry at herself for allowing herself to be told to lie by the President. She was angry at herself for being angry. 

She was just angry, and she hated it.

She sat up on the bed, and sighed, taking deep breaths to calm herself. With each breath, she slowly pushed the anger further and further back into the depths of her mind, hiding it away where it wouldn’t bother her. 

After she was satisfied with how deep she had buried her anger, Azusa sighed one final time and got up, heading to the bathroom. She showered and dried herself off, before changing into her uniform. The white shirt and green skirt were hanging neatly on the door of her closet, right where she always hung it. Having changed, she took a look in the mirror to see that everything was in its place. She was satisfied with the look of her uniform, but her hair was a far different story. She sighed and retrieved brush and comb, struggling for a few minutes in front of the mirror to get it right. Her short hair wasn’t much of a challenge to keep after, but getting it to look right was a bit different.

When she was finally satisfied, she returned the brush and comb to their place in the bathroom, and packed her bag. Every notebook and pen in its proper place. She clasped the bag shut, and walked over to the mirror in the hall again. Everything was like it always was and always should be. Staring back at her in the mirror was the perfect image of Irisa. She sighed, steeled herself, and walked out her door.

“Good Morning, Azusa!” Aya called out, waving from where she had just walked out from her own door further down the corridor. “You're as punctual as ever!”

“Good morning, Aya,” Azusa answered with a smile, and took a few quick steps over to her friend. “Ready for school?”

* * *

“...and that’s final!”

“But Commander…” some of the crews started to protest, but Maho wouldn’t hear a word of it.

“No ‘but’s. I want those abominable paintjobs gone. Or did the last match not provide ample enough evidence for why tanks aren’t painted in the gaudiest, most attention-grabbing ways known to man?” Maho threw a pointed glance towards the student council and their still-golden 38(t).

A reluctant grumble made its way through the team, and the crews returned to their tanks to begin the arduous task of repainting them. No one could argue with the assessment that the extravagant and, in Maho’s opinion, frankly ugly paint schemes had been more of a hindrance than a help in their battle with St. Gloriana, but that didn’t mean that the team was happy about the dull greys and greens their tanks were to be repainted in. Ultimately a compromise was reached, where the crews would at least be allowed to paint a team insignia on their respective tank. Soon, very much against Maho’s preferences, the team’s tanks had taken on a new set of de facto callsigns, based on the cartoon animals the tanks now sported. All except for the Panzer IV.

“But we need to fit in with the rest of the team, Maho…” Saori pleaded, as she for the third day in a row begged Maho to be allowed to paint an anglerfish onto the turret of the German tank.

“No,” Maho answered sharply. She might not like the ridiculous markings on the other tanks. She could even begrudgingly accept the gaudy internal decorations, pillows and all. But if she was going to command the team, and sit in the commander’s seat of a tank again, she sure as hell wasn’t going to do it in one painted up to look like a clown car. “You’ll be painting on that tank over my dead body.”

* * *

“Team B, tighten formation. You’re straying far too much to the right,” Maho noted over the radio.

“Gotcha!” Teako called back over the crackling airwaves, and the Type 89 moved closer to its intended position. It still wasn’t where it should, but it was close enough that Maho only sighed and let it slide.

“All tanks, halt on position and fire salvo. Cycle targets,” she continued, calling to the entire team this time. Each tank stopped in place, some more gracefully than others, and began firing down the target range. As opposed to their performance a few weeks ago during the match against St. Gloriana, the entire team proved to have become somewhat capable of aiming and firing in rapid succession, which while not a life-saver for their upcoming match, at least would help them look competent and not a complete embarrassment on the field.

“Hippo team has really started to get the hang of their StuG, don’t you think?” Ami asked and lowered her binoculars. “I make 4 out of 5 targets within a minute.”

Maho sighed and put down the handset of the radio beside her, lifting her own binoculars to take a look. “Looks that way. Now that they’re not announcing their presence with those stupid flags anymore, Team C might actually be of some use.” Now that Ami had also taken a liking to the unofficial callsigns, Maho was alone in still referring to the team’s tanks by letters.

“Oh, don’t be like that,” Ami said with cheering tones. “They took out one of St. Gloriana’s Matildas, didn’t they?”

“They did,” Maho answered dryly. “They also then tried to hide five-meter high flags behind a two meter high fence, and got taken out as a reward. If this was Kuromorimine, I’d-”

“But it’s not,” Ami noted. “We’re not at Kuromorimine anymore, and it’s just a sport. Let them have some fun, why don’t you? It’s not like there are any real stakes to winning or losing.”

_ Oh, you don’t know the half of it…  _ Maho thought. “Maybe you’re right,” she said on a low tone and shrugged. She picked up the handset again, and switched one of the dials. “Team D, you’re going to need closer grouping of those shots. The 75mm might not need to be very precise, but if you’re going to take out anything more than a piece of cardboard, you’ll need to aim the 37mm better.”

“Copy that, Commander,” Aya answered.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Maho?” Ami asked. “I mean, wouldn’t it be better if you were actually down there with the rest of them, instead of up here with me?”

“No. The less I have to be in a tank, the better… Besides, I’m not the one who needs to train, they are. And for that it doesn’t matter if I’m down in the commander’s seat or up here.”

“If you say so…”

* * *

“Maho?” Saori asked as the final class of the day finished.

“What?” She sighed in reply.

“Well, uhm, I just wanted to… I mean…”

“What Saori’s trying to say is that we were wondering if you were free this afternoon?” Hana cut in.

“And what if I am?” Maho asked and crossed her arms, looking her classmates up and down in an attempt to figure out where they were trying to take the conversation.

“Well, Yukari said she had something she wanted to show us, and that we should bring you along if possible,” Saori answered. 

“Yes, apparently it was quite urgent,” Hana complemented.

Maho raised an eyebrow. “Any idea  _ what _ it is she wants to show us?”  _ I bet it’s just a new model Tiger or something like that… _

“No, but she was quite clear that it had something to do with Sensha-Do and the match this weekend.” Saori tugged lightly on Maho’s shoulder. “Come on, it’s been ages since we hung out!”

Maho sighed. “You’re not leaving me alone until I agree, are you?” She shook her head and smiled in response. “Fine,” Maho sighed and shook free from Saori’s clinging. “Lead the way.”

* * *

“Oh, hello girls!” Yukari’s mother greeted them as they entered the small salon.

“Good afternoon, Missus Akiyama!” Saori and Hana replied. Mako, who they had collected from her classroom as they left school, mostly nodded and groaned in reply to the greeting.

“And I see you’ve brought a friend.” The older woman gave Maho a quick glance, before a look of recognition appeared in her eye. “Ah, yes, miss Nishi… uhm… Nishiru?

“Nishizumi, ma’am,” Maho corrected and bowed. “Pardon the intrusion.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Yukari’s mother gestured towards the stairs. “Yukari’s upstairs, so no need to stand on ceremony.”

Saori, Hana and Mako made their way towards and up the stairs, and Maho followed shortly behind, bowing one more time towards Yukari’s mother just to be polite, and steeled herself before entering Yukari’s room. The memories of seeing all that tank paraphernalia and the apparent idol-worship of herself still held a place in her mind.

* * *

“Oh, Maho!” Yukari said with excitement as she entered. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

The first thing that struck Maho was how different the room looked from when last she had been here. All the posters and paintings had been covered with curtains or bedsheets, and the many model tanks had also been covered. The bizarre collection of shapeless white forms almost gave the room a strangely haunted feel.

“I see you’ve redecorated,” Maho said dryly.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I just thought… you know… Since you didn’t exactly seem very comfortable last time you were here, I just thought that maybe I could…”

“It’s fine. I would have managed,” Maho interrupted. It wasn’t until now that she noticed that Yukari was dressed neither in casual clothing or their school uniform, but in the blue and red uniform of Sunkus. “So, what is it you wanted to show us?”

“Oh, yes!” Yukari dug around for a moment in her backpack, and fished out a camera which she hooked up to the small TV in her room. “Now, I haven’t had time to edit this, so it’s all just raw footage, but hopefully it’ll be of some use to you, Commander!”

What appeared on the screen was a video recording, which Yukari narrated over. It showed her sneaking aboard one of Sunkus’ supply ships, and disembarking on the  _ George Washington _ , Saunders’ school carrier.

Once there she switched into a Saunders uniform she had somehow managed to procure, and then walked about the massive school. Maho could already see where this was going.

“Not very much happens here, so I’ll just skip to the interesting part.” Yukai reached over to the camera and pressed a button, and the screen began fast-forwarding through Yukari’s excursion. “Right! Here we go!” she said triumphantly, and let the video play again. She was now filming from some sort of large meeting hall, with a few dozen girls sitting in neat rows before a small raised dais, up on which marched a cheerful girl with long blonde hair.

“Everyone!” the girl called out. “It’s time for the first match of the championship!” She clapped her hands together and made a quick cheerful hop. “This year is sure to be ours!” She threw a fist in the air, and the crowd cheered.

“As for the tanks we’ll be using in the first match, Here’s what we’ve decided; Naomi will be manning the  _ Los Angeles _ like usual,” A picture of a Firefly appeared on the screen behind the girl. “I’ll of course be leading from the  _ San Fransisco _ ,” An M4A6 appeared beside the Firefly. “And we’ll also be fielding the New Orleans,” an M4A1(76)W joined her sisters on screen, “and 6 of our 75mm M4’s. Edamura, Sasaki, Juba, Himi, Serizawa, and Kozue, you’ll command one each.” A few scattered small cheers could be heard around the hall, presumably from the girls that had just been named. “And bringing up the rear we’ll have our newcomer. You’re going to need to fight sooner or later, so it might as well be sooner!” The blond girl threw a thumbs up towards a girl in the crowd that they couldn’t see from where Yukari was filming, and a general cheer of excitement and encouragement could be heard. It seemed whoever this newcomer was they were well-liked. 

“They’re not holding back at all…” Yukari whispered into the camera’s microphone.

“So, any questions?!”

“Oh, uhm, yeah!” Yukari said and stood up. “What will our formation be?”

“Good question there, Hon’! Seeing as we can’t form full tank platoon pairs, we’ll have three tanks in one of the platoons, and they’ll form their own company!”

“A-and what defenses will be given to the flag tank?”

“Nada!” the girl answered with a smug grin, and waved her finger before her.

“But,” the Yukari on screen began to push back.

_ No, don’t tell me… _ Maho thought.  _ Don’t tell me you started to make suggestions to improve their strategy… _ But of course that was exactly what Yukari did.

“I’m pretty sure the enemy has a StuG III.”

“It’ll be fine,” the girl answered in a dismissive tone and put her hands on her hips. “We can wipe them all out with one tank either way.” A surging wave of excitement and awe flowed across the room at this cocky statement, which Maho silently didn’t doubt for a second.

“Hang on…” A girl with short grey hair that was leaning against the wall beside the dais said, giving Yukari a sharp look. “I haven’t seen you around here before…”

“Uhm… uh…” Yukari stammered. Around her murmur could be heard intensifying as more and more girls realized that Yukari had never shown her face at Saunders before. Let alone in the briefing hall of the Sensha-Do team.

“Class and grade,” a short girl with brown pigtails demanded.

“Uhmm… uh… uh...” Even though Maho couldn’t see Yukari’s face, it was obvious she was starting to panic. “6th Armored Division, Sergeant 3rd class, Oddball!”

The blonde commander broke out laughing at this, while the short pig-tailed girl pointed an accusatory finger towards Yukari. “She’s an impostor! Get her!”

Despite her panic, Yukari seemed surprisingly quick on her feet, as she quickly jumped out of the mass of girls and sprinted out through the corridors of the  _ George Washington _ . 

“You… uhm… you don’t need to see this next part…” a blushing Yukari said as she turned off the recording.

“What the hell was that?” Maho asked, and raised her eyebrow. 

“It’s… It was an infiltration…” Yukari answered, slightly flustered.

“I can see that,” Maho replied. Infiltrations were a pretty common way of gathering intelligence on enemy teams in Sensha-Do, but they were usually handled with more tact than this. There was nothing in the rules of the sport that forbid it, and in a way it was encouraged, but as a student of Kuromorimine, Maho held a disdain towards the practice. Needing to know what you were facing meant there was something you didn’t want to face. Something you couldn’t handle. An attitude kuromorimine looked down upon to a harsh degree. The punishment for being caught infiltrating other schools was severe, even more so than for spies who dared infiltrate the german-styled school itself. “And what gave you the idea to even attempt it?”

“I… I just thought that… You said you couldn’t plan for the match unless you knew what variants they were fielding, and what strategy they would use, so I thought…”

“You thought wrong. All this told us is that they’re using Shermans, something we already knew, and that you’re a lousy spy. Do you even realize the trouble you would have gotten us into if you had gotten caught?”

“Oh… I… I didn’t think about that…” Yukari said and looked down. “I just… I just wanted to help…”

“Well consider yourself lucky you didn’t get caught. At least this way you didn’t bring us any new problems along with the ones we already have. If that was all you had, then bye.” Maho didn’t even wait for a reply before she turned and walked out the door.

A moment of silence fell over the room, only broken by Mako’s occasional snoring from underneath Yukari’s table.

“Uhm… Yukari…” Saori asked after a while.

“Y-yeah?” Yukari asked and looked up from the floor.

“How did you manage to get away?”

“Oh…” Yukari said, a gleam of excitement entering her eye again. “Well, the first thing I had to do was get those girls off my tail, so I…”

* * *

“Are you all done making the final checks on the tanks?” Maho called out to the rest of the team, as she continued looking over the tracks of the Panzer IV with a trained eye.

“Yeah!” the freshmen cheered from beside the M3 Lee.

“We’re ready!” Erwin replied with her usual smug grin from the StuG.

“We’re all ready too!” Noriko answered, and got up from where she had been looking at the Type 89’s drive wheel. 

“The 38(t) is all done,” Yuzu said, finishing off the roll-call.

Judgement day was here. Ooarai’s first match in the National championship. The weather was clear, the tanks were serviced and ready, and the team was all there. It should have been perfect conditions. Except of course for one small detail. They were facing Saunders.

“Alright, then there’s nothing left to do but wait until the match starts.” Maho announced to the team, while still making sure to inspect every link of the Panzer’s treads. The rest of the team however took this as ample opportunity to laze about, chatting amongst themselves in excitement for the match.

“Hey, Yuuki?” Maho heard Azusa ask from the M3 Lee, and looking over the hood of the Panzer IV she could see the younger girl leaning into the hatch of the tank. “Where’s the ammo for the 75mm gun?”

“Oh, right!” Yuuki laughed and put a hand against her forehead. “I completely forgot to put them in.”

“But that’s the most important thing!” Aya cried out.

“Sorry…” Yuuki replied with a sheepish smile, and began the procedure of loading the heavy shells into the tank.

“I knew we were facing some absolute beginners, but this is just embarrassing,” a voice said, and Maho turned around to face it. A few meters away stood a short girl with brown pigtails, wearing a grey blazer, white shirt, and red skirt, the uniform of Saunders. Her grin and pointing finger made clear what her comment had already made evident; she was there to ridicule them.

Maho was about to answer this insult, but another voice joined in before she had time.

“Now, now,” a blonde girl with long hair and a  _ very _ friendly smile, also wearing Saunders’ uniform, said as she approached from the woods that separated Ooarai and Saunders’ preparatory areas. Walking slightly behind her was a tall girl with short grey hair and a disinterested look. “Play nice, Alysa. We’re here to have fun, aren’t we?” Once she reached the shorter girl, she put a hand on the girl’s shoulder.

_ Much in the same way one considers a target range or a game of whack-a-mole fun I imagine _ , Maho thought.

“Oh, uh, yes. O-of course, commander,” the pig-tailed girl, whose name was apparently Alysa, answered in deferential tones. She still stood tall and kept her grin, but it was obvious that she had no intention of going against her commander’s orders.

“Hey, Angie!” the blonde commander called and waved towards Ooarai’s pipsqueak of a president, walking closer while keeping her friendly expression.

“Hiya, Kay!” the president answered back with the same kind of sing-song:y friendliness she usually tried to utilize towards Maho, but here it seemed to have a far greater effect. “Whatcha doing here?!”

“Oh, we wanted to invite you all for a meal!” Saunders’ commander replied, and shook the president’s hand. “You can’t fight on an empty stomach after all, now can you?! Hey, wait a minute...” She threw a surprised glance over the president’s shoulder. Or rather over her head, seeing as the blonde stood half a foot taller than the pipsqueak before her. “Hey, Sergeant Oddball!” she exclaimed.

“Oh no,” Yukari yipped and froze in place. “She found me!”

“I wonder if she’s mad…” Saori asked out loud as the blonde came walking over, which most likely didn’t help to calm Yukari down.

“You doing ok there, Sergeant?” the Saunders girl asked once she reached Yukari, obviously concerned by her frightened expression.

“Huh? Oh… Ye-yeah…” Yukari answered and straightened up a bit. “I’m… I’m fine…”

“Great to hear it, Sergeant!” the girl replied. “Feel free to come by and play again anytime you want! We don’t bite! See-ya!” She gave Yukari a quick and sloppy salute, leaving a surprised and somewhat stunned Yukari behind, before continuing her walk through Ooarai’s ranks, now coming over to Maho.

“Hmm… Short brown hair, narrow and bitter eyes, a deadpan, no-nonsense expression... I guess that makes you Kelly!” she said with a laugh, and threw out a hand before her in greeting. “Nice to meet ya! I’m Kay, Commander of Saunders!”

“I gathered as much…” Maho replied in her dour tone, and shook Kay’s hand. “I’m…” she didn’t get any further before the girl interrupted her

“Maho Nishizumi! It’s really cool to finally get to meet you! I can’t believe I’ll actually be facing a Nishizumi!”

“Just Maho’s fine,” she replied coldly, and let go of Kay’s hand.

“Alright, Maho! I like ya already!” Kay said and pat Maho on the back a few times. “So, what do ya say Commander?! Wanna grab a bite before the match?!”

“Of course we’ll join you!” the president answered from where she had walked up beside the two, robbing Maho of even the illusion of a choice. “Say, do you have any dried sweet potatoes?”

She began bantering with Kay as the two of them walked away towards the trees and Saunders’ supply central beyond, the two other Saunders students following after..

Maho glanced around at the rest of the team for a moment. Most of them looked like coiled springs, just waiting anxiously for Maho to give her consent.

Maho shrugged and sighed. “Alright ladies, it seems we’re getting served a second breakfast,” she said and gave a vague nod of approval, allowing the team to follow the president and student council, who had already walked off with Kay. After a moment she followed after, with the rest of the Panzer IV’s crew beside her. 

_ At least we won’t be hungry when we lose _ , she thought...

* * *

_ Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: The 63rd National Sensha-do championship begins, and Maho takes command for real, for the first time since the disastrous match against Pravda. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:
> 
> Another week, another chapter. This week actually posed an interesting challenge since I didn’t actually know entirely what I wanted it to consist of. All I knew was that we needed to see some of the lead-up to the Saunders match, but that didn’t feel quite enough, so considering last week focused almost exclusively on Azusa, I decided that this was a good time to explore her and her relationship with her sister Irisa a bit. I actually let myself take quite a bit of inspiration from an anime I watched while growing up, which would be interesting to see if anyone manages to catch.
> 
> The response to last week’s chapter was incredible as always, and I know I say this every week, but I can’t thank you guys enough for the support.
> 
> On a really happy note, this week marks 15 straight weeks of updates, something I never thought possible, but I absolutely love the little ritual I have of uploading every Tuesday. On that note however; I seem to have caught a small cold, and with Christmas and New Years, as well as some stuff in my personal life, I’m not sure I’ll have the time to write chapter 20 in time for next Tuesday. It’s still my ambition to do so, but if we reach 2021 and there hasn’t been a new chapter, that would be why.  
> As always I would love to hear your thoughts, so leave a review to let me know!  
> Happy Holidays, and if I don’t see you ‘til then, Happy New Years as well!
> 
> /Rhino


	20. The Devastation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maho faces a new nightmare, butts heads with Momo, and tries her best to lead Ooarai in an impossible battle. The first match of the Japanese Sensha-Do Nationals is finally here, and the force before them is Saunders

The sun was rising over the sea as Maho looked out from the bow of the school carrier. The gentle morning breeze was fresh and warm, carrying the smell of the sea with it, and the majestic colours painting the sky made her feel warm inside. Every shade of orange, red, and yellow she could imagine and more covered the horizon, tapering off into a clear blue sky above, with only the bustle of the city behind her and the cries of seagulls overhead disturbing the moment. She drew a few deep breaths, simply taking in the morning. She was finally free. Kuromorimine and her mother’s training was a distant memory, driven from her mind. There was no rain, there were no tanks, and there was no one who knew who she had once been. She had started a new life, and she would live it to its fullest. She was happy, and she was at peace.

Through the relative peace and quiet, she could hear faint footsteps drawing closer to where she was standing. That was fine. With a morning this beautiful, it made sense that others would want to enjoy it as well.

“Here for the view?” Maho asked without turning around. She was too enchanted by the sight to do so, as she looked out from the very edge of the ship.

“No,” a cheerful voice answered, and suddenly the scene began to shift. The gorgeous sky began to hide behind dark clouds, the seagulls fell silent, and the warm breeze was replaced by a cold and stinging rain. As Maho looked down at her arms, she saw that her bright and colorful clothing had changed as well. Somehow, for reasons passing her understanding, she was once again dressed in the black and red of Kuromorimine.

“I’m here for you, Nishizumi,” the voice said with sinister glee, and as Maho turned around in the rain, which cut her skin like razor blades, she saw the Student Council President grinning at her.

“What do you want, Pipsqueak?” Maho growled at her, but instead of recoiling or taking a cautious step back, the twin-tailed girl instead laughed and took another step towards Maho, closing the distance between them to mere centimeters.

“I already told you, didn’t I?” she asked, looking up at Maho with that happy yet insidious smile of hers. Maho was about to ask what she meant, but before she could do so, the pipsqueak answered her own question. “I want _you_ , Nishizumi.”

With that, she put a hand against Maho’s chest, and pushed. Maho’s view shifted from the president to the dark and cloudy skies in an instant, and she was falling. At first she didn’t even realize what had happened, only staring blankly up at the grey rain-clouds above her rushing away from her as the freezing rain cut across her face and the wind rushed past her ears. In the edge of her vision, she could see the hull of the school carrier rushing past her as the colossal ship sailed further and further away from her.

She didn’t scream as she fell. She barely reacted at all. She simply felt cold and hurt and angry as she kept falling, for what felt like an eternity. All throughout her fall, she knew she was falling towards her destruction, and that it was the pipsqueak who had pushed her. But what could she do, except await the moment when she would hit the water and be crushed by the waves? A few moments more, and there it was. She smashed into the water’s surface with the force of a meteor, and immense pain shot like lightning throughout her body, as if she had just fallen onto concrete. She tried to look up, to gasp for air, but there was only darkness as she sank into the murky abyss that was her watery grave.

* * *

The world was silent and dark, but light slowly seemed to simmer back into her vision as Maho opened her eyes. Her head felt like it was being crushed under the treads of a Maus, and as she gathered her strength to sit up, it became clear why she was so weak. Her body was covered by small cuts and bruises, and her black uniform and red skirt were torn and rumpled. She gritted her teeth as she pulled herself up against a nearby wall, just sitting there for several minutes, drawing heavy, painful breaths. Every breath felt like inhaling acid, and her chest stung as she struggled against the pain.

Looking around her, she didn’t recognize her surroundings. She was sitting on the ground in an alleyway, leaning limply against a wall. Before her was circular cracks in the pavement, as if a shell or meteor had impacted there. Then she remembered. She had been falling. Someone had pushed her. She had been pushed from the deck of the carrier, and she had been falling. She had crashed into something. She had crashed into something hard, and it had been painful.

She tried willing her body to move, but every muscle and limb lit up in shocks of pain and protest when she did. She had to get up. She didn’t know why. She just knew that she couldn’t stay there. She knew that she was in danger, and if she stayed where she was, she would die. She didn’t know how. She just knew. She tried again, gritting her teeth against the pain. Using the wall behind her for support, she somehow managed to push herself to her feet, and putting a hand against her aching side, she began hobbling down the alleyway towards the bigger road.

Once she got there, she almost collapsed from the sight. She was standing in a city, but there was no one there. From the looks of things, no one had lived here for a long time. Lampposts were bent and crooked, or had fallen down entirely. Windows were smashed, and walls had either crumpled and collapsed, or were riddled with holes and scorch-marks. In some buildings, where at least a semblance of a roof could be found, small fires still burned. The streets were covered with rubble and craters, and completing the tragic picture was the impenetrable grey clouds above, littering the ground with stinging rain.

Even though the scene filled her with both awe and fear, she knew she couldn’t stay. She needed to find cover, needed to find shelter, needed to find some place to hide. She didn’t know why. She just knew that she would die if she didn’t. She slowly continued hobbling down the larger street, using whatever she could find that was still standing to lean against and catch her breath. Every step was agony, and every breath was torture.

In the distance she could hear a rumble. She could hear explosions. She could hear mirthless laughter. She didn’t want to know what thing was making those sounds. She just knew that it was dangerous. She knew it was coming towards her. No, not coming towards her. It was chasing her. She had never seen this danger, but she knew. _Somehow_ _she knew_. She knew that she was its prey, and that she had to hide. It would kill her if it found her.

Despite the pain, she hurried her pace. The pain only increased, especially as fear quickened her breathing, but she couldn’t stay. To stay would be death. To be vulnerable like this would be death. To fall would be death. She had to get away, she had to run, she had to hide, hide from whatever this unseen hunter was.

As she hobbled through the broken and cracked streets, seeing more and more ruined husks of buildings, she was filled with a sense of familiarity with every glimpse. As if she had been here before. As if she had seen these buildings, and walked these streets. And with every new street she forced herself down, every shattered storefront and ruined house she passed, this feeling grew. She had been here before. She must have been. If she hadn’t, why did she somehow know which way to go whenever she came to an intersection? Why did she somehow know in what order stores and houses would be placed along the next road? Why did she know how many floors the ruin she had just passed had once possessed? Why did she know what the rusted and crumpled street signs had once said?

She had been here before. She had seen this place before, when it wasn’t a ruin. She had seen this place when it was filled with people. She must have. It was the only explanation. But when? And where? Apart from her family home, she had never been away from the _Graf Zeppelin_ . Right? Whatever the case may be, this was clearly not the _Graf Zeppelin_. 

In the distance, she could hear the rumble getting closer. She could hear the explosions grow louder. She could hear the laughter echoing through the dead streets and empty alleyways. Her hunter was getting closer, and she still had no place to hide. She had to hide. She had to run. She had to get away. 

But there was something else as well. Beyond the rumble, beyond the explosions, beyond the laughter. It was a voice. Maho didn’t recognize it. But at the same time she did. It was as if she had heard the voice every day of her life, and simultaneously never heard it before. It was calling out for something. Or maybe for someone. She didn’t quite know. She couldn’t understand what the voice was saying. All she could understand was how it repeated whatever it was calling, over and over. As if searching for something. For someone.

She pressed her body even further, her limbs and cuts and bruises practically screaming in pain as she continued. She would die if she didn’t, and even her body being numbed into senselessness was a better fate than that.

As she turned another corner towards the center of town, which she somehow knew where it was, without being able to explain how, she for the first time saw something more than only ruins and fire and rain. She began to see bodies. All throughout the streets, she began seeing bodies of young girls, and contorted and twisted metallic husks on treads nearby them. If she wasn’t running from her pursuer, she would have checked to see if any of them were still alive. But she didn’t have the time, she had to run. Not that it mattered. It was pretty clear that she was alone as the only living thing in this ruined town. She was alone with herself and the unseen monster that was chasing her.

On one street she saw a dark-green husk of metal, covered in white markings she couldn’t quite read, and scattered around it was a group of tall and slender girls, and one short with black hair, all of them in white and red clothing. These girls looked familiar to her, and yet they didn’t.

Down another she found a flat lump of metal, it’s roof having been blown out from inside and a long metallic tube sticking out the front that looked like a nose or the trunk of an elephant. The bodies surrounding this one were different from the ones around the dark green one. Where they had been tall and uniform in their appearance, these ones only looked mismatched and strange. One wore a drab jacket, with a cap lying beside her. One had a long red scarf wrapped around her neck. Another was covered by a black coat, and the last had a red ribbon with golden markings in her hair. These bodies too seemed like she had met them before, but how could she have? She had never been here. Had she?

As she reached the end of this street, she came to a large open area, covered in what once had been grass, but was now only rubble and mud, reduced to a soggy mess by the incessant rain. How did she know that it had been grass? She didn’t know, and yet she did. On the open area before her stood three more husks of metal. In the distance she could see one tall and pink, with a giant hole running through it, and a few meters away, a mangled one that was a bluish grey. Closest to her, lying on its side, was a golden one, its treads destroyed and scattered across the muddy field, buried and twisted like shrapnel. 

As Maho hobbled across the open field, she saw more bodies. Passing the golden husk, she saw a girl with short raven hair, and a strange monocle lying cracked and broken beside her. A few meters from her was a short girl with red hair tied up in twintails, a smug grin on her lifeless face. She didn’t know why, but Maho knew she hated these girls. Why? She didn’t know. She just knew that she did, despite not knowing them. But despite this unexplained hatred, she still felt jolts of pain and sorrow whenever she looked at their lifeless forms. 

Beside the bluish grey lump of crushed metal, she saw a tall girl with long black hair, a shorter one holding a blackened cellphone, with hair in a flaming orange color, another black-haired girl who only looked like she was sleeping, and a girl with brown hair growing wildly on her head, embracing the metallic husk even in her lifeless and limp form.

Something felt wrong. Her head only felt worse and worse, as if a thousand hammers were banging at it from inside. This all seemed so familiar. But why? Why did she seem to know where she was? Why did she seem to recognize these girls? Why did the pain inside her only grow when she looked at them? Why? Why? _Why?_

Maho didn’t want to stay here. She couldn’t stay here. She had to continue to run, to find somewhere to hide. But now that didn’t seem like the only reason. The longer she stayed here, the more she felt pain and sorrow burrowing through her body as she kept looking at the bodies of these strangers that she somehow recognized. How could she know these girls? She didn’t even know herself. All she knew was that she was in danger, and that she needed to run, to hide. She pressed on, trying again to push herself further through the endless pain.

But even though that sadness and sorrow she couldn’t explain slowly died down the further she got from the metallic husks and the lifeless bodies, it returned as she drew nearer to the final husk. She wanted to avoid it, to stay as far away from it as possible, but something she couldn’t explain compelled her towards it. Something deep within her needed to see what she would find lying around this particular lump of destroyed and twisted metal.

She put a hand on the pink metal beast with the two tubes sticking off it, trying to steady herself. As she passed the large hole that had been torn from one side to the other, she saw more bodies inside. More strangers she somehow recognized, despite having never seen them before. But this one was different. Through the rain, through the distant sound of rumbling and explosions and laughter, and through the strange voice calling out across the ruined town, she could hear something. A faint, wheezing sound. The sound of breathing. Every few seconds it was replaced by an equally faint and wheezing coughing sound, but it was clearly the sound of another living being. The rumbling and laughter was still far behind her, so she felt certain it wasn’t her pursuer. Somehow, in some way Maho didn’t understand, she knew that whatever, or whoever, was making this sound was important. She knew that it mattered. She knew that she had to find the source of this sound.

Maho slowly continued around the dead and hollow structure, and looking behind it, she found what she was searching for. Lying on the ground was a young girl. She had short brown hair, and wore a white shirt and green skirt, with a stuffed pink rabbit lying in her arm. The girl wasn’t moving, but her chest was slowly moving up and down, and the girl’s lips were moving. She was rambling something through raspy breaths.

“Are… are you alright?” Maho asked of the girl as she knelt down beside her. “Are… are you in pain? Is there something I can do?” For some reason that she didn’t understand, she wanted to care for this girl. She wanted to make sure she was safe, and she didn’t know why. Why wasn’t she running away? Why wasn’t she finding some place to hide? Why was she stopping to help this young girl who was already doomed?

She didn’t know, but for some reason she didn’t care. She _needed_ to help this girl. She didn’t know why, but she knew that that was what she needed to do.

“Ma… Maho…” the girl said through rasping breaths, seemingly sharing in Maho’s own agonizing pain. “Why… why did you…”

“Why did I what?” Maho asked. How did this girl know her name? And why did she seem so familiar, even more than the other girls had?

Suddenly, the girl jerked forwards, and grabbed Maho by the neck, pressing hard against her throat, choking her. “Why did you let this happen?!” the girl growled, as if possessed. “Why didn’t you do anything?! Why did you abandon us to this fate?! Why did you let us down?! You could have prevented this! You could have saved us!”

“Ple… please…” Maho managed to whisper through the choking grasp on her throat, despite trying to pull away from the girl with both hands. “I don’t… I don’t know… what I did…”

“You did nothing!” the girl continued, baring her gritted teeth to Maho. “You were a coward. You ran! You hid! You let us be destroyed! You let everyone get hurt! You never cared!”

“Bu… but… but how… why… what…”

“YOU FAILED US! YOU LET US ALL DOWN! YOU LET _ME_ DOWN!”

Maho didn’t understand. What had she done? Why was she responsible for this ruined world? Why was this girl so angry with her? Who was this gir-... 

Suddenly, as she was running out of air and energy with which to fight back, a flash of light appeared in Maho’s mind. An empty playground. Herself sitting on a bench. A girl sitting beside her. A girl with short brown hair with a white shirt and green skirt. _This girl_. They were talking. She couldn’t hear or understand what they were talking about. All she heard was muffled sounds, except for one single word. No. Not a word. A name.

“A…” she tried to speak with the last of her strength, “Azu...sa…?”

The girl showed an evil grin, and continued pressing harder on Maho’s throat, until Maho felt her vision begin to blacken at the edges, and how she was beginning to lose consciousness. She was certain she was about to faint, when suddenly the grip against her throat was released, and she recoiled from the girl, from Azusa, coughing and gasping for air. Once she had caught her breath, and managed to refill her lungs with air, Maho looked back at Azusa, who was now lying limp and lifeless on the ground where she had found her. 

Despite what had just happened, Maho rushed back to Azusa’s side, grasping her by the shoulders and shaking her gently. “Azusa…” she asked timidly. “Azusa… please… please wake up…” She bent down and hugged the lifeless body of the girl, crying. As the tears fell, everything began flooding back into her mind. She had met all these girls before. She had fought beside them. She had tried to lead them. She had seen these twisted metallic husks before. No, not husks. Tanks. She had seen these tanks before. She had been to this town before. She had walked these streets and shopped in these stores. This was her home. This was Ooarai. Or more specifically, the _Zuikaku_. This was her home, these were people she knew, and now it was all in ruin. And apparently, it was all her fault. She was to blame for this devastation.

Suddenly, she heard the mirthless laughter from before. The rumbling in the distance had stopped. The explosions had fallen silent. But the laughter remained. Reluctantly, Maho let go of Azusa’s body and turned around. Behind her, through the pouring rain and against the backdrop of grey skies and ruined buildings, stood a lone Tiger 1-tank, painted in solid black, and with the numbers 212 emblazoned on the side in flaming red.

Staring down at her from the open hatch of the turret, was Maho. Or rather, a fiery mirror image of Maho, made entirely out of purple flames that danced in the form of herself. The flaming doppelganger glared at her with eyes full of hatred and disgust, and as it opened its mouth to speak, a voice Maho recognized emanated through the silent ruined town. Her mother’s voice.

“A Nishizumi doesn’t run.” The voice was cold, unrelenting, and sharp, every syllable cutting fresh wounds upon her skin. “Dishonoring the Nishizumi style has a cost. You may have escaped it once, but now you will pay the price.” The doppelganger pointed her arm towards Maho, and the gun of the Tiger lit up in a bright flash of light and the roar of cannonfire, illuminating the grey town as Maho was thrown across the muddy park by the explosion, crashing painfully into the husk of the Panzer IV.

Looking up with groggy and unfocused eyes, Maho could barely make out the flickering mass of flames walking slowly towards her through the rain. She tried to get up, to run, to fight, to hide, to do _something_ , but she was in too much pain to move. Her head was spinning, and even as her vision cleared, she was too weak to do anything. Looking down, she could see her chest cracked open, a window into the dark void within.

The flaming doppelganger kept walking closer with slow and steady efficiency, and through the pain, Maho somehow managed to push herself to her feet, but she couldn’t get away. She could barely remain standing, even while leaning most of her weight against the ruined tank. Once her mirror image was before her, she tried in vain to strike it with her fist, but there was neither energy nor strength behind the attack, and her foe was left free to pin her against the tank, pressing its fiery lower arm against her throat. More pain. More burning, immolating, excruciating pain. Every touch from this demonic creature set her skin on fire, and all she could do was scream.

It pressed its burning nails against the void in her chest, slowly and painfully pressing its flaming fingers deeper and deeper within. As the pain grew and the monster before Maho continued with the torture, the void within her began to crack open like an egg at the flames’ very touch. She couldn’t resist. She couldn’t think. She could only scream from the excruciating pain, as the flames pushed deeper, and the void cracked open further, finally revealing her heart deep within. The moment the violet fire of her clone touched against her heart, it too was set ablaze in dancing purple flames, and the pain increased in a way Maho had never believed possible. She screamed and screamed from the pain until her lungs were empty, as she caught scattered glances of her skin turning to ash and her clothes falling in burning scraps to the ground. 

“I knew this was your weakness. One final flaw that needs to be eliminated.”

The Maho that was torturing her smirked, and pulled her hand back. She was enjoying this. Then she pulled her arm back further, curling her flaming fingers into a fist, and struck it straight through Maho’s burning heart.

Maho bolted upright in her bed with a scream, clutching at her chest and covered in sweat. Her entire body was numb, and simultaneously in excruciating pain. She sat there for several minutes, curled up into a ball and clutching at her chest, trying in vain to calm her breathing down.

Once she finally managed to calm herself, trying with all her might to drive the horrific dream from her mind, she looked at the time. Sighing, she realized there would be no chance of going back to sleep, as the team was soon to meet and disembark for the match against Saunders.

* * *

**Later in the day…**

“Pipsqueak!” Maho called to Anzu, who was still standing around one of Saunders' many food carts, chowing down on whatever snacks were placed before her as she bantered with Kay, the enemy commander. “Would you stop pigging out, and maybe get back to _our_ camp?”

“Hey!” Momo yelled back, and began storming over towards Maho. “You may think you can do as you like back on the _Zuikaku_ , but you will show the President the respect she deserves while not aboard the carrier!”

“Who’s going to make me, Cyclops? You?” Maho replied and crossed her arms, raising an amused eyebrow. “She’s not exactly the best at commanding respect, and you’re nowhere near as intimidating as you think you are.”

“Shut up, you arrogant bastard!” Momo yelled as she put her foot down and glared at Maho. “You’re nothing but a pampered rich girl, strutting about doing whatever you want, openly breaking rules just because you’re from a famous family!” She tried to punch Maho in the face, but with a lifetime of Sensha-Do training and keeping her body safe from shells, she swiftly avoided and blocked the strike. 

“Wanna switch?” Maho growled as they both gripped the other and the situation devolved into a tussle. “You wouldn’t make it an hour as a Nishizumi.”

“You smug, stuck-up narcissist! The only reason you’re even here is because-”

“That’s enough, the both of you.” Momo was interrupted by Yuzu, who pushed the two of them apart. “Last I checked, we’re on the same team, so act like it.”

Momo and Maho only glared at each other, both unaware of the many fascinated looks they were getting from the Saunders students around them.

“This isn’t going to lead anywhere, and you two are going to have to start getting along, whether you like it or not.”

“Eh, Nishizumi’s right,” Anzu chimed in with her grinning smile as she passed the trio. “The match’s gonna start soon, so we had better be in the tanks when it does.” She finished the hot dog she was eating, and as if wanting to provide no further opportunity for discord, let out a loud burp, and laughed. “See ya later, Kay! And thanks for the meal! I’ll be sure to give you some dried sweet potatoes as consolation when we win!”

She continued, seemingly unaware of the scene she had interrupted, through Saunders’ sprawling camp and toward the forest that separated Ooarai’s preparatory area from its bigger counterpart.

“Fine!” Momo muttered, and shook free of Yuzu’s grip. She gave Maho one final glare, before sprinting away for a few steps to follow after Anzu.

Yuzu sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as her two colleagues left. “Look, I know she’s being clumsy, but you know the stakes. Momo’s not going to let anything stop her once she’s gotten an idea into her head.”

Maho sighed as well, before answering. “Whatever.” _It’s not like it’s going to matter in a few hours…_ she thought as Yuzu ran after the rest of the Student Council, and Maho was forced to follow. She was suddenly the only member of Ooarai’s team left at Saunders’ camp, and a number of people still had their eyes fixed squarely on her.

* * *

“Hey, it’s the Commander...” Maho heard Aya say in a hushed voice to her crewmates as she walked over towards the M3 Lee. She chose to ignore it. If anything, whatever reputation the girl was commenting on meant that once Maho reached the twin-turreted american tank, Azusa was the only one of the crew that hadn’t scampered off, which suited Maho perfectly.

“Azusa, you have a minute?”

Azusa glanced over to Maho from where she stood, looking over a checklist from a clipboard, before sighing. “Sure. What do you want?” She didn’t even turn to look at Maho as she replied.

“I just wanted to check that you were doing okay. With everything that’s happened, I thought maybe… You know...” Maho took a step closer, but Azusa still seemed cold and reserved. This wasn’t new. She had seemingly been avoiding Maho ever since their run-in with Erika and Miho in Tokyo two weeks ago. Still, the girl had always been the more cheerful and driven of the two whenever they spoke, and Maho still wasn’t entirely sure how to strike up a conversation with her.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure? You seem a bit… I don’t know…”

“I said I’m fine,” Azusa snapped, and looked over at Maho. “Anything else?”

Maho didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “Is it what Miho and Erika said? If it is, I just want you to know I won’t let them-”

“It’s not, and unless you have something else to say, I’m kinda busy,” she shot back, interrupting Maho and taking her aback slightly with a bitter glare.

“Oh…” Maho said, and took a step back. “Then… then I guess it’s nothing. Good luck out there…”

“Yeah,” Azusa muttered as she returned her attention to her checklist, “you too…”

* * *

With the conversation so clearly over, Maho could only sigh and leave, walking over to the small tent the team had brought, to change into her tankery uniform. As with many things, Maho didn’t share the rest of the team’s excitement at the new uniform. A white skirt and olive tank-top, complimented by a decent set of climbing boots formed the basis of the uniform, which she could at least tolerate, even if she wasn’t a great fan of having to clean oil and dirt out of the white skirt afterwards. But it was the jacket she took issue with the most. 

It was sewn from decent material and could take some punishment, and it was both warm enough to function on at least a moderately cold day as well as light enough that you wouldn’t get heat-stroke on a warm one. All things she looked for in a decent tank jacket.

What bothered her was the color. Sure, the white collar with the red detailing along the edge looked good enough, even if it shared the same issues as the skirt, but the jacket itself was sewn out of a dark-blue suede, with a softer white cotton cloth being used to line the insides. While the color itself wasn’t very close to Kuromorimine’s black jackets, the similarities overtook the differences in Maho’s mind, and she tried to avoid wearing the jacket as much as she could, often replacing it with her own leather jacket, or even not wearing it at all during training sessions. 

But now it couldn’t be helped. She had to wear the dark jacket, and that was that. She sighed, and pulled it on. Whatever complaint she had with the materials and coloring, she couldn’t extend to the craftsmanship, which was by all measures excellent.

“Maho?” Saori asked from outside the tent. “Are you ready? The match is about to begin.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Maho muttered in reply and listened to the sound of Saori’s boots walking away, before making her final preparation. She reached into her bag, and pulled out a small container, which she up-ended into the palm of her hand. Two green and white pills fell into her hand, and she glared down at the stupid medication for a few moments. She hated what they did to her head, but it was the only way she could get anywhere near a tank. She swore under her breath, and threw the pills into her mouth, swallowing them down with a gulp of water from her canteen. 

She shuddered as the pills slipped down her throat, the mere anticipation of their effects putting her at unease. Having taken a moment to steady herself, she put the container that had housed the pills back in her bag, and walked out to the waiting tank.

* * *

“Alright, this is going to be exciting!” Yukari exclaimed and threw a few excited punches in the air.

“Yeah, those Saunders-girls won’t know what hit ‘em!” Saori joined in, looking up into the turret from her new position in the radio commander’s seat.

“Maho, is something wrong?” Hana asked after a few more excited exchanges between the crew, clearly having noted Maho’s silence.

“No…” Maho lied, and leaned back in her seat to avoid Hana and Yukari’s concerned looks. “I just prefer silence before a match.”

“Oh, then we’ll be sure to oblige, Commander!” Yukari cut in and saluted Maho. The tank quieted down soon after, and Maho was left alone, with only the excruciating, stinging pain making its way across her torso. 

As if she had been torn asunder by a fiery demon, the scars on her back flared up in silent agony, like flaming gashes that burned her both within and without, but she refused to repeat the lessons again, even silently in her mind. She knew how well it focused her mind, how efficiently it quelled the pain, and how much strength it gave her. Her time at Kuromorimine had made that more than clear. Still, she refused to give in again. If she did, she knew what would happen. She would sink down into the abyss again, and turn back into the dark monster that had taken command in the battle against St. Gloriana. She refused to let that happen again. She would never let her mother and the old Maho take over again, and if that meant she would have to go through the match while being burned alive by the pain, then so be it.

She gritted her teeth, and emptied her canteen down her throat in an attempt to douse the flames within her, to lessen the pain, but no, if anything the pain only intensified. She wanted to scream. She wanted to push herself up and out of the Panzer IV and just run. Run until she found a lake or river she could drown both the pain and herself in, but she knew she couldn’t. This was to be her last time in a tank, and if she had to burn herself to ash to get through it without giving in to the darkness, then she would.

* * *

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for things to get underway. After another few minutes, the preparations were complete, and her wait was over.

Maho tried her best not to sigh as the signal rocket fired, marking the beginning of their match against Saunders. The battle before them was hopeless, and she knew as much. They were outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered, outplanned. But that wasn't the biggest problem. That was the fact that not only were the stakes far higher than Maho had ever seen before, but the rest of Ooarai were blissfully unaware of both how doomed their chances of victory were, and what the consequences of losing were. Just the sort of blind faith in their chances the pipsqueak was looking for in the team...

Ever since she had drawn the lot that made Saunders' their opponents, Maho had known that it was futile to hope. And yet, despite knowing the truth, some insolent part of her refused to accept defeat so easily. A small, stubborn vestige of her years of training. She had tried over and over and over again to come up with a plan for victory, and time and time again she had arrived at the only possible conclusion: There was no way for them to achieve victory.

The only thing she could hope for was that no one got hurt, and that she didn’t give in to the tyrant that lived rent free in her mind.

“Alright, let’s get this party started!” The President called over the radio, and a shout of excitement followed from the other tanks. Even in the Panzer IV there was an air of excitement, and Maho was the only one not partaking.

She solemnly reached a hand to the mic on her throat, and began to speak. “All tanks, Panzer Vor.” The rumble of engines filled the air as the mismatched team began to roll out. “Our first objective is to take the high ground at point NW0327. From there we should be able to repel Saunders’ advance from the North.” A sense of self-loathing entered Maho’s mind. She knew what she was doing, and she hated herself for it. Playing defensively had never been her forté, but it was her only option. 

She had told the team that the plan was meant to rob Saunders of their numerical advantage, and thus turn the battle into something that at least resembled a fair fight. That much was true, at least in part. If they could dig in atop the hill and lay down a barrage on Saunders as they advanced through the open plain to the north of their position, a well-drilled and equipped team would be able to turn the match in their favor. But Maho wasn’t leading a team like that. She was leading the senseless blend of tanks manned by beginners that was Ooarai. The only reason she had settled on this strategy was that it minimized the odds of anyone getting hurt in Saunders offensive. As long as Kay didn’t decide to send her forces another way, everything would be fine. The match would soon be over, and so would Maho’s torture.

* * *

“Commander?” Yukari asked tentatively. “Are you sure they’re coming here?”

“They have to,” Maho replied and continued scanning the horizon for Saunders’ tanks. “The only sensible thing they can do is to deny us this hill. As long as we hold it, they won’t be able to pass down that open field.” She lowered her binoculars and pointed to a corridor of open terrain leading towards their position. “They’re assuming we’re holding position by the river a few clicks back, so this is the perfect place for us to strike and hold our ground.” A cloud of exhaust and dust appeared in the distance, just like Maho had predicted.

“Is that them over there?” Saori asked and pointed.

“Sure is,” Maho sighed. “Alright ladies, to your positions.” Around her she could both see and hear the turrets of Ooarai’s tanks turn and take aim. “Only fire on my command. We need to do as much damage as possible with the first salvo.”

“Copy that, Commander!”

“Alright, Nishizumi! Let’s do this!”

“Guts! Aimed and ready!”

“The StuG is loaded and ready to unleash hell on your command, mein Kommandant!”

“Hana, take aim at the lead Sherman,” Maho said in a low voice, keeping her eyes fixed on the smoke getting closer on the horizon.

“Yes, Commander,” the black-haird girl replied, and the turret made a small adjustment.

“Alright, everyone stay ready…” Maho said over the radio, holding the mic on her throat with one hand and the binoculars with the other. Three Shermans had just appeared within range, and she was sure that the rest were about to follow. “Steady… steady…”

The sound of several explosions broke her concentration, and in a fury she dropped the binoculars, which fell back down against her chest. “I SAID STEADY! WHO THE HELL FIR-” her question was answered by grass and dirt being thrown into the air all around them, and as Maho looked around, she could see the origin of the explosions. The rest of Saunders’ forces. Two Shermans were coming at them from the East, two were coming from the West, and completing the encirclement was another two from the South.

A flash of cannonfire appeared among the three tanks from the North, and another set of explosions soon followed. The three shells impacted between Ooarai’s dug-in tanks, showering Maho in dirt and grass they threw up. “FIRE AT WILL!” she yelled over the radio. “All tanks, fire on the Shermans in the North! We need an opening! NOW!”

Ooarai’s guns answered Saunders’ assault with an explosive cacophony of their own, with shells flying down the hill towards what Maho had assumed was Kay’s vanguard. Two shells missed entirely, while the other three struck just shy of their target, or bounced off the cast-iron armor. Maho swore to herself at the sight, and again as another salvo fired on their position from the encroaching tanks.

Their dug-in positions thankfully made Ooarai’s tanks harder to hit, but even that didn’t make up for Saunders' superior accuracy. This time, only one shell struck into the grassy hill, while the other five all pinged off the sitting ducks that was Ooarai’s forces.

“All tanks, reverse and prepare to move out!” Maho called over the radio. “Keep firing on the enemy as we move. All it takes is one good shot and we take one of them out.” She was lying, but not fully. It was true that a single shot would often be enough to take out an enemy tank. But the fact of the matter remained that the team was not at any risk of hitting even the broadside of the _Zuikaku_ while they were on the move.

Still, the rumble of five engines sputtered to life, and with a coordination that surprised even Maho, the five tanks reversed up and out of their dugouts. The StuG and M3 Lee even managed to get a salvo off while doing so, while the rest of the team followed shortly after.

* * *

Satisfied that all tanks were ready to move, Maho ducked back into the turret of the Panzer IV, and gave the order. “All tanks, move out!”

The Panzer IV began rolling down the hillside with her sisters beside her, picking up speed as they did so. “Line formation, 4 metre interval, match speed of lead tank.” she added once they reached the bottom of the hill, and looking out through the periscopes, she could see her orders take effect, even as turrets swung wildly around and explosions sounded from both their own and the enemy tanks.

“But, Commander,” Azusa called over the radio, “What about the Shermans ahead?!”

“Don’t worry about them! Just keep firing!” Maho replied. “We’re going to break right through.”

Looking behind her, she could see the four Shermans that had flanked them shift course and rolling around the hill, joining into a wedge ready to pursue, while the two that had come from the South crested the hill and took up positions in the ditches Ooarai so graciously had dug for them, and began firing at them, doing to Maho what she had planned to do to Kay.

“They’re trying to close ranks…” Mako said dryly from the driver’s seat, pulling Maho’s attention back to the platoon that was before them. The three Shermans, one M4A6, with Kay looking out from the Commander’s hatch, flanked by a 75mm M4 on either side, were indeed trying to block their path, closing the distance between each other further and further. Specifically, they were trying to block the Panzer IV and the 38(t) from escaping, which was of course sensible. Separating Maho from her forces was a basic enough strategy, but it was effective for a reason, and cutting the Student Council in their 38(t) off from the rest of the team was equally valuable, since they were acting as Ooarai’s flag tank.

“I’ll give Saunders this, they can be rather clever when they try…” Maho muttered, as the armored noose of Kay’s forces began pulling tighter and tighter around Maho’s small group of tanks. “Well, let’s give them what they want, shall we?” She pressed on her throat-mic, and called out to the team. “Teams B and C, break formation and split off to North-Northwest. Team D, Break formation and split towards North-Northeast. Team E, hold relative position and maintain speed.”

“Good luck, Commander,” Azusa replied, and to their right Maho could see the M3 Lee turn away slightly so as to evade the three Shermans’ blockade. 

“Hippo, breaking off. See you on the other side!” Erwin followed.

“Yeah, just smash right through ‘em!” Noriko chimed in, and the StuG III and Type 89 broke off to the left, also lining themselves up so as to avoid the armored wall that was forming before them. Now only the Panzer IV and 38(t) remained, and they were barreling at a steady pace towards the blockade, the gaps in which were growing smaller by the second.

“I hope they’re holding on to something in there, because this is going to get bumpy…” Maho said to herself, and opened the hatch above her, popping her head and torso back out into the open, with both wind and shells flying past her. She was going to need every bit of visibility possible if she was going to pull this off. To get through Kay’s formation, she would have to attempt the incredible task of trying to manage the positions of two tanks that were both moving at speed, with a margin of error of mere centimeters.

“Mako, go slightly left… now right… a little more… Yuzu, go about a half-a-meter further away from us… stop… now back a bit… there… wait… Mako… adjust us slightly… A little to the right… now left…” Slowly but surely, which was not at all the speed Maho was wishing this maneuver would take on, the tanks moved into position relative to each other, as Maho kept looking back and forth between her own Panzer IV, E-teams 38(t), and the three Shermans moving closer and closer, eating at her margin of error with every moment, all the while having to dodge shells, and account for the turret of the Panzer IV moving wildly around as Hana and Yukari fired off round after round against their enemy. “All right, now screw formation, just book it!” she called over the radio to Yuzu and Mako both, and the two tanks’ engines roared as they accelerated to top speed, barreling towards Kay’s formation.

 _Here goes nothing…_ Maho thought as they reached the blockade of Shermans. The gap between Kay’s M4A6 and the M4 to her right was slightly wider than the one to her left, and so the 38(t) managed to roar straight through the blockade and get out unscathed on the other side.

“WOOO-HOOO!!!” the call could be heard, as Anzu stuck her head out of the turret of the 38(t) and yelled at the top of her lungs, throwing her hands in the air as if she was on a rollercoaster. 

Maho was not so fortunate. The fact that the medium tank was more than half-a-metre wider than the 38(t), and the smaller gap between the M4A6 and the M4, meant that as the Panzer IV rushed towards its rapidly closing exit, with Maho and Kay locking eyes as it did so, it gave off a horrible rasping sound as the left tread of the tank scraped against the side of the M4. The American tank would most assuredly need a new paint job, seeing as the Saunders logo emblazoned on its side was now covered in hideous scratches, and the sides of the green tank had large grey gashes in it where the German treads had scraped against it.

The bluish grey of the Panzer IV wasn’t much better off, but Maho couldn’t help but smirk at Kay as they passed by. They had somehow managed to break through.

“Alright, E-team, set off smoke.” Maho said over the radio and pressed the small button beside her seat, causing a cloud of dense smoke to billow out from behind the Panzer IV. A moment later, it was joined by another from the 38(t), and the sound of cannonfire behind them soon died out as the enemy’s visibility reached zero.

“Mako, any issues with the treads?” Maho asked the black-haired girl over the radio, doing her best to inspect the treads herself from looking at them from where she was standing in the turret.

“Not a bit. They work just as well as they did this morning.” Mako answered in her disinterested voice, quelling Maho’s worries.

“That’s good…” She reached back to her mic, and called out to the now scattered tanks. “All tanks, regroup on lead. Staggered column, flag tank in the center.”

“Aye, reforming formation now!” Erwin responded. “Nicely done, Commander.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! All it took was some guts and determination!” Noriko cheered.

“Joining back up. On your right.” Azusa said.

“Commander! That was incredible!” Yukari exclaimed with excitement. “I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“Yes, that was quite the skilled maneuver, Maho,” Hana noted, now that her attention wasn’t needed for firing the gun.

“If you ask me, that was _too_ close for comfort…” Saori said and breathed a sigh of relief. “What if we had gotten stuck?”

“Well, we didn’t,” Mako replied dryly.

Maho didn’t have time to think about what might have happened, as she watched the rest of Ooarai’s tanks form up again. She had known Kay was a good commander, but to outplay her so decidedly was far more than Maho had anticipated. She looked down at her map and inspected the terrain, searching for somewhere to regroup. “Hmm… there…” she decided, and reached back up to her mic.

“All tanks, listen up. We’re moving to point NE5206 to regroup. The enemy shouldn’t be able to find us there. It’s far too remote.”

“Alright commander, moving out!” The reply came one after the other from Ooarai’s regathered tanks, and they turned in an impressively tight formation to move through the forests of the battlefield, escaping Kay’s trap and leaving Saunders behind.

* * *

“...and what the hell happened back there?! ‘They don’t know we’re here’ my ass!”

“I’ve told you, I have no idea how they knew where we were! It was a strategically sound plan, and it should have worked, but somehow Kay read me like an open book! I underestimated her, and I’m not going to do so again.”

“Oh yeah? And what if those Shermans come barreling through that forest right this moment, huh? You’re still not going to underestimate Saunders?”

“They’re not going to barrel through that forest right now. They can’t, because they don’t know we’re here!”

“That’s what you said last time as well!”

Azusa sighed and ducked back into the turret of the M3, leaning back in her seat while Maho and Miss Kawashima kept on arguing about their situation.

“How long do you think they’re going to keep this up?” Aya asked and handed Azusa a canteen of water and a bar of chocolate.

“No clue… I think it’s a miracle we even got out of there in one piece…” Azusa replied, and accepted the drink and snack. “Thanks by the way.”

“You’re welcome,” Aya smiled, and handed another canteen and piece of candy to Saki beside her.

“Hwey, do yu knouw fwere the...”

“Finish chewing before you ask, and maybe I can understand you.”

Azusa chuckled and nodded, and made sure to swallow the chocolate and washing it down with water before trying again. “Do you know where the map is? I can’t seem to find it.”

“Oh…” Aya looked around bothe her own seat and Saki’s, while Azusa did the same around hers. “Hey, Yuuki, do you have the map?” she called down into the hull of the tank.

“Hang on, I know I had it here somewhere…” the black-haired radio operator called back, and rummaged around for a few moments. “Wait, here it is!” she said triumphantly and pulled the clipboard with the map of the field on it out from a small slit behind the 75mm gun, handing it to Aya who in turn handed it to Azusa.

“Thanks…” Azusa said and accepted the map, inspecting their position for a moment. Something didn’t feel quite right to her. After a few moments of double checking against the compass and running her finger across the map, making some simple calculations Maho had taught her, she realized why. 

Azusa got back on her feet and looked out from the turret, scanning the horizon. On a hill in the distance she saw a small shape moving around, and getting her binoculars out, she could see what it was. A Sherman. It stopped in place, and its gun slowly but steadily started lining up towards their position. “Crap…” she murmured.

“What is it, Commander?”

“No time to explain,” she said, hastily stuffing the map beside her seat and reaching up to her mic. “Karina, get the engine started. We need to get out of here.”

“Commander?” the wild-haired redhead called back, confused.

“Just do it.” She reached down to her radio set and switched the frequency to the entire team.

“Commander! Over there!” she yelled both over the radio and towards the still ongoing argument between Maho and Miss Kawashima, pointing towards the Sherman lining up on them. “Sherman at 230 degrees!”

“What?!” Maho yelled and let her attention stray from the argument, grabbing her own binoculars to look to where Azusa had pointed. Now the Commander also called out over the team’s radio. “All tanks get moving! Saunders’ Firefly is lining up a shot!”

This was easier said than done, as the tanks engines had all been turned off while they regrouped, both to make it easier to converse but also to not give away their position. Which somehow, the enemy had found anyways.

Because of Azusa’s previous order, the M3 was the first to start moving, even while the other crews were still getting back in their seats. Keeping an eye on the small speck in the distance, Azusa saw a flash of light, and a moment later the sound of an explosion could be heard across the forests and fields, as a shell flew towards them at top speed. Flew towards _her_ at top speed.

She didn’t even have time to give the order to evade. She barely had time to get back into the turret for protection, just managing to close the hatch above her before the shell slammed into the side of the tank with the force of a locomotive, throwing them all around the interior as the M3 began to tilt over to its side, and then fall down defeated on the ground.

Azusa, along with the rest of her crew were thrown around like rag dolls inside the tank by the impact, until it came to rest on its side. At first everything seemed fine, but then she tried to move. Sharp jolts of pain struck all throughout her shoulder, and she cried out from the pain.

“Commander?!” Aya asked, her voice filled with worry, and crawled over to her friend. “Are you alright?!”

* * *

“Commander! Over there!” Azusa called over the radio and from her spot in the M3’s turret, pulling Maho’s attention away from her ongoing argument with the cyclops. Looking over to the M3, Maho saw that the girl was pointing towards something. “Sherman at 230 degrees!”

Immediately understanding, Maho grabbed her binoculars to confirm Azusa’s observation, and she was indeed right. On a hill about 2 kilometers away was Saunders’ Firefly, and it was lining up its gun on their position “Shit…” she muttered, and let go of her binoculars to grip at her mic. “All tanks get moving! Saunders’ Firefly is lining up a shot!” she called over the radio, hoping that they hadn’t been too late in spotting the sniper position as the different engines of Ooarai’s tanks began sputtering to life again.

Her fears were quickly confirmed, as she saw the Firefly take a shot, and a few moments later the shell slammed into the M3, sending it up onto just it’s left tread before crashing down hard on the solid ground. A white flag quickly popped out of the tanks side with its characteristic Schwipp-noise. Saunders had drawn first blood.

“Azusa?!” she called over the radio, but there was no reply. “Azusa, are you alright?!” Again, only silence. “Saori!”

“Y-yes Commander?!”

“Send out a call to D-team. Make sure everyone’s alright!”

“Right! ... Rabbit team, come in Rabbit team? … Yuuki? Is everyone OK? … SHE’S WHAT?!”

“What is it?!” Maho yelled down to saori in the radio bay.

“It’s…” Saori began to answer, her voice trembling. “It’s Azusa… she’s been hurt somehow…”

“WHAT?!” Maho yelled, and looked out from her hatch towards the felled M3. “Azusa?! Azusa?!”

Instead of Azusa’s voice, Maho’s yells were answered by more shells impacting all around them. They were seemingly being fired on from every direction, as shells bounced wildly of Ooarai’s armor, or threw great pillars of dirt and grass flying into the sky and raining down upon them. Looking around the forest surrounding the clearing where they were hiding, Maho could see scattered flashes of cannonfire all around them. 

They were surrounded again. Somehow, Kay had managed to once again read her plan like an open book, and find their exact position, sending tanks expertly to attack from all sides at once. But this time it was worse. This time Maho had not only failed at her half-hearted attempt to fight the battle before her, she had failed at keeping her teammates safe. She tried to close her eyes and focus, tried to ‘see’ where the enemy was, but she could see nothing.

Her mind was too clouded and unfocused. The burning pain from her scars only intensified as stress entered her thoughts. All that filled her mind was the cacophonic rumble of scattered engines all around her, the wild sound of cannons firing on them from all sides, and images of a battered and broken Azusa lying in a hospital bed next to Emi’s.

“Commander, they’re all around us!”

“Nishizumi, do something, you arrogant bastard!”

“My liege, we can’t stay here! We’re sitting ducks!”

“Maporiiiin!” Saori yelled between her scattered yips and screams as shell after shell bounced and slammed against their armor, and more and more calls for orders or a plan bombarded Maho over the radio. “What are we going to do?!”

“I… I…” Maho stammered as she slumped back into her seat, “I don’t… I don’t know…”

“Commander! Your orders?!”

“We need to do something Commander, or this is going to turn into another Dunkirk!”

“I thought you said they wouldn’t find us?! Well, they have, so what’s the plan?!”

“Maho, everyone wants orders! What should I tell them?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know… I don’t-”

“But Maporin-”

“I DON’T KNOW!!!”

* * *

_Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: The battle rages on! Is this the end of our story, or will Ooarai manage to turn the tides?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:  
> So… let’s first of all address the elephant on the page. The opening dream sequence. I never intended for it to become as long as it did, but I kinda got engrossed in its strange and twisted world as I was writing it, and because I know that it will become very important as we go on, I decided to just let it take whatever form it wanted. It is perhaps a tad too long, and a bit dark, but again, I hope you can all appreciate it for what it is.  
> As for the rest of the chapter, we’re back to a battle, which as I mentioned during the St. Gloriana-match is one of those things I still don’t know quite how to write, so I hope you can forgive me if it turns out the battle isn’t quite on par with the rest of the series. Still, I hope that this new take on the battle against Saunders is entertaining enough to read, despite Maho’s more doom-and-gloom, “this will never work”- attitude.  
> This week marks a number of momentous occasions in Dein Weg ist Mein Weg’s existence. We of course have finally reached the beginning of the Nationals, and the series 20th chapter (Woo!!), but it also marks the point where it breaks 100.000 words, which is simply amazing, and again, thank you all so much for your support and feedback for this series!  
> As always, if you have thoughts, feedback, questions or just something you want to say about the story, feel free to leave a comment. I always enjoy getting to hear what you guys think about this little tale of mine.  
> Happy new years, and until next week, auf wiedersehen!  
> / Rihno


	21. The Counterattack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Battle against Saunders continues. Ooarai is encircled, the enemy Firefly is laying down fire upon them, Azusa is injured, and Maho is panicking. Will Ooarai manage to scramble free of Kay's stranglehold and turn the tides, or is their journey over before it even has time to begin? Oh, and a certain unexpected someone makes an appearance among Saunders forces.

“Well, I guess that’s it then…”

“What makes you say that, Orange Pekoe?” Darjeeling asked with a queer expression and took another sip of her tea.

“I mean… Isn’t it obvious?” Orange Pekoe replied, and returned her cup and saucer to the table beside her, pointing towards the field before them. “Ooarai are encircled and outnumbered for the second time this match, one of their biggest guns is out of action, and they’re under constant barrage?”

“I’m afraid I must agree, Lady Darjeeling,” Assam nodded. “The odds are very much not in Ooarai’s favor, and I simply do not see a way for them to win this battle?”

“I must say, girls, I find your lack of faith disappointing.” Darjeeling emptied her cup, and handed it to Rukuriri to be refilled. “I don’t think the result is as conclusive as you seem to consider it. Thank you, Rukuriri.” She accepted the refilled cup without looking away from the action, intense contemplation apparent behind her eyes.

“But…” Orange Pekoe started to protest, before stopping, calming herself, and restarting. “Lady Darjeeling, if I may, why?”

“Whatever do you mean, my dear Orange Pekoe?”

“Why have you taken such an interest in Ooarai? You’ve never dragged us out to a match like this before, and most certainly not to one with a minor school in the first round.”

“It’s simple, isn’t it?” Darjeeling threw a sly glance at her two Vice Commanders. “It’s because Ooarai are different.”

“In what possible way are they different?” Assam asked. “They haven’t fielded a Sensha-Do team in decades, they have no titles or victories to their name, and their only previous battle led to an unquestionable defeat?”

“I’m not quite sure…” Darjeeling answered as she leaned back and smiled, taking a sip of her tea as she looked at the large monitor showing the battle. "But I suppose it's Nishizumi... I don't quite understand her... And I take an interest in things I don't understand..."

* * *

“ _ San Francisco _ , come in. This is  _ Los Angeles _ . Over.”

“This is  _ SF _ , reading you loud and clear  _ LA _ ! Whaddya got for us?”

“Enemy M3 Lee eliminated, Ma’am,” Naomi said cooly over the radio. “Which one do you want taken out next? Over.”

“Just lay down some covering fire for now,” Kay replied in her cheerful tones. “We’ve got nine tanks out here after all. What kind of commander would I be if I let you have all the fun?”

“Got it. Happy hunting,  _ San Francisco _ .  _ Los Angeles _ , out.” Naomi switched off the radio of her firefly, and leaned back in her seat as she rolled her head a few times to loosen up her neck.

“What are our orders, Commander?” Maya asked from the driver’s seat below her.

“Just the usual…” Naomi replied.

“Aww, just one shot?” Juria exclaimed with a pout from the other side of the gun, already having loaded a new shell into the breach.

“‘Fraid so.”

“The Commander never lets us have any real fun…” Juria sighed. “We’ve already got a clear shot, so why can’t we just take out their flag tank here and now?”

“Because the commander is the sporting type. And besides, the rest of the team deserve to have some fun too, don’t they?” Naomi aimed her sights at Ooarai’s Panzer IV. Giving the trigger a gentle squeeze, as if it was one of Assam’s soft hands, she watched as the shell traveled the two kilometers with the speed of a bullet, pinging predictably off the German tanks turret. “Now, get me another round loaded.” She put a new stick of gum between her teeth, and began to chew while Juria reloaded the 17-pounder. “Just because we’re shooting clay pigeons instead of hunting, doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy ourselves.” 

Naomi didn’t care much for Kay’s insistence on sportsmanship, even if she most certainly saw the value of a personal code. She just relied on her own instead. She considered herself a professional, and professionals needed standards. She had three of them. She was polite, she was efficient, and she had a plan to take out any foe she met.

She smirked, and readjusted the gun’s aim anew, the sights now lining up with the head of the cartoon hippo painted on the side of the enemy’s StuG III, taking both elevation, distance, wind speed and direction into account. “Boom. Headshot.” Again, she imagined Assam’s hand where the trigger was, and again she squeezed it tightly. The gun fired, rattling the Anglo-American tank as another shell was sent down-range.

* * *

Erwin almost knocked her head on the walls of the StuG III as another shell hit their side, but she managed to catch herself before she did so.

“We need to do something, Commander, or this is going to turn into another Dunkirk!” she yelled into her handset, but there was still no reply. She threw it to the floor in frustration.

“Still no orders from the Commander?” Oryou shouted from the driver’s seat.

“Not a word of it,” Erwin commented. “But if we don’t hear something soon, I don’t give a damn what High Command says… Just try to maneuver our strongest armor towards the forest as much as you can for now…”

“But, Commander, there’s forest all around us. We’re being fired on from every direction…”

“Don’t you think I can see that too? Just do your best!” 

“Copy that, Commander!” 

“Want us to fire, Commander?” Saemonza and Caesar asked almost in unison, as another shell slammed into their side.

“That depends,” Erwin mused. “Do you have your dowsing rod handy, Caesar?”

“No, of course not, it’s back on the ship…”

“Then good luck hitting anything. Considering we can’t see the Yanks for the trees…”

* * *

“Captain?!” Akebi asked. “What are we goíng to do?!”

“Just keep firing!” Noriko yelled back and continued firing the machine gun randomly into the forest behind them.

“But Captain, we can’t see the enemy!” Taeko noted.

“Oh yeah?! Well, fire off a round anyways! The only thing needed to take out an enemy is some guts and determination! Just think they’ll be where you aim, and they’ll be there!”

“YEAH!” the cheer bellowed from her teammates throughout the cramped tank, as Noriko tried to hail the Commander again.

“Commander! Your orders?!”

* * *

“I SWEAR, IF WE SURVIVE THIS, I’M KILLING HER MYSELF!”

“Eh, calm down a bit, will ya Momo?” Anzu said cheerfully as she leaned back in the radio operator’s seat and opened another bag of dried sweet potatoes. “I’m sure she’s doing the best she can considering the situation. Here, want some?”

“Um, ladies, if we could perhaps focus on the problem at hand?” Yuzu asked nervously as she tried her best to keep their front armor facing wherever she thought Saunders were firing on them from, trying desperately to nestle their weaker side and rear armor among their three other tanks. As the flag tank, their elimination meant defeat, and defeat meant that everything they had worked for had been for naught.

“I AM FOCUSING!!!” Momo yelled and fired another shot blindly into the forest.

“Sweetie, I think you missed,” Yuzu noted.

“OF COURSE I MISSED! I CAN’T SEE WHAT I’M FIRING AT, SO HOW COULD I POSSIBLY HIT ANYTHING?!” Momo yelled back. “AND DON’T CALL ME ‘SWEETIE’!” She laboriously loaded another shell into the breach, and picked up the radio handset from the floor, where Anzu had carelessly thrown towards her seat when she claimed the radio operator’s seat as her own, momentarily refocusing her anger. “NISHIZUMI!!!” she yelled into the radio. “I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WOULDN’T FIND US?! WELL, THEY HAVE, SO WHAT’S THE PLAN?!”

* * *

"Commander! Your orders?!"

"We need to do something, Commander, or this is going to turn into another Dunkirk!"

"I thought you said they wouldn't find us?! Well, they have, so what's the plan?!"

Call after call came over the radio, but Maho couldn’t answer any of them. Shell after shell ricocheted off their armor, but Maho could barely hear them. All she could do as her thoughts raced was repeat the same three words over and over again.

“I don’t know… I don’t know… I don’t know…”

Her body felt like it was on fire, and her mind was as wild and untamed as the battlefield, with images, plans, memories, thoughts, nightmares, strategies, and more flashing in a wild cacophony, all duking it out for her limited ability to process them. She tried to close her eyes and focus, tried shutting the world out from her mind and plan, tried to see where the enemy was, tried desperately to come up with some way that she could get them out of this mess. But the strain she was under was too much. All she could see was a black abyss, and every plan she could come up with would either lead to more people getting hurt, like Azusa and Emi, or would rely on giving in to the darkness and let her old demonic self take over, like it had against St. Gloriana. 

“But Maporin-” Saori cried from down in the hull, once again asking for orders and a plan that Maho didn’t have.

“I DON’T KNOW!!! I JUST… I DON’T KNOW, OK?!”

Not that it mattered whether she had a plan or not. Whatever she came up with, Kay would just read it like an open book and counter it again, just like she had done twice now. Was Maho really that easy to read? Or was Kay just that superior of a foe? She didn’t know, and that only filled her head with more doubts and dark thoughts. She had lived her whole life being told that she was superior to others. That the only right way for the world to work, was for her to trample her lessers into submission and take what was rightfully hers. Not only did she not want to believe any of it, seeing the obvious horror of such statements from an early age, but now she was beginning to wonder if the opposite wasn’t true.

Was she actually as worthless and unreliable as Erika, Miho, and her mother considered her to be? Was she forever doomed to fumble around in this darkness, tortured by her own regrets? Was she really nothing without the Nishizumi name and style backing her up? Was there nothing but hot air and unearned confidence keeping her on her feet?

“We could… no… But what if… Or perhaps… No… no… no…” She mumbled to herself as her mind kept racing, but nothing was working. Every thought or possible idea was immediately struck down as unworkable by the dark tendrils of the abyss, as if taunting her with her apparent inadequacy.

* * *

“Commander?! Commander?! Anyone?!” Erwin yelled into her handset once again, still with no reply other than Saori telling her to be patient as the Commander figured out a plan. “Oh, to hell with this…”

“What are you doing?!” Caesar yelled at her as she gingerly lifted her hatch to get a better look at their surroundings.

“I’m trying to think!” Erwin yelled back as she scanned the forest around them. Then she saw it. “Oryou, head straight forward at top speed! Saemonza, fire and keep firing as fast as you can! Caesar, just keep the gun loaded! We’re gonna try something!”

“There’s nothing there to fire at though?!”

“I know that! Just do as I tell you and we may live as legends yet!”

“What’s the plan though? What are we doing?!” Saemonza asked as Erwin sat back down in her seat, just as another shell hit their hull.

“No clue!” Erwin laughed. “I’m making it up as I go!” Her crewmates gave each other a look, and shrugged. shrugged. As the assault gun started moving, Erwindrew a quick breath and spoke into the handset. “This is Hippo! I’m not sticking around to see this turn into Korsun-Cherkassy, so we’re gonna break through. If anyone wants to follow, feel free to do so.”

A moment of silence passed. Then another. Then, suddenly, her receiver was filled with calls from the rest of Ooarai’s tanks.

“Well, at least  _ someone _ ’s giving orders in this clown show!” the Student Council PR manager yelled. 

“Oh, what the hell, can’t get any worse than this,” Noriko answered, with more excitement than anger. “Good show of determination, Hippo! Duck is right behind you!”

“Erwin!” Saori protested nervously from the Panzer IV. “You can’t just go around giving your own orders to everyo-”

“Worked well enough for the Commander in the St. Gloriana-match, didn’t it? Feel free to stick around, but we’re getting out of here!” Erwin replied as she looked through her periscopes, seeing the 38(t) fall in behind them, and the Type 89 taking up the rear. 

Another moment of silence, and then Saori answered. “Alright, Erwin. We’ll have your back, just lead the way.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, I suppose…” Erwin said to herself, before smirking and handing out her orders to the impromptu column. “Alright, here goes nothing. All tanks, fire straight forward at 175 degrees, and keep up the barrage. Operation Wacht am Hinuma is now in effect!”

* * *

_ “Krrsch… Alright, here goes nothing… All tanks, fire straight forward at 175 degrees, and keep up the barrage… Operation Wacht am Hinuma is now in effect… Krrsch…” _

“Oh, no you don’t…” Alysa said softly to herself, as she listened intently to the transmissions being picked up and sent to her earpiece. “And it’s such a shame too. You even came up with a cute nickname for your little scheme…” She put the headset down and looked at the notepad she had balanced on her knee, where she had added this new intel to the list of Ooarai’s communications. She couldn’t help but grin. “Perfect… It’s too bad the commander’s such a girl scout when it comes to the rules…”

“But… uhm…” Rin Sasama said nervously from the slot usually reserved for the Radio Operator. But seeing as Alysa preferred to man her non-regulation equipment herself, the helmet-wearing girl was left with only getting to man the machine gun. “I… I’m still not sure this is such a good idea… The Commander always says to follow the rules… Ma-maybe we should… maybe we should ask what she thinks about...”

“What Kay doesn’t know can’t hurt her,” Alysa said sharply. “Am I clear?”

“Y-yes… Commander…”

“And besides,” she continued in calm dismissal, “I am following the rules. Or rather, I’m at the very least not breaking them. I’m just bending them here and there. And see how far it’s gotten us.” 

“But…”

“No more ‘but’s. Unless we’re being attacked, just let me crush these upstarts in peace.”

The silent looks her crew exchanged let Alysa know the discussion was over, so she returned her focus to the radio equipment beside her, switching the headset connected to her listening device for the one connected to the team’s radio, switching around a few knobs on it to connect to Kay, just like she had several times during the match already.

“ _ San Francisco _ , this is  _ New Orleans _ . Kay, the enemy is heading for-”

“Uhm…” a voice that was decidedly not Kay’s answered, “The… the commander’s not here at the moment, Miss Alysa… Would… W-would you like me to take a message for her?”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE ISN’T THERE?!” Alysa yelled back into her transceiver. “WHAT, DID SHE DISAPPEAR IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE?!”

“Well… uhm… I… I-I-I mean…” Kay’s radio operator continued meekly, and began explaining the situation to Alysa.

“ _ ARE YOU KIDDING ME _ ?! WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH AND SHE JUST UP AND LEAVES HER TANK?!”

* * *

“They’re breaking through a gap in the lines!”

“Where?! I can’t see them?!”

“Point NE5176! Four contacts, column formation, heading; 175 degrees!”

“This is Dog, engaging!”

“Bravo, engaging!”

“We’ve got them on the run, Kay-I-I-mean-Commander. Y-your orders? Should we pursue?” 

“Nah, leave ‘em be,” Kay answered cheerfully into her handset. “Let’s just circle the wagons and regroup for now. Alysa’s plans have worked great today, so I’m sure we’ll find ‘em again in no time!”

“Copy-”

“Actually, you know what, let’s be safe rather than sorry. Dog, Bravo. Patrol the perimeter. Make sure our enemies don’t use the same trick on us.”

“Copy that, Commander. Dog, heading out.”

“Copy that, Commander. Bravo, heading out.”

“Everyone else, circle the wagons. We might as well enjoy some peace and quiet.”

“Yes, Commander,” the response came from the rest of her forces.

Kay showed a satisfied smile as the six Shermans made their way out of the forest they had used to encircle Ooarai, and set up a defensive perimeter in the clearing their enemy had just occupied. She reached down to hang the handset in its place, put one foot on her seat and the other on the roof of  _ San Francisco _ , her M4A6.

_ That’s weird… _ she thought and looked at the fallen over M3 Lee lying defeated in the middle of the clearing.  _ It’s obvious the battle is over, so why haven’t they come out of there yet? _

With three quick, well-practiced strides, she stepped up onto the roof of the turret, then onto the hull of the tank, and finally down to the ground. She gave a quick knock on the side of  _ San Francisco's _ hull before continuing, and out of the driver’s hatch popped the head of June Miyabi, her driver.

“What’s the matter, Commander?”

“Nothing, June. Everything’s A-OK. Just gonna go check on the crew of the M3. Make sure everyone’s fine. Keep an eye on  _ SF _ for me while I’m gone, okay?”

“You got it,” June replied and puffed herself up slightly to look more important, causing Kay to giggle slightly as she walked over to their adversary.

“Knock knock, anyone home?” she called as she gave a few firm knocks on the commander’s hatch. “The battle’s moved on, you’ll be fine coming out now!”

For a few moments, there was more or less only silence from the M3, except for some muffled words Kay couldn’t make out coming from inside. But after a few seconds more, to Kay’s surprise, the Driver’s and Radio operator’s hatch opened, and two young girls popped their heads out.

“Is… is it over?” asked the radio operator gloomily, a short girl with equally short black hair.

“Sorry to say it, but for you it is,” Kay replied with a grin, which swiftly vanished as the two girls looked rather glum. “Oh come on, don’t be like that. You put up a good fight, and who knows? The rest of your team is still out there. You may win yet!”

“But… but…” the girl with wild red hair half-crawled out of the driver’s hatch stuttered, “It’s… it’s Azus-I-I-mean-the Commander…”

A sense of understanding began to enter Kay’s mind as she observed the two girls, who seemed close to tears. Suddenly the fact that the Commander hadn’t opened her hatch made a lot more sense.

“Your commander? Is she hurt?” A few slow nods were the only reply, but Kay knew what she needed to. “Alright, just stay here and keep an eye on her. I’ll be right back, just gonna fetch the first-aid kit,” she said in an attempt to sound reassuring, even as she was half-sprinting away from the M3 and towards  _ San Francisco _ . “And don’t worry!” she yelled over her shoulder. “The Vehicle Reclamation Unit will be here any moment, and they always bring some proper medics!”

With a swift leap off of the treads of  _ San Francisco,  _ Kay was back on top of her Sherman’s hull, rummaging through the scattered slots for cargo.

“June!”

“Yes, Commander?”

“Where’s our first-aid kit?”

“Second box on the right… I think…”

“Oh, but for…” Kay swore to herself as she looked through the second box on the right “It’s not here!”

There was a moment of silent conferral from inside the tank, which Kay didn’t quite feel she had the time for right now.

“June!” she called again, with a slight hint of rare annoyance.

“THE LEFT! Second box on the left!”

Kay clambered around to reach this new set of containers, and within found what she was looking for. “Finally…”

“Something the matter, Commander? You’re not hurt are you?”

“It’s the M3. Their commander’s been injured somehow. Send in a distress call to the judges. I assume VRU’s already on their way, but let them know either way!” Kay yelled back as she dismounted the tank and rushed back towards the M3.

“Well, what are you waiting for? You heard the Commander!” June snapped at Suzu Mihara, the radio operator. “Call it in!”

* * *

“How’re ya holdin’ up?” Kay asked the M3’s commander, a girl with short brown hair named Azusa Sawa. The height difference between the two girl’s was neatly nullified by the fact that Azusa was sitting atop the bed of the VRU-truck ready to carry her tank back to the depot. “By the way, again, sorry ‘bout this.”

“N-no, it’s fine-ow-ow…” Azusa answered and tried her best to show a brave smile to her enemy, which Kay could respect. “It’s not your fault…” She leaned back against the side of the M3, and drew a few deep breaths. Even after the medics had given her something for the pain, it was obvious that she still wasn’t completely fine. The sling carrying Azusa’s left arm was more than enough proof of that.

“Still, play this sport for long enough and you forget that sometimes people can get hurt. I should have told Naomi to be more careful.” Kay looked down at the ground and put her hands in her pocket, giving a pebble she had noticed a kick, just to have something to do.

“Well, if we meet again some time, I’ll make sure to remind you,” Azusa groaned.

“Ain’t that the spirit,” Kay replied with a smile of her own. “I like your style, Sawa. There can never be enough honest and kind people in Sensha-Do.” Seeing that the VRU-crew was preparing to leave, Kay offered a hand towards Azusa, who after a moment accepted it, shaking it not quite as vigorously as Kay would have preferred, but considering Azusa had gotten her dislocated shoulder put back in place less than half an hour ago, Kay let it slide.

“Right… Honest…” Azusa mumbled under her breath, as the large truck began to slowly trundle it’s way back towards the staging grounds.

Kay gave a quick wave to the crew of the M3 as it was driven away, before turning to return to  _ San Francisco _ and the battle.

“Suzu, any messages?” she asked as she sat down in the commander’s seat and put on her headset again.

“Well… uhm… Miss Alysa has been wanting to talk to you… for quite some time now… She’s been… well… She’s been rather insistent on it...”

”Eh, I assume you’d have told me if she was in trouble, so it can’t have been  _ that  _ urgent,” Kay joked as she fiddled with the settings on the radio. “Ahoy-hoy,  _ New Orleans _ , this is  _ San Francisco! _ Alysa, whaddya got for-”

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!” Alysa’s annoyed yell came back through the headset, interrupting Kay and reminding her to keep the earpiece away from her ears when talking to her Vice-Commander. “YOU CAN’T JUST HALT ALL ACTION AND THEN GO THREE QUARTERS OF AN HOUR WITHOUT RADIO CONTACT!”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Kay replied, both to reassure, and to dismiss the first-year’s worries. “It’s not like anyone’s been attacked, right?

“I mean… no… but you let Ooarai escape! That’s the second encirclement we’ve let slip today!”

“And I’m telling you it’s fine. There’s no need to be so high-strung. Naomi’s covering our position, Dog and Bravo are still patrolling, and with your excellent planning, we’ll find ‘em again in no time!”

* * *

“WHERE IS SHE?! I’M GONNA KILL HER!”

“Sweetie, let’s calm down and save this for la-”

“I’M PERFECTLY CALM, AND STOP CALLING ME SWEETIE!”

Maho didn’t pay the commotion any mind from where she was sitting on the ground, leaning back against the Panzer IV and looking down at her shivering hand. She still didn’t know what to do. Every plan of attack she could think of only turned out to be easily countered by the Kay that now resided rent-free in her mind. She was out of her depth. She felt like she was a single misstep away from being dragged under by an unseen torrent or a snaking monster from the abyss. Or perhaps the issue was the opposite? After a lifetime of leading some of the finest teams in Japan, filled to the brim with excellently skilled and experienced tankers, perhaps she was simply unable to lead such a small and inexperienced team? As if her time in the oceans of Kuromorimine had made her incapable of surviving at Ooarai, the doomed puddle she had thrown herself into. 

“Get up…” she vaguely heard Momo growl at her, as well as some other commotion from the rest of the team. There seemed to be some sort of argument going on, one which Maho neither could, nor cared to, hear.

“I SAID ‘GET UP’!” the cyclops yelled and reached down, grabbing Maho by the front of her jacket and pulling her to her feet. Maho didn’t care to resist, only continuing to look gloomily towards the ground. “‘It was a strategically sound plan’, you said. ‘I underestimated her’, you said. ‘They’re not going to come through the forest’, you said. ‘They don’t know we’re here’, you said.”

“Momo, leave it alone. We all make mistakes…” Yuzu said cautiously, trying to deescalate the situation, but Momo was having none of it.

“Except we can’t afford mistakes here, now can we…” The cyclops returned her attention to Maho, still very much red in the face from her anger. “So what brilliant scheme will you come up with next,  _ Commander Nishizumi _ ?” There was nothing but disdain and fury in the way she put emphasis on the title. “Shall we simply drive our tanks into an open field and wait for that Firefly to take us out? Or would you prefer we go into the lake and drown ourselves? At the very least it denies Saunders the pleasure of shooting at us! Or maybe it’s just simple enough that you’re not even on our side to begin with! It sure would explain how those bastards keep finding us all the time, despite your ‘perfect hiding spots’ and ‘foolproof plans’!” Momo threw Maho to the ground, and was about to pounce on her with fists at the ready, but through a combination of holding her back and standing in her way, Yuzu, Erwin, Yukari and Saori managed to stop her.

On any other day, Maho would have smashed Momo’s face in for the sheer insubordination. In fact, considering it was Momo, Maho would have happily done it just for the satisfaction of the act itself. And that was before she even mentioned the suggestion that they all drown themselves. For that, she would have been ready to grab the spade from the side of the Panzer IV and hack at the cyclops until every inch of her was cut into neat cubes. But this wasn’t any other day.

Maho didn’t feel anger at Momo’s comments. She didn’t feel a sense of power or invincibility from being in a tank. She didn’t even feel sad or panicked from being so close to the abyss. She just felt hollow, and empty, and cold. Just like the sky above her, there was nothing within her. The only thing she could see in her mind’s eye was the Firefly, and how it had taken out the M3 Lee, injuring Azusa.

This feeling was new to her, and yet she so clearly recognized it. It wasn’t anger. It wasn’t fury. It wasn’t sadness, or fear, or anything else. It was much more simple than that. This was nothing more or less than a primal thirst for revenge. If she had been dismissive of the battle and their chances within it before, now she had stopped caring entirely. She only wanted to find the Firefly, and turn it into scrap. Crew and team and school be damned.

For a moment, she just kept lying there, staring at the empty sky and the scattered clouds that passed overhead, feeling this cold hatred and craving for revenge fester in her heart. Distantly, she could hear someone ask if she was alright. She didn’t answer, and instead only remained where she was.

“Maho?” Her silent contemplation was interrupted by Hana’s head appearing in her field of view, peering down at her and offering a hand. “Are you alright?” Maho didn’t answer, and instead only averted her eyes, looking at some other part of the sky. A part with something making itself seen against the blue sky.

“Huh…” Maho raised an eyebrow and gave the foreign object a surprised second look. Suddenly the fact that Kay had known where to find them and how to outflank their position didn’t seem so strange anymore. Maho accepted Han’s hand, and was swiftly helped to her feet.

“And why the hell do you look so satisfied?” Momo growled at her, still being held back by Yuzu and Erwin. “Come up with another high and mighty plan for us mere mortals, have you?”

“I have…” Maho said with a coldness rivalling her own mother’s. “And this time, Kay will be the one to underestimate  _ me _ .”

* * *

“All tanks, go south towards point SE0046 and move to the junction there. Saunders should travel north through the crossroads, and we’ll take them out from the sides when they pass” Maho called to her forces.

“Copy that!” “Plan is in motion!” “Don’t think you’re off the hook, Nishizumi! I’m still dealing with you later…” the answer sounded from the rest of Ooarai’s tanks.

* * *

“The enemy’s heading south to point SE0046. Send a decoy north through the crossroads, and send the rest of our forces to surround them!”

“Gotcha, solid plan as always, Alysa!” Kay answered cheerfully. “But, how is it you know so much?”

“Oh, you know,” Alysa answered, cocky as always, “Just a strong female intuition is all.”

“Reliable as always, I see. I knew I could count on you as my second!”

* * *

“I still don’t like this…” Maho said privately, when she had turned her radio off.

“We know, Maho. But this is what the team wanted, so we’re just going to have to-” Saori said, trying to cheer her up, but Maho wasn’t interested in being cheered up at the moment.

“Don’t you think I know that?” she snapped back, and stared off into the distance as they waited. “Just because I’m going along with it doesn’t mean I like it. I want that Firefly turned to a shriveled up ball of scrap” 

“Well, one plan at a time. Once we’ve gotten rid of some of Saunders’ tanks, then we’ll-”

“I. Know. That.” She was still annoyed. She didn’t like this plan in the slightest. She wanted to find that arrogant Firefly and crush it. But the decision had been ripped from her hands by the other crews, and she had been forced to accept a compromise where they would first diminish Saunders’ forces.

On the horizon, she could see clouds of dust kick up from the three roads leading into the crossroads. Saunders had once again found their position and blocked their route.

“Shermans in all directions!” Noriko said in a panic over the radio.

Maho took a deep breath, switched her radio back on, and reached up to her throat mic. “We’re surrounded, all tanks retreat and spread out! The 38(t) flag tank is to hide at point SE0571.”

By the crossroads below them, Maho could see the Type 89 take off at full speed, a massive cloud of dust appearing behind it as it pulled a piece of lumber they had found behind it, giving off the impression that there were four tanks where there was only one.

* * *

“They’re trying to get away! Dog, Ace, Bravo, advance as fast as you can to point SE0571. That’s where the enemy flag tank is.”

“Copy that, Alysa,” Louise answered over the comms. “Dog, Bravo, follow me, close echelon formation.”

“Gotcha, Ace. Dog, forming up.”

“Bravo, forming up. Lead the way Ace.”

Opening the hatch of Ace, her grand-father’s old Easy-Eight, now expertly restored for a new purpose, she felt her heart skip a beat from the pure excitement, as the wind rushed through her hair. It was still her first real match, and she still missed her home back in France, but she wouldn’t give any of this up for the world.

_ I gotta hand it to Brooke and Holly… _ she thought as they drove through the uneven terrain towards their destination.  _ They sure fixed the suspension up really nicely… _

“Alright,” she said into the handset, swallowing any traces of her nervousness, “We’re coming up on point SE0571. Prepare to engage the enemy flag tank!”

A moment later, and they arrived. Louise was practically jumping in her seat, ready to fight the… great big empty field they found at their target location. A sense of panic gripped her, and she double checked her map, but no, they were at the right coordinates. “Where the hell is the 38(t)?” she asked the open field as she scanned for any enemy among the low bushes and hillocks around them. Then she saw it. The barrel of a tank gun, just visible as it poked out between some bushes.

“Jesus!!!”

* * *

“FIIIIREEEE!!!” Erwin shouted, and for the first time this match, Ooarai’s tanks fired in perfect symphony.

_ Finally… _ Maho thought. Hana and Saemonza had lined their shots perfectly, and the two 75mm M4’s showed white flags the moment the shells impacted. The cyclops however, surprising no one but herself, had missed the Easy Eight in the middle, and instead sent a column of dirt and grass flying into the air far behind the American tank.  _ Of course she did… _

“Commander, the M4A3E8/M4A3(76)W HVSS is trying to get away!” Yukari called as she loaded a new shell into the Panzer IV’s gun. “That’s such a cool tank… And they’ve gotten a really neat paint job on it too. Right, Saori?”

“M4...a3...e… what are you talking about??”

“The one that’s still moving! With the Ace of Spades on it and the blue-white camo on the barrel! It almost looks like it’s an original… Don’t you agree, Commander?”

“I see it,” Maho muttered, not very interested in the conversation and more focused on the battle, switching on her radio. “Hana, take out their treads so they can’t climb the hill. Team C, you get the killshot. Understood?”

“Copy that, Commander!”

* * *

“Shit-shit-shit-shit…” Louise mumbled under her breath as white flags appeared on Dog and Bravo, and she called down to her driver to get them out of there and back to the main force. “And while we’re here, might as well take a shot at them!” she said to her gunner, who fired off a round, which pinged off the low frame of the StuG III that had taken out their comrades. “Well, nice try at least. Now get us the hell out of here!” Louise reassured her gunner, as she picked up the handset again to let Kay and Alysa know what had happened. 

A sudden jerking of the tank interrupted her however. “What’s happened?” she called down to her driver.

“I think they got the tread! The right side is just spinning in place… We can’t get up the incline to get out…”

“What?” Louise asked flatly, and fell back in her seat, before Ace’s engine spluttered slightly and the tank rattled. A short swiping sound could be heard, and as she looked up from the cupola, she saw a white flag flying from the hull of her grandfather’s tank.

* * *

“A-Alysa… Kay… We’ve… uhm… We’ve been taken down…”” Louise’s call appeared in Alysa’s headset.

“What do you mean taken down?” Alysa asked in confusion. How could a single 38(t) take out three Shermans?

“Ace is out… So’s Dog… and Bravo…”

“Wh-what?! Why?!” she asked out loud, stunned into silence by the turnaround.

* * *

“So, it appears even Alysa’s intuition has its limits…” Kay mused to herself as Naomi’s squad joined up with her own.

“Seems that way…” Naomi muttered, disinterested. “She should learn to be more prepared for surprises. Murphy’s law and all that.”

“Indeed,” Kay replied. “But the great thing about surprises, is they sure make things a lot more interesting.”

* * *

“It seems Ooarai is capable of turning the tables somewhat…”

“Indeed, Orange Pekoe,” Darjeeling answered calmly, a hint of self-satisfaction in her voice. “Perhaps you shouldn’t be so swift to judge a situation only from what you can see?”

“I suppose so. Lady Darjeeling, I apologize for my rash analysis before.”

“As must I, Lady Darjeeling. Orange Pekoe and I both miscalculated.” Assam concurred.

“Oh, don’t let it worry you. The match is not over yet, and I may still be proven a fool.”

* * *

“Grrr… You cocky little upstarts… you think you’re  _ sooo  _ good, don’t you…” Alysa growled as she fiddled with the settings on her interception equipment. “Not if I have anything to say about it, you’re not…”

_ “Krrrssch… All tanks… We can’t win unless we equalize the numbers a bit more… So we’re going to move to the clearing at point SW9085… Krrssschh... The enemy Firefly won’t be able to cover their forces unless they’re on the hill at SW7634, so we’ll be safe from any sniper-fire. It’ll just be us and the enemy at SW9085… Krrrscch…” _

Alysa didn’t care about the odd looks her crewmates threw her. She couldn’t help but to laugh in maniacal glee at the prospect. “Alright! They’re going all in! Now I have you! This is perfect!” She could feel a grin spread across her lips. “You’re going to be one giant target down there.” 

Switching headsets, she called in this new information to Kay. “Head to point SW9085. Naomi will cover you from SW7634.”

“What’s going on?” Kay asked, confused. “Why are you sending us out into the middle of nowhere?”

“It looks like all the enemy’s remaining tanks are heading there right now.”

“Uhhh… Hey, Alysa… are you sure about this? How do you know that’s what’s going on?”

“Just trust me, this is the safest bet in the house. We can’t lose.”

“Oh,” Kay said, and smiled. “All tanks! Full advance!!!”

* * *

“Alright, that should keep them occupied for a while,” Maho said as she switched off her radio, and stood up in her seat so the rest of the team could hear her. “We’ve knocked out three of their tanks, which means the Firefly is next.”

“Except that we’re not going to bite on your little suicide mission, Nishizumi,” Momo yelled back. “Why the hell should we go to where we know all the enemy tanks are going to be? We should just use this respite to track down and take out their flag tank!”

“ _ Because, _ ” Maho answered, annoyed, “I just told you that’s what we’re doing. You and your colleagues keep insisting I command this team. Well, now I am, and I’m giving you an order, cyclops.”

“I heard you. But given that it’s a stupid order, I’m deciding to ignore it.”

“You think you can do better, Miss Let’s-set-up-an-ambush-a-kindergartener-would-spot?”

“At least I don’t fall for the same trick twice in a row!”

“Hey!” Erwin yelled, interrupting the argument. “You guys listen at all during Modern History?”

“What the hell does my history homework have to do with this?” Momo muttered, while Maho only raised an eyebrow.

“Ever heard of ‘He who knows not his history is doomed to repeat it’? Rivalry and arguments in the military aren’t exactly the key to success, now are they? Which you guys would know, if you at all read up on your history!”

“Oh just stay out of this, you-”

“Erwin’s right,” Maho said shortly. “This arguing gets us nowhere, and just eats time we’re already short on. So fine, I’ll amend the order. Each tank takes a vote on whether we should go for the Firefly, which we know where it is, or the flag tank, which could be literally anywhere.”

A murmur of agreement quieted Momo down slightly, and after a few minutes discussion, the decision was made. The Panzer IV, the StuG III, and the 38(t), to Momo’s anger and annoyance, would head towards where they had lured the Firefly, while the Type 89 would try to find Saunders’ flag tank, and report its position to the rest of the team.

* * *

Kay looked with incredulity at the empty field before her forces, scanning the horizon for any sign at all of the enemy.

“Alysa,” she said, annoyed, into the handset. “You did say Ooarai were sending all their tanks to SW9085 didn’t you?” she asked while confirming their position on her map.

“Yes, Ma’am!” Alysa was quick to answer.

“Then, would you please tell me why NO ONE IS HERE?!?!” Kay yelled both into her handset and the open air, slamming a fist onto the roof of  _ San Francisco _ ’s turret.

* * *

“Wait, what…” Alysa mumbled to herself. “No, I know they’re heading there. Just… Just stick around a little longer, and they’re sure to show up any moment now! I swear!” She turned off her radio before Kay could ask more questions, and opened the hatch of  _ New Orleans _ to let some fresh air in. “Did they… did they trick us? But…” She looked up out of the hatch and gave a quick cursory glance around them, but couldn’t see much for all the bamboo they were hiding amongst. “But where are Ooarai’s tanks then?”

* * *

“Commander…” Yukari said in a low voice as they continued to creep slowly through the forest leading to the Firefly’s position. “Contact, dead ahead. It’s the enemy Firefly.”

Maho raised her binoculars to take a look, and on a hill in the distance, she could indeed just make out the hull of the American tank. It was still a bit too far away for them to be in range to take it out with one shot though.

“Good spot, Yukari…” Maho said in an equally low voice. “Saori, text Erwin. Let them know we’ve found the Firefly, and as soon as we’re in range to take them out, we’re taking the shot and joining back up with them.”

“Got it!” Saori responded and started to type away on her phone. To make sure they didn’t blow their own ruse, they had decided to use their cellphones to communicate instead of the radio. Once they had gotten near to the Firefly’s supposed position, the StuG III and 38(t) stayed behind to keep watch, and to make sure the Firefly couldn’t get off a shot on the flag tank in case they were spotted. Meanwhile, Maho had taken the Panzer IV into the forest to get within range, and to take out Saunders mobile sniper position. The closer they got, the more Maho felt her blood begin to boil up. She almost wished she herself was in the gunner’s seat, but simply ordering the killshot would be enough for her.

“Eh… Maho…” Saori called up in a hushed voice.

“What?” Maho answered shortly.

“It’s… It’s Noriko… Erwin says they’re… well... Apparently they’re on the radio right now…”

“I’m not in the mood for jokes, Saori…”

“It’s not a joke…” Saori noted. “She’s really on there…”

* * *

Noriko was enjoying the faint wind caressing her face as the Type 89 made its bumpy way through the bamboo forest. The sensation became even greater once she climbed out of the turret and instead placed herself behind it, which gave her room to stretch her legs. Seeing the next bump coming up, she braced herself for the inevitable, and a few moments later, the entire tank rocked like a duck on a choppy sea as it clambered over the small ridge. 

What she could not brace herself for, was the sight she found beyond the low growth of bamboo they knocked over as they crested the bump. 

There, hidden in a small clearing they had unintentionally invaded, stood a Sherman, with a tall flagpole and a red flag on it. Saunders flag-tank, and sticking out of the turret the girl with pig-tails who had mocked them earlier before the match.

A moment of awkward silence gripped the scene, as Noriko and the girl could do nothing but stare in stunned surprise at each other. A second passed, and then another, with neither girl quite willing to move, as if that would make them visible to the other.

“Uhm… Hi?” Noriko said awkwardly, and raised a hand in greeting.

“Uhhh… yeah… H-hi…” the girl answered, and raised her own hand in return.

“Uhm…” Noriko mumbled, and knocked a few times on the roof of the Type 89. “Come on, Go-go-go! Get us outta here!”

Finally the engine of the Japanese tank left its pitiful rumble behind as it roared to life, and they rushed off through the bamboo, with the Sherman also waking up behind them, a shot passing awfully close by Noriko as they drove, and she managed to clamber herself back into the relative safety of the turret.

“Taeko, get me the Commander! Double-quick!”

“Yes, Captain!”

* * *

“Noriko, what the hell?!” Maho growled as she pressed her throat mic. “What part of ‘we’re gonna communicate over our phones’ don’t you understand?”

“IT’S THE FLAG TANK! HEEELP!”

“What are you talking about?”

“WE FOUND THE FLAG TANK! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, BUT WE FOUND IT AND THEY’RE CHASING US!”

Maho glanced over towards the hilltop where she could still see the Firefly. It would be so easy to just wait another minute to send help, just to get to take out that arrogant crew… She drew a deep breath, and closed her eyes to think. She could just wait. Team B would be fine for another minute, wouldn’t they?

It was a familiar thought, and her memory insisted on reminding her why. She had thought the same thing during the finals against Pravda last year. Surely Koume and Emi could wait another five or ten minutes while she took out Pravda? But of course, they couldn’t. She knew that now, and she knew it then. She had been using time Koume and Emi didn’t have, and now she was contemplating using time Noriko and the rest of her crew might not have.

She sighed, hating how much she knew this was the right thing to do, and how little she actually wanted to do it. “Alright. We’re on our way. If you can, lead them to point NE3015, and we’ll link up with you there. Got it?”

“Crystal clear, Commander! Just please hurry!”

“Alright Mako, you heard those musclebrains, get us turned around. We’re gonna link up at NE3015.”

“You got it, Boss,” Mako muttered in reply, and the tank began to turn.

“But, Maho…” Hana asked, “What about the Firefly?”

Maho gave a final, longing glare towards the Firefly, which had evidently also received news of the chase their flag tank was taking part off, as it started to move. “That’s not our objective anymore…” She sighed again, clenched her fists, and reached back up to her mic. “Alright, all Ooarai tanks, we’re gonna link up at NE3015 and take out the flag tank. Everyone, Panzer Vor!”

* * *

“Commander!” Alysa called in a panic over the radio. “Please send us some reinforcements!”

“What? Why?” Kay asked, confused.

“It’s Ooarai! They’re chasing us!”

“WHAT? How did they find where you were? And how did you manage to send us so wrong?”

“Well… uhm… you see… I… I think maybe… maybe they… uhm… maybe they figured out that I was listening to their communications?”

“YOU DID WHAT?!”

“I just… I just wanted to help us win…”

On the other end, she could hear Kay sigh. “I’ve told you time and time again to always play fair. When this is over, you and I are going to have a conversation about this. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Ma’am…” Alysa almost cried in reply. “Just… just please send us those reinforcements…”

* * *

Among the scattered shots both Ooarai’s remaining forces and Saunders’ flag tank fired off, Maho could hear something else. There were more explosions than shots fired. Looking behind her, she could see three more of Saunders tanks.

“Contact. three Shermans,” she called to her team. M4A6, 75mm M4, and the Firefly. 5 klicks behind us, heading towards us.”  _ Strange that they fired off a salvo when they’re not even remotely in range? And why only three tanks?  _ she thought.  _ Maybe Kay actually wanted to alert us to her presence? _ It was a tactical blunder to say the least, but one which fit with what little info Maho had on Kay. She didn’t seem the type to win by sneak attack. “All tanks, let’s end this before the enemy’s reinforcements can get here. Accelerate to top speed, and let’s take out this eavesdropper.”

The Panzer IV took on a burst of speed, and to either side of her, Maho could see the StuG III and 38(t) do the same. It still wasn’t enough to let them decisively catch up with the Sherman they were chasing however. On the other hand, the Sherman didn’t seem capable of catching up to the Type 89 either. It was a strange, and under any other circumstance, comical column they formed. The Type 89 at the front, trying it’s best to fire on the Sherman behind it, which in turn tried to dodge the shells Ooarai’s forces were throwing at it, and further behind still were Kay’s relief force.

The chase continued across the open plain without any major changes for the next five minutes, which only turned the situation in Saunders’ favor as the reinforcements slowly began to creep into range. A lucky shot from the flag tank didn’t help the situation, as the Type 89 was hit and spun on its axis, rolling limply to a stop with its white flag popping out moments later.

“Duck team, you guys all ok?” Saori asked over the radio, to which the answer was a resounding “WE’RE ALL FINE!”, with what sounded like a fire extinguisher being used in the background.

Just like earlier in the match, Maho could feel the proverbial noose tightening around them as shells from Kay’s relief forces began to fall closer and closer to their position, signalling that they were coming closer and closer to being in range.

* * *

“This is just like Benkei’s last stand,” Saemonza noted as she tried her best to aim her next shot, but it too missed its mark.

“This may look like the end, but we must still believe in the final victory,” Erwin countered as she and Caesar looked at the fast approaching enemy behind them.

“A tank filled with holes. For that is what we shall be. Boom we go, goodbye.” Oryou said, even if her sense of poetry wasn’t very appreciated by her crewmates.

“This isn’t the time for a parting haiku, Oryou!” Caesar protested, and loaded another shell.

* * *

“This… this is over… isn’t it?” Momo said, defeated.

“Not yet it isn’t,” Anzu said with a complete lack of the gravity and seriousness the situation seemed to require. “Here, have some dried sweet potato and you’ll feel a lot better! Right Yuzu?!”

“Just as the President says, Sweetie. Now just try to actually hit when you fire, and it’ll all be over soon.”

“Don’t… don’t call me Sweetie… We can’t do this Yuzu!!!”

“It’ll be fine, Momo, just fine…”

* * *

“They’ve closed in!”

“They’re about to be on top of us!”

“They’ve got us!”

“This isn’t going to work…” Maho said in a low voice to herself. “We’re not gonna make it…” The pain in her back flared up again, and the burning agony spread across her body anew. She was defeated. It was just a matter of time. 

She could almost feel the shadowy tendrils start to tug at her again, pulling her towards the dark abyss as voices and images in her head teased and taunted her for her hubris and her failure. She could feel one particularly aggressive tendril on her knee. It was cold, and rough, and far more solid than the others. Another soon appeared on her other knee, even if this was far smoother. 

Looking down, she saw that Hana and Yukari had placed one hand each on her knees, in an apparent attempt to reassure her.

“It’s not over yet, Commander Nishizumi!” Yukari said with a cheerful smile.

“I agree with Yukari, Maho. We only lose when we give up.”

“Yeah, Hana’s right! It’s just like with love! You just gotta get back in and attack, attack, attack until you get a bullseye!”

“No,” Hana noted with an uncharacteristic sternness to her voice. “One shot, one kill. We’re finishing this here and now.”

Maho drew a deep breath, and tried her best to push the darker thoughts in her mind away. “Alright,” she said in a show of determination. “What’s the plan?”

“That hill up ahead. We’re going to take them out from the high ground.”

“You sure?” Maho said as she inspected the hill Hana had meant. “It’s a big risk.”

“High risk, high reward, no?”

“I suppose you’re right. Mako, you up to speed?”

“You got it. Up the hill we go.”

* * *

“What? Why’s Nishizumi breaking away from the pack?” Kay asked herself as her platoon closed in on Ooarai. Seeing the hill before them, and how Alysa was turning to move around it, she instantly understood. “Naomi,” she called, “The Panzer IV’s moving in for a shot from the high ground. Shut them down.”

“Copy that,” Naomi said coldly, and ordered her tank to follow at top speed.

* * *

As they made their way up the hill, Maho heard an explosion behind them, and a shell impacting uncomfortably close to their position. As she turned around to look for the source, she could see the Firefly closing in, following them towards and up the hill.

“Damnit…”

“What is it? Is it the enemy?” Yukari asked.

“Worse… It’s the Firefly…”

“Want me to take them out?”

Maho pondered the possibility for a moment. Taking out the Firefly was still quite high on her list of priorities, and it would certainly help win them the match to take out the enemy sharpshooter. 

She sighed, and collapsed back in her seat. “No… the enemy flag tank’s more important right now. Mako?”

“Yes, Commander?”

“Zigzag as much as you can. We can’t let the Firefly get a shot in on us.”

“I’ll do what I can. The left tread’s been feeling off for a little while though, so I can’t guarantee it’ll hold for long.”

“What? Any idea why?”

“Dunno. Maybe it took more damage than it appeared to when we broke through Saunders in the beginning.”

“Just do what you can. The hilltop is in sight, so it doesn’t need to hold for long.”

Another shot from the Firefly missed, even closer still than the last shot had been. Another call over the radio made things even more urgent.

“This is Hippo. Sorry to say it, but we’re out…”

“NISHIZUMI!!!!” Momo cried over the radio. “HURRY UP AND DO SOMETHING!!!”

In her head, Maho was counting the seconds until the Firefly would be reloaded and ready to fire again. She also counted the seconds it would take for them to crest the hilltop and get in position to fire. The two counts were far closer than she would prefer.

With a great big lurch, the Panzer IV lifted itself over the top of the hill, and onto the downward slope on the other side, with Hana indicating she was just about ready to fire. Maho was about to give the order, but was interrupted by a metallic snapping noise, and the entire tank careened wildly to the side. The tread had snapped from the pressure, and suddenly Hana’s aim was off by almost ninety degrees. She tried in vain to turn the turret back to it’s correct orientation, but the Firefly was too quick to reload.

The Panzer IV rattled wildly for a moment, and a “schwipp” was heard as the white flag raised above their hull.

Standing up in her seat, Maho was left powerless, her only remaining contribution being to watch the 38(t) fire one last hopeless salvo towards Saunders flag tank, before a well-aimed shell from Kay’s M4A6 slammed into the Student Council’s rear, and their tank crawled to a halt.

“No…” Maho whispered softly. She couldn’t believe what she had seen.

But the call from the judges didn’t care what Maho believed. It simply stated the obvious.

“The Panzer 38(t), Ooarai’s flag tank is no longer functional. Saunders University High wins the match, and advances to the next round.”

* * *

_ Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: The battle is lost. Will Ooarai and Maho be able to weather the storm, or is their story truly over? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes:
> 
> And thus, the battle against Saunders draws to a close. I suppose I could say quite a lot here, but I'll be brief today. Ooarai has lost, and is heading for closure. How will this all resolve itself? Find out next week, dear readers, as the story of this (now incredibly) alternate universe continues. The only thing I would like to note is that if you haven't already, you go out and read Ace by Salocin. He's a buddy of mine, and as a little nod to him I decided to let the MC of his fic, Louise Tuckerman and her tank Ace have a little cameo in DWiMW.
> 
> As always, thoughts, feedback, or other input is always welcome, so feel free to leave a comment. It's incredibly appreciated, positive or negative.
> 
> Until next week, Aloha!
> 
> /Rihno


	22. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anzu tries to figure out a way to save the situation, while keeping up her usual confidence. Momo argues with Anzu and Maho both, while coming up with a plan of her own. Maho runs a post-match analysis, while coming into an argument with Azusa. And all the while, the rest of the team plan for their return to the tournament next year.

**_Ministry of Education, Culture, and Technology (MEXT), Tokyo_ **

**_Months Ago..._ **

Anzu Kadotani had never considered herself a quitter. Ever since she was a kid she had always made bold proclamations on what she would achieve, and through sheer determination, tenacity, and luck, it seemed like nothing was out of her grasp, despite whatever odds stood against her. It was this drive that saw her passing any challenge or test fate threw her way, and it was the confidence her successes had inspired that made her certain her victories would be unending. She never let herself give up hope, and she always fought till the end, clinging to whatever shred of possibility she could find.

But at this moment, for the first time in her life, she felt the chances begin to slip away.

“You’re… you’re closing down Ooarai?” She looked at the man opposite her in the dimly lit office in disbelief. “Surely you’re joking?”

She hadn’t dealt with any bureaucrats in her life before, but the man appeared to be exactly what she had imagined they were like. He had short black hair, constituting a simple and boring haircut, glasses hiding what most assuredly were eyes without emotion, and a black suit in pristine condition. The simplest, and only way to describe him, was boring and unimaginative. The office was equally so, filled with filing cabinets from wall to wall, and both the many spreadsheets scattered across the desk, as well as the way the man spoke, made it evidently clear that this was a man who was more interested in his numbers than whatever they represented.

“Yes, on the first of September. Any students will of course be reassigned to new centers of education.”

“But… but why?” She didn’t understand. What had her school done wrong? And why did she have to be the one to see it to the guillotine?

“As I said, it is merely a matter of costs. Our government's policy is to cut spending, and I’m afraid ceasing operations of Ooarai Girls’ Academy is merely a matter of practicality. The  _ Zuikaku _ is not operating anywhere near peak efficiency, and an empty desk is a cost this government wishes to have removed. Never mind the few thousand at Ooarai. And after the tireless work of hundreds of administrators and a series of independent, inter-departmental committees, it has been decided that the benefits from her continued operations do not outweigh the costs.”

“But… But… Isn’t there anything we can do? Surely you can’t just close us down?!”

“I’m terribly sorry, Miss Kadotani,” he said in a voice that made it clear he was in no way sorry. “This is not a matter of debate. I’m merely doing you a courtesy by letting you know this far in advance. As of the first of September, all operations will cease, and the ship will be sailed to Singapore to be scrapped. Thank you for coming, and have a good afternoon.”

Anzu curled her hands up into fists against her knees and looked down while the man returned to his numbers.

“No…” Her mind was rushing with thoughts to the point of giving her a headache. She tried to find a solution, tried desperately to find something to cling onto, something that she could use to save her school.

“As I said, Miss, the decision has been made and is only waiting for approval. You will receive a formal notice some time in the coming months. If there was nothing else, then good afternoon.”

She stood up from her seat, and took slow steps towards the door, glancing around while her mind continued to race with thoughts. In the corner of her eye, she saw a file with the text  **_Projected costs: World Sensha-Do Championships_ ** _.  _

“Sensha-Do…” she said in a low voice, the seeds of an idea beginning to take shape.

“I’m sorry?”

“Sensha-Do!” she repeated triumphantly, and turned around to face the man. “Japan will be hosting the first World Sensha-Do Championships, will we not?”

“I believe we will, sometime in the next few years. It’s not my department really, and I fail to see what that has to do with-”

“And the ministry is trying to promote schools to fund Sensha-Do programs, to prepare the maidens of our country for this championship, no?”

“As I’ve told you, Miss, this isn’t my department. I merely review and oversee cost-benefit analysis, but if you have anything to discuss with the director of cultural affairs-”

“And you wouldn’t shut down the champion school of the Federation, would you?!”

“I suppose we wouldn’t, no. But seeing as Kuromorimine, Pravda and the other “Big Four”-schools all operate at peak or near peak efficiency, I don’t see any reason why we should-”

“So in other words, if Ooarai can win the National Sensha-Do championship next year, you won’t close us down?!” She reached out an excited hand towards the man, expecting him to immediately see the logic in her argument.

Instead the man merely paused, and stared at her with a bemused expression. There was certainly a hint of annoyance in his face, but Anzu counted on this annoyance to work in her favor. He clearly wanted her gone so he could return to his numbers. The man raised an eyebrow and turned his gaze to the ceiling for a moment, clearly running some calculation in his mind or thinking her proposal over, before sighing and taking her hand.

“Very well,” he said with a bored, smug sort of smile. “ _ If _ you win the 63rd national championship, I’ll recommend that the proposal be taken under reconsideration.” They shook hands. “Now please, if there was nothing else; Good afternoon, President Kadotani.

* * *

“President. Welcome back!” Yuzu said with her usual smile once Anzu walked through the doors of the Student Council’s office.

“Thank you, Yuzu,” she answered, distracted, as she walked through the office with determined strides. 

“How was your trip?”

“Eye opening.” She sat herself down behind her desk, pulled out a notepad and pen, and began scribbling. “How much money do we have in the reserves currently, Miss Vice-President?”

“President?” Yuzu was taken aback by Anzu’s unexplained seriousness. Not to mention her actually calling her by her title. “Did something happen?”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later. Now, how much do we have in reserve?”

Yuzu turned in her chair and pulled out a folder from one of the filing cabinets, looking through the documents inside until she had an answer. “Just around two million yen.”

“Inform the Treasurer that I’m funneling it all into restarting our school’s Sensha-Do program for the next academic year.”

“But President… we don’t have a treasurer… The student assembly never elected one, so I’ve been fulfilling those duties…”

“Perfect. Then consider yourself informed.”

“Might I ask why?”

“You might, but seeing as it’s part of the long story, I’ll tell you later.” Anzu returned her focus entirely to the notes she had jotted down before her, as well as some scattered research she performed on her computer. “Do you have the lists of the incoming students?”

“Right here, Madame President.” Yuzu placed the large folder containing the new students' information on Anzu’s desk, and looked on in astonishment as her friend began looking through the lists with feverish intensity.

“Hey, Yuzu… Who’s this?” She handed a file over to Yuzu, and continued looking through the rest.

“Oh, she’s a transfer student from Kumamoto.”

“I can see that, but who is she?”

“Oh…” Yuzu looked the file over, and relayed the information to the president. “Apparently, she ended up skipping a large part of her second year for some reason, so she would be repeating a year here.”

“Yeah, I got all that from the file, but why does the name sound familiar?”

Yuzu walked back to her desk and input the name into her computer. A moment later, she was almost overwhelmed by the number of results the computer returned to her about this Nishizumi-girl and her family. “Well, apparently there’s a pretty famous family of Sensha-Do practitioners by that name.” The President clearly had something in mind, but Yuzu didn’t know exactly what. “Anzu? Should… Should I reject her transfer? She made a pretty late application, but I let it through...”

“No, no… This is good…” Anzu said in a low voice, “We’re going to need her if this is going to work...”

“If  _ what _ is going to work?”

Anzu leaned back in her chair, put her hands behind her head, and grinned with a confidence Yuzu had never seen in anyone else. “We’re gonna win the National Sensha-Do Tournament!”

* * *

**_A Japanese Sensha-Do Federation Battlefield, Yamaguchi Prefecture_ **

**_Present Day..._ **

"The Panzer 38(t), Ooarai Girls Academy's flag tank is no longer functional. Saunders University High wins the match, and advances to the next round."

Scattered cheers of joy and groans of disappointment made their way through the small audience that had gathered to watch what was supposed to be a rather uninteresting first match of the National Tournament. Saunders was one of the biggest schools in high school-Sensha-Do, a titan of the sport. Ooarai, for their part, was a school no one had heard of anywhere near the tournament for decades upon decades.

As the battle began, the result had seemed obvious to most. After the first engagement, Saunders would stand victorious, and that would be that. And yet, somehow, this small school no one had heard of had escaped Saunders net twice over, and even managed to lure their opponents into a trap of their own. It almost seemed like David would fell Goliath. But, in the end, as the match reached its climax and even the most disinterested spectator was on their feet cheering, the end had come. Not with a bang, but a whimper.

“Alas,” Darjeeling said solemnly as she bowed her head, “It seems I was mistaken. Though I must say I am disappointed. I had high hopes for Ooarai.” She shook her head gently back and forth a few times, and looked down into her tea with a look of intrigue in her eyes. “Regardless, I believe Nishizumi is still worth keeping an eye on…”

“Lady Darjeeling…” Assam said cautiously, testing the waters. “I admit that I was also impressed by Nishizumi’s ability to lead Saunders into a trap, but… When you take into account the difference in numbers, in skill, not to mention experience… Ooarai were never going to win. Surely you see that? And even if the odds were even, and Ooarai were both well-equipped and well-trained, they still committed too many errors to hope for victory.”

“I see…” Darjeeling took a sip of her tea, emptying her last cup for the time being, putting it down on the saucer neatly balanced in her lap. “And that is your assessment, Assam? That this was, beyond all else, a matter of errors?”

Assam pondered the question for a moment, sensing a trap, but ultimately found no flaw in her argument. “It is, Lady Darjeeling. Ooarai’s many mistakes made their victory a statistical impossibility.”

“Do you know of this saying?” Darjeeling asked, gazing out across the wooded battlefield as she handed her teacup to Rukuriri, to be stowed away for their return to the  _ Ark Royal _ . “It is possible to commit no mistakes, and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.”

“Oh yes,” Orange Pekoe piped in from her chair. “It’s by Jean-Luc Pi-”

“ _ Thank you _ , Orange Pekoe, that will be enough!” Darjeeling interrupted, and rose from her seat, making it clear the question was indeed rhetorical, and that the discussion was over.

* * *

“Thanks for the match, Angie. You almost had us there at the end!”

“Yeah, you too, Kay,” Anzu replied with a smile as she shook the girl’s hand. “As always, you’re one step ahead of me.”

“Eh, you’ll catch up sooner or later,” Kay laughed. “With your tenacity, you’ll outpace me by miles the moment you actually hit a growth spurt.”

“I guess you’re right,” Anzu chuckled. “Again, thanks for the match. We had fun.”

“That’s what it’s all about in the end. You want a lift back to your staging grounds?”

“Nah, I’ll be fine walking. Good luck in the next round.” Anzu let go of Kay’s hand, and for a moment her cheerful and cocky facade began to slip. “I mean it, Kay. Good luck.”

“You got it. And don’t let this get you down. You did great, and I’m sure your team will do even better next year. See ya ‘round, Angie!”

“Yeah, see ya!” Anzu waved as Kay turned and walked towards her waiting jeep. She made sure to wait until Kay was out of both sight and earshot, before sighing and beginning her walk back to Ooarai’s camp.

* * *

As she walked across the field at a modest pace, Anzu’s mind was racing with thoughts, plans, and schemes. She had gone all-in on her plan to win the National Tournament, and instead of the triumphant pay-out she had hoped for, the house had taken it all away from her. She was back at square one, with nothing but a chip and a chair to her name, and she was running out of straws to grasp at.

Renegotiating her deal with Tsuji, the MEXT-official with whom she had made the agreement, was out of the question. She didn’t even need to ask him. She knew there was no way he would see this defeat as anything more than proof of the righteousness of his decision. Still, she had never been a quitter, and she didn’t intend to start now. And so, her mind instead pondered different options. Some more palatable to her than others.

As she neared Ooarai’s camp, she expelled all these thoughts from her mind, and let her usual sense of clear determination and carefree tenacity return to her. She was the leader of these girls after all, and she was to appear a paragon of their school.  _ Best not let them see me bleed, eh? _ she thought, and let a wide grin appear on her face as she climbed atop the 38(t).

“Hey, Everyone!” she called out, cupping her hands around her mouth to ensure she caught everyone’s attention. “You all did great work in today’s match! And even if we lost, we emerged stronger and better! It’s obvious we can still improve, so let’s give it our all, ensuring we’ll get even further next time!”

There was an enthusiastic cheer from most of the team, as she had expected. Although, glancing over towards the Panzer IV, she could see Nishizumi looking gloomily towards the distance, but that would have to wait. Dealing with the commander was further down on her list of chores.

“And to show their gratitude to us for a hard-fought match; Saunders has invited us back to their camp for a post-match meal!”

Another cheer sounded, even more enthusiastic than the last, followed by excited murmurs among the members of the team. They all remembered the hospitality and generosity of Saunders during their meal before the match, and after a long battle, many a stomach was looking forward to another swipe at the buffet Saunders so graciously offered them.

“Alright! Let’s go Ooarai!”

“LET’S GO OOARAI!”

The mass of gathered girls began shuffling over in the direction of Saunders’ camp with the cheerful murmuring continuing, and Anzu climbed down from the 38(t).

“This is a bad idea…” Momo said in a low voice.

“Maybe,” Anzu said with a shrug. “But it’s the only choice we have right now.”

“We should tell them.”

“No, we can’t,” Yuzu protested, looking around to make sure they were out of earshot. “We already lost, so what’s the point of breaking their spirits even more?”

“They’ll at least realize how badly they screwed up! If they had fought better and we won, we wouldn’t be in this situation,” Momo hissed.

“Yuzu’s right,” Anzu concurred. “Dampening everyone’s spirits won’t solve anything.”

“Then what are we going to do?” Momo asked.

“No clue.” Anzu shrugged again, and looked out across the forests and hills they had fought on. “I’m still working on that.”

“Madame President!” Momo said. “We have to do  _ something _ !”

“I know. Hence why I’m working on it. But if you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them.”

"We should contest the results!" Momo suggested. "After all, Saunders cheated!"

"No," Anzu replied absentmindedly, as she looked out across the field.

"They intercepted our communications with that balloon of theirs! And everybody saw it!"

"Well," Yuzu noted, "There's nothing in the rules prohibiting them from doing that. It might not have been sporting, but it wasn't cheating."

"I don't care! Too much is at stake here! We should go over to the judges right now and-"

"No," Anzu interrupted, more forcefully this time. "We knew going into this match that we would leave it either as winners or as losers. We're not gonna leave as  _ sore _ losers." She shrugged and grinned, opening a fresh bag of dried sweet potatoes. "Besides; we've still got a few months until MEXT shuts us down. I'm sure a solution will present itself before then."

"But Madame President..." Momo protested.

" _ I'm sure a solution will present itself _ ," she repeated, “And if not, we'll figure something out.” Her tone alone made it clear there was no further room for debate on the subject. “Don’t mistake me being content for me being ready to concede. I’m calling it quits when MEXT shows up in my office to take my desk away, and not a moment sooner.”

* * *

“Maho? You coming?” Saori asked as she and the rest of the Panzer IV’s crew began walking away from the wrecked tank. “We’re gonna go over to Saunders’ and grab something to eat. You know, since it’ll still be a while before we’re back on the Zuikaku.”

Maho glanced at the quartet a few meters away, but didn’t move from where she was sitting on the Panzer’s hull, leaning back against the turret. “No… I’m not hungry…”

“Oh… Do… I mean… would you like some company? Or would you prefer to be alone?”

“You go eat something…” Maho said in a low voice. “I just want to be by myself for now…”

“Alright then,” Hana nodded. “But please, do not be too distraught about the result. We all tried our best, and it was rather fun and exciting, was it not?”

“Hana’s right,” Yukari added. “We’ll just come back better and stronger next year! Saunders won’t know what hit ‘em!”

“Right…” Maho forced a chuckle. “Just go. I’ll be fine.”

She remained in place for several minutes more after her crewmates left, simply closing her eyes and muttering to herself. One moment. That was how swiftly the victory had been ripped from her hands. If the treads had simply held for one moment longer, Hana would have gotten the shot off, and they could have won. If she hadn’t acted on her vendetta against the Firefly, and instead tried to find Saunders’ flag tank, they could have won. If she had noticed the radio surveillance balloon sooner, they could have won. She let the battle replay in her mind’s eye, and at every turn, all she could see were her own mistakes, and how avoiding them would have allowed them to win.

She sighed, and jumped down to the ground. She tried her best to suppress habits from her days at Kuromorimine, but analysing the wreck of your tank after a battle was a habit that died hard. She walked a few laps around the Panzer IV, inspecting the various dents and scratches caused by the many shells that had bounced off it, and the larger dent in the left side of the tank where the killing blow had fallen. Most of her time however, she spent looking at the treads. 

Just like she had done before the match, she went over every link of the treads, looking for wear and tear, or any other signs of damage. Inspecting treads had always been her least favorite task. Even the smallest tank had dozens of links, and it rarely took long for the task to become monotonous and mind-numbingly boring. Inspecting a damaged or in this case ruined track was even worse.

As she reached the end of the long chain of links, Maho noticed something. She went down on one knee, and disconnected the last link before the snapping point from the chain, turning it over and giving it another look. It looked fine. Almost like new, apart from the mud and remaining clumps of grass still clinging to it. She set it back down on the ground, and walked to the opposite end of the tread, making a similar inspection of the other failing link. 

In most cases when a tread broke, it was either from excessive strain, regular wear and tear, or from a shell impacting with a link. The most common way this showed itself was by breaking the slots where a cylindrical rod was placed, holding the tread together. Either the rod snapped, which damaged the tread-links, or the slots broke and the tread fell apart. 

But this link didn’t show any signs of damage either.

That only left two options for how the tread had snapped. Either an entire link had shattered, or one of the rods had simply given out from prolonged use. Maho had never seen it happen herself, since Kuromorimine replaced the connecting rods regularly, but this wasn’t Kuromorimine. This was Ooarai, where the Sensha-Do team was operating on a budget consisting of a shoestring and a few spare bolts, and the tanks were maintained by… Actually, Maho didn’t really know who maintained the tanks. She had assumed the Student Council had at least, despite all the evidence to the contrary, found the wisdom to hire some professional mechanics. She never held any belief in the team’s chances to win and thus continue existing after the first match, nor did she have any interest in commanding the team if it did, so she had just never bothered to ask.

Regardless of who maintained the tanks, it was Maho’s responsibility as the Panzer IV’s commander to keep an eye out for any damage or malfunctions. That was why she had laboriously inspected the tank from bow to stern before they all left for Saunders’ camp this morning, looking over the turret, hull, machine gun and treads with just as much scrutiny as she would have if she was still at Kuromorimine. Except, had she really? She could have sworn she gave every link as much attention as a firstborn child, but she also knew how much she hated the procedure.

As if her head wasn’t filled with enough depressing thoughts, suddenly another one was added to their dark chorus:  _ She didn’t inspect the treads properly _ . Ami always talked about how maintenance and proper inspection of one’s equipment made all the difference in war, often speaking about how a single missing nail could win or lose an entire battle. Maho had always nodded, sighed, and rolled her eyes whenever the story came up, but now she truly understood.

The battle hadn’t been decided by a few seconds at the hilltop. It hadn’t been decided by any radio interception balloons, or Maho’s vendetta, or Kay’s style of command, or anything else. It had been decided by Maho, without her knowledge, and before the battle had even begun. She didn’t inspect the treads, which meant she didn’t see the rod that would need replacing, which meant the tread gave out at a critical moment.

* * *

She wandered around the abandoned camp for what felt like hours, but must have been less. The crews were all still over at Saunders’ staging grounds for the post-match celebration, an invitation Maho had been alone in declining. This meant she was alone with her thoughts as she walked back and forth amongst the ruined tanks.

In her mind, the battle replayed as if on a loop, intercut with images and memories from the dream she had had this morning. It was eerie how true it had become. Azusa had been injured, all of Ooarai’s tanks had been taken out, and now they had lost. A loss which Maho and the Student Council alone knew the true meaning of. It meant Ooarai was as good as lost and ruined. And just as in the dream, it was all Maho’s fault.

Sighing, she turned and began walking in a new direction, towards the tent the student council had set up as their command post. She would change and get a drink of water, so at the very least she could get out of this damned uniform. As she walked, she pulled off the dark blue jacket and glared at it. She hadn’t liked the color before, and she sure didn’t now. She folded the suede leather jacket over her arm, and reached out a hand towards the flap of the tent.

But hearing voices from inside, she stopped herself, standing still and listening.

* * *

“...and you need to go talk to her, right now,” Anzu encouraged, putting a hand on Azusa’s right shoulder.

“Why do  _ I _ have to be the one to do it though?” Azusa asked, brushing Anzu’s hand off and readjusting her tank jacket. With her left arm in a sling, she was left having to hang it over her shoulders, and had to constantly shift it back in place.

“Why not? You’ve been doing great at this since the beginning. And considering I think you’re the only one on the team she trusts right now, you’re really my only choice, Azusa.”

“And I assume you want to know how it went once I’m done, don’t you?” 

“Of course!” Anzu beamed and leaned back in her chair. “How else will I know how we should continue with the plan? Trust me, Azusa. This is going to work great. As long as you can keep Nishizumi from breaking down, this will all sort itself out.”

Azusa sighed. “Fine. I guess I’ll go-”

Their clandestine conversation was interrupted, as a far too familiar argument could be heard flaring up outside the tent.

“HEY!” Momo yelled outside the tent, before Nishizumi came falling backwards through the flap, with Momo following swiftly thereafter. “Who the hell do you think you are, just standing around eavesdropping, you sorry excuse for a commander?!”

“Momo. Nishizumi. How good to see you,” Anzu greeted with a smile. “Anything I can do for you?”

Nishizumi glared back and forth between Momo, Anzu and Azusa as she got to her feet. “No,” she answered through gritted teeth. “I don’t want to interrupt your little meeting. And besides,” she added, staring daggers at Azusa, ”I was just leaving.” She turned on the spot and walked out of the tent at a brisk pace.

* * *

“Commander, wait!” Azusa called as she tried her best to sprint after Maho. Which proved rather difficult with the pain flaring up in her shoulder. At least the medication she had been given by the medics made it possible to endure.

“Leave me alone,” Maho growled.

“Just wait up a second! Let me explain!”

“Explain what?!” Maho stopped and turned on the spot, facing Azusa. “How all you’ve done is spy on me for that pipsqueak, lying to me since the beginning?”

“I wasn’t spying on you, I just-”

“Azusa, look at my face. Do I look like I want to hear excuses?” Maho said coldly. “Especially after a match like this? You spied on me, reported on me to that manipulating extortionist, and you betrayed me! So why in the hell should I believe a single word of what you tell me?! Admit it; you lied to me!”

Azusa stood silent for a moment. “You’re right…” she said in a low, ice-cold voice. “I lied to you…” A sense of warmth was flaring up in her cheeks and face, as all the anger she had dammed up in the back of her mind for the past five years came rushing forth in a single tidal wave of emotion. “I lied to you, just like you lied to me!”

“Don’t try to blame this on me, Azusa! I never-”

“No, you did! You told me your sister was dead!” she yelled, red in the face and warm to the touch, her blood boiling from anger. “You made me think we were the same! I thought you understood what I had gone through! That you could see the pain and loss I’ve had to go through, and that you would know what it felt like! But you don’t! You just lied!”

“Shut up…” Maho said in a low voice. “I don’t need to hear this from a traitor like you. You listen to me, Azusa-”

“No! You’re going to listen to me!” At this point Azusa could feel tears forming in her eyes and running down her cheeks, her voice on the verge of breaking, but she didn’t care. “I thought you were different! I thought you would understand my pain, and that you actually saw me for who I am! But you don’t! You’re just like everyone else! All you see when you look at me is what you want to see! I’m a person! I have feelings, and thoughts, and ideas of my own, but no one ever sees me as myself! All the world ever wants from me is Irisa, and all you ever wanted me to do was replace your stupid, horrible sister!”

“SHUT UP!” Maho yelled back, and slammed a fist into the side of the Type 89 beside them. “You don’t know what it feels like to lose your sister like tha-”

“You never lost your sister! You have no idea what it’s like! You’re just fighting, but at least your sister is still alive! Mine’s not, and it doesn’t matter how much I wish I hadn’t been fighting with her, I will  _ never _ get to apologize or make up with her! So you can take your sister and go back to hell where you came from!”

“Shut up, and get out of my sight, you backstabber!”

“You’re just like her…” Azusa muttered.

“What was that?!”

“You and Miho! You’re exactly the same! You only care whether you win or not, and you’re both cold, heartless, and horrible! You’ve just deluded yourself into thinking you’re somehow better than the rest of us!”

Maho scoffed, and glared at Azusa with exactly the same kind of look in her eyes that Miho had had that day in the tank café. “Well, if I’m so horrible, I’m sure you’ll be happy to tell your master she can find herself a new commander for the team.” Maho threw the jacket she held in her hand to the muddy ground, turned and walked away.

“Not that it matters…” she muttered to herself as she walked off towards the transports that would take them back to the  _ Zuikaku _ .

* * *

“Aaaaah… Sensha-Do might be fun, but nothing beats getting to clean up afterwards,” Saori said with a content smile as she sank into the bath beside Hana. Once the team got back to the  _ Zuikaku _ , the first thing on everyone’s mind was getting to clean off all the grime, sweat, and dirt from the battle at Ooarai’s school bath, which the Student Council had graciously reserved for the team’s use after the match.

“Indeed,” Hana answered. “Although I worry about the Commander. Maho seemed very upset about us losing, did she not?”

“She’s only lost two games of Sensha-Do in her life,” Yukari noted. “Of course it would hit her hard.”

“She’s got the right spirit,” Noriko added. “You don’t become the best unless you’re determined to win.”

There was a general murmur of agreement from the rest of the team. At least the ones who were there. Azusa had elected to simply shower in her dorm, considering her injury, Maho had left the group the moment they returned to the carrier, and the student council had returned to their office for some sort of meeting.

“We just have to improve and get better until next year,” Erwin said.

“Yeah,” Caesar concurred. “We’ve come, we’ve seen, and next year, we will conquer!” she exclaimed and raised a fist to the sky, with the other girls joining in the cheer.

“It’s a shame the tanks aren’t useable at the moment,” Saori complained. “I just wanna get back out onto that field and train. I mean, no boy is ever going to want to date someone who loses in the first round. For the sake of my relationship with my boyfriend, we  _ need _ to get better.”

“Since when do you have a boyfriend?” Mako muttered, half-asleep in the warmth of the water. Saori could only blush as the team laughed heartily at the joke. Thankfully they were all rose-cheeked enough from the warm water that no one noticed.

“My  _ future _ boyfriend, then…” she added sheepishly, causing another round of snickering laughter at her expense.

“When did Nakajima say the tanks would be operational again?” Aya asked.

“I think she said it would be at least two weeks…” Yuuki answered, and a depressed mood fell over the team.

“Two weeks, huh?” Saemonza mumbled.

“You know, it’s funny, but if you had asked me if I would feel this sad about not getting to ride around in Anky for two weeks when we first started, I would have called you crazy…” Saori said, with a longing sigh.

Nods of agreement could be seen from many. None of them, with the possible exception of Yukari, could have imagined they would become this smitten with Sensha-Do.

“Si vis pacem, para bellum,” Caesar said, to the utter confusion of most of the team. Seeing the looks on her teammates faces, she graciously offered to translate. “If you want peace, prepare for war.”

“Caesar is right,” Erwin said. “The time between campaigns is the time to study and exercise, improving oneself for battle. “We might not be able to use the tanks for a while, but I’m sure instructor Chono will be happy to give us some theory to study. All war is won by doctrine, after all.”

“Yeah,” Yukari said excitedly. “I’ve got some great books I could lend you. If… if you want to… that is…”

“Call me crazy, but I never thought I’d be this excited about homework,” Saori joked, and the gloom of not having the tanks available quickly disappeared, as the team unanimously decided that next year, they would be sure to reach the finals. Maybe they could even win?

* * *

“I still think we should have told the judges about what Kay did…” Momo said in a low voice.

“Firstly, we’ve already established that they didn’t cheat, so I don’t see the point in moaning about it. Secondly, I’ve known Kay for years, she’s not the type to cheat,” Anzu said, and swiveled around a few times in her chair. “And if she found out anyone on her team did, she couldn’t have forfeited the match quickly enough,” she added.

“And what about Níshizumi?” Momo growled. “She needs to be severely punished. Not only does that arrogant brat continually ignore and disrespect your authority, she cuts classes at her own discretion. And now she lost us the tournament. She deserves to-”

“Leave it, Momo,” Anzu interrupted. “Let’s focus on the big problem for now. I don’t want to hear another word about Nishizumi from you until we’ve solved this somehow.”

“What if we reached out to the Federation for support?” Yuzu proposed.

“Maybe if we had actually achieved anything in our short stint as a Sensha-Do powerhouse,” Anzu said dryly, looking out across the  _ Zuikaku _ through the large window behind her desk. “But as things stand, I doubt they even realize we exist.”

“Then we’ll tell Captain Chono!” Momo exclaimed. “She’s part of the Federation, isn’t she? If we could get her backing us up, they have to listen!”

“I don’t think she has any more say in what goes on in the Federation than Akiyama has in how I run this school…”

“But surely there is something we can do? Someone we could convince with the influence to help stop this?” Yuzu asked.

“Maybe. Whatever the case may be, this problem isn’t going to solve itself on empty stomachs and exhausted minds. We’ll pick this up again tomorrow. Maybe sleeping on the matter is all we need to do to solve it?” Anzu sprung out of her chair, and walked around the desk towards the door. “Meeting adjourned. Any volunteers for closing the office?”

Yuzu and Momo glanced at each other, but Yuzu struck first. “I think Momo would be overjoyed to close the office.”

“What? Why should I have to-”

“How many shells did you fire today?” Yuzu asked with an innocent smile. “And how many hit, Sweetie?”

Momo glared at Yuzu for a moment, before grumbling to herself. “Fine… but stop calling me Sweetie…”

“Thanks, Momo!” Anzu said, and waved as she walked out the doors of the office, with Yuzu in tow. “See you tomorrow.”

Momo continued to grumble and mutter to herself as she went about cleaning the Student Council’s office. Sweeping the floor, vacuuming the President’s chair for crumbs, turning off the computers, and clearing off any trash from the desks.

As she passed by Yuzu’s desk, heading towards the door to leave, she noticed one of the drawers wasn’t closed properly, and a file was sticking out half-way through the gap between desk and drawer.  _ Yuzu really needs to learn to shut her drawers better _ , she thought, and opened the drawer to return the file to its proper place. But then she saw the text on the front of the folder.

**_Nishizumi, Maho_ **

Even though her anger had receded somewhat as she went about the office, suddenly it returned with a vengeance. She could feel her blood begin to boil again at the mere thought of the narcissistic bitch the President insisted should be in command of the team, and she began to look through the file in a fury. Yuzu was always one to look into things properly, so surely she must have found  _ something _ ,  _ anything _ , that they could use to get rid of the commander. Now that they had lost the tournament, Nishizumi didn’t have any further use for Ooarai anyways.

As she read on, an idea began to form in her mind, with the President’s words appearing fresh in her head.  _ “I don’t want to hear another word about Nishizumi from you until we’ve solved this somehow.”  _ Momo felt her lips form into a smug grin, and she almost began to giggle from excitement at the prospect. “Perfect... This will solve both our problems at once…”

* * *

As Maho entered her dark apartment, she didn’t even bother turning on the lights. She just kicked off her shoes, walked into the room, and collapsed onto the bed. Her body was exhausted, but her mind was a raging typhoon of anger, sadness, hurt, and cold bitterness. She cursed the pipsqueak for dragging her into all of this, and she cursed Azusa for betraying her and spying on her all this time. She cursed the cyclops for simply existing. She cursed herself for not checking the treads properly. She cursed the voices in her head for taunting her, and her psyche for continuing to present her with the darkness that filled her. She even cursed Emi for refusing to wake up from her coma.

She threw the covers over herself, cursing the world and everyone in it for doing nothing but causing her pain and pushing her towards the abyss. In all the world, there was only a single point of light for Maho to cling to as she dozed off; Ooarai had lost, and even though it was her fault, at least she would never have to do Sensha-Do or get back in a tank ever again.

* * *

Once sleep took her into its embrace, Maho once again found herself in a city. And just as the night before, Ooarai was destroyed and in ruins, its empty streets drowned in a never-ending rain. The ruined town was quiet, the only thing one could hear beyond the deafening thunder and rain being the rumble of a tank’s engine and the clatter of its treads, and a voice calling out for something.

This dream was still fresh in her mind from the night before, and she knew she couldn’t stay where she was. Her flaming doppelganger was out there somewhere, hunting for her, wishing to see her tortured and destroyed. She ran through the streets as quickly as she could, trying her best to find shelter and somewhere to hide.

But without even noticing it, it soon became evident she had gone the same way again. Burned and crumpled husks of tanks began to line the streets, with the lifeless bodies of the Sensha-do team lying nearby. She continued through the ruins, the sound of tank treads getting ever closer as she made her way down street after street. She needed to run, and she needed to hide.

But there was no place to run, and there was no place to hide. Having passed the park turned to mud with the M3, Panzer IV, and 38(t) in, making sure not to go anywhere near the remains of the American tank, Maho soon found herself in a dead end. When she turned to try and find another route, she found that her escape was blocked. The black tiger had cut her off, and her infernal clone stood before her, ready to strike.

“There is no hiding from a Nishizumi,” the phantom said with a wicked grin, and grabbed Maho by the throat. She tried to struggle and get free, but the burning agony around her throat made any real resistance impossible. It smirked at her, and struck its hand right through her chest.

* * *

She again awoke in the alley of the ruined city where she had begun, sharp jolts of pain shooting like lightning through her heart, and her breathing heavy.

She tried to calm herself and gather her thoughts for a minute, but soon realized she needed to move. Surely there had to be some way to escape that monster? This time she deliberately tried choosing a different path than the one that had led her towards the town square. But it didn’t matter. Once again, it was only a matter of time before the black Tiger caught up with her, and her hunter found and killed her.

She awoke in the alley once more, with even more pain flowing through her veins from where the flames had licked her and the clone had struck. Another path, another attempt, and yet again she was caught and killed.

She found herself waking in that alleyway countless times, and every time she felt weaker than before. It was as if the wounds her hunter inflicted upon her stayed with her whenever she woke up again, and slowly sapped her strength away as the pain and fatigue she felt from the cumulative deaths began taking its toll. Every time she woke up, she tried to make her way through the city in search of escape or sanctuary, but every attempt was as fruitless as the last. Sometimes she found a ruined building to hide in, or a pile of rubble to dive behind when the Tiger passed. Sometimes she just kept running through endless streets in search of a way out. Sometimes she even tried just remaining in place in the alley.

But it didn’t matter. It never did.

No matter what she tried, the Tiger always found her, and her doppelganger always killed her. 

In the distance, she could hear the rumble of the tank’s engine echo through the streets, but she could do nothing but sigh as she hid behind what remained of a collapsed wall. She still couldn’t make out what the voice was calling out for, or from where it came. She was sure it didn’t come from her doppelganger, but there was no one but her and it in the ruined city. At least not that was still alive.

Whatever it was, she could hear it coming closer. She huddled herself up more tightly as she ducked behind the wall, and tried holding her breath as much as she could. In the silence she could hear footsteps. In the distance the tank was still rumbling, so it couldn’t be the other Maho. Who was it? Or rather,  _ what _ was it? The footsteps were joined by a sizzling sound as whatever it was came closer and closer, and then suddenly stopped. The footsteps died out, even as the sizzling sound remained. It couldn’t be more than a few meters away from where Maho was hiding behind the crumbled wall. The voice that called out could be heard again, and it was clear that whatever it was that was calling out, and whatever or whoever it was calling out for, it was the same thing that was on the other side of the wall.

Maho held her breath, and placed a hand over her mouth to try to keep herself from making any noise, but an idiotic sense of curiosity seemed to grasp her. She knew she had to remain hidden. She knew she couldn’t allow herself to be found. She knew, with all her heart that this was a stupid and suicidal idea. But against her better judgement, she slowly began leaning forwards, trying to catch a glimpse of whatever was standing on the other side of the wall.

Peering ever so slightly beyond the only protection she had, Maho peeked at the street on the other side. Standing in the rain, it’s head turning slowly back and forth as it scanned its surroundings, was another Maho. But it wasn’t the one hunting her in the black Tiger, the one made from purple flames. This was a different Maho. One constructed from tip to toe out of flames black as obsidian, standing there in complete silence as the rain fell on its flaming body, small trickles of steam flowing up wherever the cold rain met its burning form.

The black fiery Maho lifted a hand to its mouth, and called again. It was a strange and incomprehensible sound, and yet it seemed so familiar to Maho. The clone lowered its hand back down, and almost seemed to sigh. But then, out of nowhere, it turned its head sharply, and stared right at Maho.

“ _ There you are… _ ”

* * *

That was the last Maho saw of the ruined city and her burning doppelgangers. Her eyes opened, and she was back in her apartment. She drew a few deep breaths, and reached a hand up to her face. Her cheeks were wet. She sighed and sat up on the edge of the bed, picking up her phone. It had been a while since she had last felt the urge, but with the loss and the dream both weighing on her mind, she couldn’t fight it any longer.

She opened her contacts, and scrolled through the miniscule list to bring up dad’s number. She hesitated a moment, looking at the window where the sun’s light had just begun to shimmer through the blinds. She let her thumb hover over the ‘call’-button for a moment, staring down at the small green symbol as if it would solve everything. She sat there for minutes on end, before sighing, and putting the phone away.

All she wanted in that moment was for dad to comfort her. For her to feel him hugging her and telling her everything was going to be fine. She wanted nothing more than to call him. But what was the point? Even if she called, he wouldn’t pick up. Of course he wouldn’t. She knew he would never answer another call from her ever again. She let him down, and she knew he would never forgive her...

* * *

_ Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: How did Maho let Tsuneo down? What scheme has Momo come up with? And how will Anzu manage to keep Ooarai afloat? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:  
> A fair amount of doom and gloom this chapter, as everyone deals with the fact that Ooarai has lost in their own way. The story continues on this side-track I’ve created for it, but it seems all is not lost. Anzu is after all a crafty one, and who knows what she might be able, willing, and most of all capable of doing to save Ooarai. Or maybe Momo’s plan will be the one to come to fruition? Or perhaps, there is something else happening here, hidden among everything else. Who knows? I look forward to letting you all know as we continue through the story.
> 
> As always, I greatly appreciate any thoughts, input, or feedback, so feel free to leave a comment.
> 
> Until next week, arrivederci!  
> /Rihno


	23. The Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azusa, Maho, and the Student Council all deal with their situations differently. Some plan and scheme, some remember times of grief and loss, and some curse at the unfairness of the world.

“Damnit…” Azusa swore under her breath, and put down her bag on the floor. Obviously she wouldn’t be able to both hold it and unlock the door to her dorm room with the same hand. Which was of course her only option, seeing as her left arm was near imobile in its sling. She sighed, fished around in the bag with her free hand, and got the door unlocked. _The next few weeks are going to suck,_ she thought as she tugged the tank jacket she had hanging over her shoulders back in place.

With more annoyance than difficulty she opened the door and got both herself and her bag inside, with the door thankfully springing back closed behind her. After the day she had had, rising early in the morning to disembark, fighting in the match against Saunders, getting her shoulder dislocated and then put back into place, and finally fighting with Maho, she really just wanted to take a shower and go to sleep. But the universe, it seemed, had different ideas.

“What?” she asked with an annoyed sigh into her phone as she answered. “Oh, hi. No, it’s fine. I’ve just had a rough day is all.” It was her mom, who if she was honest, she really didn’t want to talk to right now, but she gritted her teeth and mustered the energy to keep life in the conversation. It was what Irisa would have done.

“Azusa? You sound tired. Is something the matter?”

“It’s nothing. We just had a match today, and it was pretty exhausting.”

“What? A match?” her mother asked. “Since when have you been interested in sports?”

“Since the start of the semester,” Azusa answered. “I’m on the Sensha-Do team. I’m actually commanding our biggest tank...”

“Sensha-Do?” her mother asked with concern. “Azusa, are you sure that’s the right thing for you? I would have thought the debate team or perhaps orchestra much more suited to your talents. Just like Irisa did.” There it was. Just the sort of reaction she had expected, and the reason she hadn’t actually told her parents that she had joined the team.

“It’s fine, Mom. I get to share a tank with my friends, and we’re having fun. We just met one of the biggest schools in the country, and their commander was perfectly civil and friendly. Everything went great, even though we lost. I really only have myself to blame for the shoulde-''  _ Crap. _

The tone on the other end of the line instantly grew far sharper and concerned. “What do you mean you have yourself to blame?! What’s happened to your shoulder, Azusa?!”

“Don’t worry about it. It got dislocated after we took a hit, but it’s fine now. I’ll have to wear a sling for a while, but-”

“Azusa, you can’t go around hurting yourself like that! Irisa would never have gotten involved in such violence. Especially if it got in the way of her studies. You’re not letting your grades slip just because of all this tanking around, are you?”

“No, Mom, my grades are fine. I still have a 95-point average-”

“Good. You’re going to need good grades to get into a good college and get yourself a good job. So if your grades start to slip, or you hurt yourself like this again, I want you to quit the team and refocus on studying. That’s what Irisa would have-”

“Sure,” Azusa said coldly. “I’ll think about it. Bye.”

“Azusa-” Her mom didn’t get any further, as Azusa slammed the two halves of her flip-phone together and threw it onto her bed. She was getting angry again. Of course they would tell her that. Of course they would tell her what Irisa would have done. She knew Irisa would never do something as stupid and unproductive as Sensha-Do. She glanced over to the mirror in the hallway, glaring at the image of Irisa staring back at her.

Except Irisa wasn’t staring back at her. She wasn’t there. Instead there was just a girl. A girl with dirty and greasy short brown hair, wearing a sweaty olive tank top, a dirty white skirt with muddy boots on, her arm in a sling and a stained jacket draped like a cape over her shoulders. Irisa was nowhere to be found, and instead Azusa stood alone in the mirror, looking back at her torn and tattered self.

Her anger began to mix with sadness, and something else she couldn’t place. Irisa was gone, and as long as she kept up this stupid charade of thinking she could be someone else, thinking she could ever be something as moronic as ‘herself’, her sister would never come back. Maybe she _should_ quit the team? If she did, she could go back to giving the world Irisa back. And she wouldn’t have to be forced to talk to Maho ever again.

She curled her right hand into a fist. It was all Maho’s fault. It was her fault her shoulder was dislocated, it was her fault she thought she could be anything but Irisa, and it was her fault that she was angry. What right did Maho have to lecture her on loss? Her sister was still alive, and Azusa’s wasn’t. Maho was just as cold and bitter as her sister, and she didn’t deserve even a drop of Azusa’s pity. What could Maho ever possibly know or understand about loss?

* * *

**Kyoto Prefecture**

**A small town in the countryside**

**Months Ago…**

“...and I’ll see you again next week for another session.”

“Yeah, sure…” Maho muttered, grabbed her bag, and left. Doctor Omori was in no way a bad therapist, especially this far out in the countryside, but nevertheless Maho hated going to their sessions. Even though he let her dictate the pace all according to what she felt ready to talk about, she always felt like he thought there was something wrong with her. Something about how he spoke and how he handled their sessions made it seem as if she was nothing but a fragile child in need of pity, and that she could break at the slightest disturbance.

She sighed as she exited the building and began the short walk home. It was cold out, despite the sun being at its zenith, and the layer of snow still on the sidewalk crunched beneath her feet. She still wasn’t entirely used to life in the small town after having lived so long in Kumamoto and the enormity that was the _Graf Zeppelin_ , even after all these months, but she could at least appreciate that everything was within walking distance. Not that she’d be here for much longer.

For the past few days and weeks, Maho and her father had been looking over the possibility for her to finish up her high school-education, starting her second year over at a new school. They had looked through brochures, websites, and pamphlets of every school-carrier in Japan, from Okinawa to Hokkaido. At last that’s what it had felt like.

All the big schools had of course been removed from the list of options immediately. Even though her father had more than a decent income and could afford to pay the tuition, Maho had no intention of going anywhere near a school where their proficiency at Sensha-Do was part of the prestige. The moment she set foot at Saunders, Pravda, or St. Gloriana she would be instantly recognized and driven mad with requests to join the team. A lot of medium-sized schools had been discounted for similar reasons, and most schools with home ports in the south had been removed simply for their proximity to Kuromorimine, and by extension, Kumamoto.

This hadn’t left Maho with many remaining options. But as she continued looking through the lists, she found a place that, while perhaps not inviting, at least seemed suitable for her to live out her two years of high school in anonymity; A small school on the coast of Ibaraki prefecture. Now all that was left was to sign the transfer forms and send them in.

“I’m home!” she called into the house as she walked through the door, stopping in the hall to take off her shoes and put her bag down. When there was no reply she called again. “Dad?! You here?” Again, nothing but silence. She supposed he could have gone out do some grocery shopping or something, but he was usually home at this time. “Oh well,” she said to herself and shrugged as she walked into the house, turning the corner to the kitchen.

“Dad? DAD?!” She almost fell over her own feet as she rushed across the room. On the opposite end of the kitchen was her father, lying collapsed and unmoving on the floor

* * *

Six months. That’s how long ago she had left the _Graf Zeppelin_ behind and made her way to the countryside in Kyoto in the vain hopes of finding her father. Six months ago she had been sitting in the lobby of Black Forest, listening to the ticking of clocks, the rasping of pencil on paper, and the occasional call over the tannoy as she waited for word on Emi.

Fate had a cruel habit of rhyming with itself it seemed, for now she was again sitting in a waiting room, listening to the ticking of clocks and the rasping of pencils. At least this time she didn’t need to wait for as long.

“Nishizumi?” a nurse asked, looking at her as he came walking out into the waiting room. Seeing as Maho was the only one there, it wasn’t a difficult guess to make.

“Yeah,” Maho answered and nodded.

“You can follow me,” the nurse replied, and turned back and walked through the large doors into the area where the patients were. After a few quick turns, they arrived at a large room with 8 beds, all of which were empty except one, in which her dad was lying. He was lying back against the raised back of the bed, reading a book while the heart monitor beside him beeped and the bag of clear fluid beside him slowly dripped through a tube into his arm.

“Hiya, Honey,” he said with a smile and lifted a hand in greeting, putting the book down in his lap. He turned to the nurse for a moment, nodding in appreciation. “Thank you.”

“Not at all. Happy to help,” the nurse answered, and left the room.

“Are… are you alright?” Maho asked as she walked over to a chair beside her dad’s bed. “You’re not sick?”

“No, I’m fine,” he answered with a reassuring smile, reaching a hand out and ruffling her hair a bit. “I just fainted is all. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Maho didn’t say anything in answer, and instead just raised an eyebrow and looked at him with a worried yet accusatory eye.

“Can’t get anything past you, now can I, Maho?” he said and chuckled, before sighing. He put his hand on hers as he continued. “It’s just my blood pressure. It’s been getting low as I get older, and as it turns out, sometimes that leads to fainting.”

“It’s never happened before though, has it?”

“It happened once or twice a few years ago. Since then I’ve been taking medication to help my body keep up.”

“So why didn’t the medicine work?”

“I’m sure it would have, if I had had any to take.” She looked at him in confusion, and he added, “I simply forgot to get my prescription refilled, and ran out. I was about to go into town to get more when I collapsed. Nothing more than that.”

“You should have told me…” she said in a low voice, and looked over towards the windows, trying to hide the tears that were starting to form in her eyes. “Do you understand how scared I was? You can’t just collapse like that and make me think you’re dead!”

“I’m sorry, honey. I really am. And maybe you’re right, and I should have told you. I just… I just didn’t want to scare you. I just thought… I mean… after all you had gone through when you came here… It didn’t feel right to drop that on you…”

“You didn’t want to scare me?” Maho asked dryly. “We’ll guess what? You failed. I was absolutely terrified! I thought you were dead!”

“I understand that… and again, it was never my intention to frighten you. It was all just an accident, and it’s not gonna happen again. I’m not going to die anytime soon.”

“But what if you did?!” She turned back to look at him, holding his hand tightly, as if letting it go would allow him to fade from this world. “If you had died, I would have no one left. I’d be all alone, and I don’t know what to do if that were to happen.”

“You’re a smart, friendly, beautiful, and above all caring young woman, Maho. You would be fine even without me.”

”I’m not though…” she said in a low voice and looked at the floor. ”I’m just a horrible person who keeps getting people hurt…”

”Honey, look at me.” He put a hand on her shoulder, and showed a caring smile as she glanced at him. ”You are _not_ horrible. You’re one of the bravest, most caring and wonderful people I have ever met. And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.” He leaned forwards to hug her, and she accepted the embrace. ”And even _if_ I was gone, you would still have your friends to help you, no?”

“What can they do?” Maho muttered, and broke free from the hug, returning her gaze to the floor. “Emi’s in a coma, and as soon as she wakes up her mom’s probably gonna drag her back to Germany and make sure I never see her again. Koume’s still at Kuromorimine, and I can never go back there. And I haven’t seen Ami in years, not that I have a clue where she is.

“What about this new school then? I’m sure you’ll make friends there to help you?”

Maho didn’t for a second believe that she would make any friends at her new school. Not that she wanted any even if she could. Once she set foot on that carrier, she had no intention of ever appearing on anyone’s radar. She wasn’t going to make friends, she wasn’t going to get in trouble, and she would just relish in being the quiet kid in class no one ever remembered existed. But of course she couldn’t tell him that, so instead she just nodded.

“And even if you don’t, you can always rely on your mothe-” Her father didn’t get any further. The mere beginnings of the utterance of the word caused Maho to glare at him, and anger to fuel her veins. 

“Don’t even joke about that, Dad,” she said through gritted teeth, and let go of his hand. “If I never see that horrible woman ever again, it would still be too soon. And I can’t believe that you’d even bring her up. You should know better.”

A look of sad understanding appeared on her father’s face, his smile vanishing in an instant. “Maho, please… let me explain..: Your mother’s not who you think she is…”

“What is there to explain?!” She rose from the chair and tried her best not to shout. They were still in a hospital after all. “That she’s a cold and bitter monster who should never have been allowed anywhere near children, or civilization in general?! That she’s so hellbent on Sensha-Do that she’d rather see me crack under the pressure she put on me than actually give a damn about how I was feeling or who I was? Or that she took my sweet and innocent sister away from me and turned her into just as terrible a creature, if not worse?!”

“Shiho might be a complicated woman, but that’s not what I mea-”

“You’re going to take her side?!”

“I’m not taking anyone’s side, Maho. I just want you to know that-”

“I don’t believe this! You disappear for a decade, leaving me and Miho alone with that monster, and now you want me to try and see things from her point of view?! I’m your daughter, and she beat me! She pushed me to the point that I hurt myself just to feel better about my life, and even considered ending it all! If you’re just going to cling to some strange demented memory of what she might have been like when you met, then I don’t want to hear it! And if you still think that I should, then you’re an even worse parent than she ever was!”

She stormed out of the room, tears streaking down her cheeks while her dad called out after her from his bed, but she refused to listen. She just put her hands in her pockets, and continued out of the small hospital, leaving her father behind. She was too full of emotions to speak to anyone anyways, and just needed to get away.

* * *

She must have been walking around for hours, her hands in her pockets and grumbling to herself, her breath forming puffs of steam in the winter cold. Why the hell did he have to bring her mother up? She was the last person Maho ever wanted to see, and most certainly she could never rely on her for help if dad actually did die. If anything, she was the origin of all her troubles. If dad had just taken her and Miho with him when he disappeared, none of this would ever have happened, and she wouldn’t always feel like she was on the verge of breaking down completely.

Whether it was because of the air cooling further as the sun began to creep towards the horizon, or just because she had taken enough time to get everything out of her system, after a while she felt her burning anger recede a bit, and she began to calmed down. She stopped and sighed, glancing at the sun. It was getting late. She had been gone for a while, and despite what happened and how little she cared for dad bringing up her mother, there was no point in arguing about it. Supposedly he had a point with bringing her up, not that Maho could see what. She tucked a hand into the pocket of her jeans to pick up her phone, but found it empty. The same with her other pockets. 

_Just perfect…_ she thought. _I guess I left it at the hospital, huh?_

She sighed again. Of course she forgot it. Why would she remember to bring it along when storming out of the room? Oh well, she needed to go back and apologize for leaving regardless. She turned a corner and began making her way back towards the hospital. It quickly became apparent that she was a lot closer than she had thought. It seemed she had subconsciously remained close even through her anger.

* * *

“Welcome, are you here as a visitor?” the nurse at the reception desk greeted with a friendly smile.

“Yeah,” Maho answered. “I’m here to see my father.”

“Oh, how sweet of you to think about your father like that. What’s his name?” She began looking through a list before her. “

“Nishizumi,” Maho answered. “He’s in room 103 I think.”

“Alright then, let’s see..” The nurse’s words quieted and tapered off, and she glanced over to Maho. “You said Nishizumi, right?”

“Yes, that is correct. Tsuneo Nishizumi.”

“I… I see… Would you please wait here?” She got up from her chair and began walking away towards a set of doors.

“Is there a problem?”

“Please wait here. I will be right back.”

Seeing as she still hadn’t been signed in, Maho saw no other option than to do as she had been asked, and sat down on a bench in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the nurse returned. Walking beside her was a serious looking woman in what Maho assumed was her mid-thirties, wearing a long white coat. She was clearly a doctor.

“Miss Nishizumi?” the doctor asked. Her voice was steady and serious, but it still held a hint of caring warmth.

“Yes?”

“Doctor Yonamine.” She reached out a hand towards Maho, and after a moment’s confusion, Maho accepted it. The woman’s handshake was firm yet cordial.

“Maho Nishizumi. Is there a problem? My father hasn’t fainted again has he?”

The doctor sighed and looked at the floor for a moment, before looking back up at Maho. “I’m afraid I must be the bearer of bad news…”

* * *

Maho could only stare blankly at the doctor before her once she had finished speaking. She felt distant, as if she wasn’t quite within her own body, and instead watched the scene from afar.

“I… I’m sorry… I… I don’t understand…” But of course she did understand. The words just didn’t make any sense to her, her mind refusing to accept the finality of what it was hearing.

“I’m sorry, Miss Nishizumi. I wish there was more we could have done, but sometimes fate is cruel to us.”

“No… I… that… that doesn’t make sense… I… I was just here… I was just talking to him… He… He just had some low blood pressure… that’s all… He… He told me he wasn’t going to die…”

“I am sorry, Miss. Truly. You have my condolences.” She was speaking in the sort of voice Maho would normally imagine one built up after a few years of giving people bad news. Warm, caring, and apologetic, while simultaneously also cold, detached, and disinterested.

“No… that… that can’t be… that can’t be right… He… He wasn’t going to die… He… He needs to still be alive… I need to tell him I’m sorry… He’s.. he’s not… he’s not…”

Maho didn’t so much think as act, her body moving on its own and her mind letting go of the controls, as she bolted past the doctor and through the large double doors, refusing to hear the woman call out for her to stop as she sprinted down the corridor. She was lying. She had to be. Dad wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be. He wouldn’t just die like that without letting her apologize and say goodbye. He had told her that he wasn’t going to die, and he would never lie to her, so obviously he was still alive. He had to be. He would never leave her alone like that. He must have just thought this was a great big joke, to get back at her for yelling at him, and he must have gotten the doctor to go along with it. That was what was happening here.

But of course, as Maho reached the room where her father had been lying just a few hours ago, reality finally caught up with her, despite her running as fast as she could. The bed was empty, and the sheets removed. The heart monitor was turned off, and there was no bag hanging to drip fluids into his non-existent body. As realization dawned on her, and continued denial became an impossibility, she moved through the rest of the five steps of grief in an instant. Anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance all crashed into her at the same time like a tidal wave, and she collapsed to her knees, sobbing like a child.

* * *

“It’s not fair…” Maho muttered under her breath, and shuddered against the cold. A week had passed since her father passed away, and she was sitting on the porch of the house, her legs tucked close to her body and her arms wrapped around her knees, just staring out into the great big nothing in front of the small house.

As if she didn’t have enough evidence of the fact, life, fate, and the universe had once again proven to her how unfair it could be. She had gotten in a fight with her father, the first and only one they had had ever since she came to live with him, and hours later he had passed away in a heart attack. Everything she knew and cared about, taken away from her in an instant by some cruel arbiter of fate who had somehow decided that Maho deserved it.

She didn’t have much time left in the house. Yesterday, Kikuyo had arrived to handle the paperwork surrounding her father’s death, and to bring his remains back to Kumamoto, where they would be buried in the Nishizumi family grave. Despite everything, he and her mother had never officially divorced each other, and so he was to be buried as a Nishizumi. It could easily have been the height of summer and a crushing heatwave, and Maho would still have shuddered at the thought. As if it wasn’t enough that she would never see him again, let alone apologize to him, it would now be near impossible for her to visit his grave.

She sighed, and let out a deep breath, watching the puff of steam slowly float away in the air and dissipate in the cold.

Kikuyo had given her condolences when she met with Maho, and had at least tried to be a shoulder to cry on. But Maho couldn’t bring herself to cry, nor talk about it. She had run out of tears, and there was nothing anyone could ever say that would bring her father back to her.

Ever since that day in the hospital, the only thing Maho had been able to bring herself to do was sit there on the porch, and shudder in the cold. It was the only way she could be sure she was still feeling something. Kikuyo had managed to coax her to eat some soup she cooked up, but any real conversation was an impossibility. The only reply Maho felt capable of giving was minute nods or shakes of her head, or maybe an occasional hum.

The only time Maho had even managed to say a word was when Kikuyo was about to leave. The caretaker of the Nishizumi household had informed her that upon her return to the family estate in Kumamoto, Maho’s mother would most likely send some people to the house to clear it out and prepare to sell it, and they would most likely arrive within a day of Kikuyo’s return to the estate. The hint was obvious. If Maho was still here when her mother’s people arrived, she would be brought back to Kumamoto whether she wished it or not. With her father gone, her mother was now the sole guardian of her, at least in the eyes of the law.

That much had been obvious to Maho even before Kikuyo arrived. She had known her mother would send someone to clear the house out the moment her father passed away. But it was what Kikuyo said next that made Maho look up from her gloomy position.

“I’ve never actually traveled along the northern coast,” Kikuyo had said thoughtfully. “Perhaps I should take the opportunity. Although it will be a great shame that I will not return to Kumamoto for a few days because of such a detour.” She had given Maho a caring and affectionate smile, and added, “It’s a good thing your father kept you safe all this time. I know for a fact the happiest, most important day of his life was the day you were born. A strange coincidence, is it not? That you were born on such a day? One-O-Six?”

Again, the hint was difficult to miss, but the way Kikuyo betrayed her mother’s trust was enough to bring Maho out of her shell for a moment.

“Thank you, Kikuyo… I appreciate that…”

“I don’t see what there is to appreciate, Miss Nishizumi. I’m merely thinking out loud.” She had smiled again, and turned to leave. “But I pray that you will find happiness and meaning with your life. It would be a shame if a miracle like you wasted away, Maho, or your light was smothered before its time. It would break your mother’s heart if it did...”

And thus, Maho was once again alone. Sitting there in the cold, and watching the scattered snowflakes slowly drift towards the ground, like cherry blossoms of ice smothering the world underneath it. 

Despite Kikuyo’s kind words, Maho was still lost in dark thoughts, trapped in her psyche as the darkness pounded on the doors, with every mistake and trauma she had ever experienced acting as battering rams and torches for the dark chorus of thoughts to use to bust down the walls of her mind.

She should never have come here. She should have just figured something else out. If she hadn’t yelled at him and left, maybe he would still be alive. If she hadn’t cared about Koume, she wouldn’t have made her Vice-Commander, which would mean she wouldn’t have been anywhere near danger, and Emi would still be ok. If she hadn’t tried to protect Miho the way she did, maybe her sister would still be happy and free.

She should never have let people see the real her. She should never have trusted herself to feel safe and happy with others. She should never ever have let anyone else into her life. If she hadn’t, she would be the only one who was hurt. She was a flame out of control, destroying anything she touched or got close to, and despite what Kikuyo might think or say, it would be best if her flame was smothered and extinguished. She should just cease to exist. The world would be better off if she did.

Through eyes drowned in tears, she looked down at her phone, which she held in her hand so tight she thought it might crack. She must have turned it on by accident somehow, because the screen was shining brightly back at her. Moving a thumb to turn it back off, she noticed something. A voicemail had been stored on there.

Confusion led to intrigue, which led to anticipation as she saw it was dated to the day dad passed away. She brushed tears from her eyes with her sleeve, and lifted the phone to her ear as she pressed play.

 _“Hello, Maho…”_ The first syllable was enough to cause her body and mind to collapse anew, and tears to well forth, rolling endlessly down her cheeks again. The tears she had thought run dry. It was her father’s voice, speaking to her from beyond the grave. _“I hope beyond everything that it will be a long time before you ever need to listen to this, but if you are, then I’m most likely no longer with you. I was alone for a long time, thinking I would never see you or hear your voice again, so I know how much you must have dreaded this day. I realize a simple recording won’t bring me back to you, but I hope that simply hearing me say what I’m about to say will give you the strength to continue, acting as a light in the darkness.”_

_“Maho, my precious angel, you are the light of my life, and if there was ever anything I could give up for you to be happy, I would have parted with it in an instant. Not a moment passed since the day you were born without me thinking about you, and I don’t consider a single moment of thought spent on you to be wasted. You were truly the greatest gift I could ever receive, and the only regret I shall ever have is that I didn’t get to spend more time with you. Everyday I was away, all I could think about was counting the days, hoping that tomorrow would be the day I got to see you again.”_

_“What I want to say with all this is that I understand the pain and loss and emptiness and sadness you must be feeling right now, and I know how hard it is. Still, please don’t ever give up, Maho. You are my daughter, my firstborn, and my love for you will break any barrier, even death. You have always been so strong, so brave, so caring and loving, and the only thing I ask of you is that you continue to be this amazing person you have managed to become even through all the hardships you have had to face. That you continue to live and let the fire within you burn as bright as it can, not for my sake, but for your own and for those who care for you. Your happiness is worth more than every pearl in the oceans, and every vein of gold in the mountains. My only hope for you is that you will live to see that yourself, and that you will surround yourself with people who can help you find that happiness. You are a shining beacon in the lives of anyone you meet, and the only way you could ever disappoint me is if you let that roaring fire die out.”_

_“Maho, I love you more than anything in the world, and that is the only truth I have ever wanted to teach you.”_

Maho didn’t actually know how long she sat there, crying tear after tear long after the message had stopped playing, holding the phone as tightly against her ear as she could, just in case there was another small vestige of her father left in there that she might otherwise miss. But there was nothing more. When it became clear that there was nothing more to hear, Maho could only restart the recording and listen to it again as she continued to cry. Then she restarted it again. And again. And again.

The sun had begun to set when she finally ran out of tears, and her mind cleared enough for her to make a decision. 

She got up from her place on the porch, saved the recording to her phone’s memory, and walked back into the house, grabbing the application form that was still sitting untouched on the dinner table and making her way to her dad’s office. She sat down in the chair behind the desk, placing the form upon it and filling it out, before rummaging through the many drawers on the desk. Until she finally found it. She gingerly opened the pot of red ink, and grabbed her father’s stamp from it’s drawer. She drew a deep breath, covered the stamp in ink, and hesitated a moment. Was she really going to do this?

She knew she had to do _something_. If she stayed, her mother would sooner or later send people here to clear out the house, and then she would just get sent back to Kumamoto to face the Nishizumi-family’s wrath. If she just ran away to somewhere else in the country, she would sooner or later be recognized by someone, and get found and sent back to Kumamoto. She had no other family to go to for help. The only ones she could possibly ask would be Koume or Kikuyo, but that would mean going back to Kumamoto, and Ami, but she had no idea where she was right now. As far as she knew, Ami could be on the other side of the globe. 

That was of course unless she tried going to the Shimada’s for help. The two families had been at each other’s throats since the Meiji-era, and Chiyo Shimada, the current family head, would probably welcome her with open arms, seeing her as a convenient way to get back at her greatest rival. She wasn’t exactly a stranger to the concept of a runaway daughter either, if the rumors were to be believed. But no. Going to the Shimada’s would only land her back in a tank again, sooner or later. There was of course one more option, but even if Maho could bring herself to try it, she had no way of contacting her. Besides, there was no way she would want to talk to her.

But if she transferred to this new school, and once again became an enrolled student on a school carrier, she would in the eyes of the law be considered responsible for her own care, and her mother could do nothing about it as long as she wasn’t expelled or transferred back to Kuromorimine. But the only way she could transfer from Kuromorimine, where she was technically still a student, to a new school, was with the signature and consent of a guardian. And the only guardian who would give his consent and sign the damn form had been turned to ashes and was on his way back to Kumamoto.

She was out of options. It was either this, or living the next few years looking over her shoulder. She steeled herself, exhaled, and stamped dad’s signature on the form. She carefully cleaned the stamp off while the ink dried, slipped the form in an envelope, and sent it off. Then she walked over to the small safe in the corner of the office, and followed Kikuyo’s advice. She turned the dial to one, then zero, then six, and the lock clicked open. She could only breath a sigh of relief, despite how horrible her week had been. There was enough in there to at least sustain her reasonably well aboard the school carrier, and to ensure she could get shelter and food for the few weeks left until the beginning of the school year. 

With this newfound determination flowing like adrenaline through her veins, she set to work the first thing the following morning, packing and making sure that everything she could need would find it’s way to her in her new life, without giving her mother’s people a chance to rummage through and throw it out. The next day she saw the van of boxes off, slung her bag over her shoulder, and began her trip towards Ibaraki prefecture. The night might still be dark, but on the horizon she could see the light of dawn creep back into her life. She would be a student at Ooarai, safe from her mother’s machinations, and she would never ever get back in a tank again.

* * *

 **Aboard the School Carrier** **_Zuikaku_ **

**Ooarai Girl’s Academy, Student Council Room**

**Present Day…**

The silence in the room was deafening, as the three members of Ooarai’s Student Council for the fourth day in a row tried to figure out what they could do or who they could call to improve the odds of their school surviving closure at the end of the term.

Yuzu was going over every document and regulation she could find for a third time since their loss against Saunders, while Anzu just sat in her chair with her fingers steepled before her, looking out across the ship as she thought the situation over. She didn’t come up with anything she hadn’t already debated, but at least she had a good view while she thought about it. Outside the massive window the weather was clear, and life continued aboard the carrier as it would on any other day, and as it would for years to come as far as the rest of the inhabitants knew.

The only one who wasn’t looking glum was Momo, who was flipping through copies of Ooarai’s and the Federation’s rulebooks with glee. When asked if this glee was because she had figured out a solution, she was surprisingly coy in her answers, and only claimed she was working on something.

The work had been ongoing since the start of the day, and lunch was fast approaching, with no solution in sight.

“Yuzu,” Anzu asked and looked up at the ceiling, knowing full well what answer she was going to receive. “Got anything yet?”

“Sorry…”

“Momo?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t want to get any hopes up, so I’ll say no for now…”

“Welp…” Anzu spun around in her chair to face her desk again. “I’m not getting anywhere either, so at least we’re all on the same page.” She reached down and opened a drawer of her desk, pulling out a bag of dried sweet potatoes. “Let’s break for lunch, and see if we can come up with something in the afterno-”

She was interrupted by the phone on her desk ringing. Anzu looked queerly at it for a moment, before putting the bag back where she had gotten it from, and motioning to Yuzu, who walked over and lifted the receiver to her ear.

“Ooarai Girl’s Academy Student Council, Vice-President Koyama speaking. How can I help you?” She nodded to herself as the person on the other end of the call spoke. “Yes, she is here... Yes, just a moment…” She held the phone against her chest. “It’s Commander Kay, of Saunders. She wants to speak with you. Urgently.”

“I bet she just wants to gloat…” Momo growled, but Anzu just shrugged and answered with a friendly smile.

“Put her on. Kay’s a nice girl, I don’t think she would call unless she had a good reason.”

Yuzu nodded, and pressed a button as she returned the receiver to its place.

“Kay,” Anzu greeted. “What’s up?”

“Hey Angie! Say, is your landing pad clear at the moment?” Kay’s voice called out from the phone’s speaker.

Anzu stared blankly before her for a moment, before answering hesitantly. “I’m sorry… what?”

“Your landing pad. Is it clear?”

She threw a quick look at Yuzu, who nodded. “It is. Why do you ask?”

“Because we’re about to arrive at the _Zuikaku_ in a minute.”

“Ok? But… why? What’s so important we couldn’t handle it over the phone?”

“Oh, believe me. You’re going to want to discuss this in person.”

“If you say so. I’ll give you clearance to land.”

“Thanks! See ya in a bit, Angie! _*click*”_

Silence once again fell over the room, as all three girls could do nothing but stare in surprise and disbelief at the phone.

“Uh… Anzu…?” Yuzu asked cautiously. “Why… why does she insist on calling you Angie?”

“Eh, it’s a long story,” Anzu replied, and shrugged. “Remind me to tell it some time.”

* * *

Fifteen minutes or so later, a helicopter bearing Saunders’ insignia made a pass over the _Zuikaku_ and landed atop the school carrier’s central tower. Shortly thereafter, Kay appeared in the Student Council Room, with one of her subordinates in tow. The sight took Anzu, Yuzu, and Momo aback slightly, as the usually cheerful and friendly commander had a stern and serious expression on her face, and was dragging two girls behind her by their ear, which looked rather unpleasant. One was the girl with brown pigtails who had commanded the flag tank, but the other one they hadn’t seen before. She had short blonde hair and freckles, and in contrast to her comrades was not in the olive tank jackets of Saunders’ Sensha-Do team, but only the regular school uniform.

“Hiya, Angie!” Kay said cheerfully without letting go of the girls’ ears, as if blissfully unaware of the strangeness of the situation.

“Hello, Kay,“ Anzu said with an intrigued voice. “What brings me the pleasure?”

“Well, Alysa here has some info that I thought you might like to hear. Don’t you, Alysa?” She tugged a bit on the pigtailed girl’s ear, and pulled her forwards.

“C-commander,” the girl, whose name was apparently Alysa, blubbered. “I just-ow-ow-ow-” Kay seemed to tighten her grip on the girl’s ear. “I’m so-so-sorry…”

“And you’ve told me so for the past 6 hours. Which I appreciate. Now you’re going to tell _them_ , aren’t you?”

Y-y-y-es, Co-commander… Ju-just… pu-pu-pu-please let me go…” Kay gave Alysa another look, followed by a glance at the other girl, but after another few seconds shrugged and released her grip on Alysa’s ear. The blonde girl remained firmly in her grip however.

“Uhhh… I’m sorry but,” Yuzu asked, “what is this about exactly?”

Alysa took a moment to massage her ear against the pain, but after another glare from Kay quickly bowed low towards the Student Council.

“I-I-I-I’m so-so-sorry... “ she blubbered. “I ju-ju-just wa-wa-wanted Saunder’s to-to-to wi-win…”

“You’re the one who put up the interception balloon?!” Momo yelled and pointed an accusatory finger towards Alysa. “Why I oughta-”

“Thank you, Momo,” Anzu interrupted. “We appreciate the apology, Kay. As I would expect of you.”

“But… We already knew about the interception balloon, and it’s not prohibited by the rules. So why come all the way here?” Yuzu asked.

“Why indeed…” Kay muttered, and glanced down at Alysa. “Will you please enlighten our honorable and gracious opponents as to why we’re here, Alysa?”

“I… I… I… It wasn’t my fault! It was just-”

“Enough excuses!” Kay said with a forcefulness that surprised even Anzu. “Tomi, might you perhaps be able to explain why I’ve had to drag you out here?” She now pulled the blonde girl, obviously named Tomi, forwards, and let go of her ear. If Alysa was blubbering, this girl seemed on the verge of a breakdown. “I swear, in all my time as Commander… no, in all of Saunders’ history, I don’t think there’s ever been such a heinous stain on our reputation as you two have brought upon us.”

“Bu-bu-but I thought… I-I mean… Miss Alysa started it…” Tomi said and pointed a finger towards Alysa

“I did not!” Alysa yelled. “I never told you to do something that stupid!”

“Did too! You always said that it’s fine to be creative with rules, and that victory should come at any cost!”

“I didn’t mean for you to take it literally!”

“How should I know?! I’m not a mind reader!”

“Oh just be quiet, you two!” Kay interrupted, and the two girls quickly silenced themselves.

“I… I’m still not quite following what this is about…” Yuzu said, her confusion only having grown if anything.

“Tomi, tell them what you did,” Kay said, but seeing Tomi prepare to protest further, she just glared at the girl and added, “No, you will not defend yourself, accuse anyone else, or in any way push the blame away from yourself. You will tell these fine opponents of ours what you did, and you will tell them _now_.”

“W-well… M-miss Alysa always said that it’s ok to bend some rules… and I just really wanted us to win… a-and Miss Alysa already put up the balloon… a-and the rules only say that members of the team are prohibited from… s-so… I-I just thought… I-I mean… I-I… I guess... It’s… It’s possible I… I might have walked into your camp when everyone was away… and I might have tried to… I might have done some… less than successful maintenance on one of your tanks…”

“I still don’t understand how you got that stupid idea?!” Alysa muttered. “There’s bending the rules and there’s obviously cheating-ow!”

She was interrupted by a slap to the back of the head by Kay. “Just shut up, Alysa. You don’t exactly come off as a saint in this situation either.”

“YOU SABOTAGED OUR TANKS?!?!” Momo yelled as the realization began to dawn on her. “SO YOU _DID_ CHEAT?!”

“I only worked on the one… and it was only a single connector rod… I didn’t… I didn’t think anyone would noti-”

“Thank you, girls. You’ve said and done quite enough,” Kay said sternly. “You are to go back to the chopper and wait for me there. Tell Naomi that she is to keep an eye on you two, lest you get any other idiotic ideas. Am I clear?”

“Y-y-yes, Ma’am…” Alysa and Tomi quietly scampered out of the room, leaving Kay alone with the student council.

“Now,” Kay said the moment the doors closed behind the girls, stopping Momo from redirecting her anger at her. “I hope you understand I had nothing to do with this, and that I apologize profusely for their conduct.” She bowed low, before getting back up with a smile.

“Still…” Yuzu said cautiously, glancing over towards Anzu who still hadn’t said anything since the revelation. “An apology doesn’t change the fact that we lost…”

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” Kay exclaimed, and pulled a piece of paper from the inner pocket of her jacket. “I’ve already dealt with that, and the Federation ought to inform you in a day or two. It’s not a win unless it happens fair and square.” She placed the piece of paper down on Anzu’s desk. Yuzu picked it up and looked it over.

“You’ve… you’ve forfeited the match to us?” She looked up from the document in stunned surprise.

“Yup. As I said, I’m not going to take a win I didn’t earn. But you knew that, didn’t you, Angie?” At first, Anzu didn’t answer, and instead only looked at Kay, while throwing the occasional glance at Yuzu.

“Yuzu… May I see that?” she asked, and accepted the document from her friend, looking it over herself. “You’re serious about this?”

“Well, of course, dummy! When have I ever joked around with you?”

“One particular memory does spring to mind,” Anzu said dryly, but put the piece of paper down on the desk and walked around it, reaching a hand out towards Kay. “But either way, thank you, Kay. You don’t know how much this means to us.”

“No problem, Angie!” Kay replied, and shook Anzu’s hand with a great deal of cheer and enthusiasm for someone who had effectively just admitted to cheating. “Hey, by the way, is Nishizumi around here somewhere? I never got a chance to thank her for a good match. And considering all of this, it seems appropriate.”

“I don’t know if Maho wou-” Yuzu began to protest, but was silenced by Anzu raising a hand

“Miss Nishizumi is sadly a bit busy today,” Anzu replied. “But I’ll let her know how you feel. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.

“Thanks! And congratulations, Angie! I’ll be sure to cheer you on in the next round!”

“Thank you, Kay. Again, you don’t know how much this means to us.” Anzu looked over her shoulder at Yuzu. “Actually, Yuzu… when even is the next round?”

“Oh… uh…” Yuzu looked around a few of the pieces of paper scattered across her desk for an answer, but Kay came to her rescue.

“It’s about a month away. Anzio and Maginot are having their match this weekend, so you’ll be facing whoever wins.” She took Anzu’s hand one more time, shook it, and gave Anzu a hug. “Anyways, I need to go. As you can imagine, I still have some disciplining left to do back on ‘Georgy’.”

“Of course. I’ll see ya around, Kay. Take care.

“You too, Angie! See ya!” 

With that, Kay left the office as swiftly as she had appeared, leaving the room with a strange empty silence for a few moments. Once the moment passed however, Anzu turned on the spot to look at her comrades, and with an undeservedly confident grin said “See? I told you a solution would present itself!”

* * *

“...And get this place cleaned up before I have Murakami turn you into mops!”

“Y-yes, Captain!”

Ogin grumbled and smirked to herself as she continued through the corridors of her kingdom. _And they said acting was never my forté…_ she mused, and lit her pipe as she walked on.

Every time she turned a new corner, even the most laid-back and respectless girls shot to attention in an instant, which was exactly how Ogin liked it. The more ingrained her reputation became in their minds, the less she had to do to actually maintain it. All she had to do was present something close enough to what they considered the truth, and the rest would take care of itself.

“Captain,” Flint called as they came upon each other at an intersection, and took a few sprinting steps to keep pace with Ogin as they continued through the underbelly of the _Zuikaku_.

“What is it, Flint?” Ogin snarled. “I have better things to do than listen to your shanties.”

“Of course, Captain,” Flint answered. “It’s Rum. She got drunk and started a fight on one of the lower decks. Knocked three girls out cold before she came to her senses.”

“Oh, to the devil with her…” Ogin muttered and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Any serious damages?”

“Nothing worse than a black eye and a scratched up knee.”

“Well, take her to the brig then. And cut off their grog for the next week.”

“All of them, Captain?”

“Of course I mean all of them! Are you deaf, you singing shrimp?!”

“Of course, Captain. If those are your orders. Although...” Flint looked around them in the otherwise empty corridor, and pulled Ogin into an alcove.

“What the hell do you-” A hand over her mouth stopped Ogin’s protests.

“Although I should tell you Captain, I don’t think you need be so hard on them. I’m sure the crews respect for you is more than enough to keep order, if you catch my drift.” Flint smiled, nodded, let go of Ogin, and turned to go back the same way she came, leaving her captain stunned and confused for a moment.

“Damn scallywag,” she muttered, and continued on her walk through her dimly lit domain.

“Evenin’, Captain,” Adrianna said and nodded to her as she approached the door to Cutlass’ mess.

“Sure. Evenin’” Ogin muttered and gave a dismissive nod to the guard. “She still here?”

“Indeed she is, Captain.”

She continued past Adrianna and walked through the door, entering the utter mess that was the bar she and her closest friends and officers called home. Cutlass was as always standing behind the bar, fiddling with the many bottles on the shelves.

“Good evening, Captain,” she said with disinterest.

“Evening, Cutlass. How’s our guest?” She glanced over to one of the couches in the corner where the girl with dark-brown hair was lying asleep. She had been surprised to see the girl return after her last visit to the bar, but a few days ago, there she had been. Still, Ogin wasn’t about to turn her away, considering she had ended their last meeting by boldly proclaiming she was welcome back whenever she liked.

“Same as last you were here.”

“How much did she drink today?”

“A few Hiroshima’s, a couple shots of Habanero Club, but nowhere near as bad as her last stint here.”

“Do I need to cut her off?”

“Don’t think so. She seems to at least be aware of the effect it has on her this time. Murakami even got her to eat something today, so I wouldn’t worry.”

“That’s good to hear at least. Still, I wonder what made her come back here…”

* * *

The freezing rain poured endless over the ruins of Ooarai, cutting Maho’s skin like razorblades whenever she found herself without shelter. Ever since the battle with Saunders, she would find herself back in the urban wasteland whenever she fell asleep. Running through the streets, hiding among the ruins, and ultimately being found or caught and killed. She had lost track of how many times she had repeated this nightmare, but it was certainly enough times that she knew the script by heart, in the same way she knew the back of her hand, or the engine of a Tiger.

She would wake up in the alley, she would make her way through the ruined streets, and sooner or later the black Tiger would catch up with her, her flaming doppelganger would kill her, and she would wake up in the alley again, weaker than the last time. It didn’t matter what she did, or how careful she was, the dream was always the same. Even when she resorted to hiding instead of running, she would only evade capture for an hour or two. Either way, she would always be found sooner or later. Discovering that there were in fact two creature’s hunting her, instead of only one didn’t help either.

The two flaming clones of her, one black and one purple, were always on the hunt, but they were still different. The purple one, roaming the streets in the black Tiger with terrifying speed and efficiency, crushing everything in its path, was always the one to ultimately find its prey, and whenever it did, it showed no mercy. It would grin and taunt her in her mother’s voice, as it lit her skin on fire with a mere touch, and turned her heart to ash. 

The black one was different. It made its way through the streets at a driven yet restrained pace, looking carefully and methodically through every ruined building, behind every piece of debris, and inside every crumpled husk of a tank lining the streets. Despite this, whenever Maho was sure it was about to find her, it always moved on and left, which didn’t seem to fit with the rest of its methodical search pattern.

The more the nightmare repeated itself, the more lucid and clear the details of the dream became, as Maho retained at least some memories of the previous incarnations. And as her knowledge and understanding, or rather lack thereof, grew, she started becoming able to identify the strange calling voice that echoed through the empty streets, even drowning out the endless rumble of the Tiger and the deafening rainfall. By this point she was sure it was the black doppelganger calling out for something, but it took her several more repeats before she began to understand what it was saying.

“Maho”

It was calling out for _her_ , in perfect mimicry of her own voice. Calling out _to_ her, as if playing some strange game of hide-and-seek. But Maho had no interest in playing this game, nor in being found. She knew how torturous the pain that came with being found was, and she would avoid it at all costs.

She had huddled herself in a ruined apartment building, and pushed a piece of the roof that had fallen in against the open doorway. Now all she could do was sit there, weak to the brink of collapse, trying her best to keep quiet even as she shuddered from the cold air and her soaked-through clothes.

In the distance she could hear the rumble of the black Tiger’s engine and the clatter of its treads grow louder, and then fainter again as it chose another path than the one that led to her. But she knew this luck wouldn’t last. Sooner or later it would come this way, tearing a hole in what remained of the building, and find her. She knew it would.

As if on command, just as Maho felt secure enough to at least breathe a sigh of relief, another sound could be heard. The hissing of water on flames, steady but gentle footsteps, and the echoing call of her own voice.

“Maho?!”

It was the obsidian one. It was calling out for her, but Maho didn’t answer. She knew better than that. Her body instead tensed up and her heart went into overdrive, even as she tried in vain to remain calm and quiet. On the other side of the temporary barrier between her and her doom, she could hear it stroll slowly through the street, passing back and forth as it looked for her, as one might a small child hiding behind some curtains.

The footsteps grew louder, and the mimic of her voice called out again. Maho swallowed and held her breath, but it was too late. Reaching through the cracks and openings in her barrier, fingers made of Stygian flames curled around her only remaining protection, and Maho could do nothing but look at the opening as it grew larger, the barrier being moved out of the way and the ruined city coming into view behind it.

“Commander?”

As the barrier finally fell away, the dark and dreary scene disappeared and gave way to the warm yet dim lighting of Ogin’s bar, as Maho groggily opened her eyes. Someone had nudged her awake, and was calling to her in a familiar voice.

“Commander? Please wake up?”

* * *

_Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: Maho is given a wake-up call, and preparations for the next round of the tournament begin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:  
> Well, this once again became a far longer chapter than I anticipated, but I finally got to reveal some of the many secrets I’ve been keeping close to my chest since the beginning of the series. Tsuneo’s passing, the contents of the voicemail Maho’s been listening to, how and why Ooarai lost the match against Saunders, and such.
> 
> Now, that’s not to say that I’ve run out of aces up my sleeve. There is still quite a lot of story left, and we are about to enter the second act.
> 
> Anyhoo, as always I love to hear your thoughts, your theories, your feedback, and your input. Getting to read and hear what you guys think is easily the best part of my week, so please, feel free to leave a review and let me know what you thought.
> 
> Well, until next week; På återseende! 
> 
> /Rihno


	24. The Wake Up-Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maho is given a wake up-call from an unexpected source, in more than one sense of the world...

As I walked through the door and up on deck, the wind began rushing across my face. Standing by the railing, I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath, taking in the smell of the sea. It had been ages since I’d been out on the ocean, and now the ferry’s destination began to creep into view, as we sped across the waves towards it. Of course, the giant school carriers could easily be spotted from miles away, but anyone who had lived on one for any real length of time agreed that a carrier didn’t _really_ count as being visible until you could hear the seagulls squawking above the massive floating cities. That was roughly when you could start to make out the details. The skyline of buildings, the paint on the side of the ship, and the lights on the tower. The cries of Seagulls was the universal signal that there was actually something to behold when nearing a school carrier. And today was no different.

It had been an hour or two since I boarded the ferry, and more since I had breakfast and left home. In short, I was starting to get hungry, which in itself wasn’t a problem. Once I found my friend, she’d probably know of some great place to eat.

I hadn’t seen her for ages. At least not face-to-face. At first I didn’t even believe the rumours when they began circulating, but then someone uploaded a recording of the match, and there she was, clear as day, standing in the Commander’s cupola of a Panzer IV with a black leather jacket and a steely gaze. She was back, and nothing could stop her. If her having returned to Sensha-Do was a surprise, then the simple fact that she somehow fought St. Gloriana to what with a moment’s difference would have been a draw, was completely unthinkable. And yet, she did it, making it appear like child’s play.

Once the shock of seeing her back in action had subsided, I tried my best to find out what events had led her back to the sport. Which was far from simple, with the Sensha-Do community and the internet in general being thrown into anarchy by the return. The rumours about her disappearance had steadily grown out of proportion ever since the finals of the 62nd Nationals, to the point that some people thought she had been banished or committed seppuku to handle the shame. Of course I knew better, but that was my secret to keep.

By sheer coincidence I happened to be in Tokyo during the day of the drafting ceremony for the tournament schedule, and as I walked down one of the busy streets, spotted her in a café, talking with a girl a few years younger with short brown hair. If I didn’t have a train back home to catch, I would have wanted nothing more than to pop in and say hi. But such is life.

The next time I saw her, I at least got to be there in person. She had reappeared as the commander of a small school that no one had ever heard of, fielding only five tanks, and through sheer bad luck, they would face Saunders in the first round of the tournament. Five tanks, against one of the Big Four. The only reason there was even an audience was because people wanted to see how the end of her revival tour would arrive. And yet, to the surprise of everyone but myself, she managed to swing the fortunes of war in her favor, and to isolate Saunders’ flag tank for a final killshot.

But fate and fortune are fickle things, it turns out. Sometimes all it takes for a match to be thrown out of balance is a tread snapping from overexertion at the wrong moment. This new team of hers lost through nothing but bad luck, and I could feel her pain even in the stands, so apparent was the sadness on her face. I wished I could have gone to talk with her after the battle, to help her know it was OK, and that I still valued her and our friendship so deeply. But once again, reality stepped in the way. Only staff, participants, and students from the participating schools were allowed back to the staging grounds.

But when the announcement came that the Federation would overturn the match results almost a week after the fact, citing an improperly registered shot as enough to hand this small school victory, I jumped with joy, just as she must have done at that moment. By now I was tired of simply waiting for fate to bring us back together, and I decided to give fate a helping hand.

Once the ferry docked with the school carrier, I disembarked and made my way to the top deck. Surely I should be able to find her _somehow_. After having walked around for a while, I began to doubt my original theory.

“Are you lost?” a friendly-looking girl in a green and white uniform with brown hair in a ponytail asked, and after some quick conversation gave me some excellent directions to where I could find my friend. Following said directions, I once again returned to the lower decks, making use of a series of passageways that seemed to very much not be in use anymore, but the directions the girl had given were detailed enough, and her demeanor friendly and caring enough that I decided to trust her word and carry on. At the end of one hallway I came to a heavy-looking metal door, which swung open on old and not very well-oiled hinges.

Inside was a strange room to find in the bowels of a school carrier, looking like it would be more at home in an alleyway basement in Tokyo or Kumamoto. A room with warm yet dim lights lining the walls, and a bar pushed into one of the corners, currently unoccupied. Another corner held a glass floor with multicolored lights underneath, and a screen with accompanying sound system set up beside it. The third corner contained a strange structure that seemed more fitting for a children’s clubhouse, but the fourth corner was what was of interest to me. Lined with sofas and booths like a tavern or family restaurant, I found what I was looking for. I took a few cautious steps closer, and gently nudged my friend awake where she was lying, subtle wheezing snores emanating from her as she slept on one of the couches under an old blanket.

* * *

As Maho’s eyes began to regain focus, she was at first convinced she had simply moved from one dream to another.

“Koume?” she asked cautiously, afraid her mind or the residual effects of the Hiroshimas she had drunk were playing some trick on her. She blinked a few times, and slowly pushed herself upright. “Is that you?”

“Hello, Commander. It’s been a while”

Maho looked down and pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment, as the world righted itself and her headache slowly subsided, before rubbing her eyes with her forearm. For a moment she could do nothing else but sit there in stunned amazement, looking for the first time in almost a year at her friend.

“Koume?” she asked again, not quite believing her eyes despite the brown-haired girl standing right before her.

“Yes, Commander?” Koume answered with a smile.

“How… why… what? What are you doing here? And how?”

“I came to see you, Commander. I came with the ferry about half-an-hour ago.” She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head slightly, something Maho knew all too well was a sign of concern. “Is something the matter? I thought you would be happy to see me?”

“What? No, it’s fine. And of course I’m happy to see you...” Maho pushed herself to her feet, taking a step to assert her balance, before allowing Koume in for a hug. “It’s just… A lot’s been going on lately… and I wasn’t exactly expecting you…”

“I can imagine,” Koume answered with a chuckle as the embrace ended. 

“How did you even know I was here?”

“Oh come on, Commander? _The_ Maho Nishizumi suddenly reappears in the commander’s cupola of a tank again, after having been missing without a trace for almost a year, and you thought the world would let it pass by unnoticed?”

“Right… I guess that wouldn’t make me very difficult to track down, now would it?” Maho answered with humorous realization. “Still, I’m really glad to see you. It’s been way too long since I saw a familiar face.” 

"Really? You haven't talked to her?"

"Talked to who?" Koume didn't so much answer as give Maho a knowing look. "Koume?!” Maho asked, with both dawning horror and realization. How do you even know about that?!"

"I was one of your closest friend for years, and your second-in-command for months. Do you think I'm blind? Of course I noticed you two."

“And here I thought we managed to go unnoticed…” She sighed, and gave Koume a serious look. “You haven’t told anyone else about this, have you?”

“Of course not. Do you honestly think I would blab about something like that?”

“Well, that’s good at least.” Maho breathed a quick sigh of relief. Her mother despised her enough as it was, and Maho was pretty sure she wasn’t about to get all warm and fuzzy inside if she found out her daughter wasn’t exactly planning on furthering the family tree in the future. A growl from her stomach interrupted her train of thought, and caused Koume to look down at the guilty culprit, before looking back up at her friend with a sly grin. This situation, despite its circumstances, was far from a novelty to her.

“Come on,” she said and tugged lightly on Maho’s hand, taking a few small steps towards the door leading to the surface. “I’ll treat you to lunch, and you can tell me all about it? For old time’s sake?”

If Koume had blinked, she would have missed it, but for a solitary moment, a smile so wide her teeth were showing appeared on Maho’s lips. “Of course. I really missed you, you know?”

“Missed you too, Commander.” 

“You know, I’m in no way your commander anymore.”

“I know. But you’re _a_ commander, aren’t you? Besides, I like how it sounds, and I’ve been doing it so long now it would almost be weirder to stop, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yeah, I guess…” Maho looked down at the ground for a moment too long, and Koume once again raised an eyebrow as they walked through the corridors and up the stairs leading back to the top deck of the _Zuikaku_.

“Oh, it’s let up!” she said with a smile as they exited the inner pathways of the ship and the sky once again became visible.

“What do you mean? What let up?” Maho said with disinterest, holding a hand in front of her eyes as she recoiled slightly from the light, trying her best to let her eyes adjust.

“The rain?” Koume replied with confusion. “It’s been absolutely pouring down for days in this part of the sea, hadn’t you noticed?”

“It wasn’t raining last I checked,” Maho answered without meeting Koume’s eyes, starting to walk down the street towards the center of town, avoiding the massive puddles of water still left on the pavement.

“It’s been raining non-stop since Tuesday though… How could you not have noticed? Commander, how long were you below deck?” Koume asked in perplexion as she sprinted a few steps to catch up.

“What day is it?”

The question stopped Koume in her tracks. “It’s… It’s Saturday, Commander…”

“Huh…” Maho just shrugged at this revelation. “I guess I lost track of time. I slept most of the time anyways, so it’s not like it mattered…”

* * *

“Thanks for the food,” they both said in unison, and began to eat. They hadn’t exactly picked a fancy restaurant, but the food was good enough, and the place was near empty and thus suitable for conversation. The food was certainly better than what Maho had been feeding herself on these past few months.

“So…” Maho said cautiously, “how are things going at Kuromorimine?”

“I guess things are fine…” Koume said and stared out the window, not meeting Maho’s eyes.

“I guess Miho didn’t keep you on as her second…”

“No…” Koume said in a low voice. “No, she did not…”

“Yeah…” Maho said, and stared out the window as well. “I guess things changed, huh?”

“That they did… It’s definitely not the same as it was with you there…” Koume glanced back at Maho, seemingly realizing what she had said. “I-I… I mean… Not that it’s your fault or anything, Commander. Kuromorimine was always a harsh place… It’s just… you definitely made it easier to stay…”

“I guess…” At this point, Maho was mostly picking at her food, even though she had eaten almost none of it. The mood didn’t seem right. “Sorry about that…”

“It’s not your fault, Commander! It’s just… it’s just the way things turned out, that’s all.”

“I guess. Are you… are you still on the team? Despite, you know… what happened, I mean?”

“No… I… I uh… I quit the team, I guess… Wasn’t really given a choice…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, with your sister in command, and Erika as her second, a lot of girls left. Supposedly it was all voluntary, but we all knew what was happening. Those who believed in the Nishizumi style the way your sister and Erika did took to… convincing… the girls who didn’t, and one after the other they started leaving. Some even transferred away… In the end it was just those loyal to Miho, and then there was me and your old crew, and we weren’t going anywhere, even if they tried to make life a living hell for us. But everytime they tried to root us out, we just planted ourselves firmer. We were gonna stay, and we were going to continue your legacy-”

“Koume… No…”

“It was the right thing to do, Commander. It could have been our 50th straight win on the line, and it would have still been the right thing to do. And anyone who says otherwise is lying, either outright or to themselves.” There was a conviction to Koume’s voice, one that had been absent thus far in their conversation. “Besides…” The conviction disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. “We didn’t do it just for your sake. We all love Sensha-Do, and we all wanted to keep doing it. We just didn’t want to do it _their_ way. Turns out, Kuromorimine didn’t want us doing Sensha-Do their way either. They didn’t want us doing it at all.”

“Wait… Don’t tell me they-”

“Expelled me? Of course they did.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know… At least not officially.” Koume shrugged and sighed. “Officially it was something about repeatedly disrespecting instructors or failing too many tests or something. Not a lick of it was true, so it doesn’t really matter. But we all knew it was just because we wouldn’t dance to your sister’s fiddle. As long as we openly questioned her orders and acted as a reminder of your command, we were a threat.” She gestured in the air, closing her hand tightly shut around an imaginary prey. “And as with everything else, it turns out Nishizumis deal with threats swiftly and efficiently. I think the letter came some time just before Christmas. Might have been the headmasters handwriting, but it was your family’s words.”

“Wait, then…”

“Yup. I’m not a student at Kuromorimine anymore.” She shrugged once more. “Can’t exactly say I miss it. Being on the Sensha-Do team really did become another circle of hell after you left… But with the stain they spilled on my record before sending me off, there’s not a school-carrier in Japan that’s gonna accept me.”

“Then why didn’t you fight it? They can’t just expel students for nothi-”

“Really? The word of five students who everyone thinks were responsible for losing the finals, versus the word of the Commander and Vice-Commander of the Sensha-Do team, the Headmaster, and the head of the Alumni Association? We’d be lucky to even get a word in if it went to a hearing.”

“So what do you do now? If you’re not in school, I mean?”

“Eh, I live with my parents. Work in a convenience store to help bring in some money. It’s not glorious, but it’s something at least.”

“Koume,” Maho said, exasperated and not sure what to say. “I’m... I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, Commander. It wasn’t your fault.”

“No, it is. If I hadn’t screwed up that day then-”

“Then they couldn’t have expelled me, because I, along with Emi, Hatsune, Ikue, and Bachiko, would be dead. You saved our lives that day, Commander. I think the debt is very much still on my end.”

“But I-”

“Commander. _I literally owe you my life_. I could face problems because of you until the day I die, and we probably wouldn’t be even until I’m in a retirement home.”

Maho wanted to protest further, but conviction had returned to Koume’s voice with a vengeance.

“If you say so…” she conceded. “What about the rest?” _The ones that don’t owe me a life debt…_ she thought.

“Same for them. Ren Maaru, Natsumi Funai, we all got a letter of expulsion one after the other.”

“Then what…” Maho couldn’t wait any longer. She had tried to hold on to the question that was eating her up inside, but with this information now out in the open, she had to ask. “What about Emi?”

Koume sighed and shrunk back into her seat. “Yeah, I figured you would ask about her sooner or later…”

“Koume… please…”

“She’s still in a coma. They moved her from _Black Forest_ to a hospital in Kumamoto after a while, since they’ve got limited room and all that, but she’s still in a coma. Nothing’s really changed. I visit her when I can, two or three times a week usually, sometimes her mom’s there and she’s always friendly, but nothing’s changed.”

“Figures…” Maho said in a low voice, and almost felt like the sadness would cause her to melt away.

“Still, the doctor’s say she doesn’t seem to be getting any weaker either, so that’s something.” She reached out and put a hand on Maho’s, trying her best to smile. “She’s going to be fine, Commander. I’ll walk into that room one day, and she’ll glare at me and tell me she’s been awake for hours without anyone coming to see her. Just you wait, it’s gonna happen.”

* * *

They left the restaurant shortly thereafter, walking in relative silence through the streets of the _Zuikaku_. Koume tried her best to keep up the conversation, and Maho obliged in answering, but the mood had clearly been dampened after Koume’s revelation.

“I guess it’s not much fun thinking about Kuromorimine and all that happened, is it?”

“I suppose not… Still, if that’s what you want to talk about, then-”

“Oh, no, I don’t mind changing the subject,” Koume answered and smiled at Maho. “We’ve mostly been talking about me, I suppose, so how have things been for you? How do you like your new school?” She looked around at the buildings as they walked, very clearly trying to carry the conversation by herself. “It’s a lot smaller than the _Graf_ , isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Maho muttered. “It’s only seven kilometers I think…”

“Huh,” Koume nodded and looked up at the sky. “Seems too small to work as a school carrier, doesn’t it? Still ginormous, I guess, but, you know… Nothing compared to _Ark Royal_ or _George Washington_.”

“I guess not…”

“I gotta say,” Koume said, changing subjects once again, looking at Maho with a look of pleasant surprise combined with fascination, “I was surprised to see you take up Sensha-Do again. I thought I’d never see you back in the commander’s cupola again. Didn’t you say you were done?”

“I was…” Maho said in low tones. “But, well… things happened. Let’s just say the Student Council convinced me…” Koume didn’t need to ask. It was obvious enough from Maho’s tone and expression that she had not enjoyed being convinced.

“Oh well, still. I was impressed by your performance, especially with such a small team. I didn’t get to see your exhibition game with St. Gloriana, but I did see the recordings afterwards. Nice maneuver at the end. And you did as best you could against Saunders.” She smirked, and looked up in feigned thoughtfulness. “Well, maybe not the best you could do. Seems to me there was a noticeable lack of a Panzer III beside you.”

“Heh, yeah… maybe…” Maho still wasn’t very cheerful, even if it was obvious she was at least trying to appear as such.

“Well, whatever happened, I think it’s probably for the best that you got back in the turret.”

“Oh yeah, you think so?” Maho asked with a sense of incredulity. “Even after all that Sensha-Do has taken me through?”

“I do. It can’t be healthy to live without part of yourself. It's in your blood after all."

"What do you mean by that?" Maho asked with a hint of annoyance, clearly disagreeing. “If Sensha-Do is a part of me, then it’s nothing but an appendix or cancer. It’s done nothing but ruin my life ever since mother first dropped me in the Panzer II back home.”

“You think so? I can think of at least one good thing that happened to you because of Sensha-Do.”

“Oh yeah?! And what would that be?! What possible good could ever have come from me doing Sensha-Do?!”

“You got to meet me,” Koume said shortly, and stopped. “And by extension I suppose Emi, though that was really more through your sister…”

Maho stopped as well and looked down at the ground, shrinking slightly as her shoulder slumped down. “Right… sorry, Koume… I didn’t… I mean…”

“It’s fine, Commander. I understand. I was just kidding around.” She showed a teasing grin, before putting a caring hand on Maho’s shoulder. “But I meant what I said about Sensha-Do being in your blood.”

“How? Are you claiming I’ve got oil and gasoline running through my veins?” Maho scoffed at this notion and crossed her arms as she leaned back against a nearby lamppost, raising an eyebrow.

"No, but consider this; Your family's been around since the Edo period, hasn't it? First you were Samurai, then Generals, and now you're Sensha-Do aces."

"Your point being?"

"That Nishizumis have always wielded weapons as an extension of themselves. First it was swords, then pistols and rifles. And I think you're the same with tanks."

"I'm not though..."

"I think you are. You never seemed more at peace than when you were in a tank. Sure, your mom and sister's style is awful, but you still thrived whenever you were in that commander's seat. _212_ was just as big a part of you as your heart or your arms. Face it, Commander. Tanks _are_ a part of you, and you trying to distance yourself from them isn't doing you any favors." She put her hands behind her back, walked a few paces away, and turned back to look at Maho over her shoulder “So yes, I _do_ think it’s a good thing.”

“I never wanted to… I even swore I wouldn’t…”

"Well, if you don't feel comfortable with it, why'd you get back into Sensha-Do? It's not like Ooarai has some famous team. They only just restarted their program, and no one could blame you for not joining up with a team so far below your level."

Something about that description irked Maho, but she couldn't tell why. Besides, she had other things to think about at the moment She weighed her options in her head for a few moments, before sighing and giving Koume a serious look.

"Can you keep a secret, Koume?"

"I'm almost insulted you feel the need to ask," she said with a warm smile. "What's up?"

Maho gave a quick look around them, before gesturing for them to continue walking.

“Apparently, MEXT is trying to cut costs,” she said in a low voice as they reached the small park at the stern of the carrier. It was currently devoid of people, which suited Maho perfectly. “And that means they’re going to close down Ooarai and scrap the _Zuikaku_ …”

“So? School carriers being scrapped happens from time to time. Besides, it’d still take years for them to just close the school down properly and get all the students readmitted. And by the time they even get to it, they’ll have probably changed their minds. What does MEXT potentially closing this place sometime in the next decade have to do with you joining a newly started Sensha-Do program?” It was clear that Koume wasn’t following. Of course she wasn’t. It’d take the combined imagination of a small town to come up with the farcical situation Maho had found herself in.

“It’s not a potential plan, and it’s not in a decade,” Maho reiterated. “They’re closing the school down as soon as the semester is over.” Realization began to appear on Koume’s face as Maho continued. “Except the pipsqueak of a student council president convinced them not to do it if Ooarai could win the National Tournament. Hence why they restarted the Sensha-Do program, and tried recruiting me to it from day one.”

There was nothing but exasperation and disbelief on Koume’s face, as she stared at Maho like she had grown a third eye. “You’re kidding…”

“Since when have I had a sense of humour?” Maho asked dryly. “But no, I’m not kidding. I saw the documents myself. Unless Ooarai wins the National Championship, it’s being closed down after the end of the semester…”

“And I thought there was pressure to win at Kuromorimine…” 

Maho just gave Koume a look at this. A look of displeasure and annoyance Koume was far too familiar in how to draw out of her friend.

“ _I was kidding!”_ She giggled slightly to push the point home, before conceding to the seriousness of the situation. “Well, as strange as it seems, then I suppose you were lucky that the Federation overturned the results?”

“Yeah, right… ” Maho stared out towards the sea with a faraway look in her eye. “Lucky…”

She still hadn’t given any answer to the pipsqueak, the cyclops, and the walking intelligence agency about how they were going to handle the next round of the tournament. Not that it was of any concern to Maho what the trio from hell did or thought any longer; she had made her resignation from the position of Commander quite clear. She had no intention of going back to that garage ever again, and neither love nor money, nor whatever scheme they could come up with, could ever force her back into a tank.

“So, that means you need to beat Anzio or Maginot in about a month, then get through the semis, and beat whoever reaches the finals from the other bracket.”

“Kuromorimine,” Maho noted. 

“You don’t know that for sure. It’s possible Jatkosota or BC/Freedom manages an upset and-”

“No. It’s going to be Kuromorimine, and we both know it. Miho’s not an amateur, and she _will_ be in the finals.”

“I suppose so…” Koume conceded. “Still, just because you will be facing Kuromorimine in the finals doesn’t mean-”

“Stop saying ‘will’. There’s nothing certain about anything. Ooarai has five tanks. Five _crappy_ tanks. It’d take a miracle to beat even Waffle, and unless Ooarai defeats _everyone_ , it won’t matter. It took an ocean of luck to sneak a win against Saunders. Luck, and an enemy commander who’s hellbent on sporting wins to the point of lunacy. A win like that won’t happen again in a generation, and it would need to happen three more times in as many months. It can’t be done, and apparently I’m the only one who realizes...”

“Well, if anyone can do it, it’s you. If I know one thing to be true, it’s that nothing stops a Nishizumi.”

“I’m not a Nishizumi though…”

“You are, Commander. You’re Maho Nishizumi, and-”

“Except I don’t want to be. I’ve only ever wanted two things in my life; for Miho to be safe and happy, which will never happen, and that I would never have been born a Nishizumi.”

“But you are, though… You’re the best commander in Japan, and you almost defeated two of the Big Four with nothing but beginners manning five sub-optimal tanks. Who else could pull that off? Anzio and Maginot aren’t exactly the best teams in the country, so it’s not unthinkable that you can-”

"Would you cut it out?!” Maho snapped. “Stop trying to give me hope! I don't want hope! I just want to live my life in obscurity, but apparently that’s too much to ask. Whenever I get my hopes up, I just set myself up for another fall, and I'm tired of getting hurt."

Koume was taken aback, her mouth agape for a moment, before replying. "But, Commander… How do you plan to win without hope? How are you gonna go back to your team and lead them if you don't think it can be done?"

" _WELL, MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO LEAD THEM!_ "

For a moment that seemed to last an eternity, there was silence. A deafening silence, drowning out all else. Koume opened her mouth to speak, but no words would come. She gathered herself, and tried once more.

"What... what do you mean by that, Commander?"

Maho didn't answer at first. She didn't even meet Koume's eyes.

"Commander? What does that mean?"

"I don't know, _OK_?! I just... I just..." She sighed, and her shoulders slumped. "I just don't think I can stay here anymore. If I do, I'll just make things worse."

“So you’re…”

“Yeah… I think I am…” Maho sighed and shrugged, before her shoulders slumped back down. “Tomorrow I’m getting my things, and I’m taking the next ferry out of here. Maybe I can find some hut in Hokkaido or something to hide out in... At least until I become an adult and mother can’t enact her will upon me anymore… ”

“I… I see…” Koume took a few steps closer, her eyes dawning with realization. “Are… Are you sure about this, Commander?

"I am."

"And you're sure you've thought this through?"

"I have. I can't stay here anymore. I'll just end up making things worse for myself or for someone else."

* * *

There were three jolts of pain that hit Maho. The first was in the face when Koume punched her, the second was in the small of her back when she fell to the ground, and the third was at the back of her head when it collided with the solid brick-laiden path.

“What the hell was that fo-”

“WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!” Koume was growing red as a beet as she yelled at Maho down on the ground, massaging her thankfully-not-broken nose. "That's what you're going to do? Just run away again? How could you possibly do that? These people trust you! They need you! They need _you_ , or else this entire ship and everyone on it stops having a home! Just because you were taught to always value victory over everything else doesn't mean it's okay for you to get scared and run away just because you might lose!" 

“There’s no might about it! They’re going to lose, and someone’s going to end up in hospital like Emi, and I don’t-”

“You don’t know that! No one knows that! And stop saying ‘they’! That’s _your_ team now, Maho! You can’t just abandon them because you’re scared or feel like crap or whatever! And for god’s sake, stop using me and Emi as an excuse!”

“I’m not making excuses, I just-”

“Oh yeah?! You just did, and knowing you, I bet that’s the only thing you’ve been doing for the past year! You’ve been blaming yourself for what happened that day, feeling like garbage, thinking you’re a horrible monster of a person who’s to blame for me getting this scar and Emi being a coma, and then using that as justification for not getting back to Sensha-Do! It was obvious even before you left that that was what was going through your head, but I didn’t say anything. I honestly thought you were clever enough to figure it out on your own, but apparently I need to spell things out for you, you idiot! _The sheer fact that you’re feeling like shit is proof that you’re not some horrible monster!_ Erika and her goons jumped me in the locker rooms more times than I can count, and let me tell you; it was obvious that she got nothing but satisfaction from it! Same with your sister; the only thing she felt when she doled out punishment to us when we called her on her bullshit orders was better. She just felt better than everyone else, and it showed in her eyes. _Horrible people don’t feel like shit,_ _you idiot_!”

Maho attempted to get back to her feet, but when her head raised within striking range, Koume slapped her hard across the face. The act itself was so quick Maho didn’t realize it had happened before the back of Koume’s hand came racing back towards her other cheek, and she fell back down to a sitting position.

“And as for feeling horrible and lost; Are you honestly so arrogant and narcissistic that you think you’re the only person in the world to have lost something?! That you of all people is the only one entitled to pain?! I had to watch my friend lie still in a coma for months, my other friend feel like absolute garbage without being able to help her, _and_ I’ve lost the thing that’s most important to me in my entire life! I will never ever get to do Sensha-Do again the way I wanted to! I will never be allowed back on a team thanks to the lies your sister made true about me, and there hasn’t been a morning since then where I haven’t considered that maybe there’s no point in it anymore! Meanwhile, you get handed a new team out of the blue on a silver platter, that you can shape however you want, with the school and student council practically begging you to command it, and you honestly expect me to show sympathy for you because you don’t want it?! You spoiled, privileged brat! Do you realize that I would practically kill for a chance like that?! And you don’t even have the common decency to put some faith and hope into your team!”

“So then why the hell don’t you transfer in here and take over, huh? If you want it so bad I’d happily give it away!” Maho countered.

Koume seemed to ignore Maho’s offer, but ceased her verbal barrage for a few moments, regaining her breath, and almost chuckling under the hand she used to pinch the bridge of her nose, before looking back down at Maho.

“But maybe you’re right! In fact, there’s no ‘maybe’ about it. That team can’t fight its way out of a paper bag with you leading it. Do you understand how happy I was to see my friend back in the commander’s seat?! I spent an entire month’s allowance to go see you battle live, and I've never been more disappointed in my life! I don't know what pathetic weakling I saw fighting on that field that day, but it sure as hell wasn't Maho Nishizumi! As far as I can tell, Maho Nishizumi died at the bottom of that river, because Saunders faced nothing but a hollowed-out husk of a commander! And really?! You got encircled twice without even noticing?! How the hell could you fail so utterly?! You have bloody witchcraft on your side!"

"It's not witchcraft, it's-"

"Yeah-yeah, 'It's just really sensitive hearing that years of training gives you.' I don’t care what you say it is, to the rest of us mortals, it's sorcery of the highest order. So again, I ask how the hell you got encircled twice without realizing?! Actually, don’t even bother answering that. I’ll ask Maho herself when I find her, and not the pitiful idiot sitting here."

"I thought you said you were impressed by what I did..." Maho muttered, staring off into the distance and taking great care to not meet Koume’s scowl.

"Yeah, well, I lied.” Koume shrugged, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. “Just like you lied to me."

"I never lied to..."

"'I'll take care of myself. It's a promise,'" Koume said with a mocking impression of Maho’s own voice. "That's what you told me when you left, and I find you half-dead in a shady bar having not seen the sky for almost a week, with bottles and glasses all around you. What they contained, I don’t even want to know. That isn’t taking care of oneself, and so in other words; You lied."

“I didn’t lie. I just… I just… It was all too much. I just wanted to disappear for awhile. Figure everything out, and clear my head, and find out who I wanted to be…”

“Stupid question; You’re Maho Nishizumi, and nothing’s gonna change that. At least you used to be. You really think you'll be able to wake up one day and just be a normal girl like everyone else? You're not. You're a Nishizumi, whether you like it or not, and you will never be 'just a normal girl', so stop acting like it! But if you so desperately want to be ‘just like everyone else’, then let me give you a lesson in how us mortals live our lives; We face defeat and hardship and struggle every single miserable day of our lives, and we learn pretty damn fast that running is the easiest thing you could ever do. Running is easy, fighting is harder. And unless you turn around and fight, then you’ll be running every day for the rest of your life.”

After this soul-crushing barrage of insults and insights, Koume paused for a moment. Her expression softened, and her voice calmed, like a cloudy sky clearing after a storm.

“And well, if that’s really what you want, then that’s your choice. If you don’t get back in a tank and command again because you honestly don’t want to, I fully respect that. I’ll support that choice all the way, and you’ll still be my friend. We’ll go find some café, get some cakes, and laugh together like this never happened.” 

Koume’s expression hardened once more, suddenly and without warning, and vitriol reentered her words.

”But if you don’t do it just because you think it’s going to be too hard, or that you’re going to lose, then I wish with all my heart that I had never known you, and I’ll be damned if I ever allow you to get close to Emi again when she wakes up.” She looked down affectionately at Maho, and reached a hand down to help her friend up. “So… what’s it gonna be?”

Silence once again fell over the scene. There was the low rumble of the carrier's engines and the distant lapping of waves against its hull far below them, and the scattered cries of seagulls above. But no words broke the silence. Maho glanced at Koume, and at the outstretched hand before her, before returning her gaze downwards, wishing that she could simply sink through the ground itself and disappear, if only to escape this conversation and the absolute choice Koume had placed before her.

“I don’t have all day, Commander. It’s not too long ‘til the last ferry for the day arrives, and I might need to be on it. It’s up to you though.”

“I… I don’t know…” Maho mumbled, and bowed her head.

“What?” Koume said, making it clear she didn’t hear.

“I said I don’t know, OK?!” Maho yelled back. “I don’t know, and stop forcing me to make a decision! I don’t know!”

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“What does that have to do with any-”

“ _When was the last time you saw her?_ ” Koume repeated, more forcefully this time, making it clear that she was putting a roadblock to the entire conversation until she had been given an answer.

“I don’t know,” Maho answered, exasperated, “maybe a few weeks before the finals?!”

“Coincidentally, that also turns out to have been the last time you had your head on straight!” She pulled her hand back, sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I really hope you’re satisfied, Commander…” Koume was staring daggers at her with the same cold gaze Shiho and Miho held, and the warmth and respect with which she usually worded the title was gone without a trace. As if it had never been there to begin with. She gave Maho one final, almost longing look, before turning and walking back towards the town and the pathways leading to the ferry.

"Fine!” Maho yelled after her. “Just go then! Leave! I don't need you! I don’t need you, or Miho, or Emi, or anyone else for that matter!" Koume paused for a moment, standing still and seemingly thinking about something for a second. "You were my best friend in the world, Maho, and I hope you know what you're doing. ‘cause let me tell you: being alone is the loneliest feeling in the world." She didn't even look at Maho as she spoke, and once she was done, she just continued, walking away from the park, and away from Maho, showing no signs of stopping or turning back around.

* * *

As Koume left, Maho got herself back to her feet, and walked the other way, leaning her elbows against the railing at the very aft of the ship. She was filled with anger, sadness, regret, determination, pain, and a raging forest fire’s worth of other emotions. Every emotion humanly possible was bubbling up within her, fighting a great war back and forth on a million fronts over her heart and mind. This inferno of emotions raging within left her unable to do anything more than stare out at the sea flowing away behind the carrier as it steamed on ahead through the endless ocean, the sun creeping closer towards the horizon.

Every word Koume had yelled at her was bouncing around in her mind, as was legions of other thoughts and scattered remnants of conversations, and it felt like her head would explode from the pressure. She didn’t know what would win out in the end, but through it all, a singular nagging thought made itself more and more known, now freed from where Maho had buried it under lock and key and breaking through the ceaseless struggle within, rampaging through the battle lines of her inner conflict, rallying the errant factions to its side with the aid of Koume’s words.

Tanks _were_ a part of her, and she _was_ running from it all. At least they were a part of Maho Nishizumi, but she wasn’t sure she was that person anymore. Maybe Koume was right, and she did drown in that river. She definitely hadn’t felt like herself since then. 

She was running away from every one of her problems instead of facing them, she shied away from tanks and Sensha-Do, and she buried herself under pain and sadness, using them as excuses to do nothing.

Maho Nishizumi wouldn’t run away from anything. She wouldn’t even do a fighting retreat. She would face anything head on, and push whatever came at her back to wherever it came from. She wouldn’t leave tanks or Sensha-Do behind, and she definitely wouldn’t hide behind excuses.

And yet, here she was, running away once more like some nameless thing. She was running, and she didn’t know what else she could do, or who she was.

A hollowed-out husk of a commander, and of a person. That was what she felt like, and she wanted it to stop. She looked longingly at the ocean in the distance, and swung one leg after the other over the railing, sitting herself down on the flattened iron bar and just remaining there, like a misplaced figurehead, staring out towards the horizon.

She sighed, and looked back up at the horizon. What was even the point anymore? Her own arrogance and stupidity had lost her Miho, then Emi, then her father, and then Azusa. Everyone she had ever cared for she had thrown away from her life through her own actions and her own actions alone. Now, as her crowning achievement, she had managed to drive Koume away. There was no one left for her to rely upon. No one she could consider friend or family, and no one for whom she felt it worth to continue her existence.

She tried to tell herself what she always did. That it was for the best. That she was better off alone, that she preferred being by herself, that she would rather burn to ashes than see others torn apart before her. But she was lying. Of course she was lying.

Everyone lied to her. For as long as she could remember, that was the one thing that remained a constant in her life. Her mother had lied to her when she pushed the Nishizumi style as the only truth in the world. The world had lied to her when it congratulated and praised her for following through in her role as the heiress of the Nishizumi family. Her father had lied to her when he said he wouldn’t die. The pipsqueak had lied to her to get her to join the team.

At this point she wasn’t even sure if she could tell the difference anymore. Koume’s words seemed to ring true, as did those of Hana, Saori, Yukari, and others. But she couldn't tell for certain. She tried telling herself that they spoke the truth when they claimed to appreciate her, but she was all too aware of how often she lied to herself that she only made it worse.

She conceded to the rage of emotions and bowed her head, her shoulders drooping. She _was_ running, she _was_ using what happened as an excuse, and she _was_ lost and alone. But what hurt her the most, was the thought she had tried to repress, and that Koume had unleashed with her words. The vast majority of Maho’s problems were not the fault of her mother, or an unfair world, or even some cruel divine arbiter of fate. There was only a single being in the world that was to blame for the mistakes she had made. Herself.

She sighed again. Whoever she was, and whatever she wanted, she didn’t know. She just knew that she wanted the chaos within her to cease, to burn away in an endless inferno, and leave nothing behind. And she knew where she could find that solution

She adjusted her grip on the railing to prepare herself to dismount and return down to Ogin’s. But with the steel bar still slick from the rain, her hand slipped, and in the surprise she instinctively tried to counter-balance, only causing her to lose her balance even quicker. Her grip fell away, and time froze for a moment, as she felt herself slip off the railing, and begin to fall.

* * *

Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: … … …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:  
> I really need to stop ending on these big cliffhangers. They make it so hard to actually talk about what happened in the chapter…  
> But anyways, let’s have a go anyways! Koume showing back up, and providing Maho with both support, some info on what’s happening at Kuromorimine, and also a much-needed punch in the face with an accompanying “The reasons you suck”-speech, is something I’ve been planning for a long time, and so I was really happy to get to finally bring it to fruition. Although I’m still not quite sure how happy I am with Maho’s reflection at the end… Feels like I maybe put too much thought into Koume’s speech and not enough into Maho’s reaction, but oh well.  
> This is a pretty weird chapter, as some of you may have noticed. To begin with it’s almost entirely a single conversation carried throughout the chapter, which I haven’t done before, but there’s also the opening bit in 1st person, which was the only way I could come up with that allowed me to both keep Koume’s identity a mystery in the start and also explain how she got to Ogin’s bar. So yeah, bit weird all around, but still, I hope you all enjoyed it.  
> But anyways, until next week; Ciao!  
> /Rihno


	25. The Others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What has happened to Maho? How is Azusa dealing with her injury and herself? How have the rest of the matches of the tournament gone? And after two long weeks of lectures and homework, the team is finally back to practicing with their tanks, even if something most certainly is different...

The world was black and darkness. The air was cold and humid. In the distance there were rumbles and explosions. The firing of cannons, the rumble of treads, a final last-ditch attempt at a counter-attack, and all of it utterly uninteresting.

Then, with a final blast of cannonfire ringing out over the woods, it all stopped. Silence fell over the dark world.

“It is done, Commander,” a voice reported over the radio. A moment later, the same information was announced to the crowds. Not that there was any need. Anyone who gave the situation even a cursory glance could have told you the same information a month ago.

_ “Type 97 Ha-Go, Chi-Ha-Tan Academy’s flag tank, is no longer operable. Kuromorimine’s Girls Academy wins the match, and advances to the next round!” _

Miho Nishizumi opened her eyes, and placed a hand against her throat, speaking into her microphone.

“You have failed me, Erika.” It was the simple truth. The match had gone on far longer than necessary. Erika was supposed to end Chi-Ha-Tan’s pathetic attempt at battle in at most half an hour, and should easily have been able to do so with the plan and two tanks of support Miho had given her. Instead, she had been forced to wait in their staging area for nearly an hour. “Report to my quarters at 1600 hours. Understood?”

“Y-yes, Commander…”

She lowered her hand again, placing it firmly on the roof of her Tiger II as she gazed at the dark clouds overhead. This had all been a formality, nothing but a waste of her time. She herself would have easily dealt with these charging upstarts in less than a third of the time even without support, but her mother’s words, and the wisdom found within, echoed in her mind.

“A tiger bares not its fangs to common beasts…” she repeated lowly to herself, before returning her attention to the drab and uninteresting world before her. What need or purpose was there for her to show off her skills against a lowly opponent like Chi-Ha-Tan? Her superiority was already obvious, and there was no need in giving those beneath her more opportunities to witness her skill than necessary.

“She’s finally done. Get me out of here,” she ordered her driver. The heavy tank began to rumble back to Kuromorimine’s camp, and the needless ceremony to end the match and certify her victory. Another hassle that only furthered the complete waste of time the day had been. If there was any point at all in her being here, it was to see the wild animals that called themselves ‘Chi-Ha-Tan’ grovel before their betters and brought to heel. Thankfully, their laughable adherence to ‘honor’ would compel them to recognize her obvious superiority.

It would also serve as a stark reminder to pawns below her as to why they followed her command. The Federation’s overturning the results of Saunders v. Ooarai had set the world of Japanese Sensha-Do alight, and over what? A fluke of chance, overshadowing the humiliating and pathetic failure by her mother’s heir to deal with even the simplest of foes. Regardless of this fire’s lack of importance, the common fool had been drawn to the story like moths, and hushed whispers speaking of the previous commander’s return had even found their way inside Kuromorimine’s walls.

Miho had no patience for seditious thinking. Any who followed her command were to be nothing but a piece on the board, moving and firing at her whim. Any failure to do so, or any other errant or treasonous thoughts taking the place that was intended for her orders, was reason enough to be cast out and shunned. 

And yet, despite all this, an undetectable smirk insisted on forming itself across Miho’s lips. Kuromorimine would stand victorious in the finals again regardless of who dared face them, that much was already obvious. But her thoughts betrayed her. Fun was not a factor to consider in Sensha-Do. But the possibility that she would be allowed to crush Maho, regardless of how impossibly unlikely it was, did bring a smile to her face.

* * *

The alarm rang for the fourth time this morning, and Yukari did nothing but huddle deeper under the covers, using her pillow as protection from both the ringing and the sunlight beaming in between the blinds. She tried to reach out a hand to turn it off, but the alarm clock was nowhere to be found for her fumbling fingers, and so she just groaned and forced herself upright, still huddling under her covers to shield her eyes from the light. 

She yawned and smacked her lips a few times, before finally finding the alarm clock down on the floor and turning it off. For a moment she didn’t register the time showing on its face, but when she did, she bolted out of bed. She was about to be late.

Mere minutes later she slid to a halt at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in her uniform and her bag on her back.

“Yukari?” her mother said with surprised alarm, and looked up at the clock on the wall. “I thought you had already left. You’re going to be late!”

“It’s fine, I know a shortcut!” Yukari grinned, grabbed two slices of bread from the toaster, and rushed out the door with one of them clamped firmly between her teeth.

Yukari did indeed know a shortcut, which had helped her immensely on numerous occasions. By crossing through an alleyway and leaping over a fence, she could easily cut five minutes off her way to school. Sadly, she also knew it probably wouldn’t matter. But who knew, she had been surprised before.

Today was not such a day.

“Hello, Mako!” She said and knelt down to pull one of the near-unconscious girl’s arms across her shoulders.

“Why do you keep helping me out like this?” Mako murmured, near unintelligible. “Aren’t you already late?”

“You don’t leave comrades behind, do you?” Yukari answered with an excited smile, and placed the other piece of toast in Mako’s mouth. “Here! Breakfast!”

With not much more than a minute to spare before the bell, Yukari and Mako reached the school gates, and passed under Midoriko’s censorious eye. This was far from the first time Yukari had cut it close, dragging Mako alongside her, so a scolding glare was ample replacement for the usual berating.

“There you are!” Saori exclaimed and rushed over towards the duo as they appeared in the hallway, thankfully taking over the burden of carrying Mako. “Go, we’ll get her to her class.”

Yukari nodded, and rushed up the stairs towards her own classroom. “See you at lunch!” she yelled back towards her friends as she turned on the landing.

* * *

“Hey, Yukari? Saori asked. “You’re being very quiet.”

“Huh? Oh… right… sorry…” Yukari looked back up from her plate with a sheepish smile and scratched at her neck, slightly embarrassed. “It’s… it’s nothing. Don’t worry.”

“You’re lying,” Mako muttered matter-of-factly, without looking up from her attempted nap.

“Is something the matter, Yukari?” Hana asked with concern, putting her third bowl of rice down on the table.

“N-no, everything’s fine. Or… well… it’s nothing, really. You’ll just think it’s silly.”

Saori gasped, as she was want to do when presented with vague answers. “Yukari?! Is it a boy?!” she exclaimed slightly too loud, garnering them some scattered looks from the surrounding tables, and causing Yukari to laugh.

“No, it’s not,” she answered with a chuckle. “It’s just… I was just thinking about how different my life has become in just these past few months. Even at the end of last semester, I was just alone all the time. I wasn’t sad about it or anything, it was just kind of how my life turned out. I obsessed over tanks and everyone thought I was just a weirdo, and I’d never had any friends. And now I’m getting to do Sensha-Do for real in the national tournament. I get to fight beside Commander Nishizumi, and I get to have lunch and spend time after school with my friends.” She looked at her trio of crewmates, and smiled. “So thank you. Thank you for being friends with me, even if I’m weird.”

“Yukari!” Saori protested. “You are  _ not _ weird. You’re one of the coolest people I know. I don’t know how you remember half of all that stuff, and you’re the fastest loader on the team. You’re cheerful and supportive and clever and all-around an amazing person, and anyone who can’t see that is an idiot!”

“I agree,” Hana concurred. “It is really quite astounding how much you know about tanks, Yukari. And you really are a great teammate. The team is happy to have you, just like we are. So thank  _ you _ , Yukari, for being friends with  _ us _ .”

“Yeah, what they said… and thanks for breakfast all those times, I guess…” Mako mumbled.

“Aww, thank you so much…” Yukari could feel herself start to blush at all the praise, feeling both that she didn’t quite deserve it and that she hadn’t given enough in return. Not that she got a chance, as Saori quickly moved on to another subject.

“But on the subject of you, why were you almost late again? Didn’t you finish Captain Chono’s homework the day we got it?”

“Oh, yeah, I finished that ages ago,” Yukari answered. “I was up looking at the recording of Kuromorimine’s match against Chi-Ha-Tan.”

“Maho’s old school?” Hana asked. “Why?”

“Well, I’ve watched all the games in the tournament. Which is a weird feeling when you’re actually participating.” Yukari gave a quick awkward laugh. “But Kuromorimine’s match was… different…”

“Different how?” Saori asked.

“So, you know how the first round is usually 10v10 tanks?”

“Yeah?”

“They only used 3.”

“Wait, they only fielded 3 tanks? We’ve only got 5, and aren’t they super-rich and experienced and famous?”

“No, that’s the thing. They brought 10 tanks. They just left seven of them turned off at their starting point, including their command tank. Their commander, Miho Nishizumi-”

“Maho’s sister?”

“Yeah. She just sent three tanks to engage all of Chi-Ha-Tan, and they took out every single one of their tanks, before dealing with the flag tank. Three tanks. And they carved their way through ten enemies like an AT-shell through an estate car. And they didn’t even need an hour to do it…”

“They’re that strong, huh?”

“Yeah… With a bit of luck they’ll get taken out in the semis by one of the other Big Four, but if they do make it to the finals, I think we’re pretty much doomed.”

“The finals?” Hana asked. “Do you really think we can make it to the finals?”

“I mean, maybe? We’ll probably lose against Anzio, but on the other hand, we’ve all been practicing like hell even without our tanks, and we have Commander Nishizumi to lead us, so anything’s possible.”

“Speaking of Maho…” Saori noted. “Have either of you seen her lately? I don’t think I’ve caught a glimpse of her since we got back from the Saunders-match, and that was over two weeks ago.”

“No, I have also not seen her,” Hana answered. “She seemed very downcast over losing, so I hope that her mood has improved now that the Federation overturned the result.”

“How about you, Yukari? You usually keep an eye on her, don’t you?”

“N-no… I-I mean…” Yukari said, flustered, waving her hands before her in protest. “I’ve been keeping my distance for a while. The Saunders-match was the last I saw her, same as you. Although I did go down to Ogin’s yesterday…”

“And? Had she seen her?”

“No, she hadn’t. Not recently anyways. Apparently Commander Nishizumi  _ was _ there the week after the Saunders-match, but then some girl came by and talked to her last Saturday, and she hasn’t been there since.”

Silence fell over the table for a moment as they contemplated what could have happened, picking at their food in the process.

“The teacher’s all seem to think she has the flu or something,” Saori said. “I hope she’s not too sick. Or that she’s stuck inside feeling down…” She looked down at her food for a moment, before looking up again with a smile. “Well, we’ll probably see her at practice, won’t we? Maho’s a big girl and can take care of herself, so there’s no need to worry without reason!”

* * *

“...and so with the Meiji restoration completed, Japan could begin a sweeping series of modernizing projects, such as a rapid industrialization and westernization, in turn leading to…”

The skies were clear outside the window of the classroom, with only the occasional white cloud drifting across the sea of blue. But looking at the faint reflection of Irisa in the window, Azusa’s thoughts were far away from the teacher’s dull lesson.

The sight more or less summed up what she felt like; a faint reflection of her sister. She gave a quick sigh, and swore under her breath. Irisa was slipping away from her, and she didn’t know what to do to halt it.

But as the days rolled past, she began to see less and less of Irisa in the mirror, and more and more of someone she didn’t know. And the mere idea terrified her. The world wanted Irisa, not her, and if she wasn’t Irisa anymore, then who was she? And how would the world think about whoever that person was? She didn’t know, and she didn’t want to find out.

During the past two weeks she had been doing her best to just play her part, and not do anything stupid, which seemed to do the trick. At least in part. It had of course helped that all the tanks were being serviced, meaning the normal hands-on practice had been replaced with lectures and seminars on tactics, rules, and the more technical side of Sensha-do, as well as the fact that her arm was just beginning to reach its pre-injury status, so anything actively stupid was mostly a physical impossibility.

But now, with practice starting up again and the possibility of having to deal with Maho and her lies again were disrupting that progress. Azusa felt like her head was the set of a cold war-spy movie, with conflict and disagreements happening in the shadows of her mind where she couldn’t quite see them. She enjoyed sensha-Do. She enjoyed being around her friends, and the rest of the team as well. She couldn’t deny that. Or at least, she was pretty sure she couldn’t.

But she also couldn’t deny that being on the team made her start to slip up in her role, making her less and less like Irisa. She became angry, she became competitive, and she became cold and bitter. She started to become like Maho…

Maho... 

Azusa had been angry when her mother told her to quit the team and just study, thinking she was stupid for even suggesting it. But as the days and weeks had passed, she had begun to waver in her conviction. The fact that she saw less and less of Irisa when she looked in the mirror each day was part of it, yes, but there was also the fact that she wanted nothing more to do with Maho.

And seeing as the two of them were in separate grades, the only real reason the two would ever interact was if she continued doing Sensha-Do. If she quit, she could still see her friends, she could even meet with some of the other upperclassmen on the team. But she would eliminate any possibility of Maho walking back into contact with her.

But on the other hand, why should Maho get to decide what she did with her life? Why should Maho get to push her away from something she was pretty sure she enjoyed? Why should she bend to the will of Maho? Maho quit the team, and good riddance. At least with her no longer on the team, Azusa was free to do what she wanted.

But still, the question remained:  _ What did she want _ ?

She didn’t know, but she was pretty sure that she wanted to-

“Miss Sawa?” Her train of thought was derailed by the teacher dropping a book down on her desk with a large thud, returning her to the classroom. “Is there perhaps a butterfly on the other side of that window that you find more interesting than my lesson?”

“Oh, n-no sir…” A round of giggles made its way through the classroom, which quickly died down at the teacher’s glare.

“Then I would perhaps suggest you keep yourself in the here and now, instead of halfway to Okinawa.”

“Yes, sir…”

* * *

"Now Momo,” Anzu said as the trio left the office and headed towards the Sensha-Do-team’s garage. Today was the first actual afternoon of practice since their battle with Saunders. “I want you to play nicely with Nishizumi from now on."

"Why should I?” Momo muttered. “She's not gonna be around anymore, is she? She quit, and she's a narcissistic bitch even if she didn’t."

"Nah, I'm sure she'll show up again. She's our commander after all. Won’t she, Yuzu?"

"Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see..." Yuzu said with cautious optimism.

"Indeed, but I feel pretty certain. She doesn't seem like the type to just run away. Besides, if she did, how would she live with herself knowing I outlasted her?" Anzu grinned for a moment, before turning back to Momo with a serious look. "So again, Momo, play nicely with her. Just like the office and school are my domain, the garage and team is hers. She’s the commander until the team decides otherwise, and her commands are just as much law during practice and matches as mine are on school grounds. Have I made myself clear?"

Momo didn’t so much answer as she just bitterly mumbled something inaudible.

“ _ Have I made myself clear? _ ”

“Of course, Madame President,” Momo grumbled. “Crystal.”

“Prez?” Yuzu asked as they began nearing the garage. It seemed they were among the last to arrive, as a small crowd had gathered by the open doors. “Why didn’t you tell the team why we actually got handed the victory against Saunders?”

“I didn’t see the point,” Anzu answered absentmindedly. “What difference does it make if we won because of a computer error or because Saunders cheated? It just seemed like telling the team they actually  _ did _ get a killshot on the flag tank would be better for morale than saying ‘yeah, we were probably screwed either way but Saunders cheated so we won anyways’.”

“I see…”

“Besides, we might as well save Kay the embarrassment. She didn’t know what was happening, so why should she be blamed for her juniors cheating? She apologized and forfeited the match to us, seems the least we can do is keep quiet about it.”

* * *

“Alright, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s great to be back!” Saori cheered as they walked across the grounds towards the garage.

“Yes, it has been quite the long wait, has it not?” Hana concurred. “Let us just hope that Maho is feeling better, and that she will show up. Captain Chono is an excellent instructor, but there is only so much we can do without our commander.”

"Do you really think Maho is alright?" Yukari asked, worried. “Shouldn’t we check up on her?”

“Well, whenever we’ve tried before she just seems to get worse and more angry,” Saori replied.

“True, but I mean, two weeks is a long time to be gone… Don’t you think… that she’s been gone long enough that we should go check on her?”

“You’re right!” Saori took a few jumping strides to the front of the group, turned, and stopped in place, smiling. "Ok, here's the plan. Once we're done with practice, we go get some food, and get over to Maho's place. Some food and company always makes people feel better!"

"Are you really sure about that, Saori?" Hana asked thoughtfully. “

"Definitely! We'll make her feel as giddy as Yukari in a tank shop!"

The lack of forceful protest settled the matter, and they continued on their way, rounding the corner of the tank garage. As they did, they saw the rest of the team crowded around the opening to the garage, and a great deal of commotion could be heard.

“It’s robbery!”

“Sabotage!”

“A heist of the highest order!”

“Uh, guys?” Saori asked, trying to get a word in. “What’s going on?”

“We’ve been robbed is what’s going on!” Noriko yelled. “Who the hell has the guts to just sneak in and steal from a team like that?!”

“What do you mean robbed? What’s been…stolen...” Pushing through the crowd, Saori, Hana, Mako and Yukari could see for themselves what was missing. Within the garage stood their tanks, with a large gap where the Panzer IV usually stood. It was gone.

* * *

_ Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: What has happened to the Panzer IV? How will the team prepare for the battle against Anzio? And where is Maho? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:
> 
> Well, despite this being the big milestone of 25 chapters, you get a bit shorter of a chapter than usual today, but a neat change of pace I think compared to the pretty dense chapters I’ve been putting out in recent weeks. Fun fact, this is the shortest chapter since ch8, which was four months ago. My, how time flies...  
> Anyhoo, as for the events of this week. We get to see Miho in action (kinda) for the first time, there’s some more insight into the Student Council, Azusa has a continuation of her ongoing identity crisis, and it’s been a while since we saw things from Yukari and the rest of the Panzer IV-crew’s perspective, which was really fun to write.  
> Oh, and there’s also the fact that I continue being an evil bastard and not giving the slightest hint of what’s happening with Maho. 
> 
> I’ll see you all back next week, and perhaps I will be bringing some answers? Stick around and find out!
> 
> Until next week, See ya!  
> /Rihno


	26. The Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A last goodbye. A fall. A revelation. A struggle. A self-discovery. A war. A pact. A return.

The world was bright and shining, drowning Maho in soft light as she opened her eyes. The air was warm and dry, and there wasn’t exactly quiet, but it was close to it. The low burr of an AC unit, and muted chirping of birds from outside. At first she simply remained there, lying on what appeared to be a couch of some sort. Although somehow it seemed familiar to her, and after a few minutes she arose from it to investigate her surroundings.

She was standing in a room, a familiar room she had been in before. The furniture, the walls, the layout and adjoining hallways, she recognized it all. She was standing in the living room of her father’s house, with every inch of the house bathed in a warm white light. It all made her feel warm and safe, despite not knowing how she got there. A small clinking sound from the direction of the kitchen drew her attention however, and she cautiously made her way through the house towards it.

Normally she wouldn’t have even dared hope, but something about this place made both warmth and hope fill her body and mind as she rounded the corner, like she had done so many times before.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Maho,” her father said with a warm smile, looking up from the steaming cup of coffee he had before him. “Welcome home.”

“Dad?” she asked cautiously as she stepped into the kitchen, before leaping at her father. “Dad!” She hugged him tightly, refusing to let go, and he held her tight in return.

“Hi, Sweetheart,” he said softly. “Something the matter?”

She nodded vigorously, which through the tight hug seemed more like aggressive nudging into her father’s shoulder than anything else.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She simultaneously nodded and shook her head. “I don’t know…” she whispered.

“Aww, don’t be like that honey…” he answered affectionately as he stroked her hair. “Why don’t you sit down, and I’m sure we can make it all better. I’ve made cocoa.”

She glanced over to the table through the hug, and could indeed see a steaming cup of warm cocoa sitting invitingly before the chair opposite her father. It did smell great, she could tell even from the other end of the table, but she couldn’t bear herself to let go.

“I missed you… What if… what if I let go and you disappear again?”

“Oh, honey… I’m not going to go anywhere…”

“But what if you do? You said the same thing last time, and then… then…” She could feel herself start to cry, the tears disappearing into the shoulder of her father’s shirt. “Then you were gone…”

Maho hugged even tighter, and her father answered in kind.

“Well, what if you don’t let go then?”

She looked up with confusion in her tear-drowned eyes, sniffling as she did so.

He lightly grabbed her arm and moved it away, taking her hand in his and holding it tight. “See? Now we can talk, and you don’t have to worry about me disappearing. I’m right here, and I always will be.”

She hesitated for a moment, before nodding and releasing her grip on her father, but not his hand. As she sat down across the table from him, she brushed her sleeve against her eyes to clear her tears, and took a sip of the cocoa. It was every bit as delicious and warming as it had smelled.

“So,” he asked her with a smile, “What’s the matter, Sweetie?”

“I yelled at Koume… I told her to go away and that I didn’t need her…”

“Why did you do that?” he asked. “I know you didn’t mean it, and I think you do too.”

“I… I don’t know… I was just sad, and angry, and she punched me, and tried to force me to make a choice, and-”

“Maho…” He gave her a stern yet affectionate look, the kind seemingly reserved for parents, and brushed the back of her hand gently with his thumb.

She sighed and looked down, ashamed. “I… I know… I shouldn’t have… She was just trying to help me, but… but… but I’m just so tired…”

“Of what?”

“I don’t know…”

“Maho,” he said knowingly, “what are you tired of?”

She looked back up, and met her father’s eyes. “I… I’m tired of running. I’ve been running for so long, I feel like I’m gonna collapse. I can’t do it anymore, but I don’t know what else I can do?”

“Well, what do you think your friends would do? What do you think they would like you to do?”

She took another sip of the cocoa and looked away, gazing out through the hallway towards the living room.

“I… I think… I mean... Koume said I should fight... She said that’s what the Maho she knew would have done… it’s just... I just don’t know if that’s who I am anymore… If I can ever be that person again… The person Koume knew… she…” Maho took a moment and tried to gather herself. “I think Koume might have been right. Maybe Maho Nishizumi  _ did _ drown back then. But I don’t know… The well is just so deep, I’m afraid of what I’ll find when I pull out the bucket…”

“Maybe…” He smiled again, and added his other hand to the pile on the table. “But maybe that’s what you’ll need to do? Yes, it might be scary, but it’s only when we’re scared that we can be brave, isn’t it? And you were always incredibly brave…”

Something about those words made them echo in Maho’s mind for a few moments, causing her to look back over to her father. She put the cup of cocoa back down, and glanced at their hands held tight.

“Dad…” She asked cautiously.

“Yes, Maho?”

“This… this isn’t real, is it? I-I mean… you’re not… you’re not here anymore, so am I… am I… Is this…”

“‘The beyond’?” he answered with a chuckle, before gently shaking his head. “No, sweetie, it’s not. This is all in your head. You’re right though, I might not be alive anymore, but that doesn’t mean I’m not with you anymore. I’ll always be right here, and I’ll always love you. You know that, don’t you?”

“B-but…” She could feel tears begin to well up again, “but I yelled at you… I said you were a horrible parent… I yelled at you and hurt your feelings, and… and then… and then I never got to apologize… and now you’ll never forgive me…”

“Oh, Maho…” he said softly, reaching out a hand to her cheek. “You know that isn’t true, don’t you?”

“B-b-but…”

“You know you could never disappoint me or make me hate you, right? You know that the only thing you ever needed to do to make me happy was come home at the end of the day. And even if you don’t know what you want to do or what you want for yourself, you know what it is I want for you, don’t you?”

Maho didn’t answer, even though she knew the answer. Mostly because she couldn’t bring herself to believe she could do it.

“Maho…”

“I know, I just… I just…”

“My only hope for you is that you will live to see that yourself, and that you will surround yourself with people who can help you find that happiness.” She knew this speech word for word, and yet she couldn’t help but smile as she heard her father repeat it once more. Even if it wasn’t actually in person. “You are a shining beacon in the lives of anyone you meet, and the only way you could ever disappoint me is if you let that roaring fire die out."

She dried her tears with her sleeve, sniffling, before looking at her father again. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you, Dad.” But a sudden sadness striking her like a knife through her heart caused her to look down again. “But… I don’t want to lose you again… I… I don’t want to let go…” She gripped his hand tighter, as if even her grip loosening would let him slip away.

“Of course not. But you know you’re going to have to sooner or later, don’t you?”

She nodded.

“Good. I’ll still be with you no matter what, but until you feel ready, I’m not going to let go. Okay?”

Another nod.

They remained there for a long time, sitting in silence and holding each others’ hands until Maho lost track of how long it had been.

“Dad?”

“Yes, honey?”

“I… I think I’m ready… Just… before I go... could I get another hug?”

He smiled at her. “Of course.” 

She got up and walked over to him, and hugged him as tight as she could, and he hugged her back. This was probably the last time she would ever get the chance. Seconds became a minute, one minute became two, and two became five. Only then could she will herself to let go of the embrace.

“Thank you, dad,” she said with a smile. “And I’m sorry.”

“I know, Maho. I know.”

She let go, and stood for a moment before him, holding his hand and looking down at it, before sighing and steeling herself. She looked up one last time, a smile on her lips and a tear in her eye.

“Dad?” 

“Yes?”

“I love you.” she said softly, as if the words could shatter if not handled with care.

“I love you too, Maho.”

She nodded, and let go of his hand.

The cries of seagulls, the pink sky above her, and a headache the size of the  _ Graf Zeppelin _ met Maho as she opened her eyes. For a moment she was confused, but then it all began coming back to her. Glancing over, she could see the railing of the  _ Zuikaku _ , the one where she had been sitting. 

That’s right. She had lost her grip and slipped. 

She reached a hand up to the back of her head, the source of the headache, and groaned. It really did feel like she had been run over by a tank. Looking at her hand, it was at least dry and not crimson red, so it seemed she hadn’t cracked her skull open against the pavement, even if it most certainly felt like it.

She sighed and slowly began sitting herself up on the ground, even if it took all the energy she could muster. With every degree she rose, the headache only pulsated more painfully through her head, and soon it felt like it would crack open of its own accord. She closed her eyes and drew slow, deep breaths, trying her best to outlast the pain as she rose.

She gave a quick glance to the horizon. The sun was nothing but a thin sliver still peeking out from below it, drowning the skies and the seas in a vivid, fiery display of colors. She gently shook her head and chuckled softly to herself as she stared out to sea, remembering the dream she had just had, before turning around and beginning to make her way back home. She needed to lie down, both to sleep, and to nurse her incessant headache.

* * *

As Maho once again found herself in the crumbling remains of Ooarai, she wasn’t surprised. Not in the least. If anything, she had been hoping to find herself here once more as she fell asleep. She rose from the ground and walked out of the alleyway into the street of the ruined town.

“Alright, you flaming bastards!” she yelled into the vast silence of the town, overruling both the cutting rain and the distant rumble of tracks. “I’m done playing your stupid game, and I’m done with running! I’m Maho Nishizumi, daughter of Tsuneo, and there’s nothing I can’t face! I’ll smother you myself if I have to, so if you pale imitations have even half the sense that I have, you’ll leave me alone!”

Not a word came in reply, and the only thing breaking the silence was the neverending rain and the distant rumble. Normally this would have been exactly what she would want, but she had been pumping herself up for a fight and now of all times it was denied her? She closed her eyes and tried to see where the Tiger was and where it was going, but to no avail. She couldn’t concentrate properly, and the rain drowned out all sounds.

The lack of answer only made her blood boil more violently. 

“Come on then! Come at me! Where the hell are you bastards?! If you’re trying to scare me into running, it’s not gonna work! I’m not moving until you phantoms come out here and face me! I swear, I’ll-”

She was cut short by a hand being held over her mouth as she was pulled back into the alley and thrown down to the ground behind some crates, her mouth still tightly covered and allowing no sound to escape. “Are you insane?!”

Maho struggled for a moment, but as she saw who was holding her down, her struggles became more violent. Pinning her to the ground was herself, or rather the version of herself she sometimes saw in the mirror. A perfect reflection, but dressed in Kuromorimine’s uniform and with a steady and confident gaze.

“You’ll draw her right to us!”

“That’s the point! I’m gonna kill her, or die trying!” Maho growled. “Now get off me!”

Her doppelganger looked at her with queer curiosity for a moment, before pausing and listening for something. But after a moment or two, it shrugged and released it’s hold on her, offering a helping hand which Maho brushed away with a glare as she got up.

“Why are you here anyways?” she asked bitterly. “Don’t you have some mirror to stand in and tell me taunting lies from?”

“I’ve been here the whole time, looking for you. You just didn’t bother looking for me before is all,” it said with a smile.

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, I suppose it might be a bit strange to comprehend,” it chuckled, before holding steeling itself for a moment. It held up its hand and gave Maho a smug look, before the skin of its hand and lower arm cracked, turning to embers flying away through the rain as the arm burst into flames. Black, obsidian flames.

Rain. Rain falling heavy over the ruined town, and the quiet sizzle of water on flames was all Maho could hear. The moment, which to her lasted hours, felt like a shell striking her square in the chest as she was hit by the understanding.

“Wait…” she said cautiously, and took a step back. “You’re…” Another step. “You’re saying you’re…” Another step, cut short by the brick wall behind her. She was out of room to give up. There was no more falling back, and there was no running. 

The reflection that spoke to her from the mirror…

The black flaming doppelganger searching for her through her dreams…

They were one and the same.

The creature, what else could she call it, nodded. It nodded, and smiled.

“Took you long enough, Maho.” The rest of its skin burst into the air as embers, revealing the inferno of obsidian underneath. A second passed, and the flames slowed, almost crusting over as skin and cloth and hair once again covered its surface. “I really thought someone as clever as us would have figured it out sooner.” 

Maho took a breath. Then another. She unconsciously clawed at the wall behind her.

“Alright…” she sighed. “Then go ahead… Just do it. Now that the mask is off, can we end this charade?”

Her reflection tilted her head slightly. “What are you talking about?”

“You know all too well what I mean… Go ahead, kill me. I’m not afraid of you anymore.”

“Is that so?” It took a step forward, and Maho felt herself tense up. It chuckled to itself. “Haven’t I told you that you can’t lie to me, Maho? I’m you after all, remember?” It shrugged, and turned around to lazily pace back and forth in the alleyway. “Still, you’ve got it wrong. I’m not here to hurt you. Never was. I only want to help us, and it seems you’re actually starting to be receptive to some help.” It winked and gave Maho a thumbs up. “Which, for a girl like us, is some big progress. So tell me, what was it? Was it seeing dad again? Koume? That well-deserved punch in the face? Something else?”

“Didn’t you say you were me? You figure it out,” Maho muttered, glaring with eyes like daggers at her counterpart.

“So be it. I suppose just because you’ve made some progress doesn’t mean you have to stop hating yourself.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t hate myself. I just-”

“Really? So then the scars on our arms and the multiple times you thought about just jumping off the carrier was for fun?”

“Just shut up. And unless you have anything useful to tell me, I’m gonna go find the other impostor. At least it has the decency to kill me instead of trying to bombard me with lies.” Maho pushed herself away from the wall and began walking out of the alley, but a hand appeared on her shoulder.

“Why? If you know she will just destroy us, why chase after her regardless?”

“Because I’m tired of running from her,” she growled, shaking the hand of her shoulder. “And this has nothing to do with you, so leave me alone.”

“Well, have fun then. You know where to find me when you figure it out.”

* * *

Maho groaned from the pain as she rose from her bed. While her headache had indeed diminished, she awoke with fresh pain in her chest, residue from her repeated attempts at taking down her purple flaming doppelganger, none of which had been even remotely successful. 

She sighed and put her head in her hands. 

“This isn’t working… I can’t keep doing this…” She put a hand against her chest and drew deep breaths. With each breath the pain in her chest flared up and then receded, until finally it disappeared.

She felt stupid. Why was she even trying? It wasn’t gonna work, and even if it did, what was the point? Koume had already made her mind up about her. Dad was already dead. Emi was already in a coma. Miho had already given in fully to the Nishizumi style and her hate for her. What was gonna change by her pushing herself pointlessly over and over like this? She glanced towards the door, her bag lying limp on the floor beside it. She could just go. She could just grab her things and leave, get on a ferry and find some place to hide in Hokkaido. Maybe she could even make her way to Iwo Jima. That would at least buy her a few months.

She sighed, and got up from the bed. She got herself dressed, and began throwing whatever she could think of needing into her bag. She  _ was _ being stupid. She had been like this for ages. Did she really think she could just up and change like that? She was done, beaten and unable to stand back up, no matter how much she wanted to.

Grabbing the packed bag, she headed to the door. But as she put her hand on the handle, she paused. In the corner of her eye, down on the kitchen counter that ran the length of the hall, sat a small, bandaged teddy bear. Miho’s old teddy bear. No, not a teddy bear… What was it called again…

She picked up the small bear and held it in her hand, looking at it with both affection and curiosity, trying for the life of her to remember what it was Miho had called it all those years ago, and why it was supposed to be special from any other stuffed animal. 

After a few minutes of racking her brain to the point of annoyance, she found a name in the recesses of her mind that sounded right. Boko, wasn’t it? But still, why was it supposed to be important? It was just a bear after all. A small stupid stuffed bear, who couldn’t even fight properly considering his wounds and bandages.

“Stop staring at me. I know what I’m doing.” She glared back at the blank, glassy eyes of the bear, who just ignored her warning and continued to stare up at her. She in turn continued to glare down at it as if they were having a staring contest, before rolling her eyes. “I said cut it out. I’ve been defeated, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m done, and nothing you say can stop me.”

The staring continued, and it made her uncomfortable. As if the blasted bear was staring right into her soul. “I SAID CUT IT OUT!” she yelled, and hurled the bear across the room. It bounced of the window, and fell limply down onto the table, where it somehow managed to sit itself down perfectly, taking up its blank stare at Maho once again.

“So… that’s how you want to play it, huh?” Maho scoffed, dropped her bag, and walked over to the table, picking the bear up once more. “Well, are you gonna stay down after  _ this _ ?” She threw the bear as hard as she could into the wall beside her bed, but as it landed, the bear still sat itself back up and stared at her.

By this point she was getting more angry with the bear’s refusal to give up and stay down than she was with anything else. She picked the bear up for a third time, but this time she noticed something. Something she hadn’t exactly missed before, but instead had mostly ignored. As she held the bear, turning it from side to side she realized that it’s weight was unevenly distributed. It had been made specifically so that it would always sit itself back up _. Right, _ she thought,  _ that was it, wasn’t it? _ Boko always got back up. That was the point of him, wasn’t it? 

“Fine. Be like that then, you stupid bear…” she muttered, and sat the bear back down on the counter as she walked back out the door.

…

“I’m really doing this, aren’t I?” Maho said to herself and sighed as she looked at the large building before her. “Am I really going to be this stupid?”

_ Apparently so, _ she thought and steeled herself as she walked through the large green metal doors, and into Ooarai’s Sensha-Do garage. Despite the fact that it was still early in the day, and school hadn’t yet let out, the building was full of activity and noise.

At first Maho just stood there in silence and looked. Running back and forth with tools and machinery between the tanks was a group of girls in orange jumpsuits. As far as Maho could tell, they were making themselves incredibly busy repairing the tanks. _So, these are the unseen mechanics?_ _Figures that the pipsqueak wouldn’t get proper mechanics for something like this…_

“Oh, hiya! Can I help you?”

“Huh?” Maho turned to face the girl who had spoken to her. She was a short girl, standing half a head shorter than Maho, with short brown hair and a cheerful but serious expression on her face. She wore an orange jumpsuit like the rest of them, and held a large wrench over her shoulder like a rifle. “Oh, n-no,” Maho answered. “I’m just staring. Don’t let me distract-”

“Nonsense, we’re doing quite well, so some distraction is just welcome, anyways, what can I do for ya?” the girl chirped in answer at a remarkable speed, and held out a hand. “The name’s Nakajima Satoko by the way, in case you didn’t know already.”

“Maho,” Maho answered shortly, and shook the girl’s hand. It seemed that Nakajima was quite the motormouth, true to her name.

“Oh, right. You’re the commander! The President mentioned you a few times, but I guess this is the first time we’ve actually met, pleased to meet ya, although you’re in luck I’m don’t hold a grudge with the condition some of those tanks came back in, not to worry though”

“Yeah, that’s me…” Maho muttered. She didn’t like thinking of herself as the commander, seeing as she had quit and wasn’t exactly planning on returning, but for now she figured maintaining the facade was the easiest way to not get herself thrown out.

“Hey, guys! Get yourselves over here! We’ve got a visitor!”

“Oh, no, that’s not really necessa-”

“Of course it is. You oughta know who bangs out the dents you keep causing, dontcha?” Nakajima gave Maho a friendly jab in the side with her elbow, and waved the rest of her companions over.

For the next couple of minutes, Maho was bombarded by introductions. Apparently the school’s automotive club was pulling double duty as the team’s mechanics, and were in the process of repairing the tanks after the Saunders-match. Whatever else Maho might think, she had to admit that it was rather impressive, with just the four girls working on an arsenal with more members than themselves.

Nakajima seemed to be the leader of the quartet, and swiftly introduced her companions. Hoshino was almost as tall as Maho, with black hair and the top half of her overalls tied around her waist, revealing a white tank top underneath. Something Maho found surprising, considering the oil, muck, and grime splotched across the overalls. 

Suzuki was a rare sight to behold, both because of her tanned skin, and because she was a bit taller than Maho, something not many could boast about being. She had reddish brown hair in a short and messy haircut, and carried an excited and friendly smile all throughout the introductions.

Finally there was Tsuchiya, a girl of average height and a slightly awkward and sheepish, but still friendly, attitude. She was, like the rest of her comrades, perfectly civil, even if she had a tendency to drift off on tangents about engines and other mechanical topics. It was abundantly clear that, while she might be capable of carrying a conversation, she would much prefer to have her eyes occupied with staring at an engine block rather than acquiring eye contact with other people.

Once the introductions were over, the conversation continued for a few awkward minutes as the group asked Maho about the damage the tanks had incurred and when she wanted them back in action.

“Uhm… You can… you can just take your time. No rushing on our behalf…”

“Oh, well that is excellent news. We’ve kinda been busting our asses of trying to get them done for ya, but if that’s the case we’ll probably be able to have them done for ya at the start of next week, although we’ve already got some of it done I suppose if you want to bring them out for some partial training, like the Panzy over there, quite the bad luck with the tracks, but nothing we can’t handle…”

Maho glanced over to where Nakajima had pointed to see what “panzy” she was talking about, and saw the Panzer IV standing in it’s usual spot. Although it didn’t look quite as it had done before. 

“You got it upgraded to the ausf. F2?” she said absentmindedly as she walked over towards the German medium tank, interrupting Nakajima.

“Oh yeah, some of the team found that gun-barrel and some other spare parts a few days back, so we went ahead and installed it while we were doing the repairs, she should be in fully working order, so if you want to take her out for a spin she’s all ready to go, in fact you’d be doing us a favor since it gives us some more space to work on the duck-looking one, with all that water and rust on it it’s gonna take some time to fix her up, but we enjoy a challenge so no worries there, commander, although we probably won’t have it done until your next match, but hey, at least you’ll have some nice firepower going into the semis.” 

Maho received another nudge in the side from Nakajima, who now pointed over to a lone corner of the garage where a tank in a sorry-looking state was standing. After a second or two, Maho recognized it as a French Char B1 bis under all the rust and algae covering it.

Nakajima would probably have continued the conversation, although it was really more of a monologue, ad infinitum if it hadn’t been for a crashing sound over at the other end of the garage.

“Oh, so sorry, commander, but I really gotta go and help with this, or we won’t get any of this done ‘til christmas, but it’s been real nice getting to meet ya and I hope you’re satisfied with our work, so if there’s ever anything you need you just give me a holler and I’ll see what we can do about it.” She turned on a dime and began running over towards the noise where Maho could see the other members of the club start to gather as well. “Suzuki, no, I’ll come and help ya, just stay right there or you’ll throw your back out again, Tsuchiya, you take that end, and Hoshino, you get the crane, now, everyone, on three…”

Seeing as the situation was at the least being handled, even if it was perhaps not under control, Maho returned her attention to the Panzer IV before her. For a moment she remembered when she had first stood in the garage and gazed upon the bluish grey machine, and just like back then, her hand reached out towards the tank. Even after all this time, she couldn’t explain it, but it was as if there was some kind of magnetic force dragging her towards it, and as her hand came within an inch or two of actually touching the front armor plating, the same thing happened. Memories and images of the Panzer III sliding over the edge and into the river, taking Koume and Emi with them to a watery tomb, and herself simply standing there, hesitating. Her hand recoiled as if shocked by electricity, and it was only by the full strength of her mental fortitude that she managed to stop herself from jumping back several paces.

She felt her breathing speed up along with her heartbeats, and simply stood there for a minute, trying to take deep breaths to calm herself. She grit her teeth and steeled herself, before making another attempt, reaching out a hand to try and touch the hull. She tried averting her eyes from the metal plating, but still she could feel a tingle in her fingertips as she got closer. She tried her best to push through it, but in the end it became too much.

She made several more attempts over the next hour or so, until finally she felt her fingers touching against cold steel. This however only brought on more problems. The images continued to flash in her mind, the Panzer III sinking interspersed with images of herself struggling for breath in the dark and murky waters, and that shortness of breath quickly made itself known to her body in the present as well. She tried and tried to remain in place, but in the end she needed air, and was forced to recoil from the tank to gather herself again. She didn’t make another attempt for at least half an hour, probably longer.

Even as she glanced at the Panzer IV from where she had sat herself down against the wall of the garage, she could feel her breathing getting more rapid, and so she averted her gaze, bowing her head and sighing as she cursed herself. 

_ Why am I even doing this? And if I’m going to insist on being this stupid and obstinate, why don’t I at least take the stupid pills? If I just put whatever that stuff is in me, then I’d be able to handle this just fine... _

But of course, she knew why she wasn’t taking them. They took her head on a dark and unpleasant ride, and made the little tyrant within her much easier to bring out. The one she was trying with all her might to evict.

She glanced over towards the other end of the garage, where the automotive club girls were busy trying to reattach the turret to the M3 Lee. They didn’t seem to mind her presence, nor really keep track of the fact that she was thee. Sighing, she remembered Miho’s old teddy bear, and how it seemed to refuse to stay down. It just kept sitting itself back up, and she would be damned if she was defeated by an old stuffed toy. Swearing under her breath, she got up and steeled herself. She took a few confident strides towards the Panzer IV once more, took a deep breath, and stretched out her hand. 

At first her hand only tingled slightly, as if she was nearing an electric fence. 

But she pushed on.

Then it started shaking.

She pushed on.

A jab of pain pierced her fingers.

She pushed on. She was getting close, she could feel it.

Then there it was. Cold, rough steel. The armor plating of the Panzer IV.

Her mind was a vivid cinema of imagery, flashing like a horror-film in her head and driving the breath from her chest as if she was being punched in the stomach.

But she pushed on. She wasn’t going to run. Not this time. She was tired of running, and she was going to prove Koume wrong. She was going to prove her mother wrong. She would prove Miho, and Erika, and the pipsqueak, and the whole entire world how wrong they were.

Her breaths had become nothing but panicked chips at this point, feeling as if her lungs were filling with water.

But she didn’t care. She pushed on.

Even as she felt the final reserves of air leave her lungs, and blackness began to cloud her vision, she pushed on.

She grit her teeth, and gave a final, inaudible roar as she pushed her other hand through the invisible barrier, and slammed her palm against the front armor plate of the Panzer IV.

The barrier blocking her seemed to weaken, and the imaginary water in her lungs seemed to clear. Her breathing became easier, even if it was still a struggle. But she could at the very least breathe again, and as she remained in place, slowly trying to calm her breathing and her heart, she managed to push through even that.

She chuckled softly to herself. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t going to be going forwards either. But she had done it. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

* * *

“This charade is getting old, don’t you think so, Maho?”

Maho couldn’t really answer in her current situation, her purple flaming clone pinning her against a wall with an arm against her throat, burning her skin with the heat of a thousand suns. She tried to struggle against the chokehold, but the lack of air and the searing pain of even touching her foe made resistance impossible.

“Getting feisty, are we? Such a pity. You should know by now that you’re a failure and a weakling who can’t do a thing to help herself. Not to mention anyone else.” It grinned at her as it spoke with her mother’s voice. “Now, why don’t you simply cease to be? Or are you somehow even capable of failing at  _ that _ ?” It pulled back its other hand, and struck her right through her chest.

Maho awoke with a gasp back in the alleyway, clutching at her heart.  _ She’s right, this is getting old _ , she thought. But what could she do? She had tried every option she could think of, and with this having been far from her first round against the doppelganger this night, she was nowhere near in peak condition.

She sighed, and curled herself up tight against some crates to minimize how much of the freezing rain could fall on her. Not that it helped very much. It still cut her skin like razorblades wherever it touched, and chilled her to her bones even where it didn’t. She was tired. She felt like she was just walking into one wall after the other, and she was getting tired of it. 

“I must say, I admire your tenacity. There’s the girl we know and love. Still, your technique could use some work.”

The sizzling sound of rain on flames interrupted her thoughts, and she could do nothing but sigh and roll her eyes. Glancing up, she saw her mirror image standing beside her, Kuromorimine uniform and all. Maho didn’t bother to answer, and instead just looked away.

“Not feeling very talkative, are we? No worries, I’ll be happy to wait until you feel better.”

“It’s not about feeling better,” Maho muttered. “I’m never gonna feel better.”

“True. At least not with the way you keep trying to destroy whatever’s left of us.”

“What do you mean  _ I _ am trying to destroy me? It’s not my fault, it’s mother’s. She’s the one who put me in this prison of pain.”

“See, haven’t I told you to stop lying? It doesn’t work on me. We’ve been through this, maho.”

“What are you talking about. I’m not lying.”

“Perhaps not in full. Mother might have been the architect of our pain. But you were the one who built the prison. You were the one who decided to lock yourself away from the rest of the world, content to live the rest of your life trapped in the cell you created for yourself, instead of going out into the world and meeting people, fighting and living and just being yourself.”

“Shut up…” Maho muttered. “You don’t know what I’m going through.”

“If you say so. Still, doesn’t mean you can’t let me help. It’s us we’re talking bout after all-”

“ _ I don’t want your help! _ ” she growled. “I don’t want help, and I don’t  _ need _ help. I just want to be alone. I’m Maho Nishizumi, and I can handle this by myself!”

With that she got up, pushed her doppelganger out of the way, and walked out from the alleyway, off to walk right into another wall. Just as she intended to keep doing until she got through.

* * *

The sound of an explosion.

The clatter of a spent shell ejecting from the barrel and onto the floor.

The arduous struggle of reloading.

Taking aim once again.

Squeezing the trigger.

The sound of an explosion.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Maho paused for a moment, jumped up through the hatch and down to the ground, and wiped the sweat from her brow. It was exhausting work, but she had to do it. It wasn’t exhausting just because of the weight of the shells, or the unintuitive motions she had to perform to reload from the gun. It was also exhausting for her to merely exist in the tank. She was slowly getting better at it, but she still needed to take breaks every now and again to not lose her breath entirely.

Every minute she spent inside the metallic beast was agony. The scars on her back burned and her head was filled by taunting remarks by her mother’s voice, but she persevered. Each moment was a battle, another skirmish in the war for her life, and she was winning it. It might be a pyrrhic victory, but it was going to be a victory. That was all she was craving.

She sat herself down on a stump a few meters from the tank and poured some water from a bottle over herself, before taking a sip of the remaining contents. She was sweaty, she was hot, and she was beyond all tired. Her breathing was ragged and her muscles ached. It was like she had run a marathon, but all she had done was fire the tank’s gun over and over again for the past few hours.

She sighed, and wiped the sweat and water off herself with the towel she had brought. This was her fourth day out here in the woods of the  _ Zuikaku _ , her second of gunnery practice. She had started off with driving, since that was the least physically demanding, noting out a couple of paths through the forest and racing through them as quickly as she could. She would have liked to press her time down further, to get it to an acceptable point, but shortly after lunch the pressure inside her had built up and she couldn’t stay inside the tank anymore. She ate the sandwiches she had brought, and read Ami’s thesis on Sensha-Do warfare for what must have been the 8th or 9th time by now, which gave her an hour or two to calm her nerves, before taking the Panzer IV back to the garage.

The second day was gunnery and loading, like today. She had found a group of rocks during her driving that would serve as suitable enough targets, and so she set the tank up at near maximum range. Aiming and firing wasn’t the big issue, that all came back to her rather quickly. But reloading the gun was a different matter entirely. She was either having to contort herself to reach the shells and then push them into the breach, or she would have to pause in between each shot to crawl up into the commander’s seat and then back down into the Loader’s position to load the shell, and then back around again. At least when she had done this sort of practice as a child or at Kuromorimine, the tanks had been customized with autoloaders to allow her to focus on aiming and firing.

If she had stuck with driving during the second day, she could have probably kept it up through the day before hitting her limit. But the added physical strain proved to take its toll. Much like the day before, she didn’t get much further than lunch before she was forced to give up. She had eaten what little food she had brought, taken an hour or two to draw in her sketchbook, and returned the tank to the garage.

But the third and fourth days had begun to provide results. She was still nowhere near as good as she had once been, and she was still forced to take a number of breaks through the day. But at least she could go from sunrise to sunset, and the breaks grew fewer and further between as she kept it up. 

She picked up the set of binoculars her father had given her for Christmas shortly before he passed, and looked over towards the rocks she had used as targets. Her aim was tightening, that much was obvious when comparing the targets she had fired on two days ago compared to today. It still wasn’t perfect however. Which meant it was nowhere good enough. She needed to get this right again. She needed to make sure she was perfect again. She wasn’t going to let another slip-up like the Saunders-match happen again.

The only reason they got to keep going through the tournament was because the federation had found an error in the software of the enemy flag-tank. They had gotten lucky. And Maho knew they couldn’t depend on luck to win this. Not to win any of the upcoming matches, and especially not if they were going to beat Miho. Luck was not a factor. Only skill would determine this.

She emptied the water bottle and returned it to her bag, getting up and walking over towards the Panzer IV. She steeled herself for a moment, taking a deep breath to brace herself, and reached out a hand to push through. 

But she was interrupted. The cracking of a branch, the pittering of small rocks being disturbed, and a voice.

“So, this is where you’ve been hiding out…”

She turned to face the intruder, and was not in the least surprised to see Yuzu sitting herself down on the stump she had just occupied.

“Do you not have anything better to do than spying on me all the time?” Maho muttered.

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself. My jacket buttons up tight over a number of duties, Maho. You just happen to be on the list,” Yuzu answered with an innocent smile. “Besides, theft of school property is a serious charge. As Vice President it is my duty to investigate such matters.”

“I haven’t stolen anything.”

Yuzu gave a pointed look over Maho’s shoulder to the Panzer IV behind her.

“I’m only borrowing it,” Maho said matter-of-factly. “I needed to train. Still do.”

“If you want to train with a tank, you’re free to join the Sensha-Do team, Miss Nishizumi. I’m sure your joining would be most appreciated, since we seem to be without an experienced commander. At least, now that our last one quit.”

“Is that so?” Maho muttered.

“So, what’s going on?” Yuzu asked as she nonchalantly flipped through the pages of Maho’s sketchbook. “Does this mean you’re rejoining the team? Or are you just doing whatever you want as usual?” She raised an eyebrow, and flipped the sketchbook around. “I gotta hand it to you, you can certainly draw. Is this a new insignia you’ve been working on? Seems fitting.”

“Give me that,” Maho growled and snatched the sketchbook from her hands, taking a quick look at the sketch before closing the sketchbook once more. “And I don’t know. I can’t join right now. Not as I am, anyways.”

“Why not? You’re far better than anyone else on the team, and we’re gonna need you if we’re gonna win the rest of the tournament.”

“Better isn’t perfect,” Maho muttered, and put the sketchbook down in her bag. “And I’ll have to be perfect for this to even come close to something that can be done. Not good, not great.  _ Perfect _ .”

“So then why not rejoin the team?”

“Because it’s my fault we lost! I screwed up, and Ooarai almost paid the price. I didn’t check the treads of the Panzer IV properly, and they snapped because of it. If it hadn’t been for the federation overturning the results because of some pesky computer error we would have lost, and that would have been it. We’d be done, right? MEXT would show up here and close this place down, and it would all be my fault.”

“Oh…” Yuzu looked upon Maho with sudden understanding. So that’s what you’ve been thinking happened…”

“Of course it is! What did you think this has all been about?!”

“Maho, it wasn’t your fault that the treads snapped.”

“It was. I should have seen that the connector rod needed replacing and-”

“No, I’m serious. It wasn’t your fault. Saunders cheated, and not just with the radio interception-ballon. One of their juniors got overzealous in trying to make sure they won, and sabotaged the Panzer IV. Kay came by last week and conceded the match to us the moment she found out.”

“Then why not tell everyone? Or is this just another case of you and your colleagues making up stories to get me to do what you want?”

“It’s not. I can show you the official documents. As for why we haven’t told anyone, I don’t know. It was the President’s decision. I think she didn’t want to drag Kay through a scandal like this, especially when she already apologized and conceded. But still. Even if it had been your fault, who cares? You don’t have to do all this alone, you know that right? We all can help one another-”

“I don’t need help,” Maho answered sharply. “I need to be perfect, and I need to do this alone. If I can’t, then it’s only proof that I’m as weak as my mother and sister think I am. I  _ need _ to do this by myself.”

Yuzu chuckled slightly to herself, and got up from the stump. “You know, I don’t think there’s weakness in admitting that you need help. I don’t think there’s weakness in admitting that you’re not perfect. It takes incredible strength to face the fact that you have flaws. To understand that there are things you just can’t do by yourself.” She put a hand on Maho’s shoulder. “And I think you believe that too. You’ve just been convinced, either by others or yourself, that that’s not the case. We all have flaws and things we can’t do. At least not alone. I can’t crew the entire 38(t) by myself, just as you can’t man the Panzer IV alone.” She let go of Maho’s shoulder, and turned to leave. “We all need people to grow bigger. Some, like your mother, think you should simply step on others, but we reach far greater heights when we’re holding each other up.”

“So, does that mean you’re going to expel me for theft?” Maho muttered.

Yuzu stopped in place a few meters away, turning back to face Maho. “Well, I suppose there won’t be anyone around to notice that the tank is missing until when the training all starts up again on monday. A pen or box of erasers is one thing, but if I were to receive a report of something as valuable as a tanki being found missing, I suppose I would need to launch an investigation.”

She turned around again, and walked away from the small clearing in which the conversation had taken place. “Oh, and I do hope you reconsider joining the team. Without anyone of your expertise, we would have to resort to letting Momo take command.”

Maho glared after the Vice President for a moment, before scoffing and going back to her training regimen.

* * *

“Alright, you win,” Maho muttered through the deafening rain, “I’m open to suggestions.”

She had run out of options, and by now she was angry enough by her lack of progress against her nightmarish hunter that she would accept almost anything.

“Happy to hear it,” her reflection answered, and jumped down from the ruined wall she had been sitting on. “Here, let us finally join forces,” it said, and held out a hand.

Maho looked dubiously at the hand that was offered her. “What’s the catch?” she asked.

“No catch. Just what you wanted. A suggestion, and a way for us to finally beat that amethyst abomination.”

Maho sighed, and gave her twin another look. “Before I agree to anything, what’s your plan? You distract her while I climb onto the Tiger and take her out?”

“Not quite,” it answered with a smile. “When I say ‘join forces’, I meant it literally.” the skin on its fingertips flew off in the form of embers, then it continued up the hand, its arm, and soon all of the reflections skin was scattering through the air, as rain fell and sizzled against the flames of its bodies. “We are each one part of a whole. All you need to do is accept that, and I promise you, we will prevail.”

“You mean…”

“Indeed.”

“Your plan is to possess me?” Maho asked in exasperation. “No deal.”

“Nothing of the sort. You are still you, and so will I. As i have always been. All I ask is that you accept what has always been. Accept that you and I coexist, and you will have power and strength far beyond what the other Maho could ever possess. That is what scares her, and it is also what can defeat her.”

Maho looked down at the obsidian flames held out towards her, weighing her options. Or rather her lack of options.

“It’s going to hurt, isn’t it?”

Her doppelganger nodded. “It will. It always hurts to change, but there can be no growth without burning down the rotten structure underneath. You’ve asked for your troubles to be burned away, and that is what I offer us.”

Seconds passed. Then a minute. Then two.

Maho sighed. “Alright. I’ll trust you. Me. Us. Whatever. Just… just tell me you’re sure about this.”

“Are  _ you _ ? That’s all that matters.”

Maho paused for a moment, but nodded. “I am.”

She took the flaming hand, and grasped it tight. The flames crawling up along her skin as her doppelgangers form began to recede, slowly covering her in its black fire.

There was indeed pain, the pain of flames licking against skin and the immolating fire creeping up along her arm and across her body. She wanted to scream, but she gritted her teeth and pushed through. She was done with running. She would push through no matter what it took, and no matter the pain.

Soon all of her was engulfed in the flames, and the pain neared its zenith. She wasn’t sure she could take more, but the flames were preparing for the coup de grace. They seemed to almost seep through her pores and inside her, burning her skin and turning it to ash that was swept away by the rain falling on her body. The pain was excruciating, and she could take no more.

Her eyes flew wide open, and she found herself in her bed. Outside she could see sunlight, and the chirping of birds could be heard as she picked up her phone from the nightstand beside her. It was indeed morning, but something felt off. There wasn’t any pain. She rose from the bed, and there was no jabbing pain through her chest, no creeping itch across her skin, nothing.

All she could feel was a fire burning its way through her, but not one of pain and destruction. These flames promised energy and life, and she felt stronger and more powerful than she had ever done before. Like she could take on an entire Sensha-Do team by herself, without a tank.

A smug smirk appeared on her face as she looked down at her open palm, and grasped at the air as she closed it into a fist.

She knew what she would do, and she knew who and what she was.

* * *

Yuzu sighed as she reached the Sensha-Do teams garage together with the rest of the Student Council and saw the commotion. The Panzer IV was indeed gone. 

It would seem she hadn’t been able to convince Maho. Which in and of itself was a shame, seeing as she was without a doubt the best tanker on the team. But the fact that she had taken the Panzer IV with her, that was indeed a blow.

Yuzu was halfway through calling the Public Morals Committee to tell them to search the carrier bow to stern after Maho and the missing tank when she heard something. Evidently she was not alone, as the rest of the team also began to quiet down at the sound.

It was a rumbling sound. The sound of an engine driving heavy tank treads across the ground, and a moment later it became clear from whence it came.

The Panzer IV, with its new long gun, came rolling around the corner, and coming to a halt before them. Bar the new gun, it looked just like it had before the match against Saunders, without a scratch or dent on it. There was only one difference; the insignia. Emblazoned across the side of the tank’s turret was a symbol of an animal.

A Phoenix

* * *

_ Next Time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: The return of Maho and the Panzer IV leads to some conflict within the team, just as the preparations for the match against Anzio start up, and Maho tries to make the best of a bad situation. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:  
> A long chapter once again this week, and one hell of a challenge to write. I had some real life-stuff pop up this week and so didn’t have quite as much time to write as I usually do, but I still think it turned out pretty well. This chapter marks the turning point in the story. Maho has now firmly hit rock bottom, and there’s nowhere to go but up.
> 
> As always, hearing your continued thoughts is greatly appreciated, so leave a review if you’d like, and I’ll see you all back here next week!  
> Until then, au revoir!  
> /Rihno


	27. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maho makes her return to the team, taking her place as Commander once more. But not all are happy about her return, and not everything goes smoothly.

“Maporin! You’re alive! And you’re back!”

“Hey, get off me! Of course I’m alive. And stop calling me that! My name’s Maho, nothing else.”

A feeling of calm entered Ami’s heart as she neared the garage and heard Maho’s annoyed arguing with Miss Takebe. After the two weeks of absence from the team’s training sessions, though they hadn’t been much more than lectures that the Nishizumi-heiress could probably recite from memory, she had feared that Maho wasn’t going to return to the team. Which would have been a damn shame. Through her upbringing and prior experience at Kuromorimine, Maho was easily the most skilled and experienced tanker on the team, and even if she didn’t seem able to see it herself, she was most certainly the one most suited to command.

“Miss Nishizumi,” Ami said with a smile as she arrived at the gathered team. “How good to see you again.”

“Captain Chono,” Maho answered with a nod, wriggling free of Takebe’s clinging grasp. There was something different about her, even if Ami couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Maho’s tone was as dour and serious as always, but there was a hint of something else there as well. A conviction, a confidence, a burning passion. Ami didn’t know what it was, but it was clear enough in Maho’s eyes that it couldn’t be argued with.

“I see you’ve applied some of your other talents.” she glanced over at the Panzer IV, making note of the incredibly well-drawn phoenix painted on the side of the turret. It wasn’t difficult to recognize Maho’s handiwork, even if the detailed and realistic style did clash somewhat with the more cartoonishly drawn symbols on the team’s other tanks. “Nicely done, I like it.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Ami nodded once more to Maho, before clapping her hands together and calling out to the gathered members of the team. “Alright, everyone! I know it’s been two long weeks of waiting for you while the tanks were being repaired, and that you’re all excited to get to work with practice. So let’s not dilly-dally any more than we have to. To your tanks, please, and we’ll begin out on the range in ten minutes.”

The hustle and bustle of activity quickly took the spot of the silent standstill that had up until now grasped the garage, as the team dispersed and headed towards their respective tanks. All except two. Azusa and Maho remained in place for a few seconds, a single unbreaking glare shared between them across the yard, until Azusa finally turned towards the M3 Lee and walked away, her hands having balled into fists.

“Well then, Maho. Shall we get going to the observation tower?” Ami asked from behind her, even as Maho let her scowl follow Azusa’s path into the garage. “Maho? Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Maho muttered as she turned around to face the advisor. “Everything’s just peachy.”

Ami didn’t believe her, but she chose not to say anything. “So. Shall we get going?” she asked again, nodding towards the observation tower.

Maho paused for a moment´and looked down at the ground, remaining still and silent as she stared at her open palm. “No…” she said quietly as she closed her hand around nothing. “You go. I’ll be of more use out on the field.”

Ami gave Maho another look, but in the end just nodded and began making her way to the observation tower. Maho, for her part, turned towards the Panzer IV, and steadied her breathing as she stepped over towards it. She had done this procedure more times than she could count during the past week, but it was still a struggle. 

Even as she reached out her hand towards the armored beast for what must at least have been the hundredth time in not even a tenth of the number of days, she felt the invisible wall trying to push her away, and even when she had broken through and grabbed hold to pull herself up and on top of the tank, the phantoms playing games in the shadows of her mind did their best to dissuade her.

But she pushed on, through the pain and the strife and the images and the memories.

She pushed on, and climbed up and into the commander’s seat of the Panzer IV.

* * *

“Good work today, everyone!” Captain Chono said with a smile, clapping her hands as she usually did.

“Thank you very much,” the team answered in unison, and bowed to the advisor. While Azusa couldn’t speak for anyone else, she was pretty sure they were all feeling a bit sore and exhausted after practice. Because of the two weeks without tanks, Captain Chono had decided that this week’s practice sessions were to be double the length to compensate, running four hours instead of the usual two. The sun was already nearing the horizon as they finished up, and she was looking forward to getting some food. 

But first there was something else she had to do. She sighed, steeled herself, and began walking forwards.

“Captain Chono,” she said shortly, interrupting the conversation the advisor was having with Commander Nishizumi. “Here,” she added, and pulled out a piece of paper from her left breast pocket, handing it to the captain.

“Miss Sawa? What’s this?” Captain Chono asked as she accepted the folded paper and opened it.

Azusa didn’t say anything at first, only giving a bitter scowl at the Commander. “I quit,” she said definitively, turned, and walked away to her waiting friends, leaving Commander Nishizumi and Captain Chono behind without another word.

* * *

Maho sighed and put a hand against her face as she left the garage. She had done horribly during practice. Four hours of doubt, mistakes, second-guessing, and screw-ups. The only success she could even remotely feel satisfied with was being able to stay in the Panzer IV all-throughout the session without a break, although she had been starting to feel a bit light-headed near the end.

Then there was the cyclops, obstinately bickering with her over the radio to no end and refusing to follow the orders she did manage to settle on. Sometimes the arguments even got so heated Ami had to intervene from the observation tower, which only sapped time from the session. Time the cyclops ought to have spent improving her near useless aim.

And to top it all off, now one of the better tank commanders had quit. Not that Maho cared what Azusa did. If anything, she was just glad to not have to see that liar’s face around anymore. But obviously she couldn’t say that out loud to Ami, and so had instead been forced to discuss the matter with her for the better part of half-an-hour. But now, she was finally free. Free to go home, eat, and sleep.

Or so she thought.

“Maporiiiin!” Saori shouted and waved, getting up from the bench she had been sitting on together with the rest of the crew as they came over towards her.

“You’re never gonna stop calling me that, are you?”

“Probably not!” she answered with a grin as they approached.

Maho just sighed. “Fine…” she muttered. “What is it now?”

“Are you done talking with Captain Chono?”

“Yeah,” she answered shortly. “And unless there’s something else, I just want to go home and eat.” She put her hands in her pockets, and started to walk away, but after a few steps she was stopped by a hand wrapping around her wrist.

“Comma-I-I-mean-Maho, wait!” Yukari said, but as Maho turned to look at her, she let go and took a step back. “S-sorry, Comma-Maho. Sorry, Maho. We just…”

“We were all gonna go eat together,” Saori interjected, saving Yukari from her predicament. “There’s this place over by the fountain with these great crêpes that I’ve been wanting to try forever!” She smiled in her usual excited way, causing maho to roll her eyes for a moment.

“No, I’m not a fan of crêpes, so you…” She sighed as her answer died down and she looked at the quartet awaiting her response. “You know what, sure,” she said after a moment's pause, mustering what excitement she could into her voice. “I’d love to.”

* * *

The scene before Maho was almost inviting in its familiarity. The ruined city stretching out before her, and the chilling rain cutting at her skin by now felt as familiar to her as the memories of the match against Pravda had once been. But now the ruins couldn’t taunt her, and the rain couldn’t chill her spine. She could only feel the fire within her burn hot, her skin still warm to the touch even in the freezing rain.

She walked out of the alleyway as she had done dozens, if not scores or hundreds of times by now. She had lost count. But this was going to be different. She could feel it. She could hear the rumble of tracks in the distance driving closer and closer, and she could hear the voice of her clone in her mind, egging her on. It was high time she finished this, and took out the flaming monster that dared use her likeness, that dared taunt her with her mother’s voice.

So she began walking, walking down the road towards the sound of the tracks and the rumble of the engine, through the ruined streets and past crumbled buildings, with the rain drowning out all else. As she walked, she passed ruined husks of tanks, and limp, unmoving bodies, just as she had before. She saw the StuG III, the Type 89, and the rest of Ooarai’s tanks. Down one side street she could spot a Panzer III, down another a Panzer II, and in a third she saw an M13/40, all of which she ignored. She had to. Both to preserve her conviction, and to keep her front firmly towards her enemy.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she came face to face with her doppelganger. A perfect mirror image of herself, adorned in purple flames, and standing up in the commander’s cupola of the black Tiger that was her steed.

“You want to end the charade, you told me…” Maho said bitterly. “You want to destroy me. You want to see me crumpled up and discarded.” Her eyes narrowed, and she stared daggers at her foe. “Then come on! This moronic farce has gone on too long! So let’s go; You and me! Two of us enter, one of us lea-”

She didn’t get any further. She didn’t have time to react. When she saw the smirk, it was already too late. The flash of cannonfire lit up the dark sky, and a round smashed into the ground before her, cracking it open and throwing her into a wall, debris and rubble raining down upon her.

Her vision was blurry, and her head was fuzzy. A crippling headache muddied her thoughts as she tried to get up, and she could feel trickles of warmth run down her arms. Glancing down, she could just make out some small streams of red. Blood. Her body was growing weaker, giving out from the strain. She could feel it.

But the moment she managed to get to her feet, unstable as they may be, she received another blow as her amethyst clone struck her in the chest, and pushed her back against the wall, pinning her throat with her arm and pressing hard. Her body was screaming with pain as she struggled, every moment her reserves of air and energy diminishing.

“You’re right,” it said with a smug look. Cold, superior, and full of disdain. “This is a charade, one which I will put an end to. You  _ are _ weak, no matter what you tell yourself. You always were.” It pulled back a hand to strike. “And now, you’re going to die.”

Maho tried to struggle, tried to push against the arm holding her in place to get free, but she couldn’t. “You…” she wheezed with what little air she had left, “first…”

The crack of thunder masked the moment of impact, as Maho’s knuckles struck against the face of her clone, knocking it back. She had put everything she had left into the punch, and with what little energy she could muster, she threw herself at her attacker and pinned it to the ground, grabbing it by the shoulders and shaking it against the pavement.

“You! Are! Not! Me!” she yelled through heavy breaths, as she went on to hold her the amethyst clone down by the throat with one hand, and deliver punch after punch to its face with the other. “And you can damn well go to hell! You and Mother both!” she muttered as she pulled on what little reserves of adrenaline were still flowing through her veins, and pulled back one last time, feeling the raging fire within her burn, raging beyond control. She was angry, angrier than she had ever been, and could feel a prickling feeling begin to spread through her fingers, then her hand, and then her entire lower arm. There was a jolt of pain, and suddenly her skin began to crack, glowing embers breaking off and luttering off into the wind as her arm began to burn with crimson flames.

Looking down, she could finally see fear begin to make itself known in her enemy’s eyes, and she couldn’t help but smile, even as she could taste blood on her lips. She closed her fingers into a fist, and struck. Struck with all the strength her raging body could give her, but she was too late. The Tiger fired and struck her clean in the chest, throwing her back clean across the street, and knocking the air from her lungs as she impacted with the ground. As she lay there limply, barely able to move, she could see the purple flames of her doppelganger limp to the tank, and hear the roar of its engines take it away.

“I… I… I did it…” she said through struggling breaths, “I beat the bastard…”

_ “No…” _ she heard her own voice say,  _ “We just made her angry…” _

* * *

The scattered selection of bottles, jars, and cans clattered slightly against each other as Ami opened the door of her fridge, and pulled out the box of leftover curry and an accompanying six-pack of beer. With the microwave whirring along, she opened one of the cans, took a big swig of it, and collapsed by the table, her attention flitting at random intervals between the microwave and the TV for the next few minutes. 

There wasn’t anything of particular interest on right now, with the most entertaining thing she could find being some random drama. A girl in love with her terminally ill coworker or something. She didn’t pay it very much attention, and seeing as she only started watching somewhere in the middle, none of it really made very much sense. All Ami had the energy or interest to gather was that the girl was good-looking, and that had she been the one in this situation, she’d have gone out with the way-hotter secretary instead. She’d have asked them out, gotten some nice dinner, drunk them under the table at some bar, and found a decent hotel to spend the night at. That was  _ her _ idea of a good time. This girl was clearly putting too much time, effort, and thought into the honestly quite dull-looking co-worker. Besides, he was gonna die anyways, so what was all the fuss about?

After a short while the microwave pinged, and she tossed the now empty beer can into the trash before getting up to grab her food. As she sat down again with her curry and a fresh can, she zapped around the channels again, but the drama was still the least boring thing on offer, so she resigned herself to her fate.

Having spent the past couple years in the JSDF meant she didn’t mind being away from civilization and proper city-life, but at the same time it wasn’t like she wouldn’t have preferred to go out to a bar, get properly drunk, and find someone to handle her human urges.

But, living on a school carrier made that an impossibility, or at least a very rare occurrence. So she was stuck having to spend her Friday evening with leftover curry, cheap beer, and a boring drama where the heroine was clearly going after the wrong person.

Well, maybe the co-worker was a bit cute. And he did seem like a very nice person. But since he was gonna die anyways, the secretary was clearly the better option. They were probably a better screw anyways.

…

“Oh but come on, don’t die now, you bastard!” she yelled and tried to keep those pesky tears from her eyes. “She just told you she loves you, and you’re gonna bloody die?!” She took another swig of her beer, and sniffled for a moment.

_ Oh, great, now the stupid secretary’s gonna come in here and make a move… _ she thought bitterly and ground her teeth, but her anger at the secretary’s tactlessness was interrupted by a knock at the door.

She let a quick curse pass her lips as she sighed and got up from her place to check on the door. Who the hell could be accosting her at this time of night? 

“Maho?” she said in surprise as she opened the door. “What on earth are you doing out this late?”

“Sorry,” Maho said despondently. “I just… I don’t know. I just hoped you could give some advice…”

Admitting weakness or fault was not something considered desirable in the Nishizumi style. And Ami would be lying if she claimed to not be surprised by Maho’s outright confession. They had known each other for a decade, and the signs that something was wrong were all there. A distant look in her eye, slightly slumped posture, and just the slight oddness in her body language all spoke of Maho’s defeated mindset. It was the sort of signs one picked up on after years of friendship. Not that any long standing friendship or deep knowledge of the Nishizumi style was needed to understand. It was obvious enough just from looking at her how much speaking the words out loud pained her, and that whatever conviction or fire had been present at the start of the week seemed to have petered out and been reduced to embers.

“Sure…” Ami answered after a moment's thought and stepped aside, ushering Maho in while straightening her top. It was one thing to let a student into her home late on a Friday night, it was another thing entirely to do so in a state of disorder. “Sorry about the mess.”

“Don’t be…” Maho answered shortly as she removed her shoes and sat down by the table inside the small apartment. “I’ve seen worse. I’ve  _ caused _ worse…” she added quietly.

“Alright… So, what can I help you with?” Ami asked as she returned to the table. “Seeing as it couldn’t wait until Monday, I assume it’s urgent?”

“It is. Or, no, I guess it isn’t. It’s just… I just keep… I mean…” Maho’s voice kept quieting down between each attempt, and she seemed incapable of establishing eye contact, instead keeping her gaze firmly fixed on either her knees and the curled up hands she kept laying upon them, or the table before her. Now her voice fell silent once more, but no new attempt was made. Ami knew from experience not to force the issue, and so they just sat there for a few minutes, with Ami waiting patiently for Maho to be ready to talk about whatever she was there for.

“Hey, uh… Ami?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re friends, right?”

“Of course we are.”

“And you can keep a secret, right?”

“Sure can.”

“Then… well… I mean… what I wanted to talk about… it’s… it’s…” She paused once more and groaned in annoyance at her own inability to speak, looking down once more before looking up at the table again. “Would you… would you mind if I took one?” she asked cautiously, and directed her gaze at one of the unopened cans of beer.

“You know I’m technically a teacher, Maho. I can’t let there be rumours I give alcohol to minors. Not to mention students who I’m responsible for.”

“Yeah… I guessed as much…” Maho mumbled, “I just… I just thought it would he-”

“So don’t tell anyone about this,” Ami continued, and threw one of the cans into Maho’s lap. Surprised, Maho looked up to see a sly smirk on Ami’s lips, as she held out her own beer, ready for a toast. Maho, still overtaken by surprise, answered with a sheepish smile and opened the can, clanking hers gently against Ami before they both drank.

“Blech…” Maho grimaced, staring down at the can and wiping her mouth with her sleeve. “That is disgusting…”

“Sure is,” Ami answered with a grin, and took another swig of her beer. “But, it’s the best I could get my hands on without going ashore. Not to mention on a teacher’s salary.”

The two looked at each other for a moment, Maho with a grimacing frown and Ami with a satisfied grin, before both started to laugh. It wasn’t a roaring laughter by any stretch of the imagination, but a slight chuckle at the awkward comedy of the situation at the very least.

“So, what’s up?” Ami asked and gave Maho a patient look.

At first Maho didn’t say anything. She just stared blankly ahead and remained silent. But after a moment, she sighed and lifted the can to her lips once more, tilting her head back as she downed gulp after gulp, almost running out of air as she emptied the can and setting it down on the table with a bang. She shuddered for a moment, her face turning into an ugly grimace as she dealt with the vile taste.

“I don’t know,” she finally said, and glanced over at Ami before returning her gaze to the cluttered table. “I just keep screwing up. I keep screwing up, and I keep worrying about screwing up, and I keep doubting myself, and I keep second-guessing myself, and I-” Her words, which were usually scarce and measured, where now tumbling over themselves in their attempt to get out.

“Hey, hey, Maho, it’s fine,” Ami interrupted, and put a hand on her shoulder. “Just calm down. We’re not in a hurry, so just take it slow and walk me through it.”

Maho paused, and exhaled. She drew another couple of breaths just to be sure, before continuing. “I’m screwing up at practice. All the time. I keep giving the wrong orders, or I spend time I wouldn’t have during a match just second-guessing myself. It always feels like I’m missing something, or that there’s something I haven’t thought of that I really should, or that I’m going to get someone hurt.” She sighed. “I tried to get back into it. I really tried. I tried getting back in that stupid tank again, and I tried commanding again, just like I did back at Kuromorimine. But nothing’s working. I just keep screwing up.” She paused for a moment, leaning back slightly against the wall. “I don’t know… Maybe I’m not as good of a commander as everyone seems to think. I should just quit while I’m ahead. Let that cyclops take over and do what she will with the team.”

“Well, let’s settle that last one before anything else. I’ve seen you fight, Maho. I’ve seen you command, how you handle yourself on the battlefield, and let me tell you; you’re every bit the commander everyone thinks you are. If not more.”

“Then why do I keep making a mess of things? I lost against St. Gloriana, I lost against Saunders, and now I’m probably gonna end up losing against Anzio of all people. If I’m so great of a commander, why can’t I win a single stupid match even though I’m doing things exactly like I did back at Kuromorimine?”

“That’s your problem,” Ami said casually as she opened another can of beer for herself. She casually glanced at the last can remaining on the table and then at Maho, but Maho just shook her head. She didn’t need reminding of how disgusting the taste of it was, and so Ami just shrugged.

“What do you mean?” Maho asked bitterly. She didn’t like beyond toyed with, and Ami knew that well enough.

“Your problem, Maho, is that you’re trying to do things like you did at Kuromorimine, and it’s not gonna work. At Kuromorimine you commanded a team that already had decades of tradition when you showed up. It had been the victorious team for eight years running, and you had dozens upon dozens of some of the best-kept and most well-maintained tanks in the entire Japanese High School Sensha-Do-circuit. Now, you’re leading a team with five OK tanks maintained by four overworked high schoolers and crewed by complete beginners. There’s a world of difference.”

“Look, I’m trying to get them up to a decent level. And sure, they’re improving rapidly, but it’s still not anywhere quickly enough for us to be able to win.”

“You’re not listening,” Ami continued. “Sure, getting the team up to snuff is important. As is getting your hands on more tanks and the crews to man them. But that’s not my point. My point is this: You’re also a beginner at all this. You’ve never had to put any work into leading, because your word was considered law both because of your name and because of how the team worked traditionally. You’ve never had to put any work into training a team from beginners to skilled tankers, because there was no such thing as a beginner at Kuromorimine. The people who joined the team there were already hardcore tankers by the time they signed up. These girls have been doing this for barely a few months. And finally, you never had to put any thought into  _ how _ you wanted to command, because at Kuromorimine you were always going to be following the Nishizumi style and its doctrine. But now, you need to figure out what works for you, and what works for the team. Hopefully it’s the same thing, but it often isn’t. And in that case, you’re going to have to make some compromises.”

“So what should I do then?”

“Don’t look at me. I’m not here to command, only to advise. This is something  _ you _ need to figure out, Maho.”

Maho sighed, and stared at the wall opposite her. “All I know is the Nishizumi style. And I know I hate it.”

“Well, then that’s one option off the table. That is what we call progress.”

“Doesn’t get me any closer to an answer though, now does it?”

“Maybe not,” Ami said and shrugged. "But I'm sure you're going to figure something out sooner or later."

"Doesn’t it matter that I'm not as sure?”

"Not at all." Ami paused, and chuckled for a moment. "You know, a few years back there was this guy I served with, an American. He was always the most determined and the most confident and sure of himself and his abilities. So one day I asked him why he never seemed nervous or scared, and he said this quote that kinda stuck with me. 'Act as if yee have faith, and faith shall be given to you'."

"So in other words,” Maho said with incredulity and looked indignantly at Ami, “your advice is 'fake it til you make it'?"

She nodded. "Exactly."

Maho shook her head, and sighed. “You know what, I think I’m gonna need that…” she said as she reached out and grabbed the last can of beer, opening it and grimacing as she took a sip.

* * *

“Commander?”

“Good afternoon,” Maho said and gave a small bow. “I hope I’m not intruding, but I was wondering if I might trouble you for some information?”

“Oh, sure thing!” Erwin replied with a grin and gestured for Maho to enter. “Please, come in. And no need to be so formal, we’re teammates are we not? Fellow sisters in arms?”

“Yeah… right…” Maho answered quietly and hesitated for a moment before stepping through the door and into the large house. “So… uh… Is this your parents house?” Maho asked as Erwin led the way down the large corridor.

“Nah, my family’s from Joso,” Erwin answered absentmindedly. “We just rent this place.”

This information gave root to more questions than it answered for Maho, as she had assumed a house this big must have been lived in by a family of four, if not more. “So, then you live here by yourself?”

Erwin stopped to look at Maho, first with confusion, but the look soon turned into one of dawning realization. “Oh. No, of course I don’t live here by myself. That’d be beyond pompous. We share it, the four of us together.” She gave a sly look and continued walking down the hall, with the implication that Maho was to follow. “We’ve got a guest!” she yelled, with the call echoing slightly through the large house as they rounded a corner into a large central room, seemingly functioning as a living room and dining room both, with a kitchen being visible through a doorway on the opposite end.

“Oh, good afternoon, Commander,” Oryou greeted as she glanced up, before returning her attention to the large table before her. “It would seem you have another shot to breach the perimeter at Dunkirk, Erwin. Operation Dynamo got delayed another turn.”

“Excellent!” Erwin replied, “just as planned.” She then turned back towards Maho for a brief moment. “D’you want anything? Tea? Coffee? Juice?”

“Oh, no, I’m fine, thanks…” Maho answered absentmindedly, her attention focused by the rather conspicuous display set up on the central table.

Splayed out and covering almost the entirety of the large table in the center of the room, was a map of western Europe, covered from edge to edge with a hexagonal grid and scores upon scores of tiny cardboard markers, far too many to count. “Fall Gelb?” Maho asked as she took a step towards the table, and studied the board further.

“Yup!” Erwin answered excitedly, and looked like she was about to launch into a rather detailed tirade, but Oryou interceded herself into the conversation before she had the chance.

“Erwin’s commanding the Axis, whereas I’m mounting a decent defense as the Allies.” It seemed true enough. Looking at the board, the German advance through the low countries looked to have petered out around Sedan, with a far wider perimeter around Dunkirk and the encircled British Expeditionary Forces than historically. “I had to let her have her way with Denmark and Norway to make it happen though, and I don’t even want to talk about the Netherlands.”

“Huh…” Maho said with an appreciative nod. “But then, what’s going on here?” she asked, and pointed to a loose concentration of grey chits spread out behind the blue and yellow ones, presumably representing French and Belgian forces, a thin gap in the line having seemingly been the path through which they had streamed through.

“My magnum opus!” Erwin replied with a triumphant grin. “German Panzer-units had far more freedom of command, and were simply given a mission to fulfill, leaving the minutiae of  _ how _ up to the commanders rather than the generals. It harkens back to the maneuver warfare innovated by the Prussian army and von Moltke the Elder. And as the game reflects this, I used that flexibility to my advantage!” She grinned, and gave a theatrical flourish of the arm over the area of her breakthrough. “By the end of this turn I will have a second encirclement by Calais, and next turn, Paris will fall!”

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Oryou said with confidence. “Besides, there’s no way you’ll get enough combat factors together to make that work.”

“Yee have little faith! I’ve been planning this operation since last night, and nothing’s gonna stop me. Not even bad luck.”

The friendly bickering continued back and forth, but Maho didn’t listen. She was focusing on the map and chits before her, studying Erwin’s panzers and what path they had seemed to take to their current positions, and how they could move after that. As she continued staring at the concentrations of units and their positions on the map, it slowly began to make sense to her, even if she didn’t know the exact rules the game was played by. 

Rivers blocked paths of advance, roads provided lifelines and shortcuts, and forests served as obstacles to be circumvented, or to be pushed through. The countless chits forming the lines of battle began to appear as stronger or weaker sections of wall to be overcome, and the scattered armored units in Oryou’s rear were on their way to strike a killing blow. It was as if staring through time, as she could almost visualize what had led to this state of affairs, what was about to follow, and how it would all play out.

After what couldn’t have been more than a few moments, these scattered observations coalesced in her mind, forming a single understanding. And with that understanding came a thought. A thought that made her smirk as she stroked her chin.

“This platoon is going to strike south towards Cambrai,” Maho noted, as if mere fact, running her fingertip across the board to mark the path she envisioned for them “These two are advancing through Arras before splitting towards Abbeville and Amiens, and these are going west to Lumbres, to cut the French off at Wissant. Aren’t they?” she asked and looked up from the table. Apparently she had interrupted the ongoing banter, as Erwin and Oryou both looked at her in astonished and impressed surprise.

“Uhh… yeah…” Erwin answered, barely keeping her mouth from hanging agape, “that’s… that’s the plan…”

“Whereas these Belgian units are going to attempt to link up with the encircled BEF,” Maho continued, looking back down at the board again. “It won’t work, so instead the French 3rd armored is going to try and break through the German line towards Ghent. The Axis forces there are going to fall back, but the line will hold. Finally the Allies will scramble what motorized units they have, as well as those remnants of the French air force,” she gestured to a small stack of units near Reims with a marker reading ‘ **Depleted** ’ on it covering them, “and they’ll be sent to halt the German breakthrough and to block them from reaching Doullens.”

“Do… do you play, Commander?” Erwin asked.

“No, not in the slightest,” Maho answered and shook her head.

“Then… then how… how did you…” Oryou stammered, still not being fully able to grasp the accuracy of Maho’s analysis.

“I thank you both for your hospitality,” Maho said shortly, cutting Oryou off and nodding to them both. “But I have to go.”

“Wait, weren’t you here to ask for some information?” Erwin tried to remind her, but Maho was already on her way to leave.

“I was,” Maho answered over her shoulder as she stopped by the doorway leading into the long hallway. “But you guys just gave me an idea. I’ll see you both at practice on Monday.”

* * *

“...and now, with Maginot Girl’s Academy having fallen to our might, we shall go on towards the finals, as we were always meant to! Ooarai shall fall to us just the same, and then the championship will finally be within our grasp! We shall finally seize our place in the sun as the greatest Sensha-Do team in Japan, and then the world! Avanti Anzio!”

“DUCE!”

“DUCE!” 

“DUCE!“

“DUCE!”

The spanish steps aboard the  _ Aquila _ was filled to the brim with cheering crowds of Anzio students, chanting their praise and support for the Sensha-Do team, and for Anchovy, their school’s leader and team commander.

Even as the crowds continued cheering, hungry for more, Anchovy turned on the spot and began to make her way back towards the team’s garage with a bitter frown on her lips. They had defeated Maginot, yes. And now they were facing Ooarai. Some no-name school no one had heard of in 20 years that only had 5 tanks. They weren’t going to be a challenge. Under any other circumstance she might even jump with glee at the prospect. But Ooarai weren’t just some no-name school.

Somehow, they had Maho Nishizumi leading them. Maho Nishizumi, who had taken everything from her. Maho Nishizumi, who had vanished into a puff of smoke after last year's finals. Maho Nishizumi, who many had presumed dead. Maho Nishizumi, raised from the beyond and returned to the world of the living. Maho Nishizumi. “The greatest Sensha-Do commander in Japan”. Anchovy chuckled to herself as she walked, the cheering chants growing ever more distant with every turn.  _ I suppose I’ll be one of the first commanders in the world to face a ghost on the field _ .

But as she reached the team’s garage and entered the large building, her frown was swiftly overrun by a smug grin.

Taking pride of place in the middle of the garage, nestled between the CV.33 tankettes and the Semovente assault guns under the beam of light created by the skylight, stood a dark sage monument to Anzio’s strength, the blade with which she would pierce through the other schools of the tournament and lead her team to victory. Carro Armato P-26/40, the Italian heavy tank which was to serve as their new flag tank, and her steed and lance both.

At least that was what it represented to the team, and to all those cheering crowds of students outside. But to her, it was so much more.

To her, it was the tool with which she would take down Maho Nishizumi. The tool with which she would make Maho Nishizumi experience all the pain she had brought upon her.

* * *

_ Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: Maho puts her idea into practice, Rabbit team try to get Azusa back, and the final preparations for the match against Anzio takes place _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:  
> So, after a week’s break I’m back!  
> Before anything else, I just want to say thank you for all the kind words of support you’ve given me after I decided to give the chapter some extra time. I did feel some worry when I first took the decision, so I want you to know how much I appreciated the support.  
> But anyways, let’s get to what actually happened this week. Maho is back as the Commander of Ooarai, although that of course doesn’t mean things automatically solve themselves. We get some small concessions on Maho's part to the rest of Phoenix team (boy, that is gonna be a change to get used to, huh?), and Azusa leaving the team entirely. I wonder how that will affect the ongoing feud between her and Maho?  
> The only real regret I suppose I have with this chapter is with the practice session. Originally the plan was to have a scene to show the team practicing and Maho’s doubts, but in the end it just felt repetitive and not overly interesting to read. And with all of the other scenes saying basically the same thing, I decided to cut it. Would have been nice to show some of it instead of just telling, but I still think this was for the best.  
> We also get some Maho (literally) fighting with her demons, with some limited success, which was fun to write and I hope I struck a good balance in how it panned out. There’s also a neat scene I think over on the Aquila giving us some small insight into Anchovy and Anzio.  
> The scene with Erwin and Oryou was a lot of fun, especially since I’m a big hex-and-counter wargamer myself, so I loved getting to see them play in der film, and to get to expand on that was great. Hopefully the scene didn’t get too nitty-gritty in its descriptions and it was still easy and fun enough to follow along with. Also it’s just fun to get to spend some time with characters we don’t see enough of.  
> But, speaking of characters we don’t see enough of, I suppose we should deal with the elephant in the room: The scene between Ami and Maho. To start off with I want to make it clear that I in no way support underage drinking or giving alcohol to minors. I would hope that those being bad things is obvious, but this is fiction so we’re allowed to play fast and loose with some things. Still, I really liked both writing and reading back that scene, so I hope you all enjoy it as well.  
> Until next time, see you later!  
> /Rihno


	28. The Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We jump back to the start of the week again, and follow the events during Maho's first week back in command, mostly from the perspective of a certain freshman with no practice sessions to join.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter takes place simultaneously with Chapter 27: The Return

The Firefly’s shell slammed into the M3 Lee with the force of a freight train, sending it up on one tread and collapsing like a felled elephant onto its side, throwing Irisa from the Commander’s cupola. She hit the ground shoulder first, her legs scratching against the rough, rocky soil as she slid a few feet, cutting furrows into the ground as she did so before coming to a rest by a small puddle. She glanced back to the collapsed tank, white flag flying in the wind and a thin trail of smoke emanating from its engine block.

Irisa’s shoulder ached at every moment, and the slightest movement sent lightning bolts of pain through her arm, but through it all she pushed herself to her knees, but that was all she could muster. Her legs wouldn’t move, and she was stuck where she was with only her own reflection in the puddle to look at.

But her reflection wasn’t there. Instead of herself, there was just a girl. A girl with dirty and greasy short brown hair, wearing a sweaty olive tank top, a dirty white skirt with muddy boots on, her arm in a sling and a stained jacket draped like a cape over her shoulders. Irisa was nowhere to be found, and instead the only one staring back at her was her stupid, bratty sister. There was no one but Azusa in the reflection, smiling back up at her, even with her arm in a sling and looking like an absolute mess, as if she had been jumping in puddles and wrestled with stray dogs, like the kid she was.

_ Be-be-be-beep, Be-be-be-beep, Be-be-be-beep. _

Azusa grumbled as she reached for the alarm clock, staring bitterly up at the ceiling for another minute or two in the silence, until the alarm began to beep again. She just turned it off once more, and turned to her side. She hated that dream. The dream where she was Irisa, and her own reflection insisted on taunting her with that annoying smile. Ever since the Saunders-match it had shown up now and then, and she hated it every time.

Again, the alarm clock began to beep and she could only groan as she sat up. She couldn’t delay it any longer, she had to get up. She had to get up, had to get cleaned up, had to get dressed, and had to get going, or else she was going to be late for school and get detention, and then she wouldn’t be on time for Sensha-Do practice…

No…

That’s right…

She wasn’t going to Sensha-Do practice regardless…

She quit…

She sighed and buried her face in her palm for a moment, before packing her bag and getting her things for the day. Sure, she had quit. So what? She didn’t want to do Sensha-Do, and she didn’t want to be near Maho, so it all made sense. She was done with that stupid sport, and now she could go back to studying, being responsible, and giving the world what it wanted from her; Irisa.

Preemptively, she grabbed the brush from her nightstand and put her bag down beside her as she stood in front of the mirror. Irisa wasn’t there. Of course she wasn’t. It was just her own stupid reflection looking back at her, and she could only sigh as she set to work correcting it.

But it didn’t seem to matter. She must have stood in front of the mirror for twenty minutes, maybe even half-an-hour, and still she couldn’t get Irisa to appear. No matter what she tried, the mirror only kept presenting her with slightly different versions of herself. 

Every one of which she hated seeing.

* * *

“C’mon, Azusa! Please?!”

“Yeah, won’t you please reconsider?!”

“We need you! It’s not team Rabbit without our leader!”

“No,” Azusa said shortly and with conviction, “I’m done. I didn’t want to do Sensha-Do before, and I don’t want to do it now.” She quickened her pace slightly and muttered bitterly under her breath, pulling ahead of the rest of her friends as they walked through the corridors of the school. 

Asking her to go back to the garage and rejoin the team had been the only thing they had been talking about the past two days, ever since she told them she quit the team on Monday. It was the  _ only _ thing they had been talking about. By this point it was much closer to begging than politely asking, but Azusa still gave the same answer.

“No,” she repeated for what must have been the tenth time since the final bell chimed, “I’m not going back!”

“Azusa, please, just listen to us,” Aya pleaded as she jumped in front of Azusa’s path, “You’re the only one who has any idea how to command a tank, or what to even keep in mind. I can aim the 37mm, and that’s it! I can’t do that  _ and _ keep an eye on everyone else at the same time. That’s why we need you. You’re the only one who can keep track of everything and lead.”

“The Student Council makes do without a full crew,” Azusa countered and crossed her arms. She could feel her mood start turning from annoyance to anger. “And you’re still almost twice as many in that stupid tank. So I think it stands to reason you should be just as capable of handling yourselves.”

“Oh come on, Azusa, why can’t you just come back and join the team again?” Ayumi asked, and tugged lightly at her sleeve. “We all had fun in the Lee, and in less than three weeks we’re gonna be in the second round of the National championship! Don’t you get how cool that is?!”

“Yeah, we could even go all the way to the finals, and maybe,” Yuuki continued, “we could even win, if you just come back to the tea-”

“FOR THE LAST TIME; NO!” Azusa yelled and pulled her arm free from Ayumi’s hand. “I'm not going back! Not while Ma-I mean-Commander Nishizumi is there! She just keeps pushing Irisa away from me!"

"What?” Karina asked with a confused look. “Who on Earth's Irisa?"

"Forget it,” Azusa muttered. “It's nothing."

“Azusa, is there something wrong between you and the Commander?” Aya asked with a concerned voice. “You know we’re ready to help you out with anything, as long as you talk to us about it, right? So what’s wrong?”

“I’m fine,” Azusa growled, and pushed Aya out of her way. “I just want to go home and study, so leave me alone.”

“Azusa, wait-” Aya tried to put a hand on Azusa’s shoulder to stop her, but Azusa turned in an instant to shake it off.

“I said: Leave me alone!” She yelled, and walked away with brisk, bitter paces, leaving her friends behind.

“Shouldn’t we go after her?” Karina asked.

“If she wants to be left alone, it’s our job as her friends to leave her alone…” Aya sighed. “Besides, we need to get going to the garage. Practice starts in fifteen minutes.”

* * *

“Well, nice work everyone,” Maho said with what she knew was nowhere near the enthusiasm or conviction needed to make it sound convincing, but it was all she could muster. “See you on Monday morning for practice.”

A low murmur followed, with the odd “Thanks, Commander,” or “Have a nice weekend,” being spoken as the team began chatting amongst themselves, walking in their scattered groups away from the garage.

“You don’t have to stay around,” Maho said with a nod to Ami as she walked back into the garage, looking blankly at a folder of documents. “I’m gonna stick around for a bit, so I’ll make sure everything is put away and locked down properly.”

“You sure?” Ami asked, but another dour nod from Maho was answer enough. “Well, alright then, see you on Monday!”

“Yeah, have a nice weekend,” Maho answered absentmindedly as she sat down by the lone desk in the garage, pushed up against the back wall. She glanced at the stack of report cards she had left to fill in, sighed, and grabbed a pen as she set to work.

The work was tedious and repetitive on the best of days, but today, just like the rest of the days of the week, had been far from the best of days. She had dithered and doubted herself all session long, sometimes even countermanding her own orders mere moments after she had given them.

“Maporin?!” Saori cheered from the open doorway into the garage. “Are you coming?!”

“What?” Maho sighed as she rested her forehead against her palm and continued her work.

“We’re all going to Yukari’s place! Her parents are making curry and we’re all invited!” she answered, and walked over to the desk. “So are you coming?”

“No,” Maho muttered. “I’m busy, and I’m not in the mood.”

“Something the matter?” Saori asked and silently gestured to Hana, Yukari, and Mako, who were waiting by the door, to go ahead without them.

“No,” Maho answered shortly.

“You sure? It seems like something’s bothering you.”

_ Someone is bothering me, that’s for sure _ Maho thought, but instead answered “No, I’m fine. And even if something was bothering me, it’s none of your business. Just leave me be so I can get these stupid report-cards filled in.”

“Oh. You sure you don’t want to-”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Maho reiterated. “You’ve dragged me along for stuff after practice every single day of the week, and I’ll even admit there have been moments where I enjoyed the company. I think I’ve been perfectly civil and reasonable in going along with your flights of fancy, but there has to be a limit  _ somewhere _ . So unless you’re completely incapable of living your lives without me nearby, then could you  _ please _ just let me be alone and get this work done?” She put the pen down, and turned to look at Saori. “Was there anything else?”

“Well… uhm… I mean… there was one more thing… That is… unless you’re busy…”

Maho groaned, and put her face in her hands for a moment before looking back up. “Fine. What is it?” she sighed.

“So, you know about Azusa?”

“What about her?” Maho muttered as she turned back to her work. “She quit the team, and is therefore none of my business.”

“But, isn’t she though? You two are friends, aren’t yo-”

“No. We are  _ not _ friends,” Maho said coldly. “Why do you even bring her up?”

“Well, Rabbit team came and talked to me before practice… They’re worried about her, and think something happened between the two of you that might have caused her to quit…”

“I don’t know what they’re talking about,” Maho lied. “If she wants to run away and hide from her problems, then so be it.”

“Still, you are the Commander,” Saori prodded. “Can’t you just go talk to her?”

“No,” Maho said definitively. “As long as she’s not on the team, I couldn’t care less.”

“But Maho-”

“No ‘buts’,” Maho interrupted, and slammed the pen down on the desk. “Anything else?”

Saori paused, and shook her head.

“Then I think you mentioned something about a curry that needed your attention.” Maho picked up the pen, and began filling in another report card. “See you on Monday.”

“Yeah…” Saori said with a hint of disappointment, and began to leave the garage. “See ya Monday…”

* * *

Now at last alone, Maho continued her work in silence. Exactly the way she preferred it. But her mind was still not at peace. Why was it her problem if azusa had quit? If that treacherous coward wanted to turn and run at the first sight of trouble, then that was her choice to make, and Maho couldn’t care less.

She couldn’t care less. Yeah. She didn’t care in the slightest that Azusa quit, or that it meant the M3 Lee was now suddenly the worst performing tank on the team, or that Aya’s aim turned out to be even worse than the cyclops’ when she had to command the tank, or that Azusa had lied, or that she had been spying on Maho, or that she dared call her a liar, or…

“Gahhh!” she yelled and threw the pen against the wall, gripping her right wrist with her left hand, trying to massage the pain away as she let her fingers twitch and grip at the air. The pace of her writing had steadily quickened as she wrote, driven on by the raging storm clouds of thoughts in her head, and ultimately it had reached a point where her hand had simply cramped up.

She pushed the chair away from the desk and leaned her head back as she massaged her wrist for the pain, closing her eyes. Saori was wrong. Her and Azusa weren’t friends. If they were friends, Azusa wouldn’t have spied and reported on her to the pipsqueak. If they were friends, she wouldn’t have yelled at her or called her a liar, just for telling the truth. She wouldn’t just have run away like the coward she was. She would have stayed and faced the trouble head on.

Against her wishes and better judgement, her mind didn’t stop there, and instead leapt years back in time, dragging up old memories of how she had been sitting at another desk like this, filling in paperwork and trying to think of plans. Her stomach rumbled and her heart soared at the memories, a Pavlovian response to the situation and lateness of the hour, expecting the smell of food that wasn’t there, and the smiling company that most definitely wasn’t there.

She sighed, and got up from the chair, leisurely walking around the planning table. She wished Koume was here. Maho could never have asked for a better vice-commander when she was back at Kuromorimine, nor could she have asked for a better friend. But she had messed it all up, just like she did everything she put her mind to. She could feel what little reserves of confidence this latest week of failures hadn’t diminished begin to run dry, as she fell back into the dark intrusive thoughts that hid in her mind, every failure or bad memory a knife that stabbed at her heart.

She had robbed herself of every friend, every bit of happiness she had ever been offered. Emi was lying unconscious in some hospital bed, Koume hated her and thought of her as a failure, and Miho felt nothing but contempt and hatred for her.

She began to pace up and down before the tanks in the garage, muttering nonsense to herself just to have something fill the void.

_ “It’s a shame we can’t go and talk things out with her, is it?”  _ the voice in her head told her, full of sarcasm.

“No, I can’t. Emi’s in a coma, Koume’s who knows where, and Miho would throw me under the treads of a tank before I even got a word out.”

_ “That may be, but there is someone we can resolve things with, isn’t there?” _

“If you’re talking about Azusa, I’m not going to just forgive that traitor. She spied on me and lied to me the entire time, and then she has the gall to call me a liar. She can come apologize to me, and then I  _ might _ consider forgiving her.” She threw a light jab in the air at the thought as she muttered to herself. “Serves me right, I guess. I knew I shouldn’t trust people, and still I fell for it.” She paused for a second and glanced over at the large American tank in the corner. “But it’s not my problem that she’s a coward. If the Student Council can manage without a full crew, the freshmen should be able to as well. We don’t need a liar like her on the team, and  _ I _ certainly don’t need her either.”

* * *

“Hey, Azusa! Wait up!”

Azusa looked over her shoulder as she left school and prepared to head home. “Oh,” she mumbled as Miss Takebe from the Sensha-Do team sprinted up to her. “Miss Takebe. What is it?”

“Please, just call me Saori!” she answered with a cheerful smile. “Do you have a minute? I was wondering if you wanted to go have some ice cream or something. I know this great place over by the entrance to the docking bay of the ferry.”

“No, I’m going home to study,” Azusa muttered, and continued on her path. Alone. As she had for the past few days after school. “So just leave me alone…”

“Nope!” Saori said triumphantly and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her down a different road.

“Hey, let go of me!” Azusa tried to protest, but the Radio Operator’s grip was surprisingly strong. Several attempts to struggle free later, it was clear that Azusa was getting dragged along whether she wanted to or not, with her senior’s cheerful chatter taking the place of the silence she would have preferred.

* * *

“Thanks!” Saori said cheerfully to the server as they placed two small cups of ice cream down on the table, and two accompanying cups of tea. “Mmm, this is so good, I haven’t actually gotten the chance to go here for a while. Whenever I go with hana they just show us the door, so it’s been a rare occurrence lately,” she laughed as she tasted her ice cream.

“Right…” Azusa muttered and picked at her own cup. She wasn’t in the mood for idle chit-chat. Or anything else for that matter.

“Oh, come on, just try it!” Saori tempted. “It’s my treat after all, so it’d be a shame if it went to waste!”

Azusa sighed, and scooped a small piece of ice cream onto her spoon to taste. It was indeed really good, even if she didn’t really want to admit it.

“What D'ya think?!”

“It’s… fine… I guess…” Azusa mumbled, and tried her best to suppress the smile that tried to crawl across her lips.

“Right?!” Saori said with a smile, and took a sip of her tea. “So…” she continued after a moment, “What’s going on?”

“I’m being held hostage by one of my seniors when I just want to go home and study…” Azusa grumbled, and looked down at the tea.

“You know that isn’t what I meant,” Saori noted with surprising calm. “I’m talking about you and Maho, and why you quit.”

“If you’re here just to tell me to forgive her or something, then you can just leave,” Azusa answered, and rested her cheek against her palm as she looked disinterestedly out the window. “She’s a liar and a monster, and I hate her…”

“I’m not,” Saori replied and adjusted the position of her tea, “But it’s a good thing I know you don’t really mean that.” She paused for a moment, and looked Azusa right in the eye with nothing but seriousness on her face. “Because if you were to actually insult my friend like that, I would have Hana throw you overboard.” The cold bitterness was there for only a few seconds, and then, as suddenly as it had appeared, it was gone. “But as I said, I’m not here to tell you what to do, and you didn’t actually mean that, so we don’t have to worry!” 

If Azusa hadn’t witnessed it herself, she would never have believed or even noticed that Saori had been anything but cheerful the entirety of the conversation.

“I’m just asking what’s up. I’m not gonna force you to answer anything or do anything you don’t want. I’m just asking. And I’m not here on Maho’s behalf either. When I asked her what was up she just gave me the cold shoulder.”

“Sounds like her…” Azusa muttered.

“Yeah, maybe,” Saori shrugged with a smile. “Maho’s a complicated person. I don’t know much, nothing more than what Yukari knew from her years of following Sensha-Do and what little Maho told me herself, but I know she hasn’t had it easy in life.”

“Growing up rich, with a famous name, a master of Sensha-Do, heir to the family, your future all set, and a sister beside you,” Azusa said in a low voice. “Doesn’t exactly sound like hell, does it?”

“I’m not one to gossip,” Saori said shortly, which Azusa knew was nothing but a convenient lie. If there was one thing the Panzer IV Radio Operator famously adored, it was gossip. “But,” she continued, “I know her life hasn’t exactly been a dance on roses. Maybe she’ll tell you herself one day, maybe she won’t. But that doesn’t really matter. As I said, I’m not here for Maho’s sake. She’d probably just be angry if she knew I was talking to you…”

“So then what is it you want?” Azusa asked, coldly. She was tired of this conversational game of cat and mouse, and it was just making her angry. “Why are you talking to me, and why did you insist on dragging me along here?”

“I’m talking to you because I worry. Maybe you quit the team, but you’re still our teammate, and so I worry. And I’m not alone. All of Rabbit team swarmed me the other day asking for help to get you to reconsider. Or at least on how to be able to make you feel better. Aya, Yuuki, Saki, Ayumi and Karina, they all worry about you, because you are their friend and they’re yours. And when your friends aren’t feeling well, you want to do everything you can to help.” Saori paused and took a large sip of her tea, then a large scoop off her remaining ice cream. “So,” she finally continued, “I ask again: What’s going on?”

Azusa didn’t say anything at first, instead just weighing her words in her head. “It’s nothing,” she finally answered, and got up from her chair to leave, “I just want to be left alone, and to study.”

* * *

“Why can’t they all just leave me alone?” Azusa muttered to herself and sighed, putting her face in her hands.

She had wanted to just go back home and study like she was supposed to after leaving Saori at the café, but she was too wound up to think clearly, so she was sitting alone on a park bench in the early evening.

She felt like nothing was going her way. She was losing her grip on Irisa, she was growing angry, she felt trapped and at the same time isolated. She had spent the week telling everyone to leave her alone, and no one seemed to let her be. No one except her friends, who hadn’t spoken a word to her ever since she yelled at them earlier in the week. It was ironic, like a wish from a monkey’s paw, that she had wanted to be alone and now that she was she just wanted to talk to someone. But there was no one left for her to talk to.

She heard someone sit down on the bench next to her, but she didn’t have the energy to leave. “I’m sorry, I just want to be left alone right now,” she mumbled without looking up, “So if you don’t mind, could you just go sit somewhere else?”

“...friend…”

It was a soft and quiet voice, one Azusa clearly recognized despite so rarely hearing it. “Saki?” she asked as she looked up, and sure enough, sitting beside her was her so often quiet friend. “What are you doing here?”

Saki didn’t answer, not that Azusa expected her to, but instead just looked at her.

“I don’t know…” Azusa sighed, answering the unasked question and looking out across the park, the streetlights just starting to come on. “I just… I wanted to be alone... At least, that’s what I thought I wanted… But instead I just feel angry and alone…”

She glanced over to Saki, who remained quiet, but also didn’t appear to try and leave or stop her.

“I’m sorry, Saki… I’m sorry I yelled at you guys. I just wanted to be like Irisa, and I couldn’t even do that right…”

A hint of curious confusion appeared on Saki’s face. Or at least, that’s what azusa interpreted it as.

“Right… I guess I never told you all about her… She’s… or, I mean… she was… rather…” She sighed and bowed her head. “Sorry… I don’t… I don’t know what to say… She was my sister, and she was always better than me at everything. Always perfect. And when she died, all the world was left with was… was me. Stupid, irresponsible, worthless Azusa. And I guess, I just thought… I just thought I should give the world Irisa back. If it would stop all the pity and the hurt, then what did it matter? It’s not like anyone liked me for who I was, so it was a small price to pay just to see mom and dad smile again… I just had to be like Irisa, and do what she would do… Simple as that...” She paused and rolled her thumbs for a moment, feeling something wet start making its way down her cheek, and her voice getting fainter. “Who am I kidding… I don’t have a clue what Irisa would do. I don’t know what she was really like or what she wanted, and now I don’t even know what  _ I _ want. I just… I just… I’m just a big liar.” The single tear was joined by more of its comrades. “I lied to everyone, and tried to be someone I’m not. And now I didn’t just screw up Irisa’s life, I screwed up my own and all of yours’ too!”

She could feel something break within her, and she started to cry. Not cry in the way you did when watching a sad scene in a movie, or when you diced onions. No, she began to cry the way a child would when they scraped their knee, sobbing beyond control and sniffling to no end, all for something so small and stupid that no one should ever bother to worry about it.

She felt Saki place a hand on her shoulder, which just made it worse. Now she wasn’t just crying over something stupid that didn’t matter, she was inconveniencing her friend over it as well. But then something strange happened. She felt herself get pulled in close by Saki’s surprisingly strong arms, strength built up by loading the heavy 37mm shells, and her face was pushed tightly against Saki’s chest, one arm holding her firmly in place as she cried, and another gently stroking her hair as Saki said something, almost unintelligibly quiet.

“...there… butterfly…”

Azusa could do nothing against the embrace, but she couldn’t even be bothered to struggle against it. She just sobbed and sniffled against Saki’s torso, sobbed and sniffled until every reserve had run dry. Only then did Saki let go of her.

“Thanks, Saki,” she said with a smile, holding back a sniffle as she dried the last of the tears against her sleeve.

“...you…” Saki asked, or at least said in a way that made it sound like a question.

“I don’t know what I want, Saki…” Azusa answered, and leaned back against the bench. “I don’t know… I want to hang out and spend time with you guys, but I can’t go back to the team. Even though I like Sensha-Do. At least, I think I do. Not while the Commander is still there. She just… just…” She sighed, and got up from the bench, walking a few leisurely paces before turning around. “She just makes me angry. And I don’t like being angry. Irisa wasn’t an angry person…” I guess I’m not one either,” she added after a seemingly accusatory look from Saki. “Sorry. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself or anything, I just… I just don’t know yet.” She forced a smile. “But I’ll figure it out sooner or later.” She walked back to the bench, and gave Saki a hug. “Thank you, Saki. I’m sorry you had to see me like that, and I’m sorry I got angry with you.” 

“...pretty…” Saki said, seemingly unprompted, and Azusa let her go, trying to understand what she meant. Seeing the starlit sky above them, and how it seemed to have captured Saki’s attention, Azusa could just give a small giggle.

“Yeah, it is a pretty night,” she said as she turned to leave. “You’re the best, Saki. I’ll see you on Monday again!”

* * *

_ Next time on Dein Weg ist Mein Weg: The team is faced with a new challenge as Maho implements her ideas, and Azusa comes to a decision _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Notes:
> 
> So, this chapter was kind of a bit of a last minute change. Originally this chapter was going to continue to follow Maho and the team, with Azusa’s story only taking up a small part of the chapter, but as I thought about it, I realized Azusa’s story needed some more time for me to explore, so a lot of plans and ideas for this chapter got moved over to chapter 29 instead. Still, with a little luck that means ch29 isn’t too far away.
> 
> I don’t have a ton to say about this chapter honestly, other than admitting that writing Azusa well has turned out to be a much greater challenge than I anticipated, but I hope it all meets the quality you’ve come to expect of this story.
> 
> What I do however have to say, is about some of the previous chapters. I’ve been debating back and forth on this for a little while now, but I think I made a mistake in how I portrayed Azusa’s relationship with her mother in chapter 23. It’s a lot more hostile than I think is correct for this story, so I’ve gone back and redone the opening scene of the chapter to reflect this correction to their relationship. Of course it would be great if you went back and reread the scene in full, but if you don’t want to, I can just say that Azusa’s parents are portrayed as a lot more caring and kind now than they were in the original version of the chapter.
> 
> I’ll also be going back and fixing some other small details that I now realize don’t fit properly in the story, such as changing the color of Maho’s jacket in the early chapters, but the relationship between Azusa and her parents is the only really major change that I think you all should be aware of. It’s not the most elegant work i’ve done, but that’s what it’s like reading a story as it’s being worked on from week to week.
> 
> As always, it’s great to read your comments so please keep them coming, and I’ll see you all next time, as we get ever closer to the second round of the tournament.
> 
> Auf wiedersehen,  
> /Rihno


End file.
